The Sigh of Haruhi Suzumiya (4 page)

“Everyone got that? This takes priority over whatever your class is doing! If you have any objections, tell me after the festival. Got it? The director’s orders are absolute!” Haruhi shouted, completely unaware of what was going on around her, like a polar bear in the zoo who had just been given an ice cube in the middle of summer.

From brigade chief to director? What’s she planning on being in the end? Please don’t say God.

“Then that’s all for today! I have to do some thinking about casting and sponsors. The producer has lots of work to do!”

I’m not really sure what the producer does, but in any case, what is she planning on doing? Sponsors?

Slam.

A dull sound rang through the air. I turned to find that Nagato had closed her book. That sound had become the signal for the SOS Brigade to pack up and go home for the day.

After saying that she would go into details tomorrow, Haruhi shot off like a cat hearing a tin can being opened. Not that I really wanted to hear any further details.

“Splendid, don’t you think?”

That obviously came from Koizumi.

“I’m quite relieved that we aren’t trying to capture an extraterrestrial beast to put in a freak show or shooting down a UFO to exhibit its interior.”

I felt like I’d heard this before.

The smiling esper chuckled with his mouth closed.

“Besides, I am interested in finding out what kind of movie Suzumiya intends to make. Though I can probably guess what she has in mind.”

Koizumi gave Asahina, putting away the teacups, a sidelong glance.

“It would appear that this will be a fun cultural festival. Quite fascinating.”

I also turned to look at Asahina. I watched as her hair band bounced up and down.

“Ah. Wh-what is it?”

Asahina realized that we two rascals were staring at her and stopped what she was doing as her cheeks flamed.

I murmured in my heart.

No, it’s nothing. Just thinking about what costume Haruhi will bring next. That’s all.

Once she was done getting ready to go home—well, it just meant putting her book in her bag—Nagato silently stood and silently walked out the open door. Maybe she was reading a book about fortune-telling. It was a foreign book, so I wouldn’t know.

“But, yeah,” I muttered.

A movie… A movie, huh.

To be honest, I was somewhat interested. Not as interested as Koizumi, though. My interest was only at the continental-shelf level, not ocean-floor levels.

I suppose I could at least look forward to it.

Since I’m guessing nobody’s expecting much.

And I was already eating my words. I shouldn’t have bothered looking forward to this.

It was after school the next day. I had an extremely unhappy look on my face.

Only one thing crossed my mind after I saw what was written on the scrap of paper.

“So? What’s my role?”

“Exactly what it says on there.” Haruhi waved the pointer like a conductor. “You’re backstage staff. The cast is as written. Perfect casting, don’t you think?”

“…”

“I’m the lead character?” Asahina asked in a small voice. She was dressed in her uniform instead of the maid outfit. Haruhi had told her she didn’t have to wear it. It looked like Haruhi was planning on taking her somewhere.

“Um, I’d rather not be in a conspicuous role…” Asahina appealed to Haruhi with a distressed look on her face.

“…”

“No,” Haruhi replied. “You need to stand out, Mikuru. You’re like the trademark of this brigade. You should start to practice signing autographs. There will probably be a lot of requests from the audience at the premiere.”

Premiere? Where are you going to have that?

Asahina sounded quite nervous.

“… But I can’t act.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll coach you through it perfectly.”

Asahina looked up at me fearfully and sadly lowered her eyelashes.

We were the only three people in the room. Nagato and Koizumi were late because of meetings about what their classes are doing. I didn’t see how it could require staying after school. They could just do something random. Guess a lot more classes are serious about this stuff than I thought.

“Anyway, Yuki and Koizumi aren’t very dependable,” Haruhi said before turning her directionless indignation toward me. “I told them that this should take priority yet they’re late because of class activities. I’ll need to give them a strong warning.”

It’s just that Nagato and Koizumi actually feel a sense of belonging to their class. The three of us are the strange ones for being in this place at this time of year.

I suddenly thought of something.

“Asahina, don’t you need to participate in your class meeting?”

“Mmm, I’m just a waitress, so the only thing left for me to do would be a costume fitting. I wonder what they’ll have us wear. I’m kind of looking forward to it.” Asahina smiled with a faint flush in her cheeks.

It would appear that she’s grown completely accustomed to dressing up in costumes. I guess wearing a costume that’s appropriate for the situation beats wearing a meaningless costume for SOS Brigade purposes. There’s nothing strange about a waitress in a yakisoba café. Makes a lot more sense than a maid in the literary club room.

But Haruhi apparently blew her response way out of proportion.

“What’s that, Mikuru? You were dying to be a waitress? You should have told me sooner! That’s easy enough. I’ll get an outfit for you.”

I suppose I shouldn’t talk like this has nothing to do with me, but club members in a club room who aren’t wearing a uniform just look out of place. The nurse outfit was pretty out there. Might as well stick with the maid outfit then… or I guess that’s just personal preference.

“Well, that’s fine.”

Haruhi turned back to me. “Kyon, do you know what the most important thing required to make a movie is?”

Well, now. I scanned through all the movies that had left a deep impression on me. After some consideration, I confidently delivered my answer.

“Innovative concepts and earnest passion in the production, right?”

“It’s nothing abstract like that.” Haruhi denied me. “It’s the camera, obviously. How do you film a movie without equipment?”

I suppose, but I wasn’t trying to be utilitarian…. Whatever. I’m not so fervent about innovative concepts or earnest passion or knowledgeable enough about film theory to put up an argument.

“There you have it then.” Haruhi retracted the pointer and tossed it on the chief’s desk. “We’re going to go scrounge up a video camera now.”

I heard a chair clang next to me. I looked up to see that Asahina’s face had turned pale. I suppose that was to be expected. The computer currently enshrined in this club room was swiped from the computer society through Haruhi’s coercive con scheme. And during that incident, Asahina had been the sacrifice.

Strands of Asahina’s chestnut hair trembled. Her lips, like a pink shell, quivered.

“U-u-u-um, Su-Suzumiya. That’s right. I need to go back to the classroom right away to take care of something.”

“Shut up.”

A terrifying look on Haruhi’s face. Asahina, half out of her chair, gave a soft squeal before sinking back into her chair.

Haruhi suddenly grinned. “Don’t worry.”

There isn’t a single precedent of you telling us not to worry where we actually didn’t need to worry.

“I won’t be using Mikuru’s body as payment this time. I just need your help for a bit.”

Asahina looked at me like a calf about to be loaded onto a truck. I refrained from bursting into a chorus of “Dona Dona” and turned to Haruhi.

“Tell us what we’re helping you with. Or else Asahina and I aren’t budging a step.”

Haruhi’s face plainly said that she had no idea what we were so concerned about. “We’re going to go round up sponsors. We’ll make a better impression if the lead actress is along, right? You’re also coming. You can carry stuff for us.”

It was supposed to be fall already, but the temperature had yet to cool. I guess Earth finally went senile and forgot to change the season in Japan to fall. The summer heat appeared set to continue diligently into extra innings with no end in sight. It would stick around forever unless someone hit a walk-off home run. Though I got the feeling that by that point, fall would be long gone and we’d be into winter.

Haruhi told us that it might take a while, so we grabbed our book bags as we left school. I wondered where Haruhi was headed as she rapidly descended the hill. I really doubt we can find a sponsor willing to donate money for a high school original movie. Maybe if we were a research society, but we’re an absolutely pointless, unexplained group that’s existed for over half a year despite the fact that we don’t know why we’re here. I wouldn’t be surprised if nobody even opened their door for us.

After we reached the bottom of the hill, we boarded the local line of the private railway and got off at the third station. We were near the cherry-tree-lined path where Asahina and I had taken a stroll. I saw a huge department store as well as a shopping district. A relatively busy place.

With Asahina and me in her tracks, Haruhi headed straight into the shopping district.

“Here.”

The place Haruhi pointed to after she had finally stopped was an electronics store.

“I see,” I said. Apparently, she intends to wrangle the equipment for filming the movie out of this place.

How?

“Hold on. I’m going to go negotiate.”

Haruhi handed me her bag and walked into the glass-walled store.

Asahina hid behind me, looking fearfully into the store illuminated by the lighting display, like a shy grade-schooler visiting a friend’s house for the first time. I was all pumped up to protect Asahina this time, observing Haruhi’s back as she waved and then began talking to a middle-aged man who looked to be the manager. If Haruhi even remotely looks like she’s about to do anything fishy, I’ll take Asahina under my arm and run for it.

On the other side of the glass, Haruhi was talking while pointing to some item on display, then to herself, and then to the guy. And the guy was just nodding. I should probably warn him not to acquiesce so readily.

Eventually, Haruhi spun around and pointed to the two of us, who were standing outside the glass door ready to escape at a moment’s notice. She then smiled like she’d eaten some weird ’shrooms and returned to her animated speech.

“I wonder what she’s doing….,” Asahina—hiding behind me to the side—said questioningly as she repeatedly stuck her face out for a peek before drawing it back.

If someone from the future doesn’t know, there’s no way I would.

“Beats me. She’s probably telling the guy to give her his most advanced digital handheld video camera free of charge.”

She’s a girl capable of saying stuff like that with a straight face. One slip and you’ll have her thinking that the world revolves around her.

I sighed. “What a pain.”

I recall posing a query to Nagato not too long ago.

Haruhi believes her values and judgment to be absolute. And it’s certain that she has no idea that other people, actually most people, may think or feel differently. If you want to achieve faster-than-light travel, let Haruhi on your spaceship. She’ll just simply ignore the theory of relativity for you.

When I mentioned this to Nagato, the reticent pseudo-alien responded with the following.

“Your belief is most likely correct.”

One of Nagato’s more meaningful sentences. A joke that wasn’t funny. That is the existence of Haruhi Suzumiya.

“Ah, it looks like they’re done talking.” Asahina’s hushed voice brought me out of my flashback.

As expected, Haruhi emerged from the electronics store looking very pleased. She was carrying a small box in her hands. I looked at the product photo next to the large logo of a well-known electronics maker. If I wasn’t mistaken, it looked like a video camera.

“What kind of threats did you make? Hand it over or I’ll set fire to the place? Boycott the store? Send prank faxes all night? Go into a violent tantrum on the spot? Self-destruct without any warning?”

“Are you retarded? I wouldn’t use those kinds of blackmail tactics.”

Haruhi was merrily walking under the canopy of the shopping district.

“The first step was a success. Everything’s going well.”

I walked after her, forced to carry the box containing the video camera, as I watched her straight hair swaying across her back.

“I’m asking how you got such an expensive item for free. Are you holding something over him?”

Yeah, the first thing she said after leaving the store was “Got it.” If he’s giving away stuff, hook me up. What are the magic words?

Haruhi looked back with a grin on her face. “Nothing special. I said that I wanted to film a movie, so give me a camera, and the guy was like sure and gave it to me. No problem at all.”

No problem now maybe, but I have a feeling there will be a problem later on. Or do I just worry too much?

“Stop getting worked up over every little thing. You just need to work enthusiastically as my servant.”