The Silent Sounds of Chaos (18 page)

“I’m a real princess now,”
she had proclaimed as she stood straight and tall like royalty would do. She lifted a hand in a regal wave.
“A princess who talks to animals and sings songs that make everyone happy.”

“So lame.”
From the doorway, Amelia had scoffed, tossing back her long hair dismissively.
“Princesses are so girly.”

Snow remembered sticking her tongue out and adjusting her tiara.
“You’re just jealous that I’m the prettiest of them all and will live happily ever after with my prince.”

There was no such thing as happily ever after. There were no princes and princesses, only plastic tiaras to make little girls think they were more important than they really were in the world. Doubt and hate shattered her cheerful memory, lifting Snow back into the now.
Princesses are for babies. Happily ever after is for morons.

Don’t say that, Snow-Glow.

No. She couldn’t let Finn be here, not now, not in this moment. Snow squeezed her eyes shut, blanking her mind, her emotions, her thoughts. Deep in her mind she could feel him searching for the truth of her present, for clues, but the truth was too awful a burden to bear.

Stop it, Snow. Stop pushing me away. Let me help you.

She wanted him to go away. If he knew what was happening, it would be too embarrassing to bear.

Snow, talk to me. Tell me where you are.

She didn’t know where she was. She didn’t know anything except her father was somehow involved and a man named DU took pleasure in making her scream. What good was it to take comfort in Finn coming for her, if no one knew where she was, including her?

Answer me, Snow. I’m right here. Talk to me.

He wasn’t right here. She was alone in the cold room with nothing but the light and shadows on the wall to accompany her.

She couldn’t stop the unrelenting abuse or the stifling loneliness, but she could, just this once, stop Finn from feeling it.
I’m sorry, Finn-Monster. I can’t let you suffer too.

She’d shut him out. From her thoughts, from what she was feeling, from everything.

The worst part was, he understood why. He knew what it was like to have secrets and need to keep them. But this secret was too big and he needed to be part of it, which was why he had locked himself in the single-stall gas station bathroom hours after getting back on the road, sitting on the sticky floor with his back to the wall and headphones in his ears to block out the rest of the world.

“Talk to me, Snow,” he said to himself as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes, concentrating on the static in his head. Never before did he have to work so hard to find her. It had always been so easy in the past, a simple flicking of a switch to connect with Snow and have a conversation. Other times he didn’t have to do anything at all. Her voice just appeared in his head.

“Come on, Snow.”

Sounds of the gas station disappeared—the hum of the beer cooler on the other side of the wall, the dulled voices in conversation, the steady drip of a leaky sink.
Where are you, Snow? Talk to me
, he said on repeat in his head, waiting for a response each time and getting nothing. She wasn’t talking.

“Fine,” he muttered, now almost angry with her refusal to let him in. His eyes opened and searched the bathroom as he considered other ways to connect, not really seeing anything until they landed on a piece of metal by the trash can. Retrieving it, Finn stared down at the scrap metal, a cold slab of steel with thin, jagged edges. It might have once been part of a pipe, or maybe some kind of frame. Whatever it once was, its future was destined for something else. Already Finn could envision its potential.

“Focus, dumbass.” His fingers closed around the metal, offering a small slice of comfort as he again turned his thoughts to Snow. “All right. You don’t wanna talk, then I’m gonna feel.” Changing tracks, he stopped listening for her voice and instead tried to center himself so he could hone in on her emotions.

His fingers worked over the steel as he concentrated, taking long breaths with slow exhales, imagining his soul lifting from his body. It took a few minutes, but he felt it—a prickling of his skin as it felt unfamiliar surroundings. The hard concrete against his back softened into a lumpy mattress. His feet chilled as though his boots never covered them. The smell of smoke and blood filled his nostrils, as the taste of bile hit his tongue. And parts of his body hurt that should never ache. Bones felt broken, his back burned, every part of his face swollen.

What had they done to her?

Finn didn’t let himself rage. He kept his own emotions in check, finding it easier to do the more he kept his concentration. He could feel Snow’s sorrow and her desire to give up. But there was something else too, a determination and will to live she hadn’t discovered yet.

You’re strong, Snow. You just have to feel it.

He owes a debt he can’t pay.

The man’s voice nearly startled Finn out of his focus. It was so clear, it seemed the other person was sitting right next to him. He wondered if Snow had fallen asleep, her barriers down and allowing him open access. Whatever it was, he took advantage of his ability to eavesdrop.

He’s in over his head
, the man was saying, likely to another of Snow’s abductors.
He knows we have her and what we will do.

Silence—another person speaking, he wondered—before,
He was given a choice. Pay his debt, or give us the girl and all would be forgiven.

Who cares how long she lasts? As long as I get what I want, it doesn’t matter what happens. Don’t worry. You’ll get your chance with her and her sister.

Sister. The word resounded in Finn’s head. These men weren’t going to stop with Snow. They would go after her sister as well, and their father was doing nothing to stop it. And why? Because he owed a debt? But what kind?

Banging on the door ripped Finn from Snow’s world. His heart began to race at the intrusion and he realized he was shivering despite the heat in the bathroom.

“What the fuck are you doing!” Joe called from the other side. “I’ve been waitin’ out there for twenty minutes! Get the fuck out!”

Grumbling to himself, Finn stood and took a moment to compose himself. All the things Snow felt were gone, replaced by his own environment, but he still felt off. Overwhelmed and tired, but also at a loss. He learned nothing new. Not where Snow was, not who took her. Just that her abductors had no intention of letting her go.

“I’m coming!” he yelled back when Joe pounded on the door again. Shoving the piece of steel in his pocket, Finn wrenched the door open and shoved past the man, stomping out to the car and getting in the passenger side. “You’re driving.”

“Oh, I’m drivin’,” Joe replied, sarcasm thick. But he got in the driver’s seat and started the ignition, then turned to Finn. “What the fuck happened in there? You got some kind of stomach shit or you in there plottin’ against me?”

Exasperated, Finn shook his head and raked a hand through messy, unwashed hair. “Why are you always thinking I’m plotting against you?”

“‘Cause I know you. Always wantin’ more jobs.
My
jobs. Thinking your connection with Charlie will get you special treatment.”

Finn laughed at that. “Special treatment? I still get the shit jobs, Joe. Don’t act like you’re on the way out.”

“Damn right I’m not.” Joe nodded and shoved the car into drive. “I’m takin’ over when the old man retires. You keep that in mind.”

“Whatever you say.”

With a roll of his eyes, Finn opened a bag of chips and shoved a few in his mouth. He stared out the window at the passing trees as they got back on the highway. They’d be stopping soon to sleep, both of them exhausted, Finn needing to recharge if he was going to be anywhere close to useful when he finally found Snow. He thought about the connection made earlier, going over and over each feeling, each word, trying to glean something new.

“What’s with you and those stupid things, anyway?”

Once again pulled from his thoughts, Finn glanced over at Joe, who motioned with his head. Finn looked down at his lap. He’d torn the chip bag into strips and was wrapping them around an old pen one by one. With the silver trunk and green pieces arching off the plastic, the piece vaguely resembled a tree.

“Don’t know,” he answered Joe. “Just like making them.”

“What for? What’s the point?”

Finn shrugged. “Keeps my hands busy, I guess.” Embarrassed by the scrutiny, he tossed the pen-tree to the floorboard. “Find us a cheap motel. We’ll stop for the night and get an early start, get in Georgia by morning.”

The car was silent, Joe stealing glances over at his passenger every now and then. “You’re a weird kid,” he finally said. “Makin’ all those doll things, hangin’ out in gas station bathrooms.”

“So?”

“So, just know that I’m watchin’ you. If this trip is anythin’ other than to find some chick, I’ll put a bullet in you myself.”

You can try
, Finn thought wryly. But to Joe he said, “Good thing it’s all for some chick then, huh?” then settled back, tuning the other man out the rest of the drive.

BLOOD DRIPPED FROM her nose, matching the water steadily seeping from the ceiling. On the floor, Snow drew her legs up to her chest and rested her head upon them, her body starting to rock. She hurt so badly, in every part of her right down to her toes.

“What did I do?” she whispered, needing to hear a voice in the silence of this terrifying house, needing the comfort of something familiar even if she couldn’t answer all the questions swimming in her mind. “Why is this happening?”

Tears leaked from the corners of her closed eyes as her mind forced her to remember all the horrible things it had experienced. The man, who’d identified himself only as DU, had taken from her every scream, every plea, she had left. Never before had she known she could be in so much pain, that her body could take so much and still allow her heart to beat.

Through every punch, every open-handed slap, every foot to her ribs, every … force she wasn’t strong enough to verbalize, she continued to curse her family, her father. Snow knew her father came across bad people in his line of work. In fact, his work was the reason why she feared strangers for so long, always being warned not to trust anyone she didn’t know personally, because there were always bad people who might want to take revenge on her family. But never did she imagine those bad people actually would come after her, all to get back at her father.

“Please make it stop, Daddy,” she said into her knees, hoping, praying, that if DU really did want revenge, then he’d at least put up a ransom so the police would know who had her, and how to save her. But what if he didn’t? What if her father really was involved with bad people like DU suggested, and
couldn’t
go to the police? She couldn’t fathom the possibility.

Her rocking was interrupted by the door opening. Snow refused to look, instead choosing to pretend if she ignored DU, he wouldn’t see her tucked between the wall and bed, trying hard to be invisible. When a large, strong hand wrapped around her wrist, she knew her pretending had been in vain.

Snow whimpered when she was yanked to her feet. Each movement set her ribcage on fire and reminded her where every single bruise colored her pale skin. But she didn’t protest. That just made it worse.

“Miss me?” DU asked with a grin, lips parting to reveal two rows of yellow teeth. He tossed her on the bed.

“Please don’t,” Snow begged timidly, not sure what she was asking him not to do but knowing it would be awful.

DU barely looked at her. He busied himself with a bag she hadn’t realized he brought in, setting a few items down on the table next to the bed. With no small amount of horror she watched him take a syringe out, followed by items she couldn’t identify. He was going to kill her, she realized. After everything he’d done, all that talk about her father, he wouldn’t let her live. Whatever that substance was, it would mean her death if it got inside her.

What would Finn do?
Snow searched deep inside herself for the connection to her male counterpart, needing his courage, something she had lacked her entire life.