The Secret Diary of a Princess a novel of Marie Antoinette (2 page)

Carolina looked thoughtful as she munched on an iced pastry. 'I wonder who they have in mind for us,' she said presently. 'I do not think that there are enough kings to go around so I imagine that our sisters will get all the best princes and we will be left with the boring electors and dukes.'

'That would not be so very bad,' I pointed out, still thinking of my imaginary castle and vast brood of children. 'At least then we might be able to stay near Vienna and Mama and Papa.'

Carolina laughed. 'Do you not want to travel, Antonia?' she asked, flinging herself back on to the narrow strip of grass beneath the trees and squinting up at the sky with one hand thrown over her eyes. It was starting to get dark and I was beginning to shiver a little. 'Imagine. There is a whole world out there and we are stuck here in Vienna waiting for our princes to come along and set us free.' She sighed. 'One day I will travel and see the world.'

'We could run away and become explorers,' I said with a
 
giggle. 'Mama would be furious at first but we would soon cheer her up again when we sent her back lots of gold and jewels and precious things.' I finished my last cake and dusted sugar from my fingertips. 'We could become pirates!'

'Pirates!' Carolina sat up and grinned. She had grass in her long blonde hair, which she had carelessly tied back with a black velvet ribbon and I leaned over to pluck it off. 'Oh, how much fun that would be!'

'It would be fun but frightening at the same time,' I said, standing up and shaking the grass out of my blue silk skirts. One of the dogs had left a large and rather ugly paw print on my pearl embroidered bodice and I wet my finger to rub it off, hoping that Mama would not notice the telltale damp patch.

'Just like all of the best things in life,' Carolina said with a smirk. 'I like to be scared sometimes, don't you?'

I shook my head. 'No. No I do not.' I remembered the time our brother Leopold put a sheet over his head and hid behind a statue in one of the dozens of long and gloomy corridors of the Hofburg. I had cried for a long time when he jumped out on me but Carolina had merely laughed and then asked him to do it again.

'There you are!' Our little brother Max, who is the youngest of us all and the pampered pet of the court, who have nicknamed him 'Fat Max' in tribute to his plump sturdiness (I am being charitable here), appeared beside us, with a trio of Mama's fat, spoiled little pugs at his heels. 'They are about to start the firework display and Mama is wondering where you are!' He hopped from foot to foot with excitement as he absolutely loves fireworks. 'Come on! They can't start without you!'
 

We ran back to everyone else, where they had assembled on the stone terrace and steps leading down to the gardens and Mama said that as it was my party then I should be the one to give the signal for the fireworks to begin; it was quite dark by that point and so I do not think that she saw the stain on my bodice, or if she did then she pretended not to. Watched by everyone, I danced forward and lit the fuse of the very first rocket, before springing back as it streaked up into the sky, trailing glittering sparks behind it. With a great crackling and fizzing which set all of the palace dogs barking noisily, the other fireworks followed and I forgot everything as I linked arms with Carolina and we stared up into the wide, navy blue sky, now lit up with flashes of blue, green, yellow and pink. It was all so very beautiful and I thought that perhaps I must be the luckiest girl on earth.

Wednesday, 3
rd
July.Wednesday, 3
rd
July.

It was I who put the mouse in Countess Brandeis' shoe.

Monday, 15
th
July, a very hot evening.

Poor Josephina, Joseph's little Bavarian wife was sitting all alone in the middle of the huge hedge maze in the gardens. I think that she wanted to be by herself but she looked so very sad that I could not help but come out from the bushes and sit down beside her. I ought not to have done so of course, as I was supposed to be at my lessons but Countess Brandeis decided that Carolina and I might spend the rest of the afternoon playing outside instead of learning more boring old Italian. We had instantly run to the maze and it hadn't taken me long to lose my sister amongst all of the paths although I could still hear her shouting for me. I was breathless and giggling as I reached the very centre but then stopped still in shock when I saw Josephina quietly sitting on the bench reading a book. My first instinct was to turn on my heel and run away but instead I lifted my chin bravely and went up to her.

'Would you like me to sit with you for a while?' I felt very shy, as we have not spoken much since her arrival in Vienna. I do not think that any of us have spoken to her as much as perhaps we ought to have done. Other than Papa, of course, who makes a point of talking to everyone and anyone who enters his presence and has been very kind to Josephina. I think that perhaps we were all still very sad about poor Isabella when she arrived and Joseph was the saddest of all and the arrival of a new wife just seemed so wrong somehow and so poor Josephina ended up neglected, when really we ought to have been kind to her.
 

Josephina looked at me and smiled in a way that somehow managed to make her seem even sadder than before. 'Of course,' she said politely, carefully marking her place in her book and then putting it down beside her on the bench, where a small, plump black and white spaniel lay asleep, his tail wagging idly as he slumbered. 'It is a lovely day is it not?'

I nodded, understanding that she was making conversation. 'Yes, it has been lovely this year. Have you walked down to Papa's botanic garden yet? It is very pretty at the moment.' Papa loves gardening and has been building a collection of rare plants and trees in the vast parkland that surrounds Schönbrunn. Mama likes to tease him by saying that he loves his plants more than he loves her, which is silly of course but sometimes he talks about his rare flowers in such a way that it is almost as if he loves them more than anything.

Josephina nodded. 'I love to walk there.' Her voice is very low and almost gruff, which is not as unpleasant as that sounds. 'You are very fortunate to have such a father,' she said suddenly. 'My own father is dead and I still miss him very much.'
 

'Oh.' I did not know what else to say. 'I am sorry.' I tried to imagine what it would be like to have my Papa taken away but just couldn't. It is just too awful to think about.
 

'He was a good man,' she said. 'Like your father.' She smiled and I could tell that she shares my hero worship of Papa, which made me feel much more friendly towards her. I stole a look at Josephina from beneath my eyelashes, thinking that actually she isn't really ugly after all although we all laughed at her when she first arrived because she is much smaller than all of us and has thick dark hair and brown eyes. 'Like a monkey', Amalia had commented and of course, secretly, the nickname has stuck. Her eyes are nice though and she has a pretty mouth and a straight nose, which is very important. She could look worse, in other words, but would look even better if she dressed in lighter, prettier colours (she has a fondness for dark blues and greens and a horrible maroon) and asked her maids to arrange her hair in a more flattering way instead of pulling it back very tightly into a bun and then pinning an absurd little lace cap on top. It looks worse when she powders it though as the contrast with her thick, dark eyebrows is quite absurd. Do they not have tweezers in Bavaria?

'It must be very horrible to be so far away from home,' I blurted out. 'I expect that I will be going away one day to be married as well and I do not think that I will like it at all.'

Josephina laughed. 'Oh, but that will not happen for many years to come,' she said. 'You have many years here with your family ahead of you.' She sighed. 'I am already twenty six years old and believed that I would always be at home with my mother. It did not seem like anyone wanted to marry me and I had long since reconciled myself to the prospect of remaining a spinster.' She shrugged. 'I was quite amazed when my mother told me that a proposal had arrived from Vienna.'
 

Twenty six? I knew that she was old but had no idea that she was quite so ancient! No wonder Joseph is annoyed with her. I struggle to hide my consternation but find that Josephina is watching me with amusement.
 

'You are wondering why your handsome brother agreed to marry such an elderly bride, are you not?' She smiled and patted my hand. 'I often wonder that myself and I am afraid that I have no answers. All I know is that he asked your mother to choose his wife for him and her choice fell on me.' She started to nervously play with a fold of her dark blue silk skirt, pleating it into a fan shape then smoothing it out and beginning again. 'It is not easy to be married to someone who is still mourning for his first wife,' she said after a pause. 'My cousin, Maria Josepha of Saxony, was in exactly the same situation when she was married to the widower Dauphin of France.
 
Her husband was still in love with his dead wife but in time she managed to make him love her instead and she often writes to say that they are very happy together now.' She sighed, before giving a start and turning faintly pink as she recollected to whom she was speaking. 'I am sorry, I ought not to speak to you like this. Please do forgive me.'

I smiled. People often tell me things that I really ought not to know. I think that it is because I am so very small and they think that I do not quite understand or perhaps it is because I am very good at listening to people's problems. 'It is not important,' I said reassuringly. 'I will not repeat any of this elsewhere.' I absolutely meant it as well. I wanted to hear more about Josephina's glamorous cousin, the French Dauphine, but decided to leave this for another day.

Saturday, 20
th
July, a very dull French lesson.

Consternation! My elder brother Leopold is getting married next month in Innsbruck and Ferdinand, Max, Carolina and I are being left behind in Vienna with the servants while everyone else goes off to have a lovely time at the wedding. This is so unfair! Joseph's wedding was held in Vienna and we even got to dance in a special ballet composed by Gluck for the occasion. '
Il Trionfo d'Amore
' with me as a shepherdess (in a very pretty blue and white swagged silk dress and with flowers in my hair) and Max playing the fattest, sweetest cupid ever with tiny little pink wings on his back. It was such good fun and afterwards, Mama took me upon her knee, kissed my hot cheeks and said that she was very proud of me.

Why can't Leopold's wedding be just like that?

Thursday, 1st August.

They have all gone and it is now oddly quiet here at Schönbrunn. The palace was in uproar all day as the court packed up and prepared to move on to Innsbruck. Mama, of course, was ready to leave days ago as she plans every move with military precision and cannot abide to be kept waiting by anyone. Papa and Joseph however were in disorder until the very last minute and so dozens of servants have charged up and down the sweeping marble staircases all day in search of 'the Emperor's boots' or 'the Archduke Joseph's favourite dog', the latter being discovered cowering underneath Amalia's bed. Poor animal. We tempted it out with chocolates and gingerbread biscuits.

Our sister Josepha came to see us in our schoolroom before she left and promised to bring us back sweets and all manner of treats to make up for being left behind. 'I would not have liked it either,' she said with a sympathetic smile. 'It will be different when you are my age.' She is fourteen now and is treated like a grown up by Mama and Papa, although I know she enjoys playing in the gardens just as much as I do. Elizabeth is considered to be the beauty of the family but I think that Josepha is far prettier – she
 
has thick corn coloured hair, enormous soft blue eyes and a pretty pink and white complexion with cheeks that flush bright red whenever she is the slightest bit embarrassed or excited. She looks just as I would imagine the princess in a fairy story to look, wears pretty pink silk dresses and always smells deliciously of roses and violets.

'Oh, Josepha, I will miss you so much.' I flung my arms around her slim waist and for a moment we embraced before she smiled and held me at arm's length.

'Promise that you will be good while we are all away?' she said, just as Mama would do except with
 
a smile instead of a fearsome frown. 'We will be back before you know it and with a new sister to love as well.'

She said this as though it was the most delightful thing imaginable but I pulled a face. A portrait of Leopold's bride, the Princess Maria Luisa of Spain was sent to Vienna a few months ago so that we could all see what she looked like. The couple had already been married by proxy over a year beforehand but had yet to actually meet in person so Leopold was full of impatience when the portrait arrived and then was unveiled before the entire royal family in the small gallery. Maria Luisa is not ugly but she is not as pretty as any of us (I am pleased to note) and has a big nose, thin face and mean little eyes. Like a shrew. I am not disposed to like her.

Josepha saw my mutinous expression and laughed. 'I do not expect the Princess of Spain to be very pretty but she is said to be very amiable indeed.' She leaned down and kissed my cheek. 'Promise that you will be nice to her?' she whispered. 'It must be horrible indeed to come to a new country and a new family and it is a fate that will befall us all one day so we must be understanding and take care not to hurt her feelings.'