The Shards (17 page)

“Why, father? What are you keeping from me?” she asked.

“You are like your mother, Caroline. You cannot be among outsiders. I have told you that before. It is dangerous.”

“That was not an answer, father. Why can I not be near this elf?” she repeated.

“Because you cannot!” he exclaimed, as if he was speaking to a small child.

She placed her hand atop his and looked deeply into his eyes.

“You must tell me the truth,” she insisted.

“Why must you know? You are safe, now. I will take this elf to the edge of our lands, and send him on his way.” He rose up and began to turn away.

“Father, please,” she pleaded.

“Because you will die!” he finally shouted, facing her once more. “Just as your mother did! You are an empath, Caroline, you will become lost in his mind and in his pain. I will not lose you as I lost your mother!” he cried.

Caroline lay back upon the bed and closed her eyes.
So this is what he feared for so long. Surely I will not die from this. I felt his fear and I felt his confusion, and I am certain that I was stricken by the magic that held him in its grip, but I am alive.
“But, I did return, father,” she said soothingly. “I was drawn into his consciousness, I must admit. But I am fine now,” she explained.

“If he had perished, you would have too. You were his captive, his prisoner, and his fate became yours. You cannot control this. It is beyond your power,” he said.

“I speak with the animals and they do not control me. I enter their minds as I did his, and I feel and see what they feel and see. Did mother do that too?” she asked.

“No. I do not think that she could. The thought would have frightened her. She never even mentioned it. And after a point, your mother kept her distance from all living things other than me. Even with me, if I suffered, she suffered. There were times when I would have a nightmare and she would wake up screaming. For the last tiel of her life, she saw no one and spoke with no one besides me. At least until.…” he hesitated.

“Until what?” she asked.

“Until she had no choice! Until it was impossible to avoid. Until the day she died!” he cried.

“Please, father. Tell me what happened. It is time.”

Conrad sat down upon the floor and crossed his legs and arms. He lifted his head and looked hard and long at his daughter before he began to speak. “Your mother always waited for me before she went into the garden to gather the vegetables for the evening meal, but this one night, I was delayed. I had fallen asleep up on Heather Hill, and when I awoke, the sun was already setting. She was terribly afraid of being in the dark alone, and when I realized how late it was, I rode as fast as I could.

“I had a terrible feeling that something was wrong. And as soon as the house came into view, my worst fears were confirmed. I had not yet warded the perimeters of our land, and a stranger had come upon the house…” His face took on a faraway expression. Caroline could tell just how difficult this was for him. She squeezed his hand, and he looked at her again with so much pain and so much love in his eyes that she could barely keep herself from weeping.

“You were nowhere in sight. A horse I did not recognize stood before the porch. I panicked. At first, I thought that someone had come to rob us or steal from us, but as I dew closer, I saw the horse was well groomed and the saddle was finely tooled and immaculately kept. It was not the mount of a thief! But there was blood upon the animal, the saddle and the blanket. I thought the poor beast had been pierced by a spear or something! I jumped from my Pater’s back and searched for the wound, but it was nowhere to be found.” He voice caught and tears fell. Caroline wiped them from the rough skin of his face.

“Then I saw it! A trail of bright red blood leading into the house. I raced inside. Panic gripped my heart. I threw the door open, but—” He broke off. Caroline waited for him to regain his composure. When he spoke again, his voice was flat, exhausted. “It was too late. Sophia lay upon the floor next to the warrior. He had been pierced through the heart by an arrow. Your mother’s hand was upon it. He had come here for help, and your mother tried to save his life. But she had been drawn into his pain and into his soul. He died so quickly—before she could do anything for him. Or for herself. She died with him, at the very same moment.”

Conrad was exhausted from having related this instance to his daughter. Although he was distraught from the memory, he felt as if a great burden had been lifted from him. He reached out to Caroline and they hugged each other.

“She died because I was not there to help her,” he cried, anguished. “And I vowed that very second that I would never allow this to happen to you!”

“Why do you think I will succumb to the same fate? I have survived, father. The elf is alive and so am I,” she said calmly.

“If he had died, I would have lost you forever!” Conrad cried out.

“I am not mother,” she said quietly. “I have learned how to protect myself. The animals draw me in too, father. They have pain and they die, but I am able to separate myself from them. I have learned!”

“How do you know what you will be able to do?” he replied, still fearful and anguished. “You have never been among men, Caroline.”

“I have now,” she said seriously, and they both looked at Dalloway who was still reclining on the floor in the middle of the room. “No, father. I am not like mother.”

The elf was sitting up and staring at them. He had obviously listened to the story that Conrad just related to Caroline. His face was stricken with sadness that could only be genuine, and Caroline was certain that she saw a drop of moisture glisten in the comer of his eye.

“And our visitor is not a dying warrior,” she continued.

Conrad looked at Caroline and then he quickly looked at Dalloway. They were both staring at one another like two children mesmerized by a spinning top. Stepping between them and breaking their line of vision, he began to speak to the elf.

“What brought you here? How did you find us? What were you doing in Sidra’s domain?”

“I cannot answer any of your questions, I fear, even if you asked them of me a hundred more times,” Dalloway replied. “My memory has been stolen from me,” he answered, but even as he spoke, his expression was confused and perplexed. He shook his head quickly as if he was trying to clear it or wake himself out of a stupor. “I remember something,” he began to speak again, “but it seems more like a dream than anything else. Every time I try to bring the recollection into focus, it disappears. I was leaving a very strange and beautiful place,” he said dreamily, “but I cannot remember it well. It seems as if the image I seek is right here before me, but a barrier of fog obscures it each time it begins to solidify and I start to envision it.”

Caroline stood up and walked over to Dalloway, and Conrad jumped in response, frightened that she might get too close, frightened by the unknown, by fear itself. She looked at him reassuringly, and her gaze calmed his beating heart.

“There is something important, very important, that I must do,” the elf strained to recall. “Some instructions that I was given.” His eyes clamped shut and the effort to remember was plain on his delicate features. “I was to go somewhere, to find something.” Finally, he sighed deeply, and his head lolled upon his chest “That is all that I can remember,” he said.

“I can help you to remember,” she calmed him. “Will you let me?”

“No, Caroline! It is dangerous,” Conrad pleaded.

“If it is unsafe for you to do so, then you must not try,” Dalloway said.

“It is safe,” she replied. “I know that it is safe, and I know that together we can bring back your memory,” she said confidently. “I too bear some of your past within me already. And I too see the path that you have been attempting to return back down. It is obscured for me as well, but it beckons.”

“How can you be certain?” Conrad asked. “What if you are wrong and you become lost forever?”

“I am not wrong, father. I was meant for this,” she insisted. “Mother’s legacy is strong within me, and I have had the opportunity to learn about myself these past few years. My animal friends have taught me well. Trust me,” she beseeched him.

“Would that I could be as sure as you, my darling. I could not bear it if you were mistaken and if I willingly allowed you to try this.”

“Trust me,” she said again in a mature and ineluctable tone.

Conrad finally nodded his head and squeezed her hand.

“I would welcome your effort if you two are agreed,” Dalloway replied graciously.

Conrad stared at Caroline with a look that brimmed with love and concern, and she stared back reassuringly.

“Do not worry, father. I know what I am doing,” she said with confidence. “I am not afraid.” She then sat down upon the floor next to him and took his hand in her own. They looked into each other’s eyes. “Relax and let me in,” she said to him. “I will teach your mind to speak just like I do with the animals,” she smiled.

Within seconds, both pairs of their eyes closed, both of their bodies went limp, their heads lolled upon their necks trance-like, and Conrad could do nothing more than helplessly gaze upon the two of them as his heart began to beat within his chest faster and harder than it had ever done before.

Chapter Eighteen

Teetoo and Alemar joined Elsinestra and Treestar just as the sun began to rise over the far horizon. The Princess stared out across the quiet city, now slightly illuminated by the rays of light, and drew a deep breath. She backed away from the tower wall and turned to face the others, still seated at the large table in the center of the thickly carpeted floor.

“Such a beautiful sight,” she said. “I feel as if I am in the heavens themselves. Is this how things look to you all the time?”

“It is a different perspective,” Teetoo replied. “Looking down upon the tops of things, I see what others do not,” he acknowledged.

“It seems so calm,” Alemar commented. “Why would anyone want to destroy this?”

“What feels calm to you is torment to him,” Elsinestra replied. “A lost and unsettled soul can find no peace.”

“Are there no other choices for him?” the Princess asked. “Need everything be destroyed in order to still his pain?”

“It is a pain we cannot understand,” Treestar said. “He is not one of us.”

“I am alone in this world too,” Teetoo reflected. “I am the last of my kind. There is something so frightening about being the last.”

“Do you think that it is fear that drives him?” Alemar asked.

“In part. Fear drives us all at some point. But we all react differently to it. Fear of the unknown, fear for those we love, fear for those yet unborn. There are many kinds of fear, but it cannot rule the heart,” Elsinestra said.

“He has no heart,” Treestar stated. “He is motivated by anguish and hate.”

“Is there no way to appeal to him?” Alemar asked.

“He is beyond our help,” Treestar replied with certainty.

“There was a time once,” Teetoo said. “Premoran is of the same blood. And there is none as good as he. But alas that time has long passed. Colton is no longer of this world.”

“It is so tragic. Look at the city,” she said, and she rose and pointed to the horizon. “Is there anything you can imagine that could be so beautiful? How can he not see the simple beauty in life?”

“Do not try to understand his mind, my dear,” Elsinestra said. “It will only frustrate you. There is no good in him to find.”

“He is beyond good and evil,” Teetoo said. “He does not live within that perspective. In his mind, what he seeks is not wrong. He needs to escape this world and he cannot do so if this world continues to exist. There is no other way for him.”

“So we must destroy him first,” she concluded. “It is ironic, is it not? Could he not simply kill himself and end his own torment?”

“How can you annihilate a soul?” Treestar asked. “It would remain a part of this world as long as the world remains. The only way out for him is dissolution.”

“And if we do kill him, then what? If we cannot remove his evil spirit from this earth even through his death, then how can we prevail?” Alemar asked.

“We buy ourselves time, my dear. A respite,” Elsinestra admitted. “The quest for the Gem of Eternity must continue. If the boy can find it, perhaps your questions can be answered.”

“Yes. First things first. Besides, what is the alternative?” Treestar asked. “We must confront him at every juncture. His desires are not new. It is only recently, since the trees have begun to die, that he has become so aggressive. They kept him in check before, when the Gem radiated freely and the world was safe.”

“’Twas no safer then than now,” Elsinestra said, and she placed her palm atop her husband’s hand. “The danger has always been present. But Caeltin has truly become bolder.”

“Why do the trees not come to our aid? Are they all waiting to die?” Alemar asked.

“The fabric weaves of its own will, Princess. I am sure that they are doing what they can and must, though their actions may not be visible to us. You have communed with your own Lalas in Eleutheria. Did he not seem vital and strong? They do what they do beyond the scope of our vision and knowledge. Surely, they have only enmity for the Dark Lord. He is their enemy as much as he is ours. He wishes to witness their demise as readily as he does ours. It is inconceivable that they would stand idly by, or simply withdraw from the fray during our time of need,” the Queen said.

“If they do not oppose him actively, then they encourage him all the more,” Alemar persisted.

“We cannot know what the Lalas think. All we can be certain of is that they would never conspire against us, that they are truly our guardians. We must have faith,” Elsinestra replied.

Teetoo was unusually quiet during this exchange, and Alemar looked at him questioningly. He turned his gaze away from her, wounding her feelings.

“What is it Teetoo?” she asked. “Why are you so sullen?”

He was silent for another moment before looking at her once again, his saucer-like eyes tinged with sadness.

“This discussion reminds me of one that I had with Premoran many times before. He had been tormented for tiels now about this very subject. He had been concerned about the Lalas’ role in the wake of Colton’s waxing power, and sadly he did not have the opportunity to mollify that concern. He gathered each and every shard, and he always hoped that in its death throe, one of the great trees would address his incertitude.”

“And I too wonder,” Alemar said. She looked out over the wall, placed both hands upon it and leaned forward. She breathed as deeply as she could. “The air here is very much alive. It is hard to accept that our world is so imperiled,” she frowned.

Elsinestra began to recite softly.

“What if the air were pure as gold and the water to stone should turn?

What if the birds were free and gay and the heavens commence to burn?

What if the sun did shine so bright and the oceans doth seethe and churn?

Why do we need to understand what is beyond our power to learn?

We ask the questions and search for the truth.

We encumber the earth with the burden of proof

But we are no more than dust in the wind,

We come and we go like ripples in a stream,

In the eternity of time, we are but a dream,

A wisp, a sparkle, a moment, a beam,

A smile, a look, a feeling, a scene,

A touch, a gaze, a memory, a scream,

Here today and then no more,

a wave upon a distant shore,

the sand that through the sieve doth pour,

a yearning to unlock the door,

so fleeting, so transient,

so ephemeral, so brief,

so momentary, so short-lived,

a vanishing thief,

we yearn for the answers

we tally the score,

we shuffle our choices,

we pound on the door,

we cannot still the voices

that cry out for more,

for need’s a profligate and wicked whore,

we crave so much more…

always, yet more…

Forever, still more…”

They all remained still and quiet for a moment or two after she fmished speaking.

“That is so sad,” Alemar finally said.

“I always thought so,” Elsinestra replied. “But it is also comforting in its own way. We cannot always know everything. Must we always try to? What need drives us so?”

“If knowledge can help us, then how can we not try?” Alemar asked.

“One day not too long ago, Premoran and I were having just such a discussion,” Teetoo said. “I was also melancholy, and I yearned to know my place in this world,” he recalled dreamily. “Premoran reminded me that everything lives on in that which survives. Nothing passes from this earth completely. He told me this because I was afraid that when I die, the legacy of my race will perish with me, as I am the last of my kind. He made me see that once a living thing has been born, it can never truly die, since it has set into motion so much simply by being alive. The results of its actions and interactions cannot be wiped away short of dissolution, and its trail shall lead into eternity. The trees know this. They will not allow the Dark Lord to prevail if it is in their power to prevent it,” he continued. “We must have faith. Elsinestra is correct, Princess. We cannot know everything, and it is not even necessary that we do. Truly, the fabric weaves of its own will, and even the great Lalas cannot control the path of every thread and filament. Their perspective is different than ours, as much so as a bird’s is from a man’s, and I know that for a fact,” he smiled.

“The lesson to be learned, my dear, is that we must continue to oppose, continue to resist, continue to fight and continue to search until we find the means to halt Caeltin’s advance. The struggle will never end as long as time marches on. The twins are free! We could not have made that claim a year ago! We did not even know that Tomas existed,” Treestar exclaimed.

“The Quest has truly begun,” Teetoo said solemnly. “The prophesies have become reality once again. You and I, Alemar,” he said, turning to the Princess, “must now fulfill our own destinies. We must find a way to free Premoran from Sedahar.”

“And may the First protect you both!” Elsinestra swore, as they made their way toward the stairway.

“I am afraid that we must learn to protect ourselves,” Alemar said dolefully. “At least until the Gem has been found,” she replied, gazing once more over the balustrade and the tops of the buildings northward.

“Do not underestimate a power you cannot fully comprehend. Though many battles are being fought simultaneously, we cannot determine to what ends,” Elsinestra responded, as she walked down the winding stairway.

“The trees will not forsake us,” Treestar said, bringing up the rear.

“Nay, Princess. They have taught us the meaning of honor. They could never betray us,” Elsinestra said confidently. “We must trust in their wisdom,” she concluded, as they stepped out into the courtyard where the horses awaited them.

Alemar smiled affably at the others, but her heart ached and she knew not why. A terrible, nagging feeling crept silently and secretly into her soul, and she felt the desperate need to weep. She maintained her composure as they all made their way to the platforms and bid each other a final farewell. She suppressed the doubts that were threatening to overwhelm her as she mounted her mare, but the anxiety remained even as she and Teetoo boarded the lifts and commenced their slow drop to the forest floor below. The Princess looked up and saw Elsinestra and Treestar smiling down at them, silhouetted by the now bright sunshine beaming out from behind, and she raised her arm in salute. For a brief moment, their bodies blocked the light, and she felt a dark and ominous shadow descend upon her. It quickly obscured their smiles and muted the beautiful song of Seramour.