The Someday List (20 page)

So who was she really, except a trophy wife with a phat house
and a nice bank account-things that, in the long run, could be
considered trappings rather than blessings?

Aunt Melba folded her arms and watched Rachelle ruminate.

"Take as much time as you need to think it through;' she said.
"We've got all night. I just don't want you to leave here and think
that running into the arms of an old love is going to make you
happy. Troy can't make you happy. Only God can give you that
kind of contentment. I know, because he finally showed me that
when I was ready."

Rachelle raised herself from her bent-over position and looked
at Aunt Melba. Her voice trembled when she spoke. "Troy called
because we ran into each other today and he kissed me. No-we
kissed each other:" Rachelle offered her aunt a sad smile. "Gabe
has been indifferent to me forever, and I think he's having an
affair. I noticed changes in him and in our relationship a little
over a year ago, but I didn't call him on it because I didn't want
to throw our lives into upheaval.

"He takes care of home. The kids and I have everything we
need ... except him" Rachelle's voice trailed off as she looked
away.

Aunt Melba finished the sentence for her. "So you decided to
live with a glass half full rather than risk it becoming empty."

Rachelle raised her eyes to Melba's face. "You didn't know I
was so shallow, did you? It can get pretty comfortable living in
a place where most of your needs are met. I figured since I had
given up the love of my life and my career, I could at least have
everything else:"

"But how does that make you feel about you? How do you feel
about the fact that Gabe isn't faithful to you?"

Rachelle looked away again to avoid Aunt Melba's searing
gaze. "I really don't know. I tucked my feelings away, I guess, so
I wouldn't have to experience the pain and rejection that had
become the norm. I started functioning inside the new reality
and didn't examine it too closely."

Aunt Melba held out her hand. "Let me see the photo album"
She took it from Rachelle and opened it. "This is one of my favorite pictures."

She pointed to a photo of herself clad in a strapless royal purple
gown. She was standing next to a tall, muscular man dressed in
a white suit and purple cummerbund. They were hugging and
grinning at the camera.

The next photo showed them clad in bathing suits, kissing
under a waterfall. In a third picture on the page, Melba and the
man sat on a sofa and she was resting her head on his lap, eyes
half closed.

"I loved him;' Melba said and sighed. "But he couldn't love
me back"

Rachelle squinted at the photos then gasped. "Is that ... ? Isn't
he married?"

Melba looked at Rachelle. "Yep, that's the mayor. We were together before he became mayor, during his tenure with the city
school board. Very married. With children, the house, the dog,
and me, a long-term concubine."

Rachelle cringed. "Why, Aunt Melba? You're beautiful. You own
your own business. Nothing was holding you back. You could
have had anybody. Why settle for a married man?"

Aunt Melba gave her a pointed look. "Why do any of us settle,
Rachelle? I was in between serious boyfriends at the time and
flattered by his attention. I didn't realize he was married when we
first began dating, and by the time I discovered his status, after
our fifth or sixth date, I was smitten. He told me the usual-he
was staying there for the kids, he didn't love her, she didn't have
his back-and I wanted to be there for him"

She released a dry laugh. `And I was there for him, for five
years."

Rachelle gasped. "That long, Aunt Melba? How did you hide
it?"

She shrugged. "When you're in love, or accept what masquerades as love, you'll do whatever you have to do. We were never
together in public, but we'd travel solo to island locations and
other vacation spots and meet there. He would come here to my
place after nightfall and leave out of the back door in the early
morning hours. We had a system, and it worked:"

Rachelle's mind was reeling. She wanted to know what this
had to do with her, but she also wanted to know what happened.
Aunt Melba was good at reading her face.

"By the fourth year, I was tired of playing the game;' she said.
"I wanted to settle down. I wanted to start a family. I wanted a
life.

"But he already had one," she said and laughed softly. "That's
when I realized I was just another trinket, another hobby. I started
to wake up and understand that I had been sleepwalking through
life. I didn't know who I was or what I wanted. I needed to find
me so I could love me"

Rachelle sat back and grabbed a pillow to hug.

Aunt Melba continued. "When I began to change, he stopped
coming around as much. I didn't push him away because I was
still attached to him. I still loved him, and some part of me was
holding out hope that he would eventually realize that we belonged together.

"About that time, two things happened. I found out I was pregnant, and when I told him, he went ballistic. He insisted that I
get rid of the baby, and I was stunned. I couldn't believe that he
wanted me to kill something that was part of both of us:"

Rachelle glanced at Aunt Melba and tried to keep her disbelief from spreading across her face. Melba had always been the one who had it together-style, business savvy, self-confidence.
How had she hidden all of this muck beneath the image she portrayed?

Aunt Melba stood up and paced the floor while she went back
in time. "Irene noticed a change in me, but I wouldn't tell her what
was going on. She and Charles had begun attending St. Peter's,
and she kept bugging me to visit. I went the Sunday after Elvin
told me that he wanted me to abort our child. I was just broken
inside:"

She sat next to Rachelle and looked out of a window. "The
minister that day preached about the woman at the well, who
had been married to five men and was living with another man
who wasn't her husband. Jesus offered her a chance to follow
him, to fall in love with him so that she'd never feel empty and
lonely again.

I wanted that for myself, Rachelle. I decided that day to start
over.

Rachelle leaned forward and looked at Melba. "What happened
with Elvin and with the baby?"

Melba looked at her and took a deep breath. "I stopped seeing
Elvin, and I lost the baby. Two days after deciding to live for God,
I was opening the salon and I started bleeding. I drove myself to
the hospital where I had a miscarriage. 11

She picked up the photo album again and flipped to other
pictures of herself and her married friend. "If you look at these
images, our smiling faces don't tell you all of these stories. You
don't know that he's someone else's husband and that we're sneaking around, creating a pretense of happiness. You don't know that
he's breaking his vows and that I'm not as fulfilled as I appear.
It's all a facade, Rachelle, and many of us live that way until we
decide to wake up"

"Yeah;' Rachelle said, "but what does waking up cost you?"

Aunt Melba shook her head. "I think the more important question is, what does it cost you to remain half whole? That's why I
brought you here today. I don't know what all is going on between
you and Troy, but it's obvious that you two are at a crossroads, and
before you take a plunge off a cliff, I had to at least warn you.

"I also don't know what's going to happen with you and Gabethat's between you, him, and God. But nothing needs to happen
with Troy or with anyone else until you look in the mirror and
figure out what's going on with Rachelle. Now is the time:'

Rachelle hugged her aunt and didn't let go. Melba was right.
This was it. Who was she going to be?

achelle could tell her heart was softening because God
had begun answering her prayers.

As she had requested, Troy's participation in St. Peter's service this morning hadn't forced her to maintain a plastic smile
for three hours.

When he stood in front of the Inspirations choir and led them
through a powerful rendition of David Lawrence's "Encourage
Yourself," she had been able to focus on the message in the music
instead of on him. She had fretted about being under the scrutiny
of St. Peter's members who had discovered her connection to Troy,
but she should have been more concerned about what folks were
saying about Aunt Irene.

Alanna had driven down from Dallas yesterday and had accompanied her to church this morning. The sisters purposely
sat near the back of the sanctuary, where they saw heads leaning
together so people could whisper when Uncle Charles led the
deacons in collecting the offering.

A few people rolled their eyes and others pursed their lips when
he reached their pew to pass the plate. He shared his usual polite
greeting and seemed unfazed, but Alanna was boiling.

"Can you believe these Holy Rollers?!" she whispered. "This is why I rotate churches every six months. Just when you start to get
comfortable and believe they're sincere, they go to showing you
their ugly sides. I never give 'em the chance to hurt me!"

Rachelle sat back and looked at Alanna. Since when had this
diva found time to sit still in somebody's church? Had she really
visited one place for as long as six months without telling her
big sister?

Alanna caught Rachelle's gaze. "What?"

Rachelle chuckled and shook her head. "We'll talk later"

Yasmin tapped Rachelle on the shoulder and asked to go to
the bathroom. Indigo, who had been sulking the entire service,
interceded and grabbed Yasmin's arm.

"I'll take her"

She and Yasmin slid out of the pew, past Chaundra, before
Rachelle could respond. Her heart went out to the girls, especially
Indigo. What fifteen-year-old wanted the notoriety of having a
mother who drove while tipsy and caused an accident that injured
another child?

Yasmin's play dates had dried up, even with her best friend
Carmen, but it had been harder for her to understand why her
mommy's accident was causing these problems.

Rachelle noticed when they arrived at church this morning,
for the first time since the accident almost two weeks ago, that
the same girls who had huddled around Indigo at her party were
now treating her like she was contagious. Indigo had been careful
not to look their way; she knew what to expect.

Chaundra had spoken to the girls in the group, but walked past
them to sit with Indigo and Yasmin. However, even that hadn't
lifted Indigo's mood. Both girls sat with their heads lowered for
most of the service and focused on writing in or reading their
bulletins.

After the offering, Pastor Taylor announced that in two weeks,
the eleven a.m. service would double as an installation program,
just for Troy.

"We'll have our usual choir selections and other participation
by the members;' Pastor Taylor said, "but a guest minister will
render the message, and after the offering, I and other ministers
Troy has invited to participate in this special service will pray
over him and formally install him as St. Peter's music director.
Amen, church?"

Rachelle, Alanna, and their young cousins remained seated
after the service and waited for Uncle Charles to finish counting
the offering with the other deacons. Chaundra hugged Indigo and
left with a young family who had asked her to babysit.

None of the girls' other friends or their parents approached
them to ask how Aunt Irene was doing. When Rachelle made
eye contact with the women's ministry leader, whom Aunt Irene
raved about all the time, the woman turned her head and made
a hasty retreat.

Troy stood at the rear of the church next to Pastor Taylor, shaking hands with members of the congregation as they departed.
Rachelle averted her gaze when two women approached Troy
together and took turns fawning over him. The petite one was
dressed to kill in stiletto sandals and a form-fitting lavender dress.
The other was tall and thick. She wore black slacks and a green
silk blouse that draped her frame perfectly.

Guess they're going to let him choose whether he likes "Minnie
Mouse" or a sister with big bones, Rachelle mused.

Rachelle, Alanna, Indigo, and Yasmin were still waiting for
Uncle Charles by the time those ladies and all of the other churchgoers had departed.

Pastor Taylor came over and hugged each of them, and Troy followed his lead. When Troy reached Rachelle, he hesitated but
took her lightly into his arms.

She tried not to squirm when he embraced her. It amazed her
that, after all these years, he still had that effect on her.

Pastor Taylor sat on a pew across the aisle and called Indigo
and Yasmin over to chat with him.

Troy looked into Rachelle's eyes. "You doing okay?"

Alanna, who stood next to her sister, cleared her throat. "Yeah,
we are, Troy, thanks for asking:"