The Secret Keeping (24 page)

_____

Helaine held the small box to her nose and sniffed it.

“What are you doing, Dr. Kristenson?”

The envelope attached to it smelled like Lydia’s perfume.

“Savoring, Jen.” She took it back to her office over the objections of her curious secretary.

“As fair art thou, my bonie lass, so deep in love am I; And I will luve thee still, my dear, till a’ the seas gang dry…”

Helaine set the envelope next to her phone and ripped open the box. Fish net. Was it lingerie, her favorite? She preciously removed a pair of evening gloves from the blue tissue paper. Black silk.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm. She slipped them on and went to the window to raise the blinds, glancing at the time. Four o’clock.

Lydia wasn’t there.

_____

Lydia got out of the shower around four-thirty. She dawdled at the bedroom mirror for awhile, then lay on her brand new mattress, her wet hair done up in a towel wrapped like a turban around her head. She had settled for something new to sleep on, was the proud new owner of an extra plush queen size mattress and box spring, a brand new solid brass headboard and frame. She liked the golden shine of it. It matched Helaine’s hair. And the floors, of course.

She took a power nap to rid herself completely of the thoughts regarding Rio Joe and twenty minutes later rose up refreshed and hungry, her thoughts returning instead to the question of dinner which she decided she would eat by the window in the sun-room, once she figured out what she was going to have. She threw on a silk kimono and went back into the bathroom to do her hair, considering food stuffs as she put on a little makeup. It was her intent to be positive until Friday. Then, if the call didn’t come, she would take it from there.

She saw the answering machine winking at her on the way to the kitchen. She hit play and kept walking.

“Darling…?”

Lydia froze, balanced tenuously on legs of gelatin.

“I hope you don’t mind…they’re just so beautiful…thank you…”

Lydia smiled as she listened.

“I’m settling into a new apartment Thursday…I’ll see you Friday.”

Friday! What time? Where? Lydia ran and picked up the phone and heard only the dial tone. The voice on her machine was signing off.

“I love you.” (beep)

Love you! The dial-tone? Right, it’s just a message. Friday! She whooped with joy and slam dunked the receiver.

“Hey, Liddy…it’s Del…tried your office…you weren’t there. Heard you left one Mr. Rios with two blue balls in the elevator…hah! I wouldn’t have left him with any! Call me…I’m home now.” (beep) Oh, my god. Lydia hung over the machine, hit save. How many people were discussing that elevator ride?

She went out to the kitchen and rattled some pots and pans. An hour later she chewed thoughtfully on her dinner, staring out at the cityscape from the divan in her sun room.

The buildings looked exactly like boxes on a grocery shelf. She marveled at her observations. It really is a small world.

_____

“I need to walk. Meet me?”

“Walk or talk?”

“Both.”

“I’ll meet you on the corner by the paint store. Don’t bathe.”

“What?”

“Forget it, Liddy. You’re so obtuse.”

Delilah was dressed in a brand new jogging suit, a wind-breaker made of silk.

“Liddy, slow down. I don’t want to get all sweaty. It’s brand new.”

Lydia grinned in her dingy sweats. “Really?”

“What’s on your mind, smart ass? Is this about Joe? You haven’t said ten words. You know I’d rather talk than walk.” They were passing a deli. “Let’s go in here and sit.”

“Not about Joe. Don’t want to sit.”

“Ugh! Heap big broken English. Slow down then!”

They slowed down.

“She looks like Catherine Deneuve,” Delilah said after she caught her breath.

“Who does?”

“Your blond Venus, Helaine. That’s who she reminded me of. Stacked like her, too.”

“Del! Are we going to talk like men now?”

Delilah swung around. “Which men? I knew there’d be something in this for me. Where are they?”

Lydia laughed despite herself. “You know, there really is more to life than just sex.”

“There is? Oh, my god! Liddy, what is it? What have I been overlooking all this time?”

“Del…very funny.”

“Oh, okay, Dame Beaumont. So you’re in love with Helaine’s mind, right?”

“Her mind?”

“You know, a higher love that you arrived at through all the numerous intellectual exchanges you’ve had with her. Isn’t that right? Could we slow down or are we expected somewhere?”

“I…” Lydia balked and then laughed.

“You can tell me, Liddy. You’re feelings for that sexy blond. Why, it’s really just a mental thing. You don’t get wet, your loins don’t ache, your tits don’t lunge through your bra whenever you see the woman.”

“Hah! Point taken.”

They walked a half a block without speaking.

“Things finally moving, Liddy?”

“Indeed.”

“When do you see her?”

“Friday.”

“I see. And you’ve got cold feet?”

“Yes.”

“Sweaty palms? Dizziness?“

“Del?”

“Chest pains? Palpitations? Swelling in the joints?”

“What? No!”

“Memory loss, loose bowels, blood in the stools and or cramping?”

“Del! Don’t make me laugh. This is very, very serious. Why is everything always so funny to you?”

“Why are you laughing?”

“I’m nervous. It’s nervous laughter. And you’re supposed to help me. You’ve done this before, I haven’t.”

“That was a long time ago, I told you. Besides, all that exotic booze…you don’t really want to know.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me about it?”

“Liddy, why do you think? You’re so proper, so…straight.” She flashed a Buddha grin at the idea.

“Anyway! It was just one of those things.”

“A trip to the moon on gossamer wings?”

“A fling, like the song says. You on the other hand, go and figure. You’re in love.” She put her arm through Lydia’s and they strolled up the block. “And because of that you have cold little feet.”

Lydia cleared her throat. “I want to, you know, please her. You know?” She cleared it again and barely squeezed out, “In bed.”

“In bed?”

“Mmmm.”

“Oh, that does sound serious, Liddy.”

“HELP.”

“Okay, okay. In bed. You want pointers I presume?”

“Please.”

“Well, let’s see. What if it’s not in bed?”

“Not in bed? Del…I don’t know.”

“Well, never mind. We’ll say it’s in bed.”

“But, Del, what if it’s not?”

“Liddy! I think you’re holding back on me.”

“No, no, no, it’s in bed. Bed, Del.”

Delilah arched her brows. “Okay. Well, the rules are simple, Dame Beaumont. You probably already know them. Numero uno, don’t call her somebody else’s name in bed.”

“C’mon, I wouldn’t do that.”

“Number two, don’t call her someone else’s name in the grass.”

“Delilah Lewiston.”

“Number three, don’t call her someone else’s name in the back seat.”

“All right then, forget it. You’re being wise.”

“Number four–and this is very important so listen up–don’t get her pregnant.”

“Del, please. I was counting on you.”

“Well, what’s there to know? It’s going to feel perfectly natural, Liddy. No one knows better how to satisfy a woman than another woman. Dwell on that. You’ll figure it out. Besides–here let’s sit down–you can always ask her for instructions.”

They sat on a bench at a bus stop.

“You think?”

“She knows that you’ve never…you know?”

“Look at me. What do you think?”

Delilah chuckled. “Yeah, she probably knows. So be as cool as possible and simply ask her how she likes it then, for a little guidance. You’ll be fine.”

“And I won’t seem like a…a dork doing that?”

“A dork? You will seem like a dork if you try to screw her the way she doesn’t like.”

Lydia groaned and put her head in her hand, contorting her body in an exaggerated show of discomfort.

“Why, why, why? Why is it you can’t just say make love or something polite like that? Screw makes me…anxious.”

“Well, I’m just trying to be helpful. I’m not really focusing on semantics here. Let me rephrase it. A dork?

You will seem like a dork if you try to make love to her the way she doesn’t like.”

Lydia sat back, quietly watching the traffic go by.

“Liddy?”

“Yes, Del?”

“You’re not thinking of wearing that on Friday, are you?” A smile was creeping over her friend’s face.

“’Cause it’s really gross. A big turnoff.” She saw Lydia getting up, laughing. “Really, Liddy, I’ve been so embarrassed tonight to be seen with you in those sweats. I feel just like–”

“C’mon, Del, let’s go. I’m hungry.”

“I feel just like…oh, god…just like…like a dork.”

“You’ve been such a big help.”

“Worse than a dork. A dink. I feel like a dink!”

“I’m going to fall flat on my face, I’ll have you know.”

“You won’t. Besides, it could be worse.” Delilah made a wry expression. “What if you were a man? Think how obvious that would be.”

They stopped outside a donut shop.

“I hadn’t thought of that,” Lydia whispered. “We can’t be limp.”

“Nope. Gotta fuck us out of our brains first.”

Lydia giggled. “You’re irreverent.”

“Irreverent. Yeah? Well then, let’s be reverent. It time for us to give praise, Lydia. Here, repeat after me.

Thank you, dear lord, for making me a woman.”

Lydia grinned and joined in. “Thank you, dear lord, for making me a woman.”

A few customers eyed them curiously on their way into the shop. The ladies ignored them, chanting and raising their arms skyward.

“Thank you dear lord for making me a woman. Thank you dear lord for making me a woman. Thank you dear lord for making me a woman…”

_____

Thursday morning. “A Lydia Beaumont, Dr. Kristenson?”

“Here?”

“No, on the phone.”

“Put her through. Put her through.” She dropped everything. “Hello, gorgeous.”

“I–gorgeous yourself, thank you.”

“Where are you?”

“Look out your window.”

Helaine turned in her chair and looked across the way where Lydia stood hand on one hip the other with a phone to her ear.

Helaine laughed self-consciously. “I can explain this. I really can.”

“And I want you to. I’m eager to hear all about it. Friday?”

“Friday. I’ll pick you up at Frank’s, if that’s all right. Sevenish?”

“I’ll be drunk by then. Is that all right?”

“You will not. I want to seduce you sober.”

“Mmmm…looks like you’ve already done that.”

“Not mad about it, are you?”

“Mad about you. It’s just that I thought this was all my idea.”

“Hah!” Helaine placed her hand on the window. “Say it, Lydia. I want to hear you say it.”

“I love you, Helaine Kristenson.”

They stared at each other through their windows.

“And it’s all your fault.”

“Mm-hmm. I’ll make it up to you then.”

“When?”

“Friday night.”

_____

“Sharon…Sharon Chambers, Dr. Kristenson?”

Helaine stiffened at her desk. “Put her on, Jen,” she said tautly.

“Uhh…she’s here, doctor.”

“Here?” Helaine dropped her chin to her chest and swore inaudibly. “In the consultation room, Jen.” She hesitated before hanging up. “If we’re not out of there in a half hour please call security.”

Jenny escorted Sharon to the consultation room, worry clouding her face. “Dr. Kristenson will be with you shortly, Ms. Chambers,” she said without looking at the woman. The door slammed as she closed it behind her, the sound filling her with a sense of dread. She listened for the familiar thud of Helaine’s adjoining door signifying she had entered the room, and, hearing it at last, glanced at the clock on the wall to time the proceedings. It was quarter past ten.

Sharon had reclined on the couch, one long leg draped down the front of it, a high-heeled shoe discarded on the floor nearby. It’s mate dangled precariously from an agitated foot propped up on the armrest. Helaine stood awkwardly in the center of the room and quickly evaluated the woman’s posture: insolent, defiant.

Normally she would seat herself in the chair opposite, but this was not normal. Sharon never came to the office. This will be the last time she does, Helaine promised herself, as she walked to the window and lowered the blinds.

“Doctor. How very nice to see you,” Sharon said, putting her arm behind her head and dropping the other shoe. “Please,” she said, indicating with a sweep of her arm that the doctor should sit. “You don’t look happy to see me.”

Helaine reluctantly sat down. “Sharon…didn’t you get my letter?”

“I did.”

Helaine nodded and looked away.

“And I went to your townhouse this morning to check things out. But...”

(The movers! Her furniture!)

“Top secret, huh? Couldn’t even fuck it out of them. You must pay well.”

Helaine sighed with relief. They had done as instructed, said nothing. She sat back, checked the time.

“My session almost up, my love? But I just got here.”

“Sharon…what brings you here? It’s rather early for you, isn’t it?”

Sharon ignored the remark and caressed the couch. She watched Helaine from the corner of her eye and grinned at her discomfort. “Lots of confessions on this baby, I’ll bet.”

No reply.

“Lots and lots of secrets. Hmm, Dr. Kristenson?”

Helaine leaned forward in her chair and placed her hands on the armrests as if to rise, then thought better of it and sat back into the chair. “What is this about?”

Sharon flashed one of her smiles. “Secrets. It’s all about secrets. I’ll show you mine, doctor,” she unzipped her blouse, “if you show me yours.”

Helaine looked away. “I wasn’t aware that you had any secrets. Or certainly none anymore.”

“Oh, but I do.”

“Sharon. My note…is there something you don’t understand? I have an appointment in a few minutes. I work here, you know, not entertain.”

“My time is not up, doctor.”

“Yes, Sharon, it is. You will need to accept that.”