The Shattered Genesis (Eternity) (61 page)

             
“Either way, it is not a risk I am willing to take. I am not willing to risk your life, not for anything. Okay?”

             
He nodded and pulled me close to him, kissing the top of my head after my arms had tightened around his middle.

             
“Okay.”

XXX

             
The hunt had to stop as night descended on us. We slunk back through the wall that opened for us again and set up camp in a clearing about a mile away. Alice rambled on excitedly, actually believing that I was listening. But in the firelight, I watched Jam
es as he studied the boxes of rations. In his mind that I could not see, he was speculating on how to give equal portions to the four of us while still preserving enough food to last. He was worried that when we found Elijah, Penny and Violet that they wou
ld be starving and thirsty and we would have no food or water to give them. We had to have enough for them, too.

             
Our supplies were wearing thin. At least the tent and sleeping bag were holding up.

             
That was the other dilemma. We had one sleeping bag. The
night was growing colder as a huge, bright moon rose over us. I would have been disgusted, honestly, if we all had to sleep right next to each other in order to keep warm. But I would gladly oblige that request if it meant all of us would survive the night
. I found Quinn and Alice to be slightly aggravating with their constant bickering and their never-absent urges to chat but I certainly did not wish death on them.

             
Alice and Quinn. Their youth should have been infectious. I should have adapted to their no
rmalcy. Instead, I felt nothing but the familiar cold in my heart. I felt neither desire nor ability to behave the way they did.

             
James was capable of entertaining them. Besides his sagely wisdom, he also had a fantastic sense of humor that shifted with ev
ery person he met, according to what he or she found amusing. Earlier that night, I had watched Alice and Quinn laugh hysterically at something he had said. They had forgotten their animosity towards one another for a moment as they heard his rambling, cle
arly quite entertaining story. In their amusement, I saw what was expected of me. I was supposed to be like them. Even after the world had ended and we faced new, far more dangerous threats on Pangea, I was supposed to laugh as I pulled the wool over my ey
es.

             
I could not hold with such foolishness. I knew that for sure. What I did not know was if my will to remain so firmly grounded in reality was a blessing or a curse, if it was right or wrong. I truly did care to know which was the truth, by the whomever
's standards I should value.

             
I needed to pull away from James. He was too close. He had breached the battle-worn walls of
my innermost defenses and I needed to get away before they crumpled, never to be rebuilt again. I was in the palm of his hand. At any
moment, he could make a fist and crush me.

             
I would not allow myself to be destroyed by a man. I was far too strong for that. I would not allow myself to love or even hold fond feelings for him. I had sworn never to engage in sexual activities with anyone
. The vulnerability those acts required made me so sick, I could have vomited just by pondering the implications of such weakness for too long. I would not be seen as weak. My protection of myself and my pride were far more powerful than my need for James.

             
But no, all of those insidious thoughts were losing their life force inside of my crowded mind. I watched him worrying over the food we had left. I studied the creases in his face that were outlined by the shadows cast by the flames. I had never seen suc
h a handsome man. I had never met one with such a gentle heart. Yes, he was acid-tongued and angry at his worst. But at his best, he took my breath away with his tenderness. I had no reason to fear him.

             
Ironically, the voice now reasoning on James’s behal
f was not my own; it was my mother’s.

             
Evil witch. Drunken, cold-hearted shrew. I would not allow myself to hear her voice, not even when the sound soothed me despite all logic.

             
I had looked away from him, my expression souring into one that betrayed grea
t pain. I shook it away, allowing my impassiveness to resume its place on the front lines of my appearance.

             
When my eyes moved back to where James had been sitting, he was gone. My heart gave a leap of protest at no longer being able to see him. Then, the
warmth in me resumed when I felt his hands rubbing my shoulders.

             
“Were you listening to me, baby?”

             
I shook my head.

             
“I apologize. What did you say?”

             
“I said that you need to eat something. You’re starting to look sick.”
             

             
I shook my head again.

             
“You
think I cannot read your face?” I replied softly, “I might not have access to your thoughts just yet, but I know of your worry.”

             
“You know, you sound like you’re from the medieval age when you talk sometimes.” He told me as he laid down on his side behind
me. I leaned back against him, took his arm and pulled it over my shoulder so I could grasp his hand in both of mine. “Not in inflection, just in word choice.

             
“You sound like you dropped out of middle school when you talk sometimes.” I shot back at him,
once again, without missing a beat. “Not in inflection, just in word choice, otherwise known as diction.”

             
“You’re a dope.” He told me.

             
“I’m a dope?” I frowned in joking offense. “You’re a dick.”

             
He laughed uproariously and kissed my hand.

             
“Was that a s
landerous term, Ms. Olivier?”

             
“Maybe it was. That felt strangely liberating. It crept up on me, yes. But perhaps I should utilize our language’s most profane terms a little more often.”

             
“You are so weird.” He told me as he rubbed his eyes with his free h
and. “But I love it. You know I do.”

             
“I do know. If you did not love it, you certainly would not put up with me. Of course, I would never change myself to fit your likes and dislikes. You know that as well as I do.”

             
“I’d never ask you to change yourself
for me. I know you’d never ask me to change anything about myself, either.”

             
“You are correct about that. If I expect that courtesy, I will bestow it onto others. That is one of our greatest kindnesses, isn’t it? To accept one another even if it is, as the
y say, with warts and all?”

             
“I have no warts.”

             
“Nor do I. Wow, I cannot believe that you successfully distracted me from a serious topic I
posed.”

             
“It’s magic. It’s skill.” He yawned and said, “It’s magical skill.”

             
I laughed again, covering my mouth to
stifle the sound. He had laid his head down on his arm and closed his eyes.

             
“It is, indeed. Do not go to sleep because we are discussing it now.” I informed him and he opened his eyes but did not raise his head. “Thank you. You will not distract me any l
onger, nor will you drop out of consciousness before this conversation can be had. We are running low on food, are we not?”

             
“We are. So you’ll have mine. I’ll survive.”

             
I looked back at him, scowling darkly. His tone had been resolute; he would not accep
t any other suggestion or negotiation on the matter. Well, that is what he thought, anyway.

             
“You will not starve yourself for my sake. They are my siblings. If they need food, then they will have mine. You should not and are not expected to starve for the
m. I, on the other hand, would have it no other way.”

             
“I know. You put their interests far above your own, always. Why is that?”

             
“I asked you kindly not to distract me, you manipulative man. I cannot believe how easily you are able to do that.” I cut off
the discussion about my sacrificial tendencies in regards to Penny, Elijah and Violet before it began. I wanted to tell him everything there was to know about my past. But I was not ready for that and I would not push myself to reach that point.

             
“Your s
tomach is grumbling.” I informed him.

             
“I have all of this new muscle to eat through. You look like you’re two steps from a rehabilitation clinic.”

             
“Isn't that funny? There was a rehabilitation clinic right by my building. Too bad we are not on Earth
anymore. I would not have to walk far and if I escaped, I would be able to quickly disappear into my apartment and lock the door before they found me.”

             
“I remember you telling me about that clinic being so close to your apartment. You kindly directed me t
here when you thought I was trying to abduct you.”

             
“Technically, you did abduct me. But in this case, your criminal behavior saved my life.” I looked back at him again. “I hate to think about what would have happened if you had not been there that night.
I see it all the time. I see these awful things.”

             
I had seen beastly hands ripping into my abdomen and pulling out its contents. The two Reapers were eating me while my heart still pumped oxygen to my brain that allowed it to function well enough for me t
o process my predicament. I felt every excruciating moment of my death.

             
“Come here.” James told me softly and I leaned over to him. His lips grazed mine gently before pressing to them for a long, glowing moment. “You don’t ever have to worry about that, o
kay?”

             
I nodded.

             
Above all things, James wanted me to feel safe. I had never detailed the grimmer aspects of my life to him but somehow, he already seemed to know them. At least, he knew their ghastly effects on me as a person. His efforts to make me feel secur
e worked perfectly. I had never felt as safe as I did when I was with him. There was still a part of my brain that urged me to pull away. But slowly, that part began to silence itself as it faded to nothing. I stood and waved goodbye to that inclination ch
eerfully but with a certain reluctance to accept its departure. I needed my cynicism and iciness to survive, did I not?

             
“What are you thinking about? You look like you're in pain.” James told me and I knew that though he tried to pass off what he had said
as a joke, he was also slightly concerned.

             
“Nothing. Just thinking. I go off to strange places sometimes but I always find my way back.” I explained quickly. I looked at him and a smile pulled at the corners of my mouth. “I might be worried about having
those two people I just met snuggled up against me while we sleep tonight. Picturing that would certainly provoke a look of agony to appear on my face.”

             
“Do you really think I would put you in such an uncomfortable position? Even though now, I'm definitel
y tempted because the look on your face would be priceless. Seriously, I'm in need of a good laugh.”

             
“Why don't you put me into that uncomfortable situation and observe the events that follow? Do you want to sleep alone with two teenagers or do you want t
o sleep with me?”

             
“Now, are we talking about sleeping with you in the literal sense or...”
             

             
I shot him a scathing look over my shoulder. The effectiveness of that glare was hindered by the smile that had taken its place on my lips again.

             
“The evil stare
, coupled with a grin she is trying to suppress. What should I make of this?” He narrowed his eyes as he studied me. “I guess I should tell her that I compromised with Alice and Quinn. They're going to sleep in the tent but we’re going to get the sleeping
bag. If we’re all still together tomorrow, then we’ll switch. Does that make you happy?”