The Silent Sounds of Chaos (11 page)

The drive back to the main road was quiet. Too quiet, unnerving even. Finn had learned to suppress Snow’s presence when he was on runs or discussing business at the club. He’d made the mistake of letting down his guard in the past, getting caught in the act during one of the rare times he’d taken up one of Charlie’s younger clients when she offered to “make a deal.” He wasn’t eager to relive that lecture.

“Have some respect for yourself,”
she’d chided over and over again to the sound of his sighs.
“If you can’t respect yourself, then at least respect her. You think she likes being that way? You’re just helping her hate herself.”

“Got it, Mom,”
he’d replied before shutting her out.

But he couldn’t suppress her for long without feeling empty inside. Finn had come to depend on her voice in his head, and part of him hoped she needed him as much as he needed her. There were plenty of other girls in his life, real girls he’d actually met in person, even one special girl he’d liked since he was a kid. But none of them were Snow. Good, perfect, happy Snow. If she ever decided to leave him, to end this strange friendship built upon fake names and thought-based conversation, he didn’t know what he’d do.

He was lost in that thought when a flash of brown darted out in front of him.

“Shit!” he cursed as he swerved to avoid the deer. The Mustang fishtailed on the wet road, the front end missing the deer but the back end swinging into a tree. He heard the crunch of metal even over the bass. It was the sound of pure dread as all feelings of being untouchable vanished thinking about what Charlie would do to him for wrecking his car.

For a moment Finn merely sat in the car, music drowning out his unease, until finally he killed the engine and made his way to the back of the Mustang. “Damnit,” he muttered when he saw the smashed taillight, scratched metal, and dented bumper. “Of course you’re just fine,” he said to the tree.

Letting out a groan of frustration, Finn leaned over the car, resting his head on his arms as he thought about what to do. Pay for the damages, of course. Certainly Charlie wouldn’t be pissed over something that wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t like he was speeding or drinking or anything. Just a damn deer.

Yeah, right
, he told himself.
Charlie’d kill you over a scratch. This is gonna be a massacre.

What’s up, Finn-Monster? You feel scared.

Finn lifted his head at Snow’s voice in his mind, instantly feeling a little calmer.
I’m never scared, Snow-Glow
, he replied, shaking his head at himself and the ridiculous nicknames they’d come up with during one night of rare silly conversation.
Just a little car accident.

She was quiet for a moment, then asked,
Was it a … FINNder-bender?

Despite himself, Finn snorted, then started to laugh, nearly falling over the car as he let himself get lost in the absurd question. It felt good to laugh, something he never really did in a life surrounded by thugs and addicts. He could hear her giggling in his mind, and the thought of her trying hard to laugh in her head so he could hear just made it even funnier.

How long you been waiting to use that one?

Like six whole months
.

You are so lame
.

Yeah?
she challenged.
Well
this
lame girl is at the movies. With a boy. So there.

He stiffened at that. Even though he didn’t have romantic feelings toward the strange girl in his head whom he’d never met—hell, he didn’t even know what she looked like, so it wasn’t even possible for him to be attracted to her—Finn still felt protective over her. A big brother of sorts, one who would always look out for sweet, innocent Snow-Glow.

“Well then,” he said to himself as he got back in the car, ready to face Charlie. “We’ll just see about that.”

Your parents let you go on a date?

Snow smiled at Finn’s incredulous tone.
Yes
, she answered, deciding to leave out the little fact that she was also with six other teenagers. It was a date, as far as she was concerned, since he’d asked
her
to go with him, not their friends.

You’re there all by yourself with some guy?

Snow hesitated before replying,
Is that so hard to believe?
It was a cop-out answer and she knew it. But, she figured, she always had to hear about Finn’s adventures driving, getting into trouble, going out with girls, doing things she could never do. This one time, she’d make herself sound like fun too.

No way you’re there by yourself.

Knowing she was caught, and unable to lie to her best friend, Snow allowed one slip of the truth.
My sister Amelia is here with a date too.

Yeah? Is she hot?

Finn!
Snow shook her head slightly.
She’s my sister! Besides, she’s too old for you.

She’s like six months older than you and we’re the same age. Maybe I should come over, sweep your sister off her feet and make sure your date isn’t too lame. Of course, you’d have to tell me where you live for that to happen. And your real name.

Snow rolled her eyes, not surprised by the not-so-subtle reminder that she refused to give up such personal information. He’d been slipping those jabs in more and more lately but still she refused to budge. Thankfully Finn changed the subject before she had to think up a good retort.

What’s his name?

Hank.

Hank?
She knew by his tone he would follow the question up with something snarky.
What kind of a name is Hank? Is he like fifty and balding?

Snow huffed and glanced over at the boy who sat next to her. His green eyes were trained on the movie screen, some kind of action flick. He was cute, in a boy band sort of way, with his gelled hair and Ken-doll face and expensive clothes. Just the kind of boy her parents would approve of, even if she
was
only allowed to go on dates with other friends around.

He’s cute
, she finally defended her date, smiling at him when he sensed her staring and glanced over. She hoped he wouldn’t freak out by her attention being so intently on him, and that he wouldn’t notice she was trying to talk to someone in her mind.
He has green eyes and brown hair, and a really great smile. He’s in my grade and is a golf player at school.

Golf
, Finn scoffed.
Play a real sport.

Shut up. He’s an awesome player and if he keeps playing this well he might even get a scholarship.

Well color me impressed.

You’re just jealous because you are terrible at all sports.

He make a move on you?

Frowning at the sudden change of topic, Snow moved her gaze to the screen, not really seeing the movie as she concentrated on the hand touching her own.
Yes. We’re holding hands.

Wow. Sexy.

Shut up
, she said again, and did her best to block him out the rest of the movie. By the time it was over she had no idea what they’d just watched, as she’d focused all her attention on drowning out Finn’s constant line of questioning about everything from his grades at school to whether he was a cat or dog person.

Exiting the theater, Snow found herself in the back of the group with Hank at her side. Her friends were busy with talk of the movie mixed with school gossip, leaving her free to speak with her date in private as they entered the humid night air. They had a short walk to the diner next door for milkshakes, then their parents were picking them up.

“I’m glad you came with me tonight,” Hank said, squeezing her hand. “Thanks for saying yes.”

“Thank you for asking me.” Snow smiled sweetly, her grin faltering slightly when he stopped them on the sidewalk, the rest of their friends heading inside the diner. Butterflies swam in her stomach.

I know that feeling. You think he’s gonna kiss you.

Be quiet
, Snow ordered Finn, annoyed that she’d let her defenses slip.
Maybe I want him to.

You don’t want Hank the Golfer to be your first kiss. He’ll probably try to lick you, all up and down your face like a dog.

“Are you okay?” Hank asked.

Snow realized she’d been making a face in response to Finn’s comment. “I’m fine. Just got distracted for a second. What were you saying?”

Hank shuffled his feet, looking suddenly nervous. “Just that I think you look really pretty tonight, and … and I was wondering…”

Yes.

Yes what, weirdo?

Crap.
“Yes,” Snow said aloud, knowing what the nervous teenage boy in front of her was asking. She nearly jumped for joy when Hank moved closer, then closed her eyes when his lips touched hers. It was a gentle kiss, almost chaste, but one she felt in all her nerve endings.

You’re kissing the prep, aren’t you?

Is it like kissing a fish?

You’re not doing a weird stiff-lip thing, are you?

Hey, Snow-Glow. Stop ignoring me.

So did he slip you the tongue?

Stifling a choked gasp, Snow pulled back, ending the kiss. Her first kiss. She smiled at Hank when he took her hand, not seeming to notice what had distracted her.

So, how was the tongue? Did it make you want the‒‒

Finn!
Snow cried in her head, a blush tinting her cheeks.
Don’t say things like that.

Prude.

Pig.

They laughed at one another silently. Snow followed Hank inside the diner, and gave him her full attention for the rest of the night.

SOFT LIGHT RADIATED in an oval mirror, reflecting the face of a girl ready to take on the world. Snow stared at herself in the mirror, turning her head this way and that, making sure her hair and makeup were perfect. Golden curls touched her shoulders, complementing the blues of her dress. Her eyes sparkled, lightly dusted in shades of beige and smudged with just enough eyeliner to look intriguing.

It was important she look pretty tonight. Not sexy, but pretty. After all, it wasn’t every night she went out to eat with hers and her boyfriend’s parents at one of the nicest restaurants in town. Though she’d met Hank’s folks many times, they’d never invited her or her family to join them for a meal, so she had to impress them if she wanted to be asked again.

“Good as it’s gonna get,” Snow said to her reflection, excited for what the night would entail. Lavish night out with both sets of parents, then popcorn and a movie just with Hank in his decked-out entertainment room.

“Are you ready?” her mother called up the stairs. “We need to leave in a few minutes.”

“I’m coming!” she shouted back, annoyed at being rushed. “Just a couple minutes!”

Pursing her lips, Snow quickly applied a coat of shiny gloss, already imagining Hank kissing her. He’d kissed her a lot since their first date at the movies two years ago. They’d never gone any further than that, though she knew he wanted to, and liked him even more knowing he was so patient with her when she wanted to wait.

But she was seventeen now. While she still wasn’t ready to go all the way, she was thinking she might be willing to do a
little
more than just kiss. Maybe tonight, when they were alone watching the movie, she’d let his hands wander a little more than usual.

Heat rushed through her, the feeling so strange—and so pleasant—that Snow dropped the tube of lip gloss. It clattered to the vanity as her hands gripped the edges, knees suddenly weak. She knew what this sensation was, recognized it from one of the few times she’d gathered up the courage to explore her own body, but this time it was different.

This time, it wasn’t her own arousal she was feeling.

“You’ve
got
to be kidding me,” she muttered, desperately trying to sever the connection to Finn, yet some part of her longing to hold on. She’d never felt it like this, so strong and unbridled, so ready to be unleashed. Bottom lip caught between her teeth, Snow found herself closing her eyes and giving in to his subconscious, breath shortening, grip tightening on the vanity.