The Skeptics Annotated Bible (119 page)

9 For
every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death
: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.

(20.9)
“Every one that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death.”
Couldn’t we try spanking first?

10 And the man that committeth adultery with another man’s wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour’s wife,
the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.

(20.10) “
The adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.”
129 How should adulterers be punished?

11 And
the man that lieth with his father’s wife
hath uncovered his father’s nakedness:
both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

(20.11)
“The man that lieth with his father’s wife … both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.”
If a man has sex with his father’s wife, kill them both.

12 And
if a man lie with his daughter in law, both of them shall surely be put to death: they have wrought confusion; their blood shall be upon them.

(20.12)
“If a man lie with his daughter in law, both of them shall surely be put to death: they have wrought confusion; their blood shall be upon them.”
If a man has sex with his daughter in law, kill them both.

13
If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

(20.13)
“If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.”
If a man has sex with another man, kill them both.
130 How should homosexuals be treated?

14 And
if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they
; that there be no wickedness among you.

(20.14)
“If a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they.”
If a man has sex with his wife and her mother (now that sounds like fun!), burn to death all three.

15 And
if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.

(20.15)
“If a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.”

16 And
if a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

(20.16)
“If a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.”
If a woman has sex with an animal, kill them both.

(20.17-21) Don’t uncover the nakedness of your sister, uncle’s wife, or your brother’s wife. And for God’s sake, don’t have sex with a menstruating woman!
55 Is incest forbidden?

17 And
if a man shall take his sister
, his father’s daughter, or his mother’s daughter,
and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness; it is a wicked thing; and they shall be cut off in the sight of their people
: he hath uncovered his sister’s nakedness; he shall bear his iniquity.

(20.17)
“If a man shall take his sister … and see her nakedness, and she see his nakedness; it is a wicked thing; and they shall be cut off in the sight of their people.”

18 And
if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness
; he hath discovered her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain of her blood: and
both of them shall be cut off from among their people.

(20.18)
“If a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness … both of them shall be cut off from among their people.”
Don’t have sex with menstruating women.
124 How should a man who has sex with a menstruating woman be punished?

19 And
thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother’s sister, nor of thy father’s sister
: for he uncovereth his near kin: they shall bear their iniquity.

(20.19)
“Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy mother’s sister, nor of thy father’s sister.”

20 And
if a man shall lie with his uncle’s wife
, he hath uncovered his uncle’s nakedness: they shall bear their sin;
they shall die childless.

(20.20)
“If a man shall lie with his uncle’s wife … they shall die childless.”

21 And
if a man shall take his brother’s wife
, it is an unclean thing: he hath uncovered his brother’s nakedness;
they shall be childless.

(20.21)
“If a man shall take his brother’s wife … they shall be childless.”

22 Ye shall therefore keep all my statutes, and all my judgments, and do them: that the land, whither I bring you to dwell therein, spue you not out.

23 And
ye shall not walk in the manners of the nation, which I cast out before you
: for they committed all these things, and therefore
I abhorred them.

(20.23)
“Ye shall not walk in the manners of the nation, which I cast out before you … I abhorred them.”
Contrary to popular opinion, the god of the Bible does not love everyone. (Some people he abhors.)
131 Does God love everyone?

24 But I have said unto you, Ye shall inherit their land, and I will give it unto you to possess it, a land that floweth with milk and honey: I am the LORD your God, which have separated you from other people.

25 Ye shall therefore put difference between clean beasts and unclean, and between unclean fowls and clean: and ye shall not make your souls abominable by beast, or by fowl, or by any manner of living thing that creepeth on the ground, which I have separated from you as unclean.

26 And ye shall be holy unto me: for I the LORD am holy, and have severed you from other people, that ye should be mine.

27
A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones
: their blood shall be upon them.