The Secret's Out (Hawks MC: Caroline Springs Charter, #1) (9 page)

“Shit, Josie, sorry. I...ah...I shouldn’t have done that.”

Silly man. Didn’t he understand and know I didn’t mind? It was as though something inside of me had all of a sudden—since these two men rode into town—snapped, and the gentle touches Caden and Eli delivered were like a breath of fresh air against my skin. Maybe it was because I had missed them so.

Maybe it was because my body craved attention and it knew that Caden and Eli would treat me with care.

Or maybe it was because my heart was involved when it came to the both of them.

I wanted their touch.

I wanted their eyes on me.

And I wanted them to care for me as much as I did them.

To show it, I stepped up to Eli, took his hands in mine and slowly, I led one of his hands to my neck again and the other to my waist. To start with, his body was tense. The pulse in his neck beat faster. I wanted to continue watching it, but I could no longer because my body was crushed against Eli’s, one arm around the back of my head, the other tightly secured around my waist.

“Sweetheart,” he breathed.

I tilted my head and whispered against his ear, “You and Caden. Only the two of you am I comfortable to have touch my skin. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and maybe that’s the case here. Whatever it is, I can’t be sure. All I do know is when you and Caden are close, when you brush by me or reach for me, I don’t cower. I may flinch sometimes, but I don’t ever cower.”

“Sweetheart,” he repeated. His voice held so many emotions. The main one was awe.

“You guys mean so much to me. You must know this by now?”

He chuckled. “Well, no, babe, we’ve only been reunited a day.”

I couldn’t help but giggle. Pulling back, I smiled up at him. “That’s true, but already it feels like you’ve both been here a lot longer and I suppose that has to do with the fact that you’ve both always been on my mind.”

Caden’s heat at my back was the first thing I felt and then his hands went to my shoulders. I looked over at him and when I did, he said, “Like you’ve been on ours, precious.”

A blush took over my cheeks. “Well, that’s good to know.” With a smile, I stepped away from them both and started toward their rides. “Let’s get out of here and find something to eat.”

For the first time in quite some time, I’d finally felt light. It was as though the big bag of sorrow was no longer pressing against my skin, heart and soul.

Finally, I felt like I could smile, laugh and cherish the days that would follow.

We decided, after the guys took me for a ride through the city, to get some takeaway to take home. So when we’d stopped at St. Kilda beach, I quickly texted Simone and told her our plan. She suggested to get Chinese delivered. The guys were happy with that, so I left her our order. As we rode the way back to the apartment, I couldn’t help but think about the fact that I wasn’t missing home as much. Of course I still missed my parents. They were, after all, the ones to show me—with the help of Zara and Mattie—not all people in the world were doom and gloom. A big need to see them was still inside of me; however, the urgency of it had been taken away when I saw two, glorious bikers walking my way.

Why two?

Why were those two men important to me more than...anything?

Because they mean so much to me.

Because they know what I am.

They know I’m damaged.

Dark and damaged.

And yet, here they were.

They knew everything about me, everything that had happened to me and yet, they were still there for me. Still willing to do anything for me and
still
caring about me.

They were my ending.

They were my life.

My home.

I had been denying myself in many ways...but no more.

––––––––

W
e were having a great time sitting around the table, eating, laughing and talking. Simone, I could see, had fallen in lust with Eli and Caden. Of course, Eli knowing this, suddenly thought it hot in the apartment so he disrobed his cut and then tee. Really, it was comical. When Simone’s eye popped wide, her mouth dropped open, and she lost the food that she’d been chewing onto her lap.

Caden burst out laughing. Eli sat back in his chair chuckling and ran his hand down his defined tattooed chest and six pack of abs. “See something you like?” He winked at her.

Of course, I had to go and ruin the moment. Because when I heard those words and saw Simone nod unconsciously, my heart squeezed tight in my chest and I felt the colour drain from my face. My gaze went straight to my plate and I stared numbly down at it as thoughts bombarded my brain.

Eli deserved someone experienced.

I couldn’t openly gape at him like Simone and tell him that I liked what I saw because I would fumble around it. I would blush and probably run from the room because I had been caught ogling his magnificent body.

I was pathetic.

I was still a child really.

I knew nothing about love making, passion or anything that involved being with someone.

God, I couldn’t even tell them I wanted them
that
way.

I would be useless for them.

They deserved better than the fumbling fool I was.

I was twenty-one for God’s sake and I was useless in an intimate situation.

Eli should go for someone like Simone.

And Caden...he should find someone who would be perfect for him.

Not someone who was damaged.

God. Who was I kidding?

Why had I even thought I could...what? Be with them? Have them both and be the greediest bitch there was by taking their own chance of happiness away for my own pitiful sake.

“We should talk about bed arrangements.” Simone’s voice penetrated my thoughts. “You guys could crash in mine. I wouldn’t mind at all.”

“You couldn’t handle us,” Caden teased.

No, but she would give it a try and you would probably be impressed with what she came up with. Not like anything I could show them.

Why did I think I could have this happiness?

Wow, it was only hours ago I was ready to stop denying what I wanted, but when reality crashed in...it gutted me.

Even if they were my home.

They deserved better than what I could ever give them.

“I can’t...” ...
do it to them.

“Josie?” Simone called.

They needed someone experienced. Someone better.

“Sweetheart?”

It would be best if they left.

I was wrong, so very wrong. I couldn’t do it to them. I couldn’t drag them down into my dark.

Blinking rapidly, I took a deep breath and sat straight. “I-I think I need to go to bed.”

Simone giggled. “We were just talking about that.”

Trying for a smile, it failed and she saw it.

“Girl, you know I don’t mean anything. I don’t want them.”

A snort came out of me before I could stop it. Was she crazy? Who wouldn’t want them? No one.

“Josie,” she demanded.

I nodded instead of saying anything and stood from the table. Then I shrugged. “Not that I’d care anyway.” Oh, God, that was harsh. It was bitchy and not me, but it was for the best.

“What the fuck, Josie?” Eli hissed.

“Billy,” Caden growled low.

“No, I want to know what she meant by that,” Eli barked and banged a fist on the table.

“I need some sleep,” I stated with no emotion. Again not me. I was breaking on the inside, but I thought if I changed, if I showed them I didn’t care, they would leave, they would find their happiness.

Starting for the doorway, I made it two steps before a hand grabbed my upper arm. Looking to it and then following it up, I saw it was Pick and he was smiling.

I shook my head, confused. Why was he smiling?

“Hang on there, precious,” he said before turning to Simone. “Can you leave for a while?” And then he turned to Eli. “You, sit the fuck down and control your fuckin’ temper.”

“Girl, you better be back to yourself in the morning or we’re having words, and you won’t like them. This isn’t you, Josie, and I don’t like seeing it.” Simone glared and then walked from the room.

“Pick?” Eli said.

Only Caden ignored him. Instead, he tugged on my arm enough to throw me off balance and I collided with his body. His hand went under my chin and he forced my gaze up to meet his amused one.

“Baby,” he started. “You forgetting I been where you have? I know the way your brain works and when that shit started with the flirtin’, your brain went to another world. A world where you think Eli and I could use someone like your housemate. Someone who isn’t...and fuck, I hate to say it, but damaged like you have been. What you don’t get, precious, is that we both are damaged in one way or another, like you. We now know we have to be careful when we’re around you. We were just trying to make your housemate think we’re okay guys for
you.
” My eyes widened. “Yeah, baby, you. It’s only ever been you for us. Precious, like you said to Eli, we’ve always been on your mind and I told you you’ve been on ours, but what I didn’t say was...you consumed it.”

My heart beat like crazy behind my ribs. The rise and fall of my chest was erratic because of my breathing.

“Now, I guess it’s the best time to tell you. Josie, we ain’t going anywhere—”

“Pick,” Eli growled in warning.

Warning for what?

Caden turned his handsome face from mine to Eli. “S’okay, man. She needs to know where we stand. She needs this so her mind can’t play tricks on her again about us.”

Goodness. Where was this going?

“Precious, Billy and I are staying here in Melbourne. We’re stayin’ here until your shit is over—”

“But—”

“No, baby, we’re stayin’ and then after your shit is over, we’re gonna keep stayin’ here to help Memphis out with some stuff, and that stuff could take a while.” He stopped to study me.

They were staying here, in Melbourne with me, but why? Was it an order from Talon?

“Even if Talon didn’t want us to stay here, we would have.” Was he a mind reader? “Baby.” He waited until I was looking up at him again. “We’d stay for you, Josie.”

“I-you, both of you...I can’t.” What was I trying to say?

“Sweetheart,” Eli uttered as he walked up to our sides. He took my hand in his as I looked to him. “You’re it for us.”

“No,” I whispered. “You both deserve so much more.”

“Honey, that’s bullshit,” Eli said gently. My brows rose and he ran a finger over them. “You’ve known how we’ve felt for a fuckin’ long time. We’ve stated that from the start. What you need to know now, is that, for you, for all of us so we can have our happiness in life, we’re willing to both be with you.”

I gasped. Was this for real? “But...isn’t that wrong?”

“No, woman. What we feel for you is not wrong. We’ll take this slow, very slow. We’ll work it all out together.”

They were both willing to go slow for me. They both wanted me and no one else. They were both willing to put up with each other so they both could have me...just like I wanted them both.

“Precious, do you want that? Do you want us?”

“W-what about what people will think?”

“We don’t give a fuck and if this works with the three of us, then you shouldn’t give a fuck either, because, baby, we’re willing to put our all in if you are. You are it for us, Josie,” Caden said.

“I-um, this. I...you both.”

“Spit it out, honey, so we can all crash. Been a big day,” Eli teased.

Smiling shyly, I told them, “I would like to see...slowly, if this could work.”

“Fuck yeah.” Caden grinned and gave me a squeeze.

“Four years of waiting, sweetheart, three years and finally you can be ours.” Eli smiled widely.

Too many emotions were clouding me. I couldn’t stop grinning, but worry also taunted me with what could go wrong. However, the thrill, one that sent a shiver through my body, of knowing they wanted me as much as I did them was winning.

It could work. It had to work. I’d loved them for so long and kept them both at arm’s reach because I was worried to hurt one of them...but now. Goodness, now they wanted to work it out between the three of us.

My life was coming together and it started when the two men, who owned my heart for so long, walked back into my dark life.

I was silent as they ordered me off to bed, both smirking at my smiling face. Caden was the first to kiss my cheek and then Eli.

“What about you both?” I asked.

“We’ll alternate. I’ll take the couch tonight and Eli can have Parker’s bed until we find a place of our own.”

My head went back on my shoulders, “You mean...?”

Caden chuckled. “Baby, get your cute arse to bed. That’s something we can talk about another day.”

With a quick kiss to each of their cheeks, I strode from the room. My mind was already consumed, so the thought of moving in together was definitely going to have to take a shelf for a later date...a date when we knew what was happening between us would work.

J
osie

Friday I woke
to Simone jumping on my bed. Once I was coherent enough, she demanded to know what was up with my attitude the previous night. I explained everything, all the thoughts I had flowing through my head. How I thought I didn’t deserve the attention of the two men.

She cackled and said, “Honey, you’re crazy. I knew they were all talk. Christ, any female can see how they feel about you. It’s hard for them to even take their eyes off you.” She beamed then and squealed.

Which was when my bedroom door burst open and in it stood Caden and Eli wearing nothing but boxers. Their chests rose and fell rapidly and their guns were drawn to the room.

Simone burst out laughing, laying across my bed holding her stomach.

I offered a grimace and a shrug, then said, “Sorry, um, she was excited about something at school today.”

Caden relaxed first and with a smirk, as though he knew I was lying and had been in fact talking to her about them, shook his head and left the room.

Eli rolled his eyes and placed his hands to his waist, still holding his gun. Before he wandered off, he muttered, “All women are crazy.”