The Secret Life of Daydreams (23 page)

At last Sofia turned to him. “I like you too, Josh, but everything’s so complicated in my life right now, and I don’t know how to handle this”—her hand waved between the two of them—“whatever it is between us.” She swallowed. “Besides, there are differences—certain things lacking.”

“You mean the church.”

She grabbed his hand. “Yes, the church. It’s important to me.”

“I know.”

Her eyes pleaded with him. “We’re not on equal grounds, Josh, and it might be more than we can handle.”

Of course, he knew that already. But Josh didn’t want to think that far ahead; he only wanted to enjoy her company as much as possible. Was that too selfish?

Sofia continued. “Just like you said you don’t want to pressure me, I don’t want you to feel pressured about the church.” She rested her elbows on the railing and looked across the street and the night lights below. “But I don’t know if I can let go of that.”

Josh stepped closer until their arms touched. “Thank you for being honest. I really appreciate that.” She had no idea how much. It thrilled him that she had the courage to share her feelings and opinions while respecting his. He remembered well the price of an insincere relationship.

He reached a hand and caressed hers with the pad of his thumb. When she leaned ever so lightly into him, he raised his other arm around her shoulders and brought her to his side.

Her voice lowered to a whisper. “Please don’t kiss me.”

Had he heard her right? “I thought you liked it.” Maybe he was doing everything wrong. With his track record, it wouldn’t surprise him.

“I like it too much.” Even in the low light, the blush to her cheeks was visible.

“Oh Sofia.” If she only knew how much he liked it too. How could she say that and not expect him to kiss her? It was too much, all right.

Josh brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles first, then his arm tightened around her. Having her there, next to his heart, it was natural and right, like she belonged. She sighed, and he dropped a kiss on her forehead, near the hairline. That wonderful scent of hers reached him and he breathed in quickly. If that’s what she wanted, that’s what she’d get, even if he didn’t like it. “Are these kisses okay?”

She nodded, a faint smile on her lips and her brown eyes large and bright, perfectly reflecting the night sky. Josh swallowed the lump in his throat as the emotion overtook him. It took everything in him to keep from her how he really felt.

He was falling in love with her.

Josh refreshed his Internet browser one more time. Sometimes you couldn’t predict the way things turned out, especially on social media. Just two days ago he’d taken a picture of the Ferreira family, parents and three little girls under five years of age. The parents had told him how they’d moved from the countryside three weeks earlier, after a house fire had burned down all they owned. They’d lost their livelihood as well, and the father had been searching for a job since arriving in Braga.

Josh had posted a series of different images showing the parents alone and with the children, and the children playing on a scarce patch of grass in front of the run-down building. The last image showed the older girl holding a hand-me-down teddy bear with a missing eye, her serious face and large, sad eyes, with a line of caption quoting her simple words:
I miss my dolly
. He’d wrestled with the decision of making public such a private, emotional time in their lives. But the impression to go on had been strong enough that he’d yielded to it in the end.

Within minutes of publishing the image on his Facebook photography page, the response from public opinion was the most he’d ever seen for any of his images. And then the suggestions started coming in:
Where can I donate?
I want to donate,
I want to help
and
Where is the donation page?

A donation page. The opportunity to do something for someone in need. It had never before occurred to Josh to use his photography in such a practical way but it felt right. He did some research and an hour later he’d opened an account on a crowdfunding website and set up a donation page to help the Ferreira family.

And now he sat and watched as the donations came in dollars and euros. It was amazing. Only two days old and the amount kept growing, the image had more and more shares, and the comments on it still came in.

He turned down the screen on the laptop and went out to the balcony. That feeling inside his chest—he knew it. It had been a while since he’d given himself the time and adequate pause to recognize the hand of God in his life. Moreover, the emotion that came when he let himself be an instrument of service, the pure joy from knowing someone could benefit when he was willing to work and humble himself. There was nothing quite like it.

For a few minutes, Josh stood there, overlooking the city that he’d grown to know and love again, so many years after his mission. The irregular skyline was familiar to him now, the name of every Catholic church and the outline of each bell tower. Only seven weeks since he’d arrived and everyday he found something new to do and prolong his stay, a new job or project to keep him busy.

But it wasn’t only the city, was it? This trip to Portugal had brought him many surprises, and one especially stood out from the rest. It would be hard to let go of Sofia when the time came.

When the cell phone rang, Josh startled. He returned to the room and answered it, after checking the caller ID. It was Paulo.

“Hello?”

“Olá para ti também,” Paulo said. “I’m going to the church to play some basketball. Do you want to meet me there?”

“You bet. Give me a few minutes.” That was just what he needed to let some steam off.

When he arrived at the church property, the lights shone in the parking lot and Paulo bounced a ball on the court. For a few minutes they took turns shooting hoops.

Paulo dribbled the ball before throwing it. “We’ve been following your latest project on Facebook.”

Josh caught it and bounced it around. “It’s crazy, huh?”

“If by crazy you mean good, then yes. Everybody we know is talking about it. Did you tell the family yet?”

“I met with them this afternoon.”

“What did they say?”

“They were overwhelmed. The father cried, the mother cried, the older girls cried.”

“And you cried,” Paulo said.

Josh chuckled. “Yeah, pretty much.”

They played for some minutes, then Paulo continued, “Well, Margarida and I think it’s great.”

Josh passed the ball. “I’m just glad I can use my work for something good, you know?”

“What did Sofia say about it?”

“I haven’t seen her in a few days.” Josh missed Sofia too much already.

“Yeah, she’s been too busy at the new job. Margarida is concerned about her.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

Paulo walked to the side of the court and got his water bottle. “Margarida thinks Sofia’s working too hard. She’s taking long shifts and then still has to take care of her mother when she gets home, and on her days off.”

Josh groaned. “Do they really not pay teachers enough? Why does she need a second job?”

“It’s a bit more complicated than that. She’s starting her doctorate degree in the fall and that doesn’t come cheap.”

“No, I’m guessing it doesn’t.” If only there was something Josh could do to help her. If she’d let him.

“Speaking of Sofia. Are you and her together or something?”

Josh glanced at Paulo. “Let’s just say it’s complicated. And getting more serious.”

“And that’s a good thing, right?”

“Definitely.” Josh let out a frustrated sigh. “But there’s a lot of things to consider and it’s not a situation where we can say
Let’s date
or
Let’s be exclusive
, or whatever you say around here.”

“Queres ser a minha namorada?” Paulo offered with a smile.

Josh cut him a glance. “Yeah, I can’t just go up to her and ask her if she wants to be my steady girlfriend.”

“Why not? She might surprise you.”

“I think I’m going to wait for her cues instead of jumping the gun.”

Paulo nodded. “Smart man. Always let the lady lead, unless it’s your turn to make a move.”

“Wish I knew.”

Paulo drained the bottle and stood. “Okay, I got to tell you something and I don’t want you to freak out. It’s about this dream I’ve been having.”

Josh stopped and looked at him. “Okay. What is it?” How bad was it that it came with a warning?

“I’ve dreamed about this a few times already. There’s a few variations but the theme is the same.” Paulo paused and threw the water bottle in the garbage. “In this dream, I’m called to be the bishop and you’re my first counselor.”

Josh frowned. “Well, we both know only half of that dream can come to pass.”

“I don’t know. Four times with the same dream is a little too much, don’t you think?”

“Maybe.” It was intriguing, to say the least. “Have you heard from the stake presidency?”

“No, nothing. But the current bishop is up to be released. He’s been in the position for over six years.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it unless you hear anything. ” Not the best kind of advice.

Paulo was quiet for a moment, then added, “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

Did recurring dreams really have the power to come true? Josh didn’t want to think about that.

They played for a few more minutes, focusing all the energy on the ball and the dribbling, and forgetting about everything else. After Josh said goodbye, he drove once around the city, taking the long way back to the hotel, thinking of dreams and what they meant in his life.

Josh walked into the room and dropped his keys on the desk. After a quick shower, he changed into old sweatpants, the only pair he’d brought with him. They reminded him of Sofia’s own pair in a similar color. Every little excuse brought her to his mind.

She was in his thoughts all the time nowadays, and he worried about her, how she was doing. Sofia’s independence was strong and while he appreciated that, he hoped she’d understand it was okay to take help from a friend. What kind of help, he still didn’t know. It was a delicate situation. But that’s what friends were for, to help each other. Besides, Sofia had been the one to say friends stayed in each other’s business, right? She couldn’t say no to that.

* * *

Before Sofia worked the afternoon shift, Margarida stopped by for a quick visit in the morning. She set the baby down on the rug in front of some soft toys while Sofia pinned clothes on the line to dry.

Sofia turned from the window to reach for a pillowcase, and paused. Mother, who sat on the stuffed chair in front of the television, perked up when baby Amélia toddled over. She smiled and reached a hand out to Amélia.

“Olá, bébé,” Mother said with a soft smile.

Amélia stopped against Mother’s knees and smiled back.

Margarida and Sofia shared a smile at the interaction between their charges.

Margarida stood and approached Sofia. “She seems to be doing well.” She indicated Mother.

Sofia nodded. “She’s having a good day today.”

Who knew that having a baby over could improve Mother’s mood this much?

“Is she letting you sleep any better?” Margarida asked.

Sofia leaned against the balcony door frame and shook her head. “Still waking up at least once every night.”

“Sleep deprivation is really hard. I know that well even though my sleep disturber is a lot smaller.” Margarida turned to her baby and waved at her, much to Amélia’s delight.

Sofia resumed her task and Margarida sat on the floor, within reach of Amélia.

“So you haven’t seen Josh in three days?” Margarida asked. “That’s not very good for such a new relationship, is it?”

Sofia turned from the line to glare at Margarida. “We’re not in a relationship.”

“I thought you said there was kissing involved.”

“Yes, but I’m not telling you the details.”

Margarida rose and handed the clothes pins to Sofia. “Well, you and Josh might want to have a little talk then, because where there’s kissing, there’s a relationship.”