The Solitary Man’s Refuge (39 page)

“Sure no problem.” LowBuck said and went to sort
through the ammo cans.
“How many names that boy got?” Lomax said
confused
“I can think of a few more.” Michael said laughing
“We call him by both Bubba and LowBuck.” Donald
explained.
“I guess.” Lomax said and sort of grunted and then
offered his end of the deal.

“I will trade you even for your pick of the three
horses, a two horse trailer, a few bags of oats and as
much hay as you can fit in that spare stall. Janice said she
wanted a couple of those weaned kids I got so
I don’t know how much room that will leave with them two
small goats but
I will load it up to the top.” Lomax offered.

“ So Janice already had this deal planned huh?”
Donald said looking over at her trying to look innocent.
“Well she did mention you didn’t ride and might not
want the trade.” Lomax offered.

“ Hey Janice, don’t you want to ride a pair of goats
in your car? Since your sister is staying you got room.”
Donald said smiling and thinking that leaving her sister
behind and taking two goat kids instead was even trade
for that situation.

“ Don’t be so mean about her and ridiculous to me
Donald. I am not riding with them goats if they can fit in the
trailer.” Janice said indignantly.

“I was just playing with you, calm down Janice. Hey
Lomax, you are offering a pretty fair deal but I think it
would be even fairer if you threw in a couple more bags of
horse feed. We don’t have the pasture land you got and
the last thing I need is poorly looking horse.” Donald
countered.

“Deal!” Lomax said and extended his firm
handshake to Donald to seal the transaction as gentleman
of their word.

“You coming along with us Donald or are you just
going to let Amy pick the one she likes for you?” Lomax
asked.

“ I figure Catharine should be there to help her
choose since she knows horse flesh some and we need
her truck to pull the trailer. Michael is loadmaster and
mechanic for this convoy so I guess he needs to ride with
her to check out the trailer. Plus he needs to ride herd on
Amy before she worries that old man to death with
questions. Janice has got to get them damn goats. I doubt
we could talk Cat out of the fun of watching everyone so
me and the Buffalo errr LowBuck will stay here and watch
the camp...” Donald almost finished before the playful
punch to the shoulder Bubba gave him caused him to
finish his sentence quicker than he had planned.

“ Damn Bubba that hurt! You got to quit eating so
many Wheaties.” Donald said pretending his shoulder hurt
a lot more than it did and rubbing it.

Bubba just smiled and asked Lomax could he talk
to him in private a second.

Lomax agreed and everyone looked perplexed
what Bubba wanted to talk to Lomax about . As the pair
walked away Donald looked after them.

“I wonder what he is up to. We don’t need any more
goats or horses and..” Donald was saying before Cat
broke in.
“Says who?” Cat said looking fierce and then
melting and looking apologetic for her quick outburst

Catharine looked at him knowingly until Donald’s
brain light bulb finally turned on and recognized the
coalition of ladies probably had figured out what was up.

“ Oh so he wanted a horse for his wife Cat you
think? Why didn’t he just say so and we could of maybe
negotiated a better deal for a pair?” Donald inquired of the
group.

“ I think its sweet.” Amy said looking google eyed.

“I am not sure that’s what he is doing but I hope so.
I like horses” Cat said staring dreamy eyed at the hushed
conversation going on between the two men over by the
graveyard.

“And you are outnumbered!” Catharine said smiling
like a southern belle with her cat herd to back her up.
“Ok! Two Horseys!” Donald said putting his hands
up in mock surrender to her.

The laughter and twitters from the group made
Lomax and LowBuck turn and look but didn’t seem to
affect their haggling none.

“I still get first choice though! Donald traded first. He
said my choice!” Amy said asserting her dominion in the
choosing of an animal.

“ Of course!” Cat assured her
“ Damn Michael, how did we get outnumbered !”
Donald said joking with his trail stomping buddy.

“You aint figured out by now boy if two women
agree to get one or a hundred men to do something we
outnumbered?” Michael jibbed back.

“ Yea it sort of seems that I have found myself in
this position before.” Donald said smiling and winking at
Janice who gave him a beaming smile back.

“What’s he got to trade Cat? I hope he aint talking
booze because these folks got moonshiners tucked away
everywhere that I don’t even know about.” Donald asked.

“Damn, then I really don’t know. They look like they
already hot and heavy into negotiations though about
something.” Cat said looking concerned at the parlay
going on.

“I wish he had of asked us first no matter how
romantic his intentions were.” Michael said trying to figure
out what piece of equipment they might need might be on
the block.

“Me too, uh guys they noticing we watching.”
Donald said lowering his voice so only they could hear and
reminding everyone that when they went quite those two
greybeards turned to watch and listen.

“No Shit!” Lomax said loudly and reached to
squeeze LowBucks shoulder as they both started to laugh
uproariously and glance towards the little prepper group.

“Sounds good so far!” Cat said hesitantly
“Seems they reaching agreement.” Amy said
hopefully

“ Lomax is a smart cookie and a hard trader, maybe
I better go ask some questions.” Janice said concerned
and starting towards the cemetery conversation.

“ Don’t bother them Janice, it is their deal and they
doing it in private. It’s none of our business until they
decide it and get around to telling it to us about it, if and
when they do, I doubt they be asking us for any advice.”

“Your right. I shouldn’t interfere, it’s just that I know
Lomax is a slick old horse trader from way back and don’t
mind taking advantage of someone in a deal.” Janice
replied looking a bit worried.

“ LowBuck can hold his own, don’t worry about
him.” Donald advised.

The two men shook hands over by the cemetery
fence and walked back to LowBucks motor home to check
out whatever it was Bubba was offering for the deal. After
a few moments inside the motor home they exited and
returned to the group.

“ Hey Donald, hope you don’t mind. I just traded off
that small 4 led lighting system that you gave me to
evaluate and review awhile back. Lomax said he would
give a horse and tack for Cat.” LowBuck said hugging a
very happy wife.

“ No problem, that SUNRNR solar generator of
mine can run pretty much anything I can dream up and I
still got a couple small motorcycle battery sized solar
lighting units anyway. Good trade! Lomax those got to be
some sorry horses or you getting old giving LowBuck such
a sweet deal.” Donald said skeptically.

“ No Donald it’s a matter of value. I don’t have a
light system like that and can’t buy one and LowBuck and I
thought it was worth one of those hay burners. Besides I
need the stall space for my goats. Having to keep some of
them indoors at the moment if you know what I mean.
“Lomax said fondling the black leather 45 shoulder rig he
was now proudly wearing.

“Damn LowBuck, I should of let you negotiate for
me. I Think I got the short end of the trade now.” Donald
said while mock grumbling and smiling at the pair of
traders.

“ No you didn’t, you got first pick of the horses, a
trailer plus the hay and oats, by the way our deal needs to
get adjusted a little if you want. I will give you a hundred
bullets back if you share that hay and oats with LowBuck.
He is a good trader , part of our deal rests on you being
willing to settle on some new terms. Them hay bales are
cumbersome and if you giving his horse a ride in your
trailer you are going to have to hang them off the sides of
the trailer and play wide load.

“You agree? “ Lomax said extending his hand
before Donald could even think about it
Donald took it without pause just like he would do to
most men when a handshake was offered.

“By the way, them goats Janice has need some
medicine so I will trade you them bullets back for some.”
Lomax managed to get in before releasing his hand.

“What the hell Lomax? That was sneaky but I don’t
have a use for that caliber. Still seems an awful stiff price
for some goat medicine.” Donald grumbled

“No its value for value, I got plenty of bullets but I
am light on goat medicine so I value it more. You aint got
any use for the bullets but need the goat medicine. Simple
economics.” Lomax said matter of factly.

Donald made a wrinkly face at LowBuck and
Michael who were grinning in his direction that Lomax had
one upped him again as well as LowBuck profiting from it.

“Alright Lomax, you win. While you are gone I am
going to dream me up something simply economical to
trade you.” Donald said pretty much good naturedly.

“Sounds like fun, see you in a bit.” Lomax declared
and he and Amy headed off for his truck.
“Dang looks like I am going to be riding goats in my
car.” Janice fumed

“Ha! I forgot about that! And you owe me for some
goat medicine sometime in the future.” Donald said
laughing.

“ BAAAAAAAAAAA!” LowBuck bleated as he was
started chuckling and pretended to watch Cat and
Catharine getting in the truck that would be pulling the
horse trailer.

“Hey Mom, why don’t you and Michael take your
car and follow them. Catharine has too much stuff in that
duallie`s backseat to carry any passengers.” Donald
suggested.

“Ok! Here Michael you drive.” She said handing him
the keys.

“ Damn LowBuck, that was a very nice thing to do
for Cat but you should of told me you wanted a horse
while I was negotiating with Lomax`s for Amy’s ride.”
Donald complained.

“Well I hadn’t really decided to do it or what I would
trade for it yet. You all did that deal pretty quick. I figured it
would be nice for Cat and Amy to go riding together and
besides you haven’t heard the rest of the deal yet!”
LowBuck said with a Cheshire cat grin.

“Will I like it?” Donald said warily and thinking it
might cost him some more.
“Dang straight, you going to love it! “ LowBuck
guffawed

“What’s up?” Donald said grinning evilly and
leaning forward to hear the low down on whatever deal
LowBuck had cut with Lomax.

“You remember you told me one time the only thing
Lomax liked better than trading was a good joke?” Bubba
began.

“Yea, So?” Donald said getting real interested.

“Well I studied your little situation and came to the
conclusion you were most likely going to give that horse to
Amy anyway and might have forgot about getting Michael
to do something for it so he could give it to her, so I saved
you the trouble and made another little side deal with
Lomax. You know how they train you in vacuum cleaner
sales 101 to keep asking people yes questions and
nodding your head yes until you say would you like to buy
one? That’s funny as hell, try it with someone who isn’t
expecting it sometime. They will start nodding their heads
yes with you. Anyway Lomax got you on that handshake
thing a few minutes ago but you won’t believe what
Michael has in store for him.” LowBuck said and then did
his best Earnest T Bass interpretation from the Andy
Griffith show and said “It’s Me! It’s Me. It’s Bubba the
Barterer! “ LowBuck chocked out laughing.

“ Ah Hell! What did you do to Michael now?” Donald
said grinning

“Well Lomax is going to do that handshake is your
word thing on Michael and he aint going to like it.”
LowBuck said laughing and slapping his thigh.

“Ok give brother, what kind of crap you going to pull
on him.” Donald said laughing already with his friend even
though he didn’t know what was up yet.

“ Lomax is going to be doing that asking only
questions that can be answered yes thing and nodding his
head at Michael and cut a little deal for us.” Bubba said
exaggerating the mystery of it all.

“Shit man, you are killing me! What’s he going to
trade or do?” Donald said sitting on the edge of his chair.

“All in good time. Them women folk are going to be
gushing over and patting them horses while Lomax and
Michael look over the trailer. Lomax will have Michael
primed with them yes questions and when they get back to
all them excited ladies Lomax is going to announce that
you said Amy could have her horse pick if Michael agrees
to help with the two ladies horses by hauling water and
such. You know Michael going to shake his hand and
agree and that’s where it gets fun. After the handshake,
Lomax is going to say here you need this and hand him a
manure shovel! And say LowBuck said he didn’t think he
had one yet!” LowBuck described before he and Donald
both broke out in peals of laughter that required them to
go to LowBuck`s motorhome and fix a drink.

“So you assigned him Latrine room orderly for them
damn horses? That is funny as hell. Won’t last long but it’s
still funnier than shit. Let’s start calling him the lucky man
or the optimist. You remember the punch line of that joke
that had somebody shoveling shit out of a stall saying
“There has to be a pony in here somewhere.” Donald
quipped and laughed as LowBuck choked on his drink.

“I guess I get to talk about his pony tail now!”
LowBuck declared

“Ahh come on man, I am threatening to grow my
hair backout and don’t need to hear that. Not that you
would have that problem. Don’t you comb your hair with a
washcloth?” Donald said smiling.

“Watch it sucker. I did you a favor today.” LowBuck
said grinning.

“Man he is going to have the ass with us! We got to
quit screwing around with these fun feuds or we going to
get distracted from our routines. He is going to get even,
that you can engrave in stone and I don’t like the idea of
having to check my sleeping bag every night for snakes or
whatever else he might dream up.” Donald said dreading
the vendetta that LowBuck had probably unleashed by
playing a prank on Michael.