The Secret Life of Daydreams (8 page)

Heavy, dark clouds hung low in the sky as night approached. Sofia rubbed her arms, the chill in the air too thick for the jacket she wore. Had Mother grabbed a coat from the closet and put on shoes? Sofia could only hope. She stood and walked out the building’s front door, not really sure where to start. She scanned the street on both sides, first to the left, then to the right, where a man walked on the sidewalk, just a few buildings down the street. But no sign of Mother.

“Sofia!” A male voice called her name and she turned.

It was Josh on the sidewalk and she hadn’t recognized him. He jogged towards her.

“Did you find your mother yet?”

She shook her head. “How did you get here so fast?”

“I wasn’t too far when I called you. It took me longer to find a parking place.” He scanned the street. “Where have you looked so far?”

Sofia watched Josh for a moment. “Is this why you’re here? To help me search for my mother?”

He nodded. “It’ll go faster if we both search.”

It only made sense, of course, but she’d been too upset to think that far. “I’ve already asked the neighbors in my building and walked down the staircase to make sure she wasn’t there.” She glanced over the street again. “I don’t know exactly when she left. My neighbor next door had checked on her a half hour before I arrived home, and said she was sleeping then.”

“Are there any places nearby where she likes to go?” Josh pulled his smart phone out of his pocket and brought up a map of the area.

Sofia stepped closer. “I don’t really take her many places anymore, other than the doctor. Not since she started having symptoms.”

Josh looked up. “Dementia?”

“We suspect Alzheimer’s.” Mother’s symptoms had been developing too quickly and Sofia was still trying to get used to the diagnosis.

“I’m sorry. That’s hard.” Josh put a flag on the virtual map where her building stood, then entered a grid around it. “What about some place from her past, like a friend’s house or a place where she lived before?”

Sofia’s eyes widened. “The last apartment I rented.” Why hadn’t she thought of that before? Mother had reacted poorly to the move, voicing her disagreement at numerous times. “It’s not too far from here.” She set off in that direction.

Josh grabbed her forearm. “Wait, Sofia. Let me drive you. We’ll cover more ground in less time and you’ll be free to scan the streets.”

After they got in the car, Sofia exhaled. The tight feeling taking hold of her eased some, even as she peered out the window. Josh drove just under the speed limit and she was thankful the traffic was light tonight. Other than asking for directions on which streets to take, he kept quiet and Sofia appreciated that.

“Stop!” Sofia looked to Josh and then pointed out the window. Across the street, sitting on a bench at the bus stop, was Mother, still wearing her house slippers.

As soon as Josh pulled over, Sofia stepped out and crossed the street. She slowed down and sat next to Mother.

“Mãe. Vamos para casa, ‘tá bem?” She touched Mother’s arm, the cold skin attesting that she’d been out too long.

Mother turned to regard Sofia. “I was waiting for the bus.”

“It’s okay, mãe, we’ll take you home.” She helped Mother stand to cross the street.

Josh stood by the car and opened the back door to them. Sofia glanced at Josh and mouthed a thank-you. He placed a hand on her upper arm and nodded.

They drove back in silence, her hand resting just above Mother’s wrist, as if taking hold of a child who’d flee at any moment. The roles of mother and daughter were now reversed. She recalled the warnings from the last doctor who’d seen Mother, and too soon those times of extra vigilance he’d mentioned had come. In the rearview mirror, Josh’s eyes met hers, the eyebrows pulled together with concern.

When they entered the apartment, Sofia walked Mother to her bedroom and helped her into her night clothes, and then into bed. She brought a warm washcloth and cleaned her face and hands, then rubbed some lotion to bring back the circulation. Already Mother quietly began to fall asleep, and Sofia added an extra blanket to the bedding. She turned the night light on and stood for a minute at the door, her mind running through all that could have gone wrong. With a sigh, she left, leaving the door ajar behind her.

Josh sat on the sofa and rose when she entered the living room.

Sofia walked to him and sat on the other end. “I’m sorry, I forgot about you.”

He sat back down, leaving a space between them. “No need to apologize.” He paused. “How is she?”

Sofia brought her feet up and tucked them in, leaning on the arm rest. “I think she’ll be okay. I massaged her hands and feet. I was going to make her a cup of tea, but she fell asleep.”

“And how are you, Sofia?”

She was too tired to think about what she needed. “I’ll be okay too. Just have to get used to it.” The changes had been small till now, but this episode made it all more real.

“Had she done this before?”

She shook her head. “No, nothing like this.” She cupped her chin and rested her elbow against the sofa. “Her memory started to fade first, then the confusion started, but this is the first time she has left the house.”

“My grandma was like this for some time. It was hard watching her lose her personality.” He shifted toward her. “We finally had to place her in an assisted living facility where they could keep watch better than we did.”

Sofia sighed. “The doctors have suggested that.” She brought her eyes up to Josh. “There’s so much involved in that decision.”

“I know, it’s hard.”

“The public facilities have a very long waiting period and the private ones are so expensive.” Sofia brought a hand up to cover a yawn. The stress of the day was catching up to her.

Josh stood and walked to the foyer. “Well, I better go.”

Sofia uncurled her legs and treaded behind him. “Thank you for coming over to help.”

“I’m glad you found her and she’s okay,” Josh said.

Another yawn threatened and she stifled it. With a hand on the knob, she switched on the light outside the door while Josh pressed the elevator button. “Boa noite, Josh. Obrigada por tudo.” Once again, his help had been a blessing.

His eyes softened and he smiled. “Boa noite, Sofia.”

“I’m glad she’s okay, Sofia,” Margarida said. “It must have been scary.”

Sofia folded the sheet down on her side of the bed and added the pillow. It was Saturday morning and Margarida had come over to help. Mother sat in the living room, overlooking the street, while Sofia and Margarida changed the sheets on the beds and vacuumed the rugs.

“It was scary.” Sofia grabbed the pile of dirty sheets and took it to the washing machine in the kitchen. After adding her bedding to the load, she poured the detergent and started the wash.

Margarida had left Amélia and Paulo at home and had come to watch Mother while Sofia went grocery shopping. Sofia went early and shopped quickly to avoid the Saturday morning shopping crowd. If only what else she had on the schedule could go as smoothly.

“Did you get any sleep?”

At the mention of sleep, Sofia yawned again.

“That’s the fifth time you’ve yawned since I got here.” Margarida pointed out.

“It’s Mother. She slept well last night, but most nights she doesn’t. She yells a lot in her sleep and sometimes she even gets out of bed.”

“That sounds exhausting.”

“Yeah, not much fun.”

They paused the conversation for a minute while Margarida vacuumed the entry rug in the foyer. She turned it off when done.

“It’s so nice of Josh to help you.” Margarida started winding down the electrical cord. “It’s like he keeps coming to your rescue.” She waggled her eyebrows. “First the car battery; now helping you look for your mother.”

Sofia took the vacuum from her and returned it to the utility closet. “Don’t you start with the ideas.” She glared at Margarida. “I didn’t call him and I’m perfectly able to take care of myself and Mother.”

“I’m well acquainted with your independent streak.” Margarida drew the curtains apart and opened the window. “But these are like little acts of service he’s doing for you.”

“Service indeed.” Sofia passed a dry rag through the furniture and wiped down the dust. “I think you’re reaching now. He just happened to be in the right place at the right time.” She pocketed the rag in her apron and moved to her own bedroom. Why was she being a hypocrite? She herself had told Josh that he’d been a blessing to her, but in front of her best friend she didn’t want to confess how she felt about him helping her.

Margarida walked behind her. “Well, call it what you want but I think it’s sweet that he dropped everything and rushed to help you twice.”

Why had he helped her so quickly and willingly? Like Margarida said, Josh had his projects, which were both time-consuming and under a deadline. She shook her head. “I can’t get involved with Josh, Margarida.” Sofia dusted the bedside stands in her bedroom. “It doesn’t matter how helpful and sweet he is. He’s an American who’s going back to his country, and he travels more than a circus troupe.” Sofia shook the dust rag over the trashcan. “Besides, he’s inactive. You know how I feel about that. He taught and baptized me eleven years ago, and now he doesn’t come to church.”

“Don’t be so quick to judge him.” Margarida sat at the kitchen table. “We don’t know what his life has been like.” She rested her elbow on the side of the table. “You of all people should know how hard it is.”

Sofia glanced over her shoulder from washing the inside of the kitchen’s glass door. “Well, that’s not fair.” She turned the rag inside out and sprayed window cleaner. “Yes, I was
away from the church
for about a year, but that was not of my choosing.” She didn’t like to remember that time in her life. Even though her parents had given her permission to be baptized in the Mormon church, they had then stopped her from attending until she graduated from high school. Later, when she started classes at the University of Minho at the Gualtar campus, Sofia had her church records moved from Famalicão to Braga, and joined the branch there.

Margarida crossed her legs at the knee. “Like I said, you have no idea why Josh doesn’t attend church anymore. A little dose of compassion could go a long way.”

Sofia opened the glass sliding door. “When did you become so wise?”

“It’s common sense, not wisdom.” Margarida paused while Sofia finished cleaning the outside of the glass door. “Maybe he just needs a friend, Sofia.”

Sofia walked over to the table and sat at the other side. “And how can I be that friend?” She shook her head. “He’s only here for a short time and my life is too complicated for this. The last time I tried to be friends with a guy it didn’t end so well.”

“And Josh is not Rodrigo, is he?” Sofia glared at Margarida and Margarida held her hands up. “Okay, okay, I’ll stop. What are you going to do then?”

“I already said I’d help him so I won’t go back on that.” Sofia stood and wiped a spot on a kitchen cabinet door. “I just have to keep some emotional distance and stop being so googly-eyed over him.” She smiled at Margarida.

Margarida winked. “Good luck with that, girl.”

* * *

Paulo had invited Josh to attend church again, and once more Josh had declined. He was not ready to deal with anything related to church or religion. But being in Braga brought memories that he hadn’t dealt with in a very long time. Everywhere he turned, he remembered the circumstances and the people from when he was a missionary. Having spent almost six months in the area, he was well familiar with the city and surrounding neighborhoods. There were not too many streets he hadn’t walked on or places he hadn’t been to. Of course now there were no mission rules telling him what to do and where to go. And who to see.

Why couldn’t he get Sofia out of his mind? The more he saw her, the more time he spent thinking of the next time he’d see her. It would lead nowhere, and he couldn’t get close to someone with such lifestyle differences. But repeating that to himself was not working. Not to mention, his trip would soon be over and he’d return to Utah, and then what?

No, it was much better to keep a surface friendship with her, the kind of relationship that friendly acquaintances had, and nothing more. No more showing up to help when she had a situation. She’d been doing fine without him all these years and she’d still be fine when he left. Sofia didn’t need him and he didn’t need Sofia. It was as simple as that.