The Seventh Voyage of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 7) (17 page)

“The ‘
Ineluctible One,’
is right, for there ain’t nothing that can resist this fearsome foe! Kitkara is running amok. Miss Plumtartt, what are we gonna do?”

“Why Mr. Temperance, you and I shall do what we always do. That is, everything in our power to lend assistance in any manner at our disposal when calamity tumbles to our feet, as so often happens, eh hem? I am tasking you with remedying this unfortunate circumstance, Mr. Temperance.”

~gulp~
“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am, well then I reckon we better stay after Kitkara. Keep ahold of me Miss Plumtartt, I am going to resume our dyno-bike journey. As long as Kitkara is on the ground, he is easy to keep track of, but I’m afraid he’ll take flight and get away from us.”

“The speeds attainable of this incredible cycle are quite extraordinary, Mr. Temperance, as are your skills at handling the two-wheeled craft. I enjoy every confidence in your ability to pursue the beast. Any sign of Jubei and Rhianico, eh hem?”

“At one point, I thought I got a glimpse of something fluttering around Kitkara’s position, but I couldn’t swear if it was them or not.”

“I had the same impression. I think it safe to assume that Jubei and Rhianico are maintaining a constant, airbourne vigil on our uninvited guest.”

“Oh Miss Plumtartt, it breaks my heart to see ToeKey-Oh being torn to ruins like this. I feel terrible about letting this happen.”

“Take solace in knowing we helped to alert the city to her peril and helped to save many lives, sir.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Oh, look over there, Mr. Temperance, I momentarily detected movement behind that large pile of rubble.”

“Somebody might be in trouble, Miss Plumtartt! I’m going to stop to see if we need to lend some assistance real quick-like.”

“I agree Mr. Temperance. There, now I shall just make a brief inquiry as you bring our electric bicycle built for two to a stop. Now then I’ll just call out,
Yoo, hoo! Hello-Oh-o-o? Is anybody there?”

“No.”
.  .  . “Oops!”

“Oh well, I guess you were mistaken, Miss Plumtartt; they said no-one was home. Hey, wait a minute, how could somebody answer that there was nobody there, if there is nobody there to answer? I think somebody is storying us, Ma’am!”

“Quite so, Mr. Temperance, in fact, I would go so far to say that you and I are familiar with the sweet tones of this bearish voice, eh hem?”

“What are you saying, Miss Plumtartt?”

“I am saying that our shy tenant is none other than the mighty Gumibara!”

“Huh!”

“Er, uh, yes, it is I, the mighty Gumibara. Is that new super-monster gone? Is it safe to come out?”

“I don’t think Kitkara is concerned with this, the section of ToeKey-Oh that he has already destroyed, Gumibara.”

“Kitkara, huh. That was a really scary super-monster, you guys! Where did he come from?”

“Eh hem, it is our understanding that the great Kitkara’s origins lie on the distant and secretive, Planet Eckes.”

“What does he want?”

“He wants to destroy Planet Earth, sir. He is on a mission to destroy everything and everybody.”

“What happened to the invincible ZodGila?”

“He done did got vincibled.”

“How is that even possible? What are we going to do?”

“I say, it rather behooves us to devise a stratagem of defeating this unparalleled threat to our World, yes?”

“Yes, Ma’am. Oops! I mean, right, Persephone.”

Then you’ll help us, Mr. Gumibara, sir?”

“Yes, Icky, the mighty Gumibara is here to save the day!
RRRRAW
...
I mean,
RRRRAWR!
Eh hem, don’t want to lose the element of surprise, and let Kitkara know that we are on his trail, right?”

“Yessir, good idea.”

“Hey, what is that quiver I feel inside my gelatin molded form? I sense the approach of a super-monster!”

“I don’t see any super-monsters, Gumibara, sir.”

“There, in the harbour!”

“I say, Gumibara is correct Mr. Temperance. Look to where I point, and you may see a familiar green snout, cautiously breaking the surface of the water.”

“Eek! Is it a gigantic, horrible sea-monster, come to finish up where Kitkara left off?”

“No, Icky, it is the terrific, TiTaupkamaro!”

“Is it safe to come out of the water, yet?”

“Sure thing, TiTaupkamaro, you’ll be safe with us, buddy.”

“Is ZodGila gone?”

“Eh hem, I have the unfortunate duty to report that the incomparable ZodGila has been defeated by an even greater threat than he. We now must contend with a flying, thrice- headed feline dragon from the dark void of the Heaven’s aether.”

“What? That is impossible! Nothing could defeat ZodGila! Did you see what he did to me?”

“Yessir, we saw how the massive ZodGiler took ahold of you and cast you far to sea, but this new monster, Kitkara, did even worse by ZodGiler. It looked like Kitkara did ZodGiler in for good.”

“How can we hope to defy a super-monster that toppled even the great ZodGila?”

“That’s a good question, Mr. Gumibara. Well, Miss Plumtartt, do you have an inkling as to how we can accomplish this task?”

“Why, Mr. Temperance, you know that I have the utmost confidence of your being able to think of something, sir. Yes, rather, eh hem.”

“Yes, Ma’am. Say, look, up in the sky!”

“It’s a bird!”

“Perhaps a crane!”

“No, it’s Jubei and Rhianico, returning to us via their Nipponese Air Service, spring-powered, clockwork-driven, leather wings!”

“Hai, Ichsa-bod.”

“Hi, Jubei! We sure are glad to see y’all back safe and sound.”

“If you please, let us skip the pleasantries and get straight to business. Kitkara will soon be ready to move. We must act immediately!”

“Quite so, my dear Rhianico, pray tell, were you and Jubei able to garner any useful intelligence while in flight, eh hem?”

“If you please, Persephone, I do not think we could see anything from above that you could not see from here.”

“Ha! I know that stupid super-monster Kitkara is not as perfect as he thinks he is! I definitely heard him trip over a couple of his lines while he was singing.”

“I ain’t the best singer in the world neither, so I wasn’t going to say anything, but I noticed it too.”

“No Mr. Temperance, this distortion of Kitkara’s song was most peculiar. There was more to Kitkara’s difficulties during his performance than the common ‘choking’ on stage malady.”

“Hai, Persephone, I noticed something while we were aloft during that episode. It did not seem to have a relevance, and is probably not very important, but I thought I’d mention it. At the time of Kitkara’s stutter, I saw a tiny flashing light. It came from a chest, affixed to the rear of the central neck stalk’s collar.”

“I say, I did wonder about that slender red collar, one of the hydra necks wears. What is this about a chest, eh hem?”

“As I said, it is on the back of the neck, which puts it out of sight from you on the ground, but Rhianico and I could see it plainly from above.”

“If you please, a strangely smooth chest is affixed to the back of the red necklace, rather than the front. There was a brief flash of artificial, red light from the silver crate. I think this light may have been an electricity-driven contraption of some diabolical design.”

“Hunh, well, I reckon we’ll just have to store that little bit of info aside until we can make sense of it.”

“I say, it looks as if our intrepid band of mission mates is still intact, eh? Splendid! I call now for us to re-affirm our vow to dispatch our enemy and avenge our losses! What say you?”

“Hai!”

“Sweet!”

“If you please, I respond in the affirmative!”

“Simpatico.”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am!”

“Hear, hear! In that case, let us pledge together: We do hereby pledge and avow to stop the unstoppable! We shall free planet Earth from the ineluctible threat of the super-monster, Kitkara!”

“REEER-REERLL!”

“Ha, ha! This entire Earth city is mine to romp and play on!”

“REEER-RAWRLL!”

“Surely my playful antics display the complete contempt that the
superior
planet, Planet Eckes has for the ant-ridden mudball that is the inferior of the two planets, planet Earth.”

“REEER-RORLL!”

“Let us now go and find new cities to destroy...”

“Boom! Chaucka Laucka Laucka”

“Boom! Chaucka Laucka Laucka”

“Boogity Boogity Boogity Boogity-Boah!”

“This world’s not big enough”

“For both of us”

“Somebody’s got to go!”

“REEER-REERLL!”

“Inconceivable!
A hideous creature of Earth dares to defy us!”

“REEER-RAWRLL!”

“The foolhardy Earthling is their next best excuse of a super-monster! A softly glowing, almost translucent, gelatin confection.”

“REEER-RORLL!”

“How dare the creature taunt us with his silly song and ridiculous dancing.”

“Boogity-Woogity,Boogity-Woogity”

“Boogity-Boo!”

“A super-monster butt whooping”

“is coming for you!”

“I got rhythm in my head”

“Wiggle in my butt.”

“Knowing what’s coming”

“Puts a jiggle in my gut.”

“You insolent, insignificant, super-monster! You shall pay for those ill-considered words!”

~pounce!~

~dodge!~

“You’re a real gone cat”

“We say Sayanara”

“Adios, dosvidania”

“Arrivederci, Kitkara!”

~pounce!~

~dodge!~

“I have you now, you little candy-ass! There is nowhere for you to dodge away from me now!”

“Sweep the Halls!”

“Clear the Decks!”

“Choke on Earth’s reply”

“To Planet Eckes”

“We have you now”

“Standing on our metal net”

“You’re in for a shock”

“And that’s what you’re gonna get!”

“Sic ’em, Icky!”

“Yessir, Mr. Gumibara!”

“Hunh-reerl?”

~PER
-GHIZ
ZXXCK!!!~

~ZZSCK~ZZSCK~ZZSCK!~

“Woo, Hoo! We got him! How do you like them apples, Kitkara?”

“REER!REER!REER!”

“REER!
UNH! ...”

“I say, Kitkara does not appear to like the electric apple that you have so quickly and adroitly prepared for him in the least, Mr. Temperance. You may now break the current’s connection to our hastily prepared electric trap. How very fortuitous for our party to have access to vast amounts of this unusual fence material. The sturdy manner of linking wire into long lengths of fencing rolled into easy-to-handle, coiled bales was just the thing we required to knit our net of electricity-conveying steel. I say, let us hurry and push our advantage while we have the brute momentarily incapacitated, and knocked unconscious by the powerful electrical connection, eh hem?”

“Hai, Persephone, let us all hurry to connect our assigned copper wire to Kitkara’s four primary limbs.”

“It looks like we all got our wire connected just in time, y’all! Kitkara is coming back around to wakefulness! Everybody hurry back to safety off of the electrical net workings!”

“...RRRLLL...”

“Now you just settle down and behave yourself, Mr. Kitkara. We have you at our mercy so you better behave! You are bound to our behavior modification net works!”

“Reerll!!!
Puny human! These wires will not hold the invincible
Kitkara!”

~PER
-
GHIZ
ZXXCK!!!~

“Reerll!!!
That hurt!”

“You better behave!”

“Never!”

~PER
-
GHIZ
ZXXCK!!!~

   “Reerll!”

“Mr. Temperance, Kitkara has scratched the electrodes right off! He is now pulling himself free from our electric welcome mat!”

“I’m giving him all the juice we got, Miss Plumtartt, but it ain’t enough to stop him!”

~PER
-
GHIZ
-B
O
O
M
!!!
~

“Uh-oh, Miss Plumtarttt, it looks like we blew a fuse. We just lost all our power!”

“I’m coming to gobble you up, little Earthling ant! You are the first, but soon I will eat every last living creature on this planet! You are almost in reach! I have you now... hunh? Rowlll! My tail! Ow! Get off! Quit biting my tail, you stupid turtle!”

“I say, good show! TiTaupKamaro has clamped what looks to be a very secure grip on Kitkara’s dangerous tail!”

“Rrr, rrhee, rrhi, rrr, rr!”

“Don’t try to talk, TiTaupKamaro, just hang on!”

“Reerlll!
I will shake you off, you tiresome tortoise!”

“Oh no you won’t! I’m coming to help you, TiTaupKamaro! Hah! With both of us clinging to your tail, you are grounded, Kitkara!”

“Reerll!
You stupid bear! You must weigh fifty tons! Get your sticky paws off me, sugar-britches! Ow! Tell that stupid turtle to stop biting my tail!”

“Eek! Run, Miss Plumtartt! We are being followed by the angry Kitkara! Despite the many tons of super-monster bio-mass clinging to his tail, he still claws himself along, his hungry kitty cat heads snapping at us in an attempt to gobble us right up!”

“I long to dine on an Earthling’s flesh! You despicable little sub-Ecksian species will be a delicious chow for the mighty Kitkara! Especially these four puny humans that dare to defy the greatness that is Kitka-glik, Kit-gulk, Super-Controller!”

“I say, Mr. Temperance, despite Gumibara’s and TiTaupKamaro’s best efforts, Kitkara is still able to drag himself in pursuit of our little quartet of humans, eh hem?”

“Unh, unh. You stupid super-monsters clinging to my tail are a real drag! Unh, unh, but I will still devour these scampering, talking ants!”

~snap!~ ~snap!~ ~sn-
”Ow!”

“I got ahold of a whisker, y’all!”

“I say, Jubei, would you be so kind as to assist me in keeping a grip upon our Mr. Temperance, eh hem? His hold upon Kitkara’s whisker is quickly elevating him up into the air. Ah good, I am just able to leap up and catch the questionable opportunist by his unusually large feet.”

“Hai, Persephone, I, in turn, have caught you by the ankles, holding onto Ichsa-bod, holding onto the long, feeler, eyebrow whisker.”

“If you please, I now have a hold on you, Jubei, who has caught Persephone by the ankle, who in turn, clutches Ichsa-bod who clings to Kitkara’s eyebrow whisker, high up off the ground. I have, if I may, if you please, managed to gain a cross-legged grip on this convenient stanchion, thus providing a tenuous tether for the grapevine cleat of our human rope in this over-powered tug of war.”

“Thanks, y’all, but if you will notice, Kitkara ain’t pulling as hard as he could against us. This whisker I got is probably pretty sensitive!”

“Ow-wow-ow!
That hurts! What a cheap and cowardly trick! I should have expected such a less than heroic maneuver from the likes of you pitiful Earthlings!
Ow!
Why don’t you fight me fair, hunh? Let go of my whisker!
Reerll!”

“Nossir, Mr. Kitkara, sir. With my pals Gumibara and TiTaupKamaro clinging to your tail and the rest of my pals clinging to me in a bizarre, suspended chain, we momentarily have you immobilized fore and aft. I only wish I had a plan to proceed from here.”

“Hello, what’s this? I say, from my elevated position in this life-line, I spy a speck upon the horizon. Yes, rather, I suspect by its apparent rapid approach that this looming apparition heralds the approach of a super-monster!”

“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt Ma’am, I am reasonably sure that what is hurrying in this direction is the irrepressible King of all super-monsters!”

“Hai, Ichsa-bod, if we can only maintain this neutralizing hold on Kitkara a few more moments...”

~ploink!~

“A-a-a-aug!”

“If you please, what a revolting development this is. Kitkara’s forehead feeler has plucked off in our collective grasp!”

“There goes our whisker of a chance, y’all”

“Reerll!
Now I will destroy you all!”

“If you please, I feel a tremendous rumble rising up through the ground.”

“Hai, however, rather than clutching my heart in an icy grip of fear, suffusing the organ with the proverbial nameless sense of dread, the rising Terran tribulations gladden my troubled heart, filling it with new-found hope.”

“Quite so, Jubei, the bouncing terrain can only be credited to one source.”

~whoom.~

~WHOOM.~

~WHOOM!~

~WHOOM!!!~

“Kitkara is flapping his wings and taking off! He is carrying Gumibara and TiTaupkamaro up into the air!”

“Yikes! I have to let go!”

“A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-unh!”

“Rrr! Rhi! Rhawg!”

“Gro-o-o-o-o-o-o-nk-unh!”

“If you please, though our friends, Gumibara and TiTaupkamaro tumble back to Earth, our own Monstrous Island messenger, he rises!”

“I say, his reptilian virility is thrilling to behold!”

“The Earth trembles beneath his awkward, wide-legged, swinging stride.”

“The inescapable onslaught prepares to leap after our winged foe, and prevent his escape!”

“With a titans strength, he bounds into the air, y’all! Altogether now, it’s, it’s, it’s...

“ZodGila
!
”

“Eee-
Aye
-rRoark!!!”

“Eek! It’s ZodGila! Augh! Let go of my tail, you stupid Earth super-monster!”

“Not by the scales of your chinny, chin chins, Kitkara. ZodGila has you in his crushing grip!”

“Indeed, Mr. Temperance, ZodGila is employing his considerable inertia via taloned clutch upon the Ecksian threat’s dangerous tail before Kitkara can get up enough wing power to overcome the mighty ZodGila’s leap and weighted grip. Transferring this energy of momentum, the continuous motion allows the ultra lizard to twirl the incredible Kitkara in a generous amount of wide, giant, circular, swings before giving our uninvited guest a proper introduction to planet Earth with both our compliments,
and
a resounding thud.”

{ { { ~THUD!~ } } }

“If you please, that has got to hurt. In fact, the impact of Kitkara’s impact on
terra firma
may even leave a mark, both on Kitkara, and the Earth.”

“Hai, Rhianico, however, if you continue to observe, you will witness our fiendish foe to rise back up and shake off the high-powered super-slam he just received from our Monstrous Island benefactor.”

“REEER-REERLL.”

“Stop the ride! I want to get off.”

“
REEER-RAWRLL.”

“Did anybody get the number of the continent that just hit us?”

“REEER-RORLL!”

“Snap out of it you guys, ZodGila is back!What’s the matter, didn’t get enough the first time? This time we finish you for good!”

“Great spaghetti meatballs, y’all, what a collision between these two behemoths! Now as they roll about the landscape, squirming and struggling for an advantage, they are a roiling cloud of claws, talons, wings, tails, and teeth!”

“Hai, Ichsa-bod, each combatant seeks to gain a position behind the other. Ah! Kitkara has succeeded in gaining a position behind ZodGila. The high, double ridge of triangular spikes running along ZodGila’s back are making it difficult for Kitkara to latch himself in tightly.”

“Just so, Jubei, and with a drop of his head, ZodGila is sliding back and under Kitkara’s left foreleg to reverse the positioning! Hear, hear, good show, ZodGila! Much to the angry protestations of an enraged Kitkara, ZodGila has thrashed himself around the gryphon’s lion legs, only to be stymied by the creature’s wing. Nevertheless, this is far enough to grant ZodGila a broadside-mount, mandibular purchase on one of Kitkara’s necks!”

“If you please, Persephone, this position gives the advantage of the rear legs, that both beasts have an intense desire to use on the other to rake the other’s tummy, to Kitkara. ZodGila desperately tries to bring his feet to bear while suffering the raking rear feet, and the bites of the two remaining heads of Kitkara.”

“Oh my Goodness! ZodGila has been forced to release his biting hold on Kitkara! They are both immediately on their feet to meet again in a titanic clash! Gripping each other’s shoulders they bite away at each other!”