The Secret Wife (12 page)

“I, ah, well…” Elissa didn’t know what to say. Millie had some firm views on the subject of Cole, and while they were accurate, the other woman was bound to be disappointed by the truth about what had happened in the marriage bed. Elissa was reluctant to confess all, mostly because she knew she was to blame for that failure.

“I was a virgin when we got married,” she said at last. “So I really can’t compare.”

Millie waved a wet, soapy hand. “I understand. Cole’s like Jeff. All that passion lurking behind gorgeous eyes. Even after all these years, I pinch myself and half expect to wake up from a dream. How did I get so lucky?” She lowered her voice to a confidential whisper. “The passion is important, that’s for sure. When things are going badly, and in all marriages they do, if it stays hot in the bedroom, then you can ride out the storm. We’ve survived a lot of rough weather by locking our bedroom door and making love.” She grinned. “Not that my children want to think about that. They’re grown up with kids of their own and they still want to think they’re the result of immaculate conception.”

Elissa laughed with her, all the while wishing she had the courage to tell Millie the truth. Maybe the older woman could give her some advice. Or maybe it was too late for them.

The phone rang.

“I’ll get it,” Elissa said, putting down the bowl and crossing to the wall unit. She spoke into the receiver, then jotted a note on the pad stuck to the wall. When she hung up, she shrugged. “It was a message for Cole. About his legal practice. I’ll put it in his office when I’m done here.”

“That boy works too hard,” Millie said.

“I know.” Elissa was afraid the conversation would return to Cole’s prowess in bed, so she changed the subject. “How’s the boutique doing?” she asked.

Millie rinsed the beaters and set them on the drainer. “Wonderful. We have a new shipment coming in. You should come and look at the new clothes for fall. They’re wonderful.”

Twenty minutes later Elissa left the kitchen. The cake pans were cooling on the counter. She had the rest of the afternoon off. There were a couple of bills she had to pay, and a book she’d been looking forward to reading. She planned to take it easy.

Before heading to her suite, she detoured by Cole’s office to leave his message. As she placed it on his desk, she noticed a stack of handwritten pages with a sheet across the front that said “Transcribe.” There were several files, and they looked as if they’d needed transcribing for a while.

After casting a guilty glance over her shoulder, she thumbed through them. Cole had messy handwriting, but she’d always been able to read it. From the looks of things, he was working on a couple of cases. He probably couldn’t find the time to transcribe anything.

She flipped on his computer and waited for it to boot. The bills could wait, as could her book. She would type for a couple of hours and then be out of his office before he even knew she’d been here. Cole might suspect who had helped him out, but he was unlikely to confront her about her extra work. At least she could feel that she was doing something to help him. It didn’t make up for their past, but it might help straighten out their present.

* * *

It was nearly seven-thirty when Cole returned to his office. He could see light spilling out into the corridor. Hadn’t he closed the door when he’d left that morning? Not that it mattered. Everything confidential was kept in locked files.

As he turned into the room, he heard the sound of someone typing on his computer keyboard. Just inside the office he came to a stop.

When Elissa hadn’t shown up for dinner, he’d assumed she’d used her time off to go into town. He’d fought against the need to hunt her down and find out what she was doing. From the looks of things, she’d been here most of the afternoon.

He battled a rush of pleasure. He wasn’t sure if it was from just looking at her, or from knowing she hadn’t left the orphanage. Either reaction was a waste of time. Yet telling himself that didn’t stop the contentment from soothing the ache inside.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice coming out more harshly than he would have liked.

She jumped and spun in the chair. At the sight of him, she touched a hand to her chest. “You scared me,” she said, then laughed. “Uh-oh, you have that stern look, Cole. Don’t be mad. I haven’t done anything too horrible.” She motioned to his desk and the few papers that had once been at the bottom of a very large pile of notes. “I came in here to deliver a message. When I saw all the notes you had to input, I just couldn’t stand it. So I’ve been typing.”

She stretched her fingers, then squeezed them into tight fists. “What time is it?”

“Seven-thirty.”

“Oh, my. I guess I got lost in my work.”

He walked to the desk and bent over her shoulder to read the screen. Her typing was accurate, the formatting exactly what he would have done himself. He scanned the screen.

“You didn’t have to do this,” he said. “It’s not part of your job description.”

He was close enough to inhale the scent of her body. She wasn’t wearing perfume tonight, although if he could have bottled the unique fragrance of her skin and sold it, he would have been wealthy beyond imagining. There wasn’t a man in the world who would be able to resist that sweetness. He certainly couldn’t.

“I wanted to help,” she said. “It’s my afternoon off, so I can spend it any way I like.”

“I’ll see that you’re paid for your time.”

She rolled her eyes. “Cole, don’t be weird about this. I did something nice because I wanted to. Please don’t take that away from me. Just smile and say thank-you.”

He couldn’t manage the smile, but he did say the words. “Thanks. I’ve been meaning to get to those notes for weeks.”

Her grin was impish. “I could tell. Some of the pages are backdated to July. Look, I’ve only got a couple more to go. Give me ten minutes and I’ll have them finished.”

“I’d be an ungrateful beast to refuse. Have you eaten?”

She shook her head.

“I’ll go fix you a sandwich and bring it back.”

“That would be great. Thanks.”

Fifteen minutes later he returned with a tray. In addition to the sandwich, he’d brought two cups of coffee and a slice of Greg’s cake. He remembered chocolate was her favorite.

She was dusting his desk when he walked back in. She glanced up. “I couldn’t resist.”

All his papers had been neatly stacked. The laser printer hummed as it spat out transcribed pages. The trash was emptied, the dirty coffee mugs placed on the table by the door.

For a moment the past superimposed itself on the present. He remembered coming home to a sparkling apartment. His clothes had always been pressed and ready. He had memories of fresh flowers on their small kitchen table and heated-up dinners served on their wedding china. Even when things had started falling apart and she’d gone to bed instead of waiting up for him, she’d always left a note and something special by the plate in the refrigerator. Sometimes it was a perfect piece of fruit, or one of his favorite candy bars. Something that showed she’d been thinking about him during the day.

Had he ever returned the favor?

He set the tray in the center of the desk. “Eat,” he commanded.

“Yes, sir.” But instead of cowering, she gave him a grin, then reached for the sandwich.

He removed the second cup of coffee and took the seat next to his desk. He studied the dark liquid. “What did you do while I was at work?” he asked when she had finished chewing her first bite.

“When we were married?” she asked.

He nodded. “How did you fill your time?”

“I went for walks, cleaned the apartment, saw lots of exhibits at museums. I checked cookbooks out of the library, then practiced different dishes at home. I wrote letters. Nothing much.” She took another bite of her sandwich and chewed slowly.

The overhead fluorescent light should have been harsh, but the bright glare only emphasized her clear skin and perfect features. Time had changed her, defining her face, erasing the last roundness of childhood. In the time they’d been apart, she’d grown up. He liked this new Elissa. Not just the physical changes, but the emotional ones. She’d become stronger, more sure of herself.

This new Elissa wouldn’t be content to live her life through her husband. She would tell him to go to hell and do something on her own, whether it was to get a job or go back to college. He wished she’d been able to do that then. He didn’t like realizing she’d lived her whole life for him, while he’d been living his whole life for his job.

“We were on different paths,” he said.

“From the very beginning,” she agreed.

“I should have been there more for you. I should have seen that you didn’t have anything. I’m sorry.”

Her green eyes darkened. She put down her sandwich and leaned toward him. “Thank you for saying that. You’re probably not going to believe me, but those words mean a lot. We both made mistakes. Maybe we can learn from them and go forward.”

“Yeah, sure.”

But he didn’t know what he was agreeing to. He doubted she meant giving their marriage another try. She’d walked away from it five years ago and had never made an attempt to reconcile.

“Cole, I need to go to San Diego for a few days next week. I’d like to leave on Thursday, then come back Sunday. Kayla and Patrick are back from their delayed honeymoon and Patrick’s research center is opening. I’d like to be there for that.”

“That’s fine. Millie mentioned you haven’t taken any time off, so you’re due. Leave whenever you like.” He desperately wanted to ask if she would bother coming back, but he didn’t. He wouldn’t believe her assurances, even if she gave them. If Elissa didn’t leave on this trip, she would leave on another. Eventually he would walk into her room and find her gone. It was inevitable.

“You didn’t meet Patrick, did you?”

He shook his head.

Elissa leaned back in her chair. “He’s the vet at the clinic where Kayla worked through college. After graduation she stayed on. They became best friends. Then one day, things started to change between them.” She smiled at the memory. “Kayla being Kayla, she refused to recognize she was crazy for the guy. She even had some bizarre notion that he was perfect for me. Can you imagine it? She invited me down to visit her so I could meet him.”

Jealousy burned like acid in his gut. He set his coffee mug on the desk so he wouldn’t hurl it against the opposite wall. “You’re still married,” he said, forcing himself not to grit his teeth.

“Oh, I know.” She brushed off his comment with a wave. “I didn’t go out with him, although I did drive down to see what all the fuss was about. From the second I saw them together, it was obvious they were madly in love and resisting the inevitable. I played Cupid.”

Was that all she’d played?

He forced the question from his mind and swore silently. He refused to still care. If Elissa wanted to go with dozens of men, that wasn’t his business. He was long through with her. He had to be. The alternative was to still care, which meant getting his heart ripped out when she left him again.

The printer’s hum faded.

Elissa turned toward the machine and pulled out a handful of pages. “Here you are. Transcribed notes.”

“Thanks,” he said, taking the sheets.

“You’re welcome. I was happy to do it. I want to help, Cole. I mean that. So if there are other things I can do, just let me know.”

She rosé to her feet. He did the same. They stood there awkwardly, staring at each other. He found himself studying her familiar features. She’d always been beautiful, but he would have loved her no matter what she looked like. He would have loved her forever, if she’d let him.

“Oh, Cole, don’t look so sad. It’s going to work out.”

She took the papers from his hand and set them on his desk. Before he knew what she was going to do, she’d stepped close and wrapped her arms around his waist.

The unexpected hug left him defenseless. Even as he told himself to step away, he found himself hugging her back.

Without wanting to, he absorbed the feel of her next to him. Dear God, it had been so long. Familiar sensations assaulted him. Her cheek on his shoulder, her fingers pressing against his shoulders, lean lines and feminine curves taunting him. His own fingers touching her waist, his thighs brushing hers, his head bent so he could inhale the scent of her skin and hair.

His body trembled from the effort of holding back. He wanted to crush her against him, drawing her in so tightly that it would be impossible to tell where he ended and she began.

But through it all, the pleasure and the need, he remembered the pain. He could not endure that again; he couldn’t take the risk. So he loosened his hold and lowered his arms to his sides.

She made a small murmur of protest. The sound ripped at him, demanding that he hold her again. Despite that, or maybe because of it, he curled his fingers into his palms and forced his arms to remain at his sides.

A few seconds later, reluctantly it seemed to him, although that could have been wishful thinking on his part, she released him.

Instead of stepping back, she looked at him. She had to raise her chin slightly for their gazes to lock. He read the questions there, and something that might have been desire. Only, he knew better. Elissa had wanted many things from him, but sex wasn’t one of them.

Then she did the most amazing thing. She rested one hand on his chest, palm flat, then raised herself up on her toes and kissed him.

Lips to lips, pressing softly. It wasn’t seduction, although he was ready to be seduced. It wasn’t comfort; he knew what mercy kisses felt like.

Every fiber of his being screamed at him to kiss her back. There was no reluctance in her caress. It would be so easy to tilt his head and deepen the contact. They hadn’t done well together in bed, but they’d always excelled at making out. Maybe it had been all those years of practice while they’d been dating.

I want you.

For a moment his breath caught in his throat. Then he relaxed. Her lips wouldn’t be lingering on his if he’d actually said the words aloud. She would have stiffened and turned away, repulsed by his animal nature.