The Side Effects of You (23 page)

The alarming sounds of a little crying voice jolted me out of my sleep. It was the first sleepover for little Charlie, and she wasn't doing too well. I hit Charles a few times so that he would get up and get her, but he acted as if he was in a coma.

I nudged him. “Charles, the baby.”

“I got up last time.”

He was right, but she was his kid. Tired from a twelve-hour shift at the restaurant, I pulled my body out of the bed and headed over to her crib. I yawned and looked down at her as she kicked her chubby little legs and her arms fought the air. She was actually crying for real this time. There were tears, something she didn't always have when she fussed.

“Okay, okay, Charlie.” I lifted her from her crib, laid her head on my shoulder, and patted her back. “Oh my, sweetie. You are soaking wet.” Her bottom felt like a drenched sponge.

I took her over to her changing table and strapped her down. I didn't have a lot of experience with babies, but somehow, what to do came to me. I unbuttoned the bottom of her sleeper and pulled her legs out. I got a new diaper, her wipes, and baby powder. While I changed her, her cries ceased, and she began to babble to me. I didn't know this little girl, so I didn't know what to say to her. She wasn't mine, so there was no bond, but after her diaper change, she was all smiles.

“Is that better, little lady?” I said, taking her back to her crib. “I wouldn't want to sleep in wet drawers, either.” I went to put her back down, but she started to cry. “Okay, okay. We can stay up a little while longer, but it's after midnight, darling, and we girls need our beauty sleep.”

She laughed. She was such a beautiful baby. She looked so much like my husband.

“Your dad did well.” I smiled.

I became a little jealous as I spent the next two hours awake with her. I wanted to have a baby of my own. Charlie was a sweet baby, but she wasn't mine.

The very next morning, I cornered Charles. Charlie was still sleeping, so after I handed him his coffee, I said, “I want to have a baby.”

He swallowed and said, “I know, babe. We said next year.”

“I've changed my mind. I want to get pregnant now.”

He rubbed his head and face. “What? What brought this on?”

“Charlie. Last night, when you pretended not to hear her cries, I got up and took care of her. She's a beautiful baby, Charles, and I know we will spend time with her, but I'm not her mother. She has a mother. I want a baby. I want us to have our own baby.”

He laughed. “You're serious right now? Listen to yourself, baby. Charlie is only six months. We should wait at least until she turns one.”

“Why?” I asked, a little aggravated. We were financially sound, so why did I have to wait?

“Because I don't think you're ready to become a mom. I mean, just before we learned of Charlie, you were dead set on waiting. You said you wanted us to spend a year having fun and traveling a bit and doing all these fun newlywed things. And now you want to get pregnant?”

“Yes. I've changed my mind, Charles. I mean, this is our second time around, and I've spent plenty of alone time with you, so I want to have a baby. Why is there a debate?”

He held up his hands. “Baby, there's not. I just think this change of heart has something to do with you being a bit jealous.”

He knew me so well. He was right, but I did want children. I just wanted to move up the timeline.

“That's not the point, Charles. The point is you're my husband, and if you can have a baby with some other woman, you could just as easily have a baby with me.”

He hopped off his stool, came around to me, and pulled me into his arms. “Sam, baby, I am more than willing to give you as many babies as you want. We can start baby making right now, but I want you to be sure this is what you want. We don't have to rush.”

“It's what I want,” I said.

“Well, that's what we'll do.” He lifted me onto the counter and moved in closer to me, his dick pressed against me. We kissed, and soon he was ravishing my nipples. My center responded to the pleasure he was giving my breasts. We hadn't made love without a condom since we'd been back together, and when I felt his bare flesh enter my tunnel, I thought I'd come instantly. His dick was always good, but flesh to flesh made it feel like we were husband and wife.

He pressed his body closer to mine, and the sounds he made let me know that he enjoyed feeling my flesh without the plastic wrapper around his manhood.

“Baby, you feel so good,” he whispered.

He moaned and then lifted me from the counter. He carried me over to the sofa, laid me down, and went down on his knees. He pulled my ass over the edge of the sofa, and when he slid back in, he fucked me hard and fast. We both moaned in pleasure, and as soon as he grabbed my breasts and leaned in to suck my rock-hard nipples, he exploded.

He made faces that I'd never seen before, and his body jerked harder than ever. Afterward, he rested on top of me, panting and breathing hard.

“Sam, baby, you felt so good. I missed feeling your flesh, baby. It felt so, so good.” He kissed the side of my face. He slowly pulled out, and I could see our juices glistening on his dick. “I love you,” he breathed.

“I love you too,” I said, out of breath. He was right. Just feeling him release inside of me made me feel as if we had just consummated our union. He stood and reached for me to help me up, and then we heard Charlie crying.

“Oh, boy. She's awake,” he said, pulling up his pajama pants from around his ankles.

“Yep, and it's your turn, because I'm going to shower.”

“Okay, but before you go, can you please show me how to mix her formula one more time?”

“Of course.” I headed to the kitchen, and he headed to get Charlie. It took him a minute to come back, so I figured he was putting a fresh diaper on her. By the time he got back, I had four bottles on the counter, the measuring cup, and her powered formula. Before I went to shower, I gave him the directions one more time and handed him a ready bottle to give to her.

When I finished showering, I kept an eye on her while he showered. Our routine would definitely be different when she was over at the house, but it was a welcome change, because we enjoyed her. I just hoped I'd be blessed with the good news of being pregnant.

I sat on the front pew, with Jayden on one side and Angelica on the other. Jayden had his arm wrapped around my shoulder, and Angelica held my hand tight. José came in, escorted by two uniformed officers, and took a seat. The service was nice. I hadn't realized so many people would come. There were members from both my and José's sides of the family. News traveled fast.

After the service, we went to the cemetery. During the burial, the officers let José put a white rose on Ana's coffin before they lowered her into the ground. I wondered who was footing that bill, because I wasn't going to. I knew José had wanted to be at Ana's service. He had told me so when I delivered the news to him of her death, but when he had started talking about the cost, I had cut him off. I wasn't strapped, because I had a small policy on Ana, but I wasn't going to give any of that money to help him do a damn thing.

I was doing better today than I'd thought I'd do, but I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest at the sight of her body being lowered into the ground. I held on to Angelica tight, because she was all I had left. As much as I wanted to convince myself that I was okay, I wasn't. When everyone dispersed, I couldn't move. I let Angelica go over and hug her father and speak to him, but my legs wouldn't move.

“Come on, baby,” Jayden said.

“No,” I said. “I don't want to leave her alone.” I knew I had to sound like a nutcase, but it was true. I didn't want to leave my baby there in that hole.

“Baby, you have to be strong, okay? Let's head to the car.” He pulled my arm, and I snatched it away.

“No, no, no,” I yelled. “I can't leave my baby alone. I'm not leaving her right now. She needs me!” I didn't want to bury my child. I wanted to take her home. I shook my head. “I can't. I can't leave her.”

Jayden held me close and let me cry my eyes out. I had made it through the service without breaking down, but the thought of leaving her in the ground had an entirely different effect on me.

“Josie.” I heard Sam's voice.

I looked up and saw her and Andrea.

“Jayden, take Angelica to the car,” Sam said. “I'll stay with Josie.”

Jayden nodded and headed to the limo with Angelica.

I looked around. José was gone, and I thanked God that the two uniformed officers had taken him away. I didn't want to look at him.

“Rough day, huh?” Sam smiled as she stood to my left.

“The worst day of my life,” I said and sniffled.

Andrea stepped up a little closer to me and stood on my right side. She and Sam both took one of my hands.

“You know God is going to watch over her for you, right?” Andrea said.

“Why did He take my baby from me? I know she wasn't the best kid, but she is the one He gave me. And He took her,” I cried.

“I'm sorry you lost Ana, Josie, but God knows best. I don't have any answers or any reasons why, but what I do know is He is going to bring you through this. He does what He wants to do and how He wants to do it, but He loves us all so much. We have good days, and we have bad days, but I guarantee you that the good always outweighs the bad. Ana was headed down a horrible road, and sometimes God decides to save us from ourselves. We may not understand it, but we have to trust that He is going to be with us.” Andrea voice and words were soothing, but my heart still ached.

“Andrea, I can't see any good in this,” I said quietly.

“Of course not, darling. You've lost your child. I'm not saying you should be celebrating. All I'm saying is you have to accept it and asked God to help you cope. It's grim now, but it will get easier.”

“Yes, Josie, it will get easier,” Sam said. “Now, we will stay here as long as you want, but the longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave.”

I knew she was right. I wiped my eyes and let out a deep breath. We stood in silence until I was finally ready to go. They walked me over to the limo and promised to meet me back at the hotel, where the banquet room was set up for dinner.

Hours later, after everyone had left the hotel, I felt a little more at peace. Back home I kissed Angelica good night and went to remove my dress. Jayden had already taken off his suit, so once I had changed, I joined him on the sofa. He handed me a drink that wasn't wine.

I frowned. “What's this?”

“Vodka and cranberry. I thought you needed something a little stronger tonight.”

“I do, to be honest.” I sipped. “Today was hard, but I feel better. I know Ana was not a good girl, and I know God had His reasons for taking her. I just pray that she prayed for mercy for her actions. I don't know. I'm not a big religious person, but I know some things, and I know God don't like evildoers.”

“Well, the best way to deal with those feelings is to try not to guess or figure it out. She's gone. Where her spirit is now, there is absolutely nothing you and I can do about that, so don't try to figure it out, Josie. It will drive you insane.”

“I know, Jay. And I know that in time it will get better.”

“Yes, it will.” He held me in his arms, and I sipped my drink.

We sat in silence and listened to the smooth jazz he had playing. A little later we called it a night, and I prayed and asked God to give me peace of mind. I drifted off to sleep in Jayden's arms and woke up with a smile on my face. God had allowed me to have a dream of Ana. She was smiling and happy in the dream. She told me not to worry, said that she was okay. I didn't know if that was just what my heart wanted to hear, and so I'd dreamt it, but it was just what I needed to be at peace with her passing.

Since I was five months pregnant and divorced, Quentin didn't want to wait any longer to get married. I wasn't for a courthouse wedding, so I asked a minister friend of ours to perform the ceremony. He agreed. I thought he'd be against it because of Jeremiah, but he told me that he was in no position to judge. We exchanged vows in a very small ceremony. Only close friends and family members attended, and we all headed to Sammie's to eat and celebrate afterward.

Quentin and I were happy with our decision, because the only thing that mattered to both of us was becoming husband and wife.

I hadn't seen my kids in a couple of weeks, because Jeremiah had kept playing me off, so I broke the agreement and went by the house. He wasn't home to put me out, so I spent a couple of stolen hours with my kids. Kelly missed me just as much as the little ones did. She said that she was tired of being a mom. She wanted to go back to being a big sister, instead of doing everything. Jeremiah was hardly ever home, and she said that Brother Franklin was always coming over now. She said that he was often there late at night and that she felt something was going on.

“Going on like what, Kel?” I asked her point-blank.

“Unnatural things, Mama Ann. One night I came down for a drink of water at three in the morning, and his coat was on the sofa, but he and Daddy were nowhere to be found. I had a feeling he was in Dad's room, but I was too afraid to knock. And then I heard them through my vent. They are disgusting. I sleep in your room just to keep from hearing them.”

“Oh, my God, Kelly. I'm sorry, baby.”

“I just want you to come home. We miss you, and Daddy just makes pit stops to check on us. He gives me a ton of chores to do, Mama Ann, and I can barely finish my homework. All we eat is takeout and pizza.”

I felt horrible. I knew he was working her like a slave since I wasn't there anymore.

“I will talk to him about hiring someone, Kelly. Don't worry, baby. And I'm taking him back to court. It won't be long before I can see you guys more often.”

“But we want you to come home,” she cried.

I held her. “I know, baby, but I can't. Your dad and I are divorced, and I'm married to Quentin now. And you will have another little sister or brother soon. Things are just different now.”

“But it doesn't have to be. We can come live with you, can't we?”

I felt so bad. Her real mother couldn't care less about her now, since she had a new man in her life, and now I was gone. I knew it was hard for her. Even though I knew that her living with me would never be possible, I said, “I'll try, baby. I have a lawyer helping me, and as soon as we go before the judge again, I will try.”

“Okay.” She sniffled.

“I have to go now, before Jeremiah comes home. If he sees me here, it's going to make things worse.”

She walked me to the door and hugged me tight. “I love you, Mama Ann, and please try. We want to be with you,” she said.

“I will try. I promise, baby.”

I left the house, and as soon as I got in my car, I dialed my attorney. I wanted to know what was going on and how we could speed things up. I wanted my kids back. Yes, including Kelly. Jeremiah was a demon, and having that man in our house, in his bed, with our children being there, was just wrong. I had to get them out of there before they caught him doing something inappropriate with his lover.

Not happy with the red-tape bullshit that my lawyer fed me over the phone, I hung up with an attitude. I headed to the church and marched right into Jeremiah's office. Several people were there, including Franklin. Everyone looked at me.

“Ann, what are you doing?” Jeremiah asked as I stood in front of his desk.

“I need to talk to you,” I snapped.

“Well, I'm busy. You can make an appointment with my secretary.” He chuckled, blowing me off.

“If you don't want me to go to the press, you need to stop what you are doing and talk to me.”

“You can't barge into my office with demands, Ann. You're not my wife anymore.”

I looked at Franklin, who sat in one of the armchairs. “Brother Franklin, if you don't want me to discuss your meetings at our home, I suggest you tell your pastor to give me a moment.”

Franklin looked scared to death. He was the first one to stand. “We need to give you two a minute, Jeremiah,” he said.

Everyone else stood, and then they all vacated the office.

“If you don't give me my kids, I will go to the press with this.” I hit PLAY on my phone to start the video clip and then held up the phone.

He stood to see what it was. When he realized what it was, he lunged at me. I hadn't expected that at all. He grabbed me by my throat, pushed me against the wall, and took my phone. He looked at the video clip, which was still playing, and slammed my phone on the table. The sound of him moaning and groaning still played, so he went over and threw my phone in the blazing fire that was burning in his office fireplace.

“You bastard!” I yelled and started pounding him on his back.

He turned to me and pinned me down on the table. “You whore! You will not destroy me! I will kill you, you hear me?” he said with his hands around my neck.

Franklin rushed in just then and pulled him off me. I stumbled to the door.

“You will not get away with putting your hands on me this time, you bastard! I'm going to the police,” I shouted, threatening him.

“Go to the police. This city can't touch me,” he said, gloating.

“I'm pregnant, you bastard, and if I told my husband what you did, he'd beat the shit outta you!” I yelled.

“Ann, just go,” Franklin advised. “Please.”

I didn't hesitate. I got the hell out of there. I was pregnant, and he had attacked me and had destroyed my phone. I knew Franklin's wife was not going to out them or come forward, so I was on my own. I got in my car and sobbed, hating myself for confronting him alone.

I should have told Quentin my plan. I knew he would kill Jeremiah once he found out what he had done to me. I went straight to the police and filed a report. They called my husband. He met me at the station and vowed he'd kill Jeremiah. I begged him to calm down.

When the police had collected all the information they needed, we headed home. Quentin was still on ten, pacing and yelling and fussing at me for going alone as we stood in the living room.

“I know it was stupid, Q, but I didn't think he'd attack me. Not there, not at the church.”

“I'm going to kill him, Drea!”

“No, please, Q. Stay away from him. He's won. He can't be touched. The police will pick him up, and he'll be home in an hour. Jeremiah thinks he is God.”

“Well, he's not God. And, Andrea—” he said, pointing a finger at me, but I interrupted him.

“Please, Quentin, please promise me you will stay away from him. This battle isn't ours. God is going to deal with him.”

He came over and held me. I had never seen him that angry. I couldn't let my husband go to jail. I had to be patient and do things the legal way. Jeremiah was as crooked as they came, and could buy his way out of anything. If Quentin went and did something, it would make matters worse. I'd never see my kids again.

Going to the press would be pointless, because I didn't have any proof, and the media would let Jeremiah convince them that I was the crazy ex-wife and was trying to get even.

“I want to take a bath,” I said, breaking free of his embrace. I was exhausted.

“Okay, baby. I'll make you some tea.”

I nodded and headed upstairs. I ran the bathwater, and Quentin came up with a cup of tea for me a little later.

“Here you go, babe. I'm going to run out to Sprint really fast before they close and get you a new phone.”

“Thanks, baby, and promise me you won't go anywhere near Jeremiah.”

“I won't. As much as I want to beat his ass, you're right. It will only make things worse, and I know how bad you want the kids, so I will let it go for now.”

“Thank you.” He left, and I got in the tub.

When he got back with my new phone a few hours later, I saw that I had a text message from Kelly.

I felt so bad. While Lena and J.J. were too young to know what was going on, Kelly was old enough to understand everything. I hated that she was being affected by this.

I said a prayer and went to bed. There was nothing else I could do at that point, so I gave it to God.