The Skeptics Annotated Bible (128 page)

(26.14)
“If ye will not hearken unto me, and will not do all these commandments.”

15
And if ye shall despise my statutes
, or if your soul abhor my judgments,
so that ye will not do all my commandments
, but that ye break my covenant:

(26.15)
“And if ye shall despise my statutes … so that ye will not do all my commandments,”
If you don’t follow all of the laws in the Old Testament, God will shower you with all of the curses in the next 25 verses. (See Deuteronomy 28:15-68 for an even longer and nastier list.)

16 I also will do this unto you;
I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it.

(26.16)
“I will even appoint over you terror, consumption, and the burning ague, that shall consume the eyes, and cause sorrow of heart: and ye shall sow your seed in vain, for your enemies shall eat it.”

17 And
I will set my face against you, and ye shall be slain before your enemies
: they that hate you shall reign over you; and ye shall flee when none pursueth you.

(26.17) “
I will set my face against you, and ye shall be slain before your enemies.”

18
And if ye will not yet for all this hearken unto me, then I will punish you seven times more for your sins.

(26.18)
“And if ye will not yet for all this hearken unto me, then I will punish you seven times more for your sins.”

19 And I will break the pride of your power; and I will make your heaven as iron, and your earth as brass:

20 And your strength shall be spent in vain: for your land shall not yield her increase, neither shall the trees of the land yield their fruits.

21 And if ye walk contrary unto me, and will not hearken unto me;
I will bring seven times more plagues upon you
according to your sins.

(26.21)
“I will bring seven times more plagues upon you.”

22
I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children, and destroy your cattle
, and make you few in number; and your high ways shall be desolate.

(26.22)
“I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children, and destroy your cattle.”

23 And if ye will not be reformed by me by these things, but will walk contrary unto me;

24 Then will
I
also walk contrary unto you, and
will punish you yet seven times for your sins.

(26.24)
“I … will punish you yet
[another]
seven times for your sins.”
(That makes 21 times, unless you count your children getting eaten by enemies or wild animals, or having a burning ague that consumes your eyes and whatnot.)

25 And
I will bring a sword upon you,
that shall avenge the quarrel of my covenant: and when ye are gathered together within your cities,
I will send the pestilence among you; and ye shall be delivered into the hand of the enemy.

(26.25)
“I will bring a sword upon you … I will send the pestilence among you; and ye shall be delivered into the hand of the enemy.”

26 And when I have broken the staff of your bread,
ten women shall bake your bread in one oven
, and they shall deliver you your bread again by weight:
and ye shall eat, and not be satisfied.

(26.26)
“Ten women shall bake your bread in one oven … and ye shall eat, and not be satisfied.”
(Oh no! Not ten women to cook my bread! Not that!)

27
And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me
, but walk contrary unto me;

28
Then
I will walk contrary unto you also in fury; and
I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.

(26.27-28)
“And if ye will not for all this hearken unto me … then … I, even I, will chastise you seven times for your sins.”
(7 more times! That makes 28, I think.)

29 And
ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.

(26.29)
“Ye shall eat the flesh of your sons, and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.”
(If any are left after your enemies and animals have eaten them.)

30 And
I will
destroy your high places, and cut down your images, and
cast your carcases upon the carcases of your idols, and my soul shall abhor you.

(26.30)
“I will … cast your carcases upon the carcases of your idols, and my soul shall abhor you.”

31 And
I will make your cities waste
, and bring your sanctuaries unto desolation,
and I will not smell the savour of your sweet odours.

(26.31)
“I will make your cities waste … and I will not smell the savour of your sweet odours.”

32 And
I will bring the land into desolation
: and your enemies which dwell therein shall be astonished at it.

(26.32)
“I will bring the land into desolation.”

33 And
I will scatter you among the heathen, and will draw out a sword after you: and your land shall be desolate, and your cities waste.

(26.33)
“I will scatter you among the heathen, and will draw out a sword after you: and your land shall be desolate, and your cities waste.”

34 Then shall the land enjoy her sabbaths, as long as it lieth desolate, and ye be in your enemies’ land; even then shall the land rest, and enjoy her sabbaths.

35 As long as it lieth desolate it shall rest; because it did not rest in your sabbaths, when ye dwelt upon it.

36
And upon them that are left alive of you I will send a faintness into their hearts in the lands of their enemies; and the sound of a shaken leaf shall chase them; and they shall flee, as fleeing from a sword; and they shall fall when none pursueth.

(26.36)
“And upon them that are left alive of you I will send a faintness into their hearts in the lands of their enemies; and the sound of a shaken leaf shall chase them; and they shall flee, as fleeing from a sword; and they shall fall when none pursueth.”

37 And
they shall fall one upon another, as it were before a sword, when none pursueth: and ye shall have no power to stand before your enemies.

(26.37)
“They shall fall one upon another, as it were before a sword, when none pursueth: and ye shall have no power to stand before your enemies.”

38 And
ye shall perish among the heathen, and the land of your enemies shall eat you up.

(26.38)
“Ye shall perish among the heathen, and the land of your enemies shall eat you up.”

39 And
they that are left of you shall pine away in their iniquity in your enemies’ lands; and also in the iniquities of their fathers shall they pine away with them.

(26.39)
“They that are left of you shall pine away in their iniquity in your enemies’ lands; and also in the iniquities of their fathers shall they pine away with them.”

40 If they shall confess their iniquity, and the iniquity of their fathers, with their trespass which they trespassed against me, and that also they have walked contrary unto me;

41 And that I also have walked contrary unto them, and have brought them into the land of their enemies;
if then their uncircumcised hearts be humbled
, and they then accept of the punishment of their iniquity:

(26.41)
“If then their uncircumcised hearts be humbled…”
But if you humble your uncircumcised heart, God won’t do all these nasty things to you. It’s your choice.

42 Then will I remember my covenant with Jacob, and also my covenant with Isaac, and also my covenant with Abraham will I remember; and I will remember the land.

43 The land also shall be left of them, and shall enjoy her sabbaths, while she lieth desolate without them: and they shall accept of the punishment of their iniquity: because, even because they despised my judgments, and because their soul abhorred my statutes.

44 And yet for all that, when they be in the land of their enemies, I will not cast them away, neither will I abhor them, to destroy them utterly, and to break my covenant with them: for I am the LORD their God.

45 But I will for their sakes remember the covenant of their ancestors, whom I brought forth out of the land of Egypt in the sight of the heathen, that I might be their God: I am the LORD.

46
These are the statutes and judgments and laws, which the LORD made between him and the children of Israel in mount Sinai
by the hand of Moses.

(26.46)
“These are the statutes and judgments and laws, which the LORD made between him and the children of Israel in Mount Sinai.”
117 Where did Moses receive the ten commandments?

27
And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,

2 Speak unto the children of Israel, and say unto them,
When a man shall make a singular vow
, the persons shall be for the LORD by thy estimation.

(27.2, 10)
“When a man shall make a singular vow. … He shall not alter it, nor change it.”
63 Is it OK to swear?

(27.3-7) God defines the value of human life in dollars and cents. To God, females are worth considerably less than males (50-60%)—but neither is worth much. And babies (or fetuses) less than one month old are worth nothing at all.