The Silent Touch of Shadows (7 page)

‘I see.’ Sir Gilbert’s expression remained calm, but to Roger it seemed almost too carefully neutral. His lordship took the ring and gave it a cursory look before handing it back quickly, as if it burned him, then frowned.

‘And have you come to claim recompense of some kind then, or were you simply hoping he would buy your silence?’ Sir Gilbert sounded unaccountably defensive and a muscle twitched in his jaw.

Roger resented the implied insult. He gritted his teeth to keep his anger contained. ‘I want nothing from my father except perhaps recognition of my existence,’ he growled. ‘Is that so much to ask? I’ve made my own way in life. I have acquired some wealth in the service of noble lords, and will one day inherit my uncle’s manor as he has no children of his own. I’m happy with my lot. But I would very much like to know who fathered me, and why he didn’t marry my mother as he’d promised. Surely, that’s understandable, my lord?’

Sir Gilbert looked into Roger’s eyes, blue clashing with blue. ‘Didn’t your mother give you a reason why she never married your father?’ he countered.

Roger hesitated. ‘No, and I can’t understand it. She was of noble birth, and extremely beautiful. I see no reason why she should have been rejected.’ He sighed. ‘She said only that circumstances prevented it. I assume she meant the man was already married. He must have duped her.’

‘I see. How old did you say you are?’

‘Three-and-twenty.’

‘And did your mother never marry anyone else?’

‘No. She insisted she couldn’t love anyone except my father, and so she would have none other for a husband. Besides which, everyone knew she was a “fallen woman”.’ Roger’s jaw tightened at the thought of how some people had treated his mother on account of this when to all intents and purposes she’d been lured into someone’s bed under false pretences and left with the consequences. He added, ‘I was proof of that. We lived with my uncle, and he brought me up until I was sent away to board at the age of ten.’

Sir Gilbert was silent for a long time. Finally he said, ‘I’m sorry, Sir Roger, I don’t think I can help you. Although you have something of the look of a Presseille, you could be the by-blow of any one of my four brothers, who are all dead. It was a long time ago. Can you not be happy with what you have achieved for yourself? These things are often best forgotten and after all, you’ve survived for twenty-three years without a father. You don’t need him now.’

Sir Roger swallowed hard. He knew Sir Gilbert was holding something back, but wouldn’t force him to speak against his will. His pride forbade it. ‘Very well, so be it. I thank you for your time and apologise for intruding upon you. I shall, as you say, have to be content with what I have.’ He stood up and bowed curtly, before turning to leave.

‘Wait! Won’t you stay as our guest for a few days? It’s the least I can do when you have come so far especially to see me.’

Roger hesitated. Perhaps there were others here who would know more, if only he could make them talk to him. That thought settled the matter. ‘Thank you. I’d like that.’

‘Excellent. I look forward to seeing you later then.’ Sir Gilbert seemed relieved, although why, Roger wasn’t sure.

It didn’t matter though. He was here now and he’d make the most of his time at Idenhurst. He bowed again, and left the hall without a backward glance.

Jake Precy woke in a panic, hopelessly tangled up in his duvet. With a muttered oath he twisted and turned until he’d managed to extricate himself, then flung the clinging material away. He stilled. The silence in Ashleigh Cottage was oppressive, unbroken apart from the hooting of an owl. And the bedroom was hot and airless even though it was only February.

‘Christ Almighty!’

He put up a hand and dragged his fingers through his tangled hair. Images crowded into his mind, flashing by with lightning speed, then all of a sudden they joined into a coherent sequence and he remembered his dream clearly.

He’d been on a huge horse, riding for what seemed like forever, saddle sore and bone weary. Then he’d met a woman and she had joined him, sitting behind him with her soft hands at his waist. A shadowy figure, he couldn’t remember her features, but he knew by his body’s reaction that he’d found her beautiful. Desirable. Her very nearness had made him forget his aches and pains, and her scent lingered in his nostrils, tantalising him with overtones of lavender.

‘Damn it all
 
…’

Jake gritted his teeth and tried to steer his thoughts in another direction, but his body wouldn’t let him. He sighed. For the first time in forever, he’d felt lust, but only for an imaginary woman. Why couldn’t he feel that way for someone real? Why couldn’t he move on?

His wife, Karen, was dead and he needed to put the past behind him once and for all.

The dreams didn’t seem to be connected to her, though. In fact, he’d had them on and off since they had moved into Ashleigh Cottage, although never quite as vivid as the one tonight. And where before he’d always been alone on the horse, riding without destination or purpose, now his mind had dreamt up a female companion. This disturbed him more than anything else.

‘What the hell does it all mean?’ He shook his head. ‘Maybe I need a shrink.’ But he didn’t really want to discuss it with anyone.
It’s my problem and I’ll sort it.

He took a deep breath and tried to forget the dream. Instead, he allowed his mind to return to the subject of Karen. He’d wanted
her
once with the single-mindedness only those newly in love experience. He’d craved her touch, yearned to make love to her. But in the end, she had killed his feelings stone dead and he hadn’t wanted a relationship with anyone ever again in case they hurt him the same way.

‘I would never do that
 
…’
The soft lilt of the dream woman’s voice washed over him, as clear as if she’d been real. Jake blinked and shook his head. He was imagining it. He couldn’t erase her from his memory though, and remembered once more the feel of the woman’s soft curves against his back, the way her husky voice had sent shivers down his spine. Another jolt of desire shot through him.

‘No, this is crazy.’ He cursed under his breath. He’d sworn never to involve himself with a woman again, relationships were too painful. When he closed his eyes, Karen’s face returned to taunt him. She had been beautiful too, but her beauty had only been skin-deep.

‘You’re so boring, Jake! I don’t know why I had to go and marry a country vet. Honestly, all you ever do is work. No excitement, just work, work, work.’
The sneering tone and hard eyes were etched into his memory.

Karen had never been a good mother either, and had refused point blank to have any more children. Jake strongly suspected their daughter had been a mistake on Karen’s part, but he could never regret having her. She was his life now.

Karen’s remarks during their last evening together had destroyed any love Jake had ever felt for her, and he’d wished her good riddance. Perhaps that was why she had driven off at such speed, without paying attention properly. Maybe it was why she had lost control of the car and spun into a tree? He’d never know now and there was no point thinking about it.

Jake straightened his duvet and lay down with one arm flung across his eyes. Almost immediately, the faint scent of lavender returned to tease his senses and his body reacted as if the dream woman was right there in bed with him. He swallowed hard. It was definitely time to move on. Time to forget.
They can’t all be like Karen. I’ll just have to be more careful in my choice of partner
, he thought.

He was so tired of being alone.

‘Come, sit by me and tell me all that’s been happening in my absence.’ Maude had just returned from a pilgrimage to Canterbury Cathedral to pray for her dead son’s soul. Sibell wished she could have gone with her, but there had been no point in even asking. Her father would never have given his permission. Maude patted a cushion on the comfortable window seat next to her, and Sibell obliged willingly. ‘Spare me nothing, I beg you, there’s no need to pretend with me,’ Maude added.

They were ensconced in Idenhurst’s beautiful solar, warmed from within by a goblet each of mulled wine, and heated on the outside by two sturdy braziers. Sunshine poured in through the unusually large glass window, which gave plenty of light for sewing or reading. The room was further made comfortable by a multitude of brightly coloured cushions and tapestries. Most of these had been made by the ladies of the household, and the latest work in progress was spread out on a large table nearby. It was a room to relax in, and Sibell allowed herself to do so for the first time in months.

‘I’m afraid things are not going well.’ After glancing around to make sure there was no one to overhear their conversation, she proceeded to pour her troubles into Maude’s sympathetic ears. ‘Since I last saw you, my father has kept me closely guarded. Indeed, for the past three days I’ve been locked in my chamber with hardly any food.’ Sibell swallowed hard. ‘That was after he beat me.’ She looked up at the older woman, tears of despair hovering on her lashes. ‘He-he means to m-marry me to Sir Fulke of Thornby. The man is old enough to be my grandfather, and known to have abused at least three wives into an early grave.’ Sibell shuddered in distaste before exclaiming, ‘I simply couldn’t bear it. I’d rather die.’

Maude patted her arm. ‘It is as I thought, he will sell you off to the highest bidder in order to increase his own status.’ She tut-tutted. ‘Sir Fulke is indeed a bad choice, but I suppose your father was swayed by the man’s connections and wealth. I’ve heard that he is very powerful.’ She shook her head. ‘Life is most unfair, especially for us women. To an uncaring father, a girl child is but a chattel to be sold into marriage or made use of in any way he sees fit.’ Maude sighed. ‘I had hoped he would make a better choice for you.’

‘I almost agreed to the marriage,’ Sibell confessed. ‘Being confined in such a tiny space for so long was simply unbearable. I felt as if I couldn’t breathe, and I was afraid he would keep me there until he had my agreement.’ She swallowed a sob and bit her lip. ‘He refuses to listen to me. He says that my views are not important, that I will become used to Sir Fulke. And once I have given him an heir he won’t touch me anyway because I’m so tall and freckle-faced. But I don’t want him to touch me at all. Ever!’

‘No, I can most certainly understand that, my dear.’ Maude gave Sibell another reassuring pat. ‘Don’t worry, we’ll try to think of something. You know I’ll help you in any way I can.’

‘You will? Oh, thank you! I’m so glad we had this opportunity to talk. Now that I know I’m not alone, I won’t let Father win. I will find a way to defy him.’ She would do whatever was necessary. ‘Thank the good Lord your summons came today. Nothing else would have induced Father to release me until he had my agreement.’

‘I’m so sorry, my dear, I had no idea things were that bad. We should have insisted on you staying here after
 
… when we heard the news about Roland. Gilbert and I both thought you’d be happier with your own family, rather than in a place which reminded you of your marriage, but I see now we were wrong.’

‘I’m sure you did what you thought was best.’ Sibell didn’t want to admit that she’d longed for Sir Gilbert to insist she stay at Idenhurst until a new husband was found for her. At least then her father would have had more trouble browbeating her into submission, even if he did have the right to wed her to anyone he chose.

‘Well, it’s not too late. Why don’t I invite you now?’

‘No, please don’t! Father will know I’ve spoken to you on the matter and then he’ll find a way to punish me. He’s forbidden me from mentioning it to anyone.’