The Skeptics Annotated Bible (370 page)

8 And when David heard of it, he sent Joab, and all the host of the mighty men.

9 And the children of Ammon came out, and put the battle in array before the gate of the city: and the kings that were come were by themselves in the field.

10 Now when Joab saw that the battle was set against him before and behind, he chose out of all the choice of Israel, and put them in array against the Syrians.

11 And the rest of the people he delivered unto the hand of Abishai his brother, and they set themselves in array against the children of Ammon.

12 And he said, If the Syrians be too strong for me, then thou shalt help me: but if the children of Ammon be too strong for thee, then I will help thee.

13 Be of good courage, and let us behave ourselves valiantly for our people, and for the cities of our God: and let the LORD do that which is good in his sight.

14 So Joab and the people that were with him drew nigh before the Syrians unto the battle; and they fled before him.

15 And when the children of Ammon saw that the Syrians were fled, they likewise fled before Abishai his brother, and entered into the city. Then Joab came to Jerusalem.

16 And when the Syrians saw that they were put to the worse before Israel, they sent messengers, and drew forth the Syrians that were beyond the river: and Shophach the captain of the host of Hadarezer went before them.

17 And it was told David; and he gathered all Israel, and passed over Jordan, and came upon them, and set the battle in array against them. So when David had put the battle in array against the Syrians, they fought with him.

18 But the Syrians fled before Israel; and
David slew of the Syrians seven thousand men which fought in chariots, and forty thousand footmen
, and killed Shophach the captain of the host.

(19.18)
“David slew of the Syrians seven thousand men which fought in chariots, and forty thousand footmen.”
On what must have been a particularly good day for killing but not so good for counting, David kills 7000 men in chariots and 40,000 footmen.
205 How many did David kill?
God’s 79th killing

19 And when the servants of Hadarezer saw that they were put to the worse before Israel, they made peace with David, and became his servants: neither would the Syrians help the children of Ammon any more.

20
And it came to pass, that after the year was expired, at the time that kings go out to battle,
Joab
led forth the power of the army, and
wasted the country of the children of Ammon, and
came and besieged Rabbah. But David tarried at Jerusalem. And Joab
smote Rabbah, and destroyed it.

(20.1) “Joab … wasted the country of the children of Ammon, and … smote Rabbah, and destroyed it.” David’s army massacres the people of Ammon and Rabbah.
God’s 81st Killing

2 And
David took the crown
of their king from off his head,
and found it to weigh a talent of gold
, and there were precious stones in it;
and it was set upon David’s head:
and he brought also exceeding much spoil out of the city.

(20.2) “David took the crown … and found it to weigh a talent of gold … and it was set upon David’s head.” David puts on a crown weighing 1 talent (somewhere between 26 and 60 kilograms). He had a very strong neck.

3 And
he
brought out the people that were in it, and
cut them with saws, and with harrows of iron, and with axes. Even so dealt David with all the cities of the children of Ammon
. And David and all the people returned to Jerusalem.

(20.3)
“He … cut them with saws, and with harrows of iron, and with axes. Even so dealt David with all the cities of the children of Ammon.”
David tortured or enslaved (depending on translation) all the inhabitants of several cities.

4 And it came to pass after this, that there arose war at Gezer with the Philistines; at which time Sibbechai the Hushathite slew Sippai, that was of
the children of the giant
: and they were subdued.

(20.4)
“The children of the giant”

5 And there was war again with the Philistines; and Elhanan the son of Jair slew Lahmi the brother of Goliath the Gittite, whose spear staff was like a weaver’s beam.

(20.5) “Elhanan … slew Lahmi the brother of Goliath.”
209 Who did Elhanan kill?