The Sordid Promise (31 page)

“You could never be them. How many times do I have to say that?”

“I sort-of knew what was on the DVD. I just…wanted to see if you had the ability to lie while looking slightly genuine about it. You do. But you can never replicate the face of the man I saw in that photo. You just proved that you never could. I…want you to leave me alone.”

“Can’t…do that,” he wavered.

“It’s not your choice,” I sobbed. “I want you to leave me alone or…I’ll file that police report I should’ve filed against Tamala, except, I’ll name you as the perpetrator. Not sure if I should list it under Ethan, or Eric. But…police have been called on us before. They keep records of such things. It could easily be believed.”

“Nik…” His eyes drew down as they watered. His completely shattered appearance was too much to endure.

“Is that enough for you to leave me alone?”

He cast his eyes to the wall as he turned placid.

He never gave me an answer.

When he drove me home, instead of coming inside, he went next door.

I fiddled with the razor blade, teasing it with my fingers. I lost count of the days. All I knew is that I could barely get out of bed. The only time I did was to use the bathroom. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t leave the four walls of my bedroom, much less my bed. The moment the razor hit my fingers was the first waking minute in which I wasn’t crying.

I sat up tall on the bathroom sink and pressed the blade against the skin on my thigh. I pushed hard enough to feel the pinch and draw blood.

I couldn’t feel it. I couldn’t…feel the feeling it use to give me. I dropped the blade in the sink and slid off the counter, falling to my knees. The feeling that paralyzed me for countless days took over. I couldn’t be without him anymore. Despite everything, he made me want to stay. My need to be with him crippled me.

I fingered the shattered screen of my phone that miraculously still worked…sort-of. I thumbed through my contacts and almost called him. Something stopped me cold. I threw my phone across the bathroom, shattering the screen beyond repair.

My aching body crawled to the bed. I slipped underneath the covers, pulling them over my head. The wave hit me again. The loss. The helplessness. The exhaustion. The sinking feeling that anything remarkably decent in my life never lasts.

As reality swept me, I howled into my pillow.

I thought I dreamt it when I heard the doorbell ring over and over again. I clutched the pillow over the top my head, but Chopin’s music haunted me. I screamed weakly into the pillow, before I slid my weak body from the bed.

My form felt like it weighed a ton, causing me stumble to the floor several times before I got to the front door. I cracked the door open, remaining behind it.

“Go…away,” I moaned. “I told you to leave me alone.”

He pushed the door open, causing my stance to stagger. I closed my eyes because I couldn’t see him; I didn’t want to see him. I felt the heat of his body press against me. I moved backwards and stumbled as I fell against something. Enveloping me by the waist into his arms, he stopped me from falling.

“Don’t…touch me.” I shoved at his hold wetly.

“It’s been fourteen fucking days,” Eric rasped. “I can’t do this anymore. Just…talk to me. Get it the fuck out so we can stop this. Can’t do it anymore. It’s hard to be who you made me to be if you’re not there. I need you, Nikki.”

“Shut up,” I sobbed as I shook in his arms. “Shut up. Shut…up!”

He moved to pick me up. I moaned my discontent, but having had very little nutrition in fourteen days, I barely had the energy to stand. He carried me to the couch, laying me down gently. I covered my face, still convicted in my refusal to look at him directly. I could hear the rustling of his clothes. I felt the pressure on the couch and his warm nakedness on top of me. He pulled my body down and slid on top of me. Holding up by the strength of his arms, he was careful not to push his weight against me and hurt me.

I knew if I saw him, I would break. “Go away,” I gritted through my teeth.

“I can’t do that. It hurts too damn much to be without you. Stop punishing me. It’s tearing me up inside. I
have
to be with you.”

“No…you did this. I-I know what you did.” I covered my eyes tightly with my fingers. “I know you called Tamala. All some sick game because you thought you were losing me, wasn’t it? You wanted to put me in my place, so you had her beat me up and take away my dog. So I would have no one. So I would only have you. You’re a disgusting person who doesn’t deserve me.”

“Nikki? No.” He leaned in, swaying his lips against mine. “I love you, baby. Open your eyes and let me back in.”

I opened my eyes and wished I hadn’t. The view of his red-streaked scleras broke me further. Unsuccessfully, I sucked in a sob. “Don’t…look at me that way.”

“I…need you so fucking much,” he whispered heatedly against my lips.

“Shut…up!” My voice quaked as my body trembled violently. He gently kissed my lips as I shook with tears. “No,” I groaned, moving away from his kiss. “Why can’t I hate you? You deserve every ounce of my hatred. You don’t deserve me. I let you go. I dismissed you. Leave.”

“No,” he growled as he ran his lips across the bridge of my nose. “Even if you thought you could hate me, I’d never let you. I’ll never allow you to leave me.”

I covered my eyes and wept. He sank down my body, kissing me here and there…gently, carefully. Pulling up my sweatshirt, he slipped it over my head. He cupped both of my breasts, intermittently running his thumb and lips across my nipples before taking them into his mouth.

My apex began to throb and tighten. My nipples turned taut under the heat and suction of his mouth.

He slipped further down my body, draping my legs over his shoulders. He gently kissed the latest cut on my thigh. “You don’t have to do this anymore, baby,” he whispered. “I’ll be everything you need from now on. I promise.”

I palmed my face as I cried with intemperance.

He slowly ran his tongue up my slit. He did it repeatedly, ending with gentle circles around my clit.

I bit my lip and moaned, trying not to move too fast and bring about the pain of my still mending body; he made it
very
hard. He’d been fully educated on how to manipulate my body—it was evident the first time, and evident now. He made sure to remind me of the extent of his knowledge with how quickly he made me come.

He slipped up, clasping my head in his hands, and slowly pushed his way inside.

“Eric,” I gasped.

“I’m right here, Nik. Will always be right here,” he whispered.

He rocked me slowly, deeply, and softly. Taking me in a way he never had before. With our eyes glued to one another, something felt so different.

I clasped my hands in his as he held me, rocking me in slow and steady strokes.

When I clenched around his girth, in the throes of euphoria, he sputtered and came quietly with me.

Closing my eyes in the warm bath, I felt comforted by the relaxing Epsom salts that served to alleviate my lingering pain. Eric sat on the edge of the tub while fully clothed. His pants were rolled up to his knees with only his feet in the water as he massaged foot. “How’s your pain?”

I opened my eyes and fingered the bubbles. “Please, don't doctor me. I’ve never had a doctor slash patient fantasy.”

“It’s the better option over discussing the things I know you want to talk about.”

“I know you won’t answer my questions. It will be; I pose a question and you have sex with me. Can’t do that. Last night was hard enough. I have to rest my aches.” I sighed, “I’m so sick of being in pain.”
Both the emotional and the physical.

“Are you telling me that you don’t enjoy the pain anymore?”

“No, because I’m still with you.”

“Yeah…” He dropped my foot and sat up tall. “That didn’t hurt at all, Nik,” he added sardonically.

“Why did he call you Ethan, unless you
were
Ethan?”

He rolled his shoulders and slipped his feet out of the tub. He swung his position, turning his back on me.

“No, Eric, it’s not going to do. Mrs. Hobbins came to me with information about a boy named Ethan… Ethan—“

“Brae.” He took in a deep breath and held it. “I changed my name, because I didn’t want to be known as the boy who survived a tragedy all my life. That’s all.”

“I kind-of like the name Ethan more than Eric,” I deadpanned. “You look more of an Ethan than an Eric.”

He playfully glared at me. “I’d rather you called me asshole like it was really my name before you called me Ethan.”

“How do you know, Dom?”

He strongly gripped the edge of the tub. “Itching not to bury my mouth in your pussy right now. You should change the subject, if you want to prevent me from doing that thing you claim I do to make you change the topic.”

“We all have our skeletons. You’d be surprised what mine are.”

He looked over his shoulder at me with a dead calm. “Hardly anything surprises me. I wish I could believe the same in return.”

“You don’t think I can handle the information?”

“I know you wouldn’t be able to. But…be patient. We’ll get around to sharing the full extent of all our dirty secrets. It’s inevitable.”

I sunk in the tub, feeling slightly defeated. I wasn’t any closer than I was before. Seemed like I was right back inside the situation I didn’t want to be in. Thinking about all that I’d lost, brought about the memory of someone I abandoned. “I-I need to check on someone.”

He raised a brow. “Whom do you need to see?”

“Trent.”

“No,” he commanded.

“It wasn’t a question.”

“And that wasn’t a request.”

Without a word, I cut my eyes at him, letting on that I wasn’t going to do whatever he told me do to anymore. He’d lost that privilege and needed to gain it back.

He abruptly slid into the tub, soaking his clothes. He grabbed me and pulled me to astride his lap. While brushing his lips against mine, his fingers dallied with my sex. “How much do you like being fucked by me, Nik?”

My lip quivered as he teased me. “A-a lot.”

“If you want to continue—being fucked by me—I suggest you listen to me when I tell you to do something. Else, I could make your life a living hell. Say…by walking around naked. Jacking off in front of you while telling you all the dirty little things I want to do to you—all the things that get you wet. The whole time I’m doing things to torture you, I’ll never give you the one thing you claim to love so much. And you’ll never be able to slip those fingers inside your cunt to the thought of it, either.”

“And how are you going to manage to do that?” I asked through a moan.

He slid his fingers inside me, calling me moan. “By tying you to the bed until I’m able to watch you.”

My will to make him pay suddenly broke apart and laid fragmented on the floor. “Y-you’re cruel and slightly sadistic.”

“…and you love it, my twisted angel, don’t you?”

“Yes,” I moaned. He arched and thrashed his fingers inside, manipulating my pleasure point. I gripped the edges of the tub as my body shook. Under heavy lashes, I gazed at him. “Y-you’ve threatened me with a lot of things….before….mmm…t-things you d-didn’t—fuck….m-make g-g-good on.”