The Shore (9 page)

“No, Doctor. I fear you’re dissembling. Your suspicions are of fairly recent origin. Since the day you took up your position at this institution, your attitude has been as condescending and patronizing as those of your predecessors, those other good doctors whom I’ve allowed to believe were helping me.” He laughed—a damp hiss—and her hand twitched toward the phone table beside her.

“You do seem awfully sure of that.” She attempted a supercilious smile. “Interesting. Whatever could have given you the impression that the staff here were unaware of your true mental condition?” She shrugged with graceful disdain, as though reluctant to mention something petty and distasteful. “After all, you did kill your mother.”

“Shock tactics, Doctor?” He blinked. “Hardly up to your usual standards of subtlety. Not that I can’t comprehend your enthusiasm. Believe me, I do. You came into this room convinced you’d discovered the case history destined to establish your reputation. Surely you’re expecting to get at least one book out of this?” He showed his teeth again. “No, I’ll tell you when you noticed. A little over a month ago, was it not? Things changed then. You see, I’ve been involved in a little project.”

“This hardly seems—”

“That’s when I stopped putting all my energy into deception, you see. Though I must admit, you’ve demonstrated yourself more perceptive than I would have credited. I don’t believe any of the others here have noticed a thing. Have they?” His smile crinkled kindly. “Such arrogance, Doctor, seeing me alone. Such foolish arrogance.”

“Yes, well, we can discuss this further another time.” Reaching for the phone, she succeeded in keeping most of the quaver from her voice. “Two of the orderlies will be here in a moment to help you move your things. Perhaps you’d like to get started with your packing?”

“The expression on your face…how shall I put this? It seems quite independent of your words.”

He moved so quickly, she had no time to react. He jumped into her lap, crushing the air out of her, toppling the chair backward. The impact jarred a shattering pain through her skull.

On the floor, he sat on her chest, pinning her arms. “I don’t believe you’re being entirely truthful about those orderlies, Doctor. I believe you intended this as some sort of test to prove your theory, which of course you won’t have mentioned to anyone else as yet. Wouldn’t do to be wrong, would it? Yes, I believe you’re just that egotistical. Luckily, for me. Yes, I believe you’ve only just now found sense enough to be afraid.”

She hissed something against his weight. Beneath the fat, his muscles felt heavy as iron.

“Whether you’re lying or not, dear Doctor, I can’t afford to take the chance. You see nothing must be allowed to interfere with, well, with that project I mentioned.” She writhed beneath him, twisting her torso, kicking at nothing. Her eyes began to bulge. “And, no, I’m afraid we won’t be discussing it at a later date, because in a moment you will have ceased to exist.” She opened her mouth wide.

He reached behind him, brought down the end table, and the crash dried the unspent cry within her. “Don’t be afraid.” He picked up the phone. “I won’t hurt you,” he cooed as though to a small child. “You know Daddy would never hurt you.” With an indulgent smile, he removed his glasses and slid them carefully into his shirt pocket. “I loved my mother very much, Dr. Leland. Did I ever mention that?”

Tenderly, he began to twist the phone cord around her bulging windpipe.

He clutched the window frame. The circle of glass had steamed over again, and he wiped it clear with his forearm. Across the way, light had dimmed. How much longer did he need to wait? All the months of hiding and searching—even now the boy could be doing things to her that…

But he had to time this perfectly, because he knew how dangerous it could be. For her most of all.

Wrapping the blanket around his legs more tightly, he dragged the crate closer and resumed his post by the window.

From the swirling chaos of his thoughts, one memory hardened into clarity: he recalled trying to reach the chair. Soaked with sweat, the boy twitched on the floor. His head thudded; muscles clenched in his throat, crushing his windpipe in anguished bulges. Slowly, the paroxysm ebbed, and the boy lay trembling, the chair an impossible distance across the room.

Tears and spittle streaked his face. He found he could barely move his fingers.

Time passed; he maintained some awareness of most of it. The linoleum felt lumpy on his back, and the stiffness in his shoulder finally forced him to twitch. Pain sang in his neck. As he writhed, a loud hum seemed to fill the room, vibrating across the ceiling. Sweat slicked his forehead, clammy, then hot as acid. Agony hollowed him.

The room went gray. He found himself in the chair.

He’d been on his way out—he remembered that much. His jacket still lay by the closet door, and he stared at it. Overhead light filled the kitchen cruelly, revealing the crusted dirt on the linoleum, the furring of dust on every surface.

got to clean

Stiffly, he rose, swaying.

never let them see

He almost fell back into the chair.
I better check on her.
With a grunt, he pulled himself erect and shuffled into the next room.
She had a bad day.
As he opened the door, the oblong of light swung across the mattress, unbalancing the room so that it seemed to tilt. Untied, she lay in the bed, clearly too exhausted to try anything, her mouth twitching in phantom grimaces. No moonlight penetrated the boarded window, but brightness from the doorway spilled across the jumble of laundry and blankets. Yellow locks stuck to her damp face, and through this tangled screen he saw the bruises that smeared her cheeks.
Makes her look old.
She’d cried so much the night before. Why couldn’t she understand?
Everything I do is for her.
He listened to the flutter of her breath.

Perry felt a clenching pain in his stomach.
Everything.
Shutting the door on her whimpered sigh, he wandered back into the kitchen and found a gray rag under the sink, left by some summer tenant. He wet it, wiped down the table, then the counter.
So much dirt.
Shivering, he had to lean against the counter until the dizziness passed.

Groceries.
He remembered why he’d been going out. They had nothing left in the apartment.
And she always wakes up hungry in the morning.
He threw the rag on the floor, thinking it would remind him to clean the room later, and grunting, stooped to retrieve his jacket. Her best blouse lay beside it on the floor, and he held it to his face, imbibing her scent. Still bending, he felt the second seizure begin.

He grabbed the door frame as fire spouted from his groin, smoking into the cavity of his chest. He tried to shout, but his head filled with the throb of water, with the drum of giant wings. Dimming, the room revolved. Pain flared through his legs, and he crumpled. As he plummeted into swirling nausea, it seemed his head circled away from his body. Terror spurted the blood through him in a wave of misery, and he whimpered as a fountain of flame sprayed up within him. He kicked once, and a thin shriek spiraled through.

Something cracked loudly.

He floated on thickening murk. It receded, draining away down his legs, gurgling behind his ears.

He opened his eyes. A tiny, hopeless cry fluttered. For an instant, his hand had looked like…like something else.

When he saw what he’d done to the woodwork of the door, he gritted his teeth on a moan. Unable to stop shuddering, he threw his arms around his face and tried to muffle the sobs.

In time, the horror passed, as it always did. Standing straight again, he struggled with his jacket, but the buttons resisted his fingers.

got to get

He decided not to risk waking her by strapping her down, settled for just locking the bedroom door. Just this once. He wouldn’t be long. He fumbled with the window, then stumbled over the sill, but the chill seemed to wake only the outer parts of him, only the surface of his flesh.

we need

Feeling thick and stuporous, he made his way down the fire escape, grasping at the paint-blistered rail and trying to recall the purpose of his errand. At the bottom, he dropped as usual, but the fall seemed endless, as though he’d plunged into a well.
Am I flying?
His heart hammered. Cement drummed against the soles of his sneakers, and pain erupted in his ankle.

He put one foot ahead of the other.
Got to be careful.
Tonight, the alley offered scant shelter from the wind, seemed instead to funnel the blast directly into his face.
Can’t make a sound.
Even in the darkest places, he imagined he could feel them watching him. Too many of them lurked about for him to venture out during the day now, so he moved only in the dubious shelter of nighttime, and then only when they needed supplies…or when the madness came, and he needed to do other things.
Not my fault.
His thoughts reeled away from bloody memories.
I can’t stop it.
He emerged from the alley with his collar turned up and his shoulders hunched.

And I know they don’t feel it when I do it.
He hurried around the corner.
Besides, I got to.
The wind moaned past him, and a
DEAD END
sign beat against a pole with a hollow, repetitive clatter.

I got to.

“If memory serves, it’s that very quality about goodlooking men that gets to one, I suspect—that type anyway. Sad and earnest.” Charlotte broke off for a moment and seemed to brood. “They’re quite like boys, so full of impossible longings, like my husband. For my part, I always wanted to help them somehow, to satisfy that terrible innocence. But truly such people are deadly.”

“You sound like such an expert,” Kit observed, smiling.

“I? Hardly. Only old and observant.”

“As though you were so ancient.”

Charlotte shook her head very slightly. “I’ve known only one love. And what has it done to me? He’s been dead longer than you, my dear, have been alive…and I still am hostage to our marriage. How many years since I’ve seen even the upper floors of my prison?”

“Charlotte.”

“Above our heads, the rooms stand shut, the furniture covered. Jade. Ivory. All those beautiful old things, screens and carvings, the framed scrolls. Alone with the dust.” She contemplated the fireplace. “Forgive me if I try my memoirs out on you. Truly, it’s just as well I can’t get upstairs now. All those years, I never grew accustomed to sleeping in that big bed alone…though I’d had ample experience of it even while he lived.”

“He was at sea that often?” Her friend didn’t answer, only listened to the crackle of the fire, and finally, Kit spoke softly. “Sometimes, just at dawn, it’s like I wake up in a different life or something. For just a second, anything seems possible. Then I remember who I am.”

“Katherine…”

“You’re always telling me what a romantic I am. But you’re the one. The way you go on about my old boyfriend. If you could have met him, you’d know how silly that is. He’d have bored you into a coma in five minutes flat.”

“I can’t recall whether I’ve asked you this before, my dear, but was this young man also a police officer?”

“Hell, no. Sorry. All day long, I hung out with rookies and hoods who spent all their free time pressing weights. All of them on the make all the time. All of them convinced they were God’s gift. Maybe the contrast had something to do with it. I mean, he did nothing all day but work on his philosophy dissertation. Or pretend to. And he hated himself, so of course he had nothing but contempt for anyone who loved him, which is where it gets funny, because I’m pretty sure I never did really. Not really. Besides, you can’t make somebody happy against their will.”

“I’m glad you see that at least.”

“It’s just his killing himself that makes it seem like such a big deal.” Resolutely, she kept her back turned.

“And who am I to lecture you on love, dear?” Her laugh sounded like fluttering cloth. “I’m the original widow on the beach, waiting for her dead husband. After a lifetime spent studying our local folktales, I’ve turned into one.”

“You still have the best view of the lighthouse from here.” Shadows drifted like rent silk across the dunes. “Waiting for her dead husband.” At last, Kit let the curtains fall. “Do you say things like that just to give me goose bumps?”

Brooding, he slid down lower in the front seat, and the shoulders of his coat bunched around his ears. For hours, he’d cruised, searching, parking on one dead street after another, waiting, watching.
Pointless.
He switched on the radio, spattering through choppy static to a news broadcast.
Never find him again.

Something darted beyond his windshield.

For just an instant, he froze. Then his trembling hand shifted the car into drive.

From the end of the block, someone approached, hurrying along the sidewalk. The face remained a pale blur, getting closer, like a corpse drifting toward the surface.
Wait.
Now he saw the slim figure clearly, and his chest tightened. Slouching behind the dashboard, he eased up on the brake.
Don’t spook him.
Peering back over his shoulder, the boy never seemed to glance toward the car. Did he limp slightly?
Just keep coming, kid.

The Volkswagen rolled forward.
Don’t even look this way.
Gunning the engine, he jerked the wheel, and the car lurched up onto the sidewalk.

The boy spun away.

Rear tires lodged, skidding along the curb, and a cloud of exhaust flooded the street. The Volks bucked forward.

The boy dodged, circling across the street behind the car. As the car surged backward, he ducked behind the trunk of a maple tree.

The man leapt from the still-rolling car. “Damn!” Behind the tree, an alleyway sliced between houses, he now saw. Arms outstretched to feel the walls on either side of him, the man plunged in. No sound drifted back to him. He might have been chasing a cat. The passage twisted once and abruptly emptied onto a back street.

No!
Naked trees twitched around a single street lamp, their shadows struggling on the ground.
You won’t get away again!
As he raced for the end of the block, wind swept away the noise of his footsteps.

Around the corner, he glimpsed a dim form, already disappearing halfway down the next block. He began to run.

He is limping!
How close could he get before the boy heard him? He kept to a patch of hardened mud along the curb, muffling his footfalls.
I’ve got him this time!

His shoes struck a particle of glass that rattled invisibly across the sidewalk, and the boy twisted with a bleating cry. The man lunged.

The boy’s thin body tensed like a whip, changing direction in quick jerks. Darting for the street, he leapt a low fence.

The man labored after him. Taunted by the boy’s back, he cleared the picket fence. For a moment, their footfalls matched, beating across the asphalt in rapid tandem. The boy angled into a garden, then swerved toward a row of rooming houses across the street, porches stacked to the sky.

Can’t let him reach it!
He saw it clearly in the dim cast of the street lamp—a wedge of emptiness between the buildings.

Too late, he dove into the mouth of the alleyway seconds behind the boy. But he could hear him this time, just ahead, and he pounded after him. Crumbling walls leaned into the center of the rutted passage, and desiccated grapevines twisted along the tops of wooden fences that reeked of mold and rot. Just ahead, the footfalls ceased abruptly, and he heard a grunt of despair.

Glinting in the faint moonlight, an expanse of new chain link connected the weathered fences of the yards on either side, completely blocking the alley. The boy reeled blindly, crashing back into the fence. He hung on it, shaking.

“Okay now.” His own voice sounded so calm it astonished him. “Don’t be afraid.”

The boy’s back pressed against the fence. Feral despair lit his face, and the fence made a chittering sound.

“Take it easy.” Chest heaving, he stepped closer, his shoulders brushing the rough wood on either side. “I won’t hurt you.” He held his hands open in front of him. “Just want to talk to you.”

Damp breath warmed the back of his neck.

For an instant, terror flared, turning his guts to molten slag; then blood exploded behind his ear. As he slumped, agony burst through him, and the high-pitched screams of a child filled the alley. Even with his face pressing the ground, he could feel the furious shaking of the fence.

Frigid darkness oozed into his body. Something leapt over him, some dull and bloated form that rattled the chain link as it climbed after the boy with ungainly speed.

His thoughts slurred into a dwindling hum as night closed around him, and the side of his face iced against the fading ground.
Failed…failed them all…

Finally, only one thought stirred his fading consciousness.

Who killed me?