The Skeptics Annotated Bible (87 page)

29 And Aaron shall bear the names of the children of Israel in the breastplate of judgment upon his heart, when he goeth in unto the holy place, for a memorial before the LORD continually.

30 And thou shalt put in the breastplate of judgment
the Urim and the Thummim
; and they shall be upon Aaron’s heart, when he goeth in before the LORD: and Aaron shall bear the judgment of the children of Israel upon his heart before the LORD continually.

(28.30)
“The Urim and Thummim”
The Urim and Thummim were like two sides of a magic coin that could be flipped to to give a yes or no answer to any question. They were also what Joseph Smith used to translate the Book of Mormon.

31 And thou shalt make the robe of the ephod all of blue.

32 And there shall be an hole in the top of it, in the midst thereof: it shall have a binding of woven work round about the hole of it, as it were the hole of an habergeon, that it be not rent.

33 And beneath upon the hem of it thou shalt make pomegranates of blue, and of purple, and of scarlet, round about the hem thereof; and bells of gold between them round about:

34
A golden bell and a pomegranate
, a golden bell and a pomegranate, upon the hem of the robe round about.

35 And it
shall be upon Aaron
to minister: and his sound shall be heard when he goeth in unto the holy place before the LORD, and when he cometh out
, that he die not.

(28.34-35)
“A golden bell and a pomegranate … shall be upon Aaron … that he die not.”
Aaron must wear a bell and a pomegranate whenever he enters “the holy place” or else God will have to kill him.

36 And thou shalt make a plate of pure gold, and grave upon it, like the engravings of a signet, HOLINESS TO THE LORD.

37 And thou shalt put it on a blue lace, that it may be upon the mitre; upon the forefront of the mitre it shall be.

38 And it shall be upon Aaron’s forehead, that Aaron may bear the iniquity of the holy things, which the children of Israel shall hallow in all their holy gifts; and it shall be always upon his forehead, that they may be accepted before the LORD.

39 And thou shalt embroider the coat of fine linen, and thou shalt make the mitre of fine linen, and thou shalt make the girdle of needlework.

40
And for Aaron’s sons
thou shalt make coats, and
thou shalt make for them girdles, and bonnets
shalt thou make for them,
for glory and for beauty
.

(28.40)
“And for Aaron’s sons … thou shalt make for them girdles, and bonnets … for glory and for beauty.”

41 And thou shalt put them upon Aaron thy brother, and his sons with him; and shalt anoint them, and consecrate them, and sanctify them, that they may minister unto me in the priest’s office.

42
And thou shalt make them linen breeches to cover their nakedness; from the loins even unto the thighs they shall reach:

(28.42)
“And thou shalt make them linen breeches to cover their nakedness; from the loins even unto the thighs shall they reach.”
God’s instructions for making priestly breeches

43 And
they shall be upon Aaron, and upon his sons
, when they come in unto the tabernacle of the congregation, or when they come near unto the altar to minister in the holy place
; that they bear not iniquity, and die
: it shall be a statute for ever unto him and his seed after him.

(28.43)
“They shall be upon Aaron, and upon his sons … that they bear not iniquity, and die.”
Priests must wear holy breeches or die!

29
And this is the thing that thou shalt do unto them to hallow them, to minister unto me in the priest’s office: Take one young bullock, and two rams without blemish,

2 And unleavened bread, and cakes unleavened tempered with oil, and wafers unleavened anointed with oil: of wheaten flour shalt thou make them.

3 And thou shalt put them into one basket, and bring them in the basket, with the bullock and the two rams.

4 And Aaron and his sons thou shalt bring unto the door of the tabernacle of the congregation, and shalt wash them with water.

5 And thou shalt take the garments, and put upon Aaron the coat, and the robe of the ephod, and the ephod, and the breastplate, and gird him with the curious girdle of the ephod:

6 And thou shalt put the mitre upon his head, and put the holy crown upon the mitre.

7 Then shalt thou take the anointing oil, and pour it upon his head, and anoint him.

8 And thou shalt bring his sons, and put coats upon them.

9 And thou shalt gird them with girdles, Aaron and his sons, and put the bonnets on them: and the priest’s office shall be their’s for a perpetual statute: and thou shalt consecrate Aaron and his sons.

10 And thou shalt cause a bullock to be brought before the tabernacle of the congregation: and Aaron and his sons shall put their hands upon the head of the bullock.

(29.11-18)
Killing animals for God
Get some animals, kill them, chop up their bodies, wave body parts in the air, burn the carcasses, and sprinkle the blood all around—in precisely the way God tells you. It may well make you sick, but it makes God feel good.
20 Does God desire animal sacrifices?
96 Did God command the Israelites to make burnt offerings?

11 And
thou shalt kill the bullock before the LORD
, by the door of the tabernacle of the congregation.

(29.11)
“Thou shalt kill the bullock before the LORD.”

12 And
thou shalt take of the blood of the bullock, and put it upon the horns of the altar with thy finger, and pour all the blood beside the bottom of the altar.

(29.12)
“Thou shalt take of the blood of the bullock, and put it upon the horns of the altar with thy finger, and pour all the blood beside the bottom of the altar.”

13 And
thou shalt take all the fat that covereth the inwards, and the caul that is above the liver, and the two kidneys, and the fat that is upon them, and burn them upon the altar.

(29.13)
“Thou shalt take all the fat that covereth the inwards, and the caul that is above the liver, and the two kidneys, and the fat that is upon them, and burn them upon the altar.”

14
But the
flesh of the bullock, and his skin, and his
dung, shalt thou burn with fire
without the camp:
it is a sin offering.

(29.14)
“But the … dung, shalt thou burn with fire … it is a sin offering.”

15 Thou shalt also take one ram; and Aaron and his sons shall put their hands upon the head of the ram.

16 And
thou shalt slay the ram, and thou shalt take his blood, and sprinkle it round about upon the altar.

(29.16)
“Thou shalt slay the ram, and thou shalt take his blood, and sprinkle it round about upon the altar.”

17 And
thou shalt cut the ram in pieces, and wash the inwards of him, and his legs, and put them unto his pieces, and unto his head.

(29.17)
“Thou shalt cut the ram in pieces, and wash the inwards of him, and his legs, and put them unto his pieces, and unto his head.
”

18 And
thou shalt burn the whole ram upon the altar: it is a burnt offering unto the LORD: it is a sweet savour, an offering made by fire unto the LORD.

(29.18)
“Thou shalt burn the whole ram upon the altar: it is a burnt offering unto the LORD: it is a sweet savour, an offering made by fire unto the LORD.”

19 And thou shalt take the other ram; and Aaron and his sons shall put their hands upon the head of the ram.

(29.20-21)
Smearing blood on ears, thumbs, and big toes
God tells Moses to kill a ram and put the blood on the tip of Aaron’s right ear, and on his right thumb, and on his right big toe, and then sprinkle the blood around the altar. Finally, sprinkle some on Aaron and his sons and on their garments. This will make them “hallowed.”

20
Then shalt thou kill the ram, and take of his blood, and put it upon the tip of the right ear of Aaron, and upon the tip of the right ear of his sons, and upon the thumb of their right hand, and upon the great toe of their right foot, and sprinkle the blood upon the altar round about.