The Sexorcist (17 page)

Chapter Twenty-Nine—McMansion Revisited

The front door of the McMansion swung open to reveal the walking portrait of high school ennui.

She slouched against the doorjamb, chipping away at one black-painted nail and blinking at him expressionlessly. Amber didn’t wait for him to tell her why he was there.

“Mo-om! Door!” she bellowed over her shoulder, her voice echoing through the cavernous reaches of the house.

Rodriguez shifted on the doorstep, hoping he was right about this.

There had been an awful lot of mischief demon activity in the last couple months and it had all started right around the same time. The desperate housewives, the wedding demon, they had to be connected somehow. Maybe Katrina Sullivan was in on it. Maybe she had helped summon the demon he was certain had kidnapped Brittany. Hopefully she would at least know who did.

Katrina appeared at the door. She took one look at Rodriguez, flushed, and shoved her daughter into the house. She stepped out onto the front step, slammed the door shut, and leaned back against it. “You can’t be here! My husband is home.”

Rodriguez wondered if she was brain damaged. She couldn’t actually think he had come here to sleep with her. “Where’s the demon?” he demanded.

“Demon?” she repeated, her voice squeaky and panicked, but he couldn’t tell if it was squeaky from guilt over her demonic activities or because she was afraid her husband was going to figure out she was a raging trollop. “You exorcised the demon.”

“The big one,” he insisted. “The corporeal one.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“Who are you working with?”

Confusion would have wrinkled her brow, but the botox didn’t allow it. “Mimi and Charlotte and Abby and Priscilla?”

The names she’d rattled off were all the other women who’d hired him to exorcise demons in an attempt to seduce him. Unless they were excellent at masking it, none of them had anywhere near the power required to summon a corporeal demon. “Who told you to summon them? How did it start?”

A noise inside the house made Katrina jump. She glanced over her shoulder nervously, though all she could see was the heavy door behind her. “You have to leave. I don’t have to tell you anything. You’re
my
employee.”

She reached for the doorknob and he caught her wrist, squeezing it tight. “I’m an independent contractor, lady. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to find this demon and get Brittany back.
Whatever it takes
. Are we clear?”

“I don’t like bossy men.”

“Then we’re even. I don’t like shallow women. But you’re going to help me, Katrina. I won’t hesitate to ruin your life if you don’t. I can end your marriage in five minutes and Brittany can destroy your social standing in ten.”

She paled, her eyes flicking toward the house. She began speaking in a rush, like she could hurry through explanations before her husband caught her on the front step holding hands with a tattooed Mexican. “It was Mimi’s idea. She’d always been more into the occult crap than the rest of us. She went to some shop and the store owner taught her how to summon a demon. It was just something to do.”

“Which shop?”

“I don’t know. Mimi didn’t say. You can ask her when she gets back from the Caymans in two weeks.”

“I don’t have two weeks.”

“Well, I don’t know anything else, so you’ll just have to wait.”

Brittany was missing. She might be scared. She might be in danger. He wasn’t waiting another two
seconds
. Let alone two weeks. Katrina Sullivan may not know anything else. She wasn’t exactly a font of moral character, but he didn’t think she was lying about this.

She didn’t know shit. But a demon would.

Rodriguez tightened his grip on her wrist. “I need you to summon a demon.”

“I don’t think—”

“You have the power to summon a verbal demon. The corporeal demon who has Brittany must have minions. Helpers. He couldn’t have done all of this on his own. That shop owner tricked you all into summoning over the minions so he wouldn’t have to waste energy doing it himself. If you perform the ritual exactly as the shopkeeper told you to, you’ll draw a demon who knows who has Brittany. As soon as I have his name, I have him.”

“If I do this, will you leave?”

“You don’t have negotiating room, Katrina. Just summon the damn demon.”

“I have to get Amber.”

“Are you out of your fucking mind? You are not going to put another demon into your daughter.”

She stomped her foot petulantly. “Well then who am I supposed to put it into? You?”

“Summon it into your own body.”

She went white, her lipstick standing out in scarlet contrast. “I don’t like that idea.”

“You don’t have to like it. Do it.”

“I…”

“That wasn’t a request. And don’t even think about trying to send it into me. I’m an exorcist. I’ll know.”

“Fine. I’ll do it. Bastard.”

“You brought this on yourself, Katrina. Don’t fuck with demonologists. We fight dirty.”

Chapter Thirty—Demon on Percocet

Brittany groaned and opened her eyes. She felt like she’d been run through a cement mixer, rattled and rolled around and caked in concrete. Her vision was blurry, the world white. She remembered Mikos appearing in her bedroom, and then nothing. How much time had passed? Where was she?

She raised a hand to rub at her face and realized her vision was just fine. She was wrapped in a blanket and a corner of it had fallen over her face. She swatted away the fabric and looked around. The water-stained hardwood floor and the gaping hole in the ceiling were all-too familiar. Rain drummed in a hard rhythm against the roof and thunder rolled outside.

He’d taken her to the old reception site. Why? Was there something mystical about this spot? Was he going to perform some ritual on her?

“You’re awake! Good!”

There was no sense in pretending she wasn’t, so Brittany sat up, the blanket pooling around her hips. She was still wearing the clothes she’d worn to the reception the night before, but they were somewhat the worse for wear. On the plus side, whatever demonic ritual he was planning apparently didn’t involve nudity.

Mikos bounced over to her like a demonic puppy. He crouched down in front of her, his joints jutting out in odd directions, reminding her that he wasn’t human—as if she could forget, staring at those red eyes. He smiled widely. And those teeth.

“How are you feeling? I didn’t mean to whammy you quite so hard, but I’m not used to channeling quite so much power. I’m not sure about side effects. Do you have a headache? Dizziness?”

She shook her head, feeling odd making small talk with the demon who seemed to have suddenly had a personality reversal. Why was he in such a good mood? Did he know that he’d won? That she was wholly at his mercy?

“You are an extraordinary creature, Miss Brittany,” Mikos burbled cheerfully. “Annoying as all hell, but extraordinary. I’ve never met someone who can actually counteract bad luck and naturally diffuse mischief. It’s a remarkable talent. How do you do it?”

“Optimism,” she said, feeling like the ultimate pessimist now. She was alone with a demon who’d clearly taken his happy pills this morning. Rodriguez wasn’t there to protect her because he thought she was a shallow, materialistic user and even Karma had probably written her off since she couldn’t even keep to the no-sex-between-coworkers policy for three measly weeks.

“You’ve made my existence very challenging these last few weeks, Miss Brittany. But that’s all over now.”

Her heart began to drum in time with the rain. “What are you going to do with me?”

“This!” He waved his arms.

Brittany didn’t have a clue what
this
was supposed to be. She wasn’t just going to sit there wondering, and dreading. “This what?”

“Talk. Chat. Keep you here, away from the wedding, until it is done.”

“That won’t stop the wedding. It will go on without me.”

“Of course it will! But it will be chaos. Utter, beautiful chaos. Things are going wrong as we speak. Little things, of course. I can’t do anything major from this distance and my master has not been able to summon any more of my minions to help me.”

“Your master?”

“Prometheus,” Mikos said, his chest puffing up proudly. “I’ve been summoned and kept by the greatest warlock of our era. It’s quite an honor.”

“Lucy might see things a little differently. What does this Prometheus have against her? Why does he want to stop her wedding?”

“Not
stop
,” Mikos corrected, wagging a finger. “Disrupt. Make chaotic. If I was tasked with stopping the wedding, I would have harassed and kidnapped the bride, not the good-luck wedding planner.”

“But
why
? Why does this guy want to ruin Lucy’s big day?”

“She marries the brother of Prometheus’s great love. My presence demonstrates the majesty of my master’s power, thereby forcing his beloved to acknowledge his greatness.”

Brittany tried to figure that one out. As far as she knew, Jake only had one sister. When the pieces fell into place, she gaped. “Are you
kidding
me? He’s ruining Lucy’s wedding because he’s trying to show off for Karma?”

“His greatness is without equal.”

“His douchebaggery is without equal.”

Mikos frowned. “I don’t know that word.”

“It’s a compliment,” Brittany assured him. Best not to piss off the man with rows of jagged teeth and a freakish devotion to some wacko warlock. “So we just sit here and wait for the wedding to crash and burn. Then what? Are you going to let me go?”

“Yes. My great lord will release me back to the demon realm soon. I will have no need of you.”

“What if I try to go now? To fix the wedding?”

Mikos’ smile vanished and his red eyes glowed malevolently. “I would not advise that, Miss Brittany. I do not want to hurt you. I am made of mischief not malice, but I cannot let you interfere with my master’s plans. All must know of his greatness.”

His greatness. Lucky them to be the ones his master decided to inflict his greatness on. They’d been scrambling for months to make this day perfect in spite of every obstacle just because some punk warlock wanted to show how big and bad he was. “Jerkface.”

“What was that?”

“Oh, nothing. Just thinking aloud.”

Everything going wrong in her life was the fault of some jerkface warlock with a god complex. She never would have met Rodriguez or gotten the job at Karmic if it hadn’t been for him. And if she hadn’t met him or landed the job, Rodriguez couldn’t have broken her heart and ruined her chances to work in a position where she finally had a purpose. Her life was a shambles and it was all that darned Prometheus’s fault.

She couldn’t stop thinking of that demon punch and the scorn on Rodriguez’s face.

What if he hadn’t really meant it? What if the punch had made him say it? A little flicker of hope kindled in Brittany’s heart. “Your master was pretty great with mucking up the rehearsal dinner. What was in that punch anyway?”

“Brilliant, wasn’t it? It reveals the heart’s secret desires.”

The flicker of hope died a quick death as her heart turned to stone. Then she frowned. “Conga? Whose secret desire was a conga line?”

Mikos tipped his head from side to side like a metronome. “The revelation doesn’t always go the way we think it will. The heart’s desire might be to be more uninhibited and the punch will make you conga. The heart’s desire is to tell your love of your secret longing, so you will tell them, but it may not be in the words you meant to say. Otherwise, there would be no mischief. There is beauty in chaos.”

The flicker of hope was back, but she couldn’t escape the feeling that she was deluding herself. Luis’s secret desire had probably been to break up with her because she was too clingy. They had spent nearly every second of every day together for the last week. She hadn’t been able to get enough of him, but he was probably sick to death of her.

He’d definitely succeeded in getting rid of her. He was probably at the wedding now, struggling with Karma and Lucy through whatever was going wrong, but relieved that Brittany wasn’t there to bother him.

Brittany shook her head. Enough wallowing in self-pity. She may not work for Karmic anymore and the man of her dreams may not have turned out to be who she thought he was, but she had still promised Lucy she would have a good wedding, that she would take care of everything that went wrong.

A promise was a promise.

She had to get out of here. No one was coming for her. She would have to do it herself. She wasn’t going to be able to overpower someone who could melt her like an umbrella, so she would need to trick him into letting her leave.

She needed a plan, but maybe she could rely on her luck to see her through. “Mikos…”

The door burst open and banged against the wall. Mikos was facing the door and he could see who entered. He gave a toothy grimace and sighed, resigned. “Looks like playtime is over.”

Brittany turned. Standing in the doorway, looking manic and mouthwateringly divine in a dark blue suit was Luis.
He came for me.

Katrina Sullivan wedged herself into the doorway at his side.

And he brought the skank.

Chapter Thirty-One—Wrestlemania, Demon Style

Rodriguez sprinted across the room and tackled the mischief demon before the slippery bastard could vanish on him again. Behind him, Ulgar, the demon inhabiting Katrina Sullivan, squealed in dismay and croaked, “Forgive me, master! He made me tell him everything.”

Rodriguez slapped one palm on the demon’s head and splayed the other flat on the floor. “
Mikos, I bind you to this place.
” Power rippled through his body, pulsing through both of his hands.

The floor beneath Mikos softened and he sank down an inch into the suddenly squishy wood. Invisible energy wrapped around him, pinning him down. He flailed, but the more he struggled, the more the binding twisted around him, restricting his movements and sticking him to the spot as Rodriguez held him in place.

“Do not hurt my master!” Ulgar croaked. The demon slammed into his back, Katrina Sullivan’s manicure clawing at his face.

Before he could do more than shield his eyes, another figure broadsided them, knocking Katrina’s body off him. “Don’t touch him, you skank!” Brittany shrieked. She sat on Katrina’s back, holding the demon-possessed form down with both hands fisted in her bleach-blonde hair.

Brittany looked up and met his gaze. Her doe eyes were wild and hard. “You okay?”

“I’m good. You got her?”

“I’ve got her.” She looked down at the demon beneath her then back over at him, her eyes narrowing. “Though I probably should have let her claw your eyes out. I can’t believe you were running around with Katrina Sullivan while I was being held hostage by a demon.”

“I wasn’t running around with her. She’s possessed.”

“That’s one word for it.”

“No, she’s really possessed. I forced her to summon a demon into herself so it could lead me to Mikos and you.”

“You did?” Her face softened, a whisper of a smile tilting her mouth.

His heart clenched. They were both sitting on demons and all he could think about was how much he loved her. And how much of an idiot he was for fucking it up. “We’ve been searching for you all morning. Karma’s frantic. Everything is going wrong without you.”

Her expression suddenly hardened again. “Of course. Karma. The wedding.” She locked her jaw, nodding sharply. “Just banish the darn demon and let’s get out of here.”

“Damn it. What the hell did I say this time?”

“Just banish the demon, Rodriguez.”

“Master!” Ulgar croaked, facedown on the floor.

He palmed the crucifix he always carried. He’d been in such a hurry to get to Brittany he hadn’t brought the rest of his gear in with him from the Harley. No way was he leaving Brittany alone with two demons to go get it now. He’d just have to do this without props.

He began the low chant that would snare the demon so he could banish it, waiting for the feeling of power rushing through him. He expected to feel the energy flare around him, binding the demon to his will, but he felt nothing.

Every breath he took, he smelled Brittany’s expensive perfume. His ears were tuned to her every shift and sigh. His focus wasn’t too splintered to summon the necessary energy. It was locked entirely on her.

He looked up and found Brittany watching him intently, fascinated as ever by the chance for a new experience. “What’s the hold up?”

How could he have been such an idiot? “I’m sorry.”

“You can’t banish him? I thought you said—”

“I can banish him. Or at least I will be able to as soon as I can focus. I just can’t do it with you sitting three feet away from me totally pissed off.”

Her eyes grew flat. No sparkle whatsoever. “I’m sorry if my presence is too distracting. I’ll just wait outside. Do you have something to tie Katrina up with?”

“You leaving isn’t going to help.”

“I could leave,” Mikos offered. “You’d never see me again. I promise.”

Rodriguez ignored him. “I’m still going to be thinking about you,” he said to Brittany.

“Well, I don’t know what you expect me to do about that. What do you want from me, Rodriguez?”

Mikos continued to chatter in a rambling litany. “I’ll leave quietly. Just let me up. No need to banish me. I’m just a harmless little guy.”

“Would you shut up?” Rodriguez growled. “I’m trying to apologize here.”

Brittany eyed him warily. “Apologize for what?”

“For what I said last night. I didn’t mean—”

“I don’t want to talk about that,” she cut him off, tucking her chin down and refusing to meet his eyes. “Just exorcise the demon.”

“That really isn’t necessary,” Mikos said.

“Master!” Ulgar croaked.

Rodriguez ignored the demons, keeping his eyes locked on Brittany’s downturned head. “I can’t banish him. Not until we talk about this.”

Her head snapped up. She was looking at him now and if looks could kill... “You want to talk about it? Fine. We’ll talk about it. I’m sorry too. I’m sorry you were such a big jerkface. I’m sorry you never trusted me. I’m sorry I ever thought I might be special to you. I’m sorry you thought for even one second that I was like
her
.” She poked the back of Katrina’s head and Ulgar croaked, “Master!” on cue. “And I’m especially sorry I was so deluded to think you might be the kind of man I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m really, really sorry. Jerkface.”

“
Corazón,
I do trust you and I want forever with you too. It was the punch—”

Her voice sliced across his, cutting him off. “The punch just uncovers secret desires. It doesn’t fabricate them.”

“She’s right, you know,” Mikos piped up helpfully from his position embedded in the floor. “That is how it works.”

“See? You wanted to break up with me or you never would have said those things.”

Rodriguez clenched his hands into fists.

“Don’t hit the mischief demon!” Mikos bleated. “Not my fault!”

“Master!” Ulgar croaked.

This was not going well. He knew he’d fucked up last night, but he couldn’t even remember exactly what he’d said. All he remembered was how frustrated he’d been by the secrecy. How badly he’d wanted to be open and upfront about their relationship. How angry he’d been at her for hiding him away like a dirty little secret.

“It wasn’t about breaking up with you,” he said. “You want to know what the real secret that punch revealed was? I
hate
the secrecy. I
hate
sneaking around. I can’t stand the fact that you’re ashamed to be seen in public with me.”

“That’s ridiculous! We’re in public all the time.”

“Sure. In front of my sisters. Or at a salsa club. Around
my
kind. But around your people, it’s a big secret.”

“I don’t have
people
, you racist jerk! I didn’t want Karma to find out because she would fire me or maybe both of us for violating the intra-office dating policy. I didn’t take you home to meet my parents because my parents are freaked enough about me having a personality all of a sudden. I wasn’t sure they could take a boyfriend too. But I told them last night. And I was going to quit Karmic Consultants on Monday so we could be together.
In public
. You shmuckhead.”

He gaped at her. “You were going to quit Karmic for me? You love that job.”

“Yeah, well, I was deluded. Don’t rub it in.”

“I thought you didn’t love me. That you were just using me.”

“You should avoid thinking,” she snapped. “It clearly isn’t your strong suit.”

Rodriguez felt the first glimmer of hope. He’d screwed up. He knew he had a lot of groveling to do, but if Brittany had been willing to quit Karmic Consultants for him, she must have really loved him and love like that didn’t just evaporate overnight. Did it?

“I know I don’t deserve you,” he said. “You have every right to hate me after what I said last night.”

“Good. ’Cuz I do. You were a big jerk.”

“I was. And I’m sorry I hurt you. I never want to hurt you again.” He took a deep breath, trying to find the right words. The words that would make her forgive him. “One of the things I love most about you is the way you jump into new experiences. You have your arms wide open to the world. I’m not like that. I’ve never been the kind of guy who trusts easily. I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. But I do trust you,
corazón
. I love you, Brittany. I was a fool to let my own stupid insecurities get in the way of what we had.”

“Yes. You were,” she agreed immediately.

“I know I can never make it up to you, but I’m willing to spend the rest of my life trying. Do you think you can ever forgive me,
corazón
?”

Brittany met his eyes steadily for a long moment then nodded simply. “Yes. I can.”

Rodriguez gaped, too stunned to be relieved. “You can?”

“You can?” Mikos echoed.

Brittany glared at the demon before turning a smile on Rodriguez. “I love you and life is too short to be wasted on grudges. Just promise me you’ll love me back.”

“I promise. I love you.
Siempre,
corazón
.” He wanted to kiss her, but if he took his hand off Mikos, the energy binding the demon would dissipate. He settled for reaching out a hand. Brittany stretched out her arm and twined her fingers with his, one of her countless smiles lighting her face.

“Can you banish the demon now?” she asked softly. “I have a wedding to get to.”

He smiled. “Yes, ma’am.”