The Solitude of Passion (20 page)

I can hear him breathing—staccato intakes of air, jagged heaves that indicate he might be sobbing, inebriated—
both
. A thin veil of tears masks my face, but I manage to sniff back the trauma and continue.

“I need a ride home from the airport. Can you do that for me?”

“Yes. Of course.” His voice cracks when he says it. “I’ll bring Mom. Hell, I’ll bring
Lee
.”

Lee.

A release—a whole fountain of tears flows from me. I wasn’t going to ask—afraid mostly she might have died, my biggest fear, second only to marrying someone else, although I haven’t taken that off the table just yet.

I give Colton the flight number and time of arrival and ask him not to tell me anything else about Lee or the baby. I want to see my child, or hear about her or him for the first time through Lee’s beautiful lips. And for sure I don’t want to torture myself for the next twenty-four hours regarding the private details of Lee’s life—the ones that might make me wish I were back in the armpit of isolation. I need to keep hope alive, learn as I go, not expect too much.

“She look the same?” It’s the one luxury I figure I can afford.

“Stunning.” He doesn’t say anything else, so I don’t push it. Stunning is more than good enough. I’d love Lee no matter what she looked like, and personally I wish she wasn’t so stunning while I was away, but now that I’m headed home, I’m pretty damn glad.

“See you on the flip side,” I say. “Love you, man.”

“Love you too, Mitch.”

Hong Kong International airport is polished—cosmopolitan, and a far cry from the barbarism of the detention center I was imprisoned in. The first hellhole was flat out barbaric, strongly capable of evoking the envy of any medieval tormentor worth his salt. The second, prison just the same, but with palatable living conditions if you happen to be a rodent or a roach. I push both out of my mind as I try to keep up with Kyle who walks at a frenetic pace. I don’t bother telling him I’m weak, that I haven’t walked this distance since I got off the plane five years ago.

Five years. It felt like ten, felt like a lifetime—like it happened to another person entirely.

The flight attendant asks for the passport I don’t have. Instead I provide the paperwork Kyle squeezed out of the U.S. consulate’s ass like a dime store magician. My stomach turns as she calls for reinforcement by way of a supervisor. Together they sit and scrutinize my flimsy paperwork as visions of Lee warble in and out of my mind. She’s so damn close I could feel her. Please God don’t take this away. Spending another minute here—one fucking layover, might actually kill me.

They mumble into one another swift and pressured like a pair of nonplused humming birds before nodding me through.

It’s happening.

I’m walking on air. Not sure my feet ever touch the ground as I follow Kyle into the long, snakelike terminal. I can see the crack of daylight that splits the distance between the plane and the boarding bridge. Made it.

Baby steps to Lee.

I hold onto Kyle’s shoulder all the way to first class.

A stewardess appears with a beverage cart and a basket filled with fruit and candy before I can buckle my seatbelt. So much luxury, so much attention to superfluous detail—everything in excess, and all I want, all I need is Lee—Lee in all her beautiful simplicity—Lee and our baby.

A seam of tears seals over my lids as I try to imagine how it will all unfold.

The plane takes off, filling my ears with a violent rush, metal fighting gravity, pulling me to Lee like a missile. China descends, and I wipe the dust off the soles of my feet and curse it as we thrust into the virginal sky.

I did what I could, littered their world with paper roses, and now I was free to go.

Lee and all her glory.

I wonder how she’ll greet me? I’ll know by how she kisses me whether or not she’s married. Maybe I’ll get a peck on the cheek? Worse, maybe she’ll stand at arms length while pushing flowers in my direction, shaking my hand as if I had just championed a cause in honor of our country. Definitely not what I want, but I’ll take it. I’ll take anything she wants to give as long as I’m near her again. Then there’s my favorite scenario—Lee diving down on top of me with unbridled passion—security alerted to wrestle us apart.

Tears spiral down my face, quick and furious.

I’m coming home, Lee.

Finally.

I am coming home.

Max

The sun presses down over Townsend field like a penalty. It rains white-hot machetes, feels like it’s splicing my skin open with every stinging ray. I pluck off my baseball hat and put a call into Colton.

“You coming?” I snipe at him because I damn well know he’s not. His useless ass was supposed to help me dig out the line an hour ago to keep the plumbing cost down by doing half the work. I’m not even sure why I bother. If Colt shows it’ll be a bona fide miracle. I’ll have to call the fucking Vatican.

“Nah, man, sorry,” he rasps into the phone. “I forgot I have to pick up a friend down at LAX. I just asked Lee to come with, you mind?”

“Nope.” I give a hard exhale. “I don’t mind.” Knew I couldn’t count on Colt. I hang up and call Lee.

“What’s going on?” I ask, trying not to sound as irritated as I am.

“Colt begged me to drive down to L.A. with him. He’s probably picking up some mail order bride. I just dropped Stella off at school. Eli’s with your mom.”

“L.A.’s pretty far. What time do you think you’ll get back?” It’s a good three-hour drive—each way. “You know he’s using you for the fast lane.” I give a half-hearted smile. I should be the one stealing my wife away on a day trip. Looks like Colton Townsend outsmarted me for once.

She clicks her tongue. “He says the flight comes in at one. By the time we turn around—let’s say six with traffic? Look, I’ll be home for dinner. How about you and me sneak out tonight? I’ll have your mom pick up Stella. I’ll roll around in the fields with you if you want. We can get down and dirty just the way you like it.”

A dull laugh escapes me. “Get home in one piece. I’ll take you out to dinner. No rolling in the fields. I’ll find somewhere much more desirable to roll around with you. I’m all for getting down and dirty.”

“Deal. Don’t work too hard. We’re still on baby time.”

“Looking forward to it. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

What I’m not looking forward to is the scalding shower that she believes magically produces baby girls. I swear I think she gets a thrill out of pushing me into that incinerator. It makes the hostile efforts of the sun feel like a cool spring shower.

Not that I mind.

I’d step into a thousand ovens for Lee.

Lee

“Mom?” I’m a bit surprised to see Janice in Colt’s oversized SUV. “You don’t need me, Colt.” I can stay in town and get important stuff done like bribing Max to come home for lunch—having him in every room in the house before dinner.

“Get in,” Janice insists. “It’ll be fun. When was the last time we did a road trip? You want the front?” She starts to get out of the car.

“No, no. I’ll hop in back.” I crawl in, and Colton hits the gas before I can properly shut the door. “Careful, cowboy. Max wants me home in one piece.”

Colton catches my eye in the rearview mirror. “Well, if Max said it, I guess I’d better do it.”

“Stop.” Janice taps his arm. She looks frayed, aged and this unsettles me.

“Like it or not, he’s here to stay.” I lean in toward Janice. “And, by the way, we’re trying again.” I sing the words like a dream. Janice wants another baby in the family as much as I do.

They exchange looks, and Colton keeps driving.

“I
said
, I’m trying to give you another grandchild.” I place my head near her shoulder. Janice has been after me for months to expand the family.

“Terrific.” She doesn’t turn around, just keeps her gaze locked on the road.

She probably didn’t hear me over the radio, probably thinks I’m talking about a manicure.

“It’s finally cooling off,” I say, relaxing into my seat.

Neither Colton nor Janice say a word, each lost in their own haze of silence.

It’s early. I doubt they’ve ingested the required amount of caffeine to kick-start the engine. I have a feeling this isn’t going to be much of a road trip.

I get comfortable, using my purse as a pillow and drift off to sleep before we ever get out of town.

“Lee.” Colton shakes me until I snap out of my dreamlike stupor. “Get up, we’re here.”

“Really?” I slip my seatbelt off and take in the shock of light pouring in from the window. A steady stream of traffic bustles around us. “I can’t believe I slept all the way,” I say, giving a few hard blinks with my eyelids as coarse as sandpaper. All of these baby-making sessions have kept me up until two and three in the morning this past week. Making love to Max has finally caught up with me. Who knew the drive to pick up one of Colt’s floozies would prove to be medicinal.

Janice wipes her eyes, probably slept all the way down, too. Poor Colt—must have felt like he was transporting corpses.

“You awake?” I rub her back.

“Damn allergies.” She pushes a tissue into her eyes.

Looks like she’s been crying, though—bawling, if you ask me. Figures. Colt probably confessed to picking up a prostitute and shattered her dreams of him ever becoming a decent member of society—a good boy. Poor Janice lost the only good boy she’d ever have in Mitch. She has Max, though, and Max has proved to be nothing but a prize.

“Take a swig.” Colton shoves a water bottle in my face like I just ran a marathon. “Trust me, you’re going to need it.”

I don’t fight it, just down a good third and hand it back.

“Hydrating me?” A dull smile hedges on my lips. “How much luggage am I going to be hauling?”

He cuts a look across the street. “I’d venture to guess, none.”

Los Angeles International Airport is thick with jostling crowds. People buzz in dizzying circles. Suitcases are dragged at intolerable speeds—stacked and loaded onto cumbersome carts. Every third person is shouting into their phone. It feels as if the entire world is trying to outpace itself while bodies stride off in twelve different directions.