The Space Within (The Book of Phoenix #3) (10 page)

Sensing my need to keep things above the belt, his hands moved to my shoulders, clutching them for a moment as though he was afraid if he let go, I might disappear. Then they slid to my back, one up into my hair while the other trailed lightly up and down my spine, sending a shiver through my heated body. Our mouths remained locked as we devoured each other as though our souls had been starving for this connection. I moaned into Brock’s mouth, and he growled in return, before nipping my bottom lip and breaking the kiss. He pressed his forehead against mine, and his hand slid from the back of my head to cradle my face.

“Your mouth is like a life force,” he whispered as his thumb swept over my lips.

Chapter 9

Now

My fingers on one hand skimmed over my lips, remembering the feeling of Brock’s doing the same, as the pads on my other hand skated over the words on the journal’s page. Words I hadn’t written. I could only figure Brock had somehow added them to the story I’d begun writing in the Book, because they obviously came from his memory:

“Her mouth tasted like cherries and mint, but the longer we kissed, the more she tasted like heaven. Like the single answer to everything I ever needed. Not that she was the solution to every problem. But somehow, kissing Asia and holding her in my arms, feeling her small body pressed against mine, made me believe I could take on any problem in the world, hers and mine, and come out triumphant. Made me feel that together we could take on anything.

“But maybe that was false hope from the heat of the moment.”

Something tickled the tip of my nose and not until I swiped at it did I realize it was a tear. More were streaming down my cheeks. My chest felt tight as it tried to contain the sob that was already building toward my throat, pushing upward, making my breasts heave and forcing a choking sound from my mouth. At last, I could no longer hold back. I cried for Brock and me, for us now and for us then. I cried for his words and his doubts. I didn’t know if the uncertainty came from what he felt then or what he felt now as he reflected on our story, knowing what came next … and after that … and until now, as we remained Separated across worlds.

What had come next was Hope knocking on my door, baby Connor on her hip. She and her husband had a dinner that night, which, of course, I’d known about, and she needed to hand off Connor to Brock. He sweetly cuddled the tiny baby in his strong arms that only moments ago had been embracing me, and with little more than an apology to me, ran off for the house, leaving me confused and uncertain of where we stood. And knowing we shouldn’t have stood anywhere. Regardless of him being the very type I’d vowed to stay away from, he had also been my boss’s son. A disaster waiting to happen, I’d thought, and I’d lose my job and home in the process. I didn’t know then how much worse it would be.

But I was getting ahead of myself. Of our story. I needed to relish in the good parts, not let the bad ones bring the Darkness faster. It would come soon enough.

We had some happy times. They felt insignificant now, but they’d existed. Like reading Jacey’s journal together.

See, a while after Brock had left that night and I’d been locking the front door, I noticed the brown leather book still sitting on the counter, where I’d pushed it to the edge. Somehow, the clasp had fallen open. Of course, I knew now that I must have touched the metal lock while Brock and I had been melded together at the mouths, but at the time, the book became even more of an enigma.

I scrubbed at my wet cheeks and sank into the memory of texting him immediately and how he’d been just as excited as I’d been to find out what was inside and to whom it belonged. He made me promise, though, to wait for him before opening the mysterious book. I hadn’t known until this moment, feeling it from him now, that he’d felt bad for having to push me to the side. Knowing what I did now, though, I couldn’t blame him one bit. In fact, I would have been disappointed if he’d done anything else.

Before losing myself again in writing our story, I stroked my fingertips over the script on the page—Brock’s script, where he’d somehow added that part about our kiss. When I did, I could almost,
almost
feel his presence. Not anything physical like his hand touching mine or anything, but in my soul. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the feeling.
Brock
, I silently called out. The slightest sensation rippled through me, like the lightest breeze, there and gone again before I could even be sure I felt it.

A knock at the door jarred me back to reality.

Jeric stood on the other side, one hand clasping the back of his neck and the other shoved into his jeans pocket. His blue eyes pierced into mine for a moment, then he looked away, at a point over my shoulder.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “I haven’t seen you all day.”

I glanced down the hall at the window at the end, which was black. I’d had the curtains pulled closed over my window, blocking out the sun, and hadn’t realized night had fallen.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said as I wrapped my arms around my midsection. “As fine as can be expected.”

He nodded, but his gaze still stayed away from my face. He almost seemed to be looking for something.

“Have you found anything in the Book?” he asked, and I realized that was probably what he searched for. He hadn’t even tried to mask the hope in his voice.

I swallowed, not wanting to tell him. “What had been in there before … Jacey’s story, your drawings, everything … it had all apparently washed out.”

Jeric’s sharp eyes finally came back to me, and his brows pushed together as his mouth pressed into a scowl. Although I relished being able to read Brock’s words, my heart hurt and my eyes stung for Jeric and Leni and what they’d lost. The pages may have held the memories of what had been written on them before, but without any idea of how to bring them back, the words and pictures may as well have been gone forever.

“That fucking sucks. I, uh, I thought …” He paused, looked away again, then back at me, and lifted a shoulder in a sort of shrug. “I’ve been wandering the entire manor all day, feeling lost. I keep finding myself back at your door without even realizing I’d taken the steps to get here. It’s like a pull. I’d hoped … I thought maybe it was the Book. Or something you found in it. I was trying to give you time and space to go through it, but here I am … again.”

The pain etched into his eyes—the same agony filling my soul—had me stepping to the side and inviting him in. “There’s something I want to show you.”

Jeric hesitated for a long moment. I was sure he felt as strange as I did being here, in my room, without Brock or Leni serving as a buffer. Jeric was hot, but he wasn’t my type. In fact, the only type I had any more was Brock. Even though I struggled to understand exactly what we had together, I knew I’d never want anyone else. I also knew Jeric completely loved Leni. They were the definition of soul mates, the embodiment of Twin Flames. Always had been. I certainly didn’t have to worry about him trying anything.

I strode past Jeric and over to the bed. I picked up the Book of Phoenix, held open to the page I’d been reading, and handed it to him. He glanced down, then back up at me.

“I thought you said everything had been washed away,” he said.

“Right. I started writing in it, though. About how Brock and I met, since it’d never been recorded, as far as I know.”

Jeric’s eyes tightened slightly.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing. I just … uh … I’ve been getting what I can only call visions. Of how you and Brock met.”

My breath caught. “That’s wonderful!”

His brows rose.

“It confirms what I’ve been thinking. Look here.” I pointed to the page. “That’s Brock’s handwriting. Like he’s adding to my story. Like he can feel it, too!”

Jeric studied the page closer. “This just started appearing?”

I gave him a small smile. “Yeah. And that’s not all. I swear, I kind of … I sometimes think I can feel
him
, Jeric.” I pressed my fisted hand against my chest, over my heart. “I feel him almost like a ghost in my soul. But more than that … more than a memory. It’s almost like the Book’s trying to connect us through more than just words.”

“Like a bridge across worlds?” he asked, his voice full of hope.

“Maybe. I mean, Nathayden was able to feel Bex, right? Or see her or something. I don’t remember exactly what he said and his messages are gone now, but he knew she had red hair and blue eyes. He knew she’d been reading it. And he was able to communicate with us. So maybe …” I paused and sighed, then muttered, “Or maybe it’s just wishful thinking.”

Jeric sat on the bed, his gaze focused on the Book as he ran his fingers over the outside cover. “It makes sense, though. If I’m getting your story without reading it … Brock’s able to add to it … Nathayden had felt something from us and sent us messages in return … Leni thinks we gave the Book powers in a past life. We just have to try to remember them.”

He turned back to the page where I’d left off, his finger holding the spot the whole time. He closed his eyes, like I had before, and skimmed his fingertips slowly over the paper. Several beats of my heart passed before a slow smile began to spread over his face, revealing his dimples that made him look more boyish and less intimidating. With his eyes still closed, he pressed his palm against the page and lifted his other hand to his chest.

“I feel her,” he said, his voice more of a croak than anything. “Barely, but I do. She’s alive, at least.”

Chapter 10

Leni
. Jeric’s voice calling out my name swirled through me, and for a moment, I thought I could actually feel him again, his soul a part of mine.
Leni!

Jeric!
I called back to him, reaching for him with everything inside me.
I’m coming, babe! I’m coming home.

I didn’t know if he heard or felt me, or if I really heard or felt him. The sensation could have been no more than the Gate pulling me in and spitting me back out. The sound of his voice wishful thinking, like the mirage of an oasis in the middle of a desert. Regardless, I lost it all as soon as I landed in another body of water.

Unable to breathe, I jerked the helmet off of me, not thinking or caring that the air of this new place could possibly kill me. It didn’t. The water wasn’t acidic like it had been on Erde, either. It was a small, murky lake, and I’d landed waist-deep not too far from shore. The sun beat down from high in the sky, where bodies fell from and splashed into the water around me. Bex, then Hayden, then Brock.

Why had we fallen from the sky again, like we had when we arrived at Erde? Why hadn’t we emerged from an underwater Gate? I’d thought last time had been because we’d used the Book of Phoenix to transport us directly to where Nathayden was—that the Book had used or even created a portal. But this time we’d gone through an actual Gate on Erde. Shouldn’t it have spit us out through the other side? No lights of a Gate shone under the water, though. Did each Gate work differently? I’d never thought to ask, and no one had ever mentioned this, but it seemed pretty plausible now.

A massive form blotted out the light of the sun before I had a chance to say anything, and we all looked up. We weren’t the only ones to have passed through the Gate.

“Run!” Hayden yelled as soon as he tugged his own helmet off.

We sprinted for the shore, nearly there when an enormous wave of water almost knocked us down and the beast bellowed behind us. I looked over my shoulder at the gozzard that had followed us, its elephant-like trunk raised, sniffing the unfamiliar air. Nothing else seemed to have come through with it, thank God for small miracles. But bringing the monster from Erde to this new world, whatever it was, was bad enough. A look around as we continued running across the marsh made me think we’d made it back to Earth … and brought a freakin’ gozzard with us. But wouldn’t I feel Jeric if we were on Earth? Maybe we just weren’t close enough to each other.

We ran into the green jungle surrounding the lake, where near darkness immediately engulfed us, the pounding of the gozzard’s footsteps behind us as it chased after. Chirps, buzzes, and hums filled the air, as well as the sound of dripping water on leaves. Our feet squelched in the muddy jungle floor as we trudged across it, and the putrid smell of rotting potatoes forced me to take quick, shallow breaths so I wouldn’t gag. We clipped through the light-dappled jungle as quickly as possible, each of us taking turns in stumbling over a root or rock and pushing hanging vines out of our way. I tried hard not to think about the gigantic spider webs we passed … or the creatures that made them … but I couldn’t help my hand from continuously swiping at the back of my neck, feeling creepy-crawlies all over me when there were none. Except for mosquitoes the size of birds that I swatted on my arms.

The air was thick and heavy with humid heat, and I’d started to shed the acid-eaten jacket I wore that was now nothing more than a membrane clinging to my body, but Brock stopped me.

“That thin material could be all that’s keeping those mosquitoes from sucking every ounce of your blood,” he said as he waved his hand in the air and smacked one away.

“Good point,” I muttered, and I left the jacket on although sweat poured from my scalp and down my back.

My legs felt like tree trunks, as heavy as a gozzard’s, when we finally broke through the edge of the jungle and halted in our tracks. Night had fallen, and the low, almost full moon reflected off the water in front of us. A sea. Waves beat at the shore that stretched to our right and left as far as we could see.

We each bent over, bracing ourselves with our hands on our knees, and tried to catch our breaths. We’d lost the gozzard a long time ago, but kept moving to put as much distance between it and us as possible. Now we were trapped between the raging sea and the jungle with the monster and who knew what other creatures. We hadn’t seen any but certainly had heard them.

“Is this … Earth?” Hayden panted.

“Possibly,” Bex said. “Like the Amazon or something?”

“It’s hard to say,” I said. “I thought I’d feel Jeric as soon as we came through, but if I really did, which I’m not so sure, it was only for a moment.”

“I felt Asia,” Brock said, and my heart leapt as I spun to look at him. “I swear I feel her every now and then, but …” He paused and frowned. “I could easily be lying to myself.”

I shook my head, not letting him lose hope. “Maybe we’re just not close enough to feel them.”

“Do you have any idea where we are then?” Hayden asked. “Or do we need to find shelter for the night?”

I wracked my brain to remember all of the Gates’ locations on Earth. I knew there were two in the U.S. and one in every other continent except Antarctica, but I didn’t know if that even mattered.

“We could be in South America or Africa,” I suggested, based on the jungle. “I don’t know if we actually exited through a real Gate, so we could be anywhere in the tropics.”

“Maybe even Australia?” Bex suggested.

Brock shook his head. “I don’t think there are any jungles like that in Australia. Nowhere I’ve been, anyway.”

“But this does look like a place on Earth?” Hayden tried to confirm. “Are we near civilization?”

“I could only say based on pictures I’ve seen, not actual experience,” I admitted. “I’ve seen nothing here to say for sure that we’re on Earth. And if we are, there’s still no telling about civilization.”

“There could be people around, but that doesn’t mean they’re civilized,” Brock added.

“Then I say we find shelter for the night and hope we can learn more in the light of day.” A shadow passed over Hayden’s face, and my heart jumped. The last time darkness blotted out the light, a gozzard had dropped from the sky. This time it was only a cloud that had moved across the moon. More clouds were building in the distance and lightning flashed. “Looks like we better hurry, too.”

We followed Hayden’s lead, who might not know Earth, but had much more experience than the rest of us in living off the land. Because the rest of us had none. Using branches, palm fronds, and other foliage he could find, he and Brock built a shelter barely big enough for the four of us to cram into. Just in time, too, as the storm crashed overhead. We huddled together like four human balls, water dripping through the leaves here and there and sliding down our heads and backs. My body ached and jolts of pain shot through my hips and knees from old dance injuries feeling the strain of today’s run and the humidity. My eyelids felt like five-pound weights hung from them, pulling them down over my gritty eyeballs. But nightfall and the storm had brought a chill to the air, and I couldn’t sleep with the wet cold making me shiver. Without breaking the forms of our scrunched up bodies, Bex and I squirmed closer together, and the guys tried to warm us from the sides but with cold and clammy skin, they weren’t exactly space heaters themselves.

After what felt like several dreadful hours of lightning, thunder, and downpours, the rain let off and the clouds began to thin, the moon’s light shining through.

“Does your moon usually stay in the same place so long?” Hayden wondered as we still sat on the sand under the shelter, our legs stretched out in front of us now that it wasn’t raining.

I rubbed my forehead as his meaning set in. The moon still hovered over the horizon, reflecting off the water in the same place it had been when we’d first emerged from the jungle. Granted, a cold, wet storm could make minutes feel like hours, but I’d seen for myself that the moon had risen in the sky while Hayden and Brock had built the shelter and Bex and I had collected firewood (that was now soaked).

Brock growled. “It’s not the same moon.”

He jerked his head toward our right, where another round, white light hung much higher in the sky. A third shone from a place over the tops of the jungle trees behind us. My heart sank, and tears pricked. We weren’t on Earth. For all I knew, I was no closer to Jeric than I’d been on Erde.

“Should have known it wasn’t her,” Brock muttered under his breath before he pushed himself to his feet and strode down the beach.

“Asia?” Bex asked from beside me.

“I can only assume so,” I said. “He thought he’d felt her a couple of times. I thought I’d felt Jeric, too, so I know what he means. In our souls.”

“Not if we’re nowhere near them,” Brock said as he paced back toward us.

“Was it while we were in the Gate?” Bex asked. “Maybe a connection through there?”

Brock growled and shook his head. “It’s been more than once.”

I watched him pace a few times, then rose to my feet and did some yoga poses we used to do to stretch after rehearsals. While doing a standing forward bend to loosen my hips and back, a thought occurred to me.

“Maybe we’re feeling them through the Book,” I said to my shins. I lifted my head and looked up to see if anyone heard me. Brock had stopped his pacing, his head cocked. I slowly pulled myself upright to find all of them staring at me, the moons’ light reflecting off their faces. “We already know we can communicate through the Book, right? I mean, Hayden, you sensed us when we were writing and drawing in the Book. You even knew what Bex looked like. So maybe Jeric and Asia finally figured it out, and they’re trying to do the same. Maybe
they’re
feeling
us
at the same time we’re feeling them.”

“I could feel you, yes, especially my Twin Flame,” Hayden said. “But I’m not sure what you mean by this book. You’ve mentioned it before.”

“Is this the same book you’d dropped in my car?” Bex asked. “The one with the drawing of Hayden? All of the Nathaydens?” She gasped. “It is, isn’t it? And Jacey’s story … I remember now! That Bex
was
me! Leni, we’d been best friends and roomies before.”

I gave her a small smile as she began to recall.

“We’ve been sisters before, too, haven’t we?” she said. “No wonder I felt close to you.”

“I’m still confused,” Hayden pointed out. “I vaguely recall what a book is. There are printed words in them, yes?”

We confirmed Hayden’s memory of a book, and he explained they didn’t exist on Erde. They’d been banned generations ago. I told him, as well as Bex, more specifically about the Book of Phoenix and what I thought it could do. Hayden rubbed his chin and stared out at the water while I spoke, and I thought he hadn’t been listening.

“The Book seems important to Enyxa,” he said after I finished by telling them how the Book had brought us to Erde, but it had remained on Earth. “I can’t remember why, though …”

We fell silent as we all seemed to consider this seemingly unhelpful piece of information. What could Enyxa want with the Book of Phoenix?

“I think we were all involved in creating the Book, so maybe if we all keep our thinking caps on, we’ll remember more about it,” I suggested. “But we definitely need to keep trying to reach out to Jeric and Asia. They may be our only chance of going home.”

With the weather calm and the tide low, we finally settled down for sleep after deciding on shifts. Brock took the first one. I fell asleep faster than I thought possible, only to be awoken a while later by a heart-wrenching scream.

“NOOOOO!”

I bolted upright, my heart in a gallop. Bex was already sitting up, too, but her arms and legs thrashed about.

“NO!” she screamed again, terror filling her voice.

“Bex, love,” Hayden whispered, now also awake and sitting on her other side. He tried to put an arm around her to calm her down.

Her eyes, vacant and distant, widened and filled with fear. She shoved him away. “No! Don’t you touch me!”

“It’s me, love,” he said, his voice soft and soothing. “You’re okay.”

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” she screamed. She jumped to her feet and spun to face us, her knees bent slightly, her hands out in front of her, her fingers curled in like claws. And her blue eyes wild with fear.

Hayden looked over at me, at a loss.

“She’s going to attract animals,” Brock hissed from where he sat a few feet away from the shelter, his katana laying next to him. He was on his knees, as though he’d begun to get up to help her, but had decided against it. Probably a wise decision.

Being the least likely to be mistaken for Mason, I sprang to my feet and wrapped my arm around her shoulder. “Bex, honey, it’s me, Leni.”

She tried to fight me at first, but I grabbed her chin and turned her head toward me.

“Look at me. See? It’s just me. You’re okay.”

The wild look in her eyes began to fade.

“That’s right,” I soothed, rubbing my hand up and down her back. “You’re safe. You’re with me, and Brock, and Hayden. That’s all. Nobody else. Nobody here wants to hurt you.”

She looked around and nodded, but only when her eyes came back to me did they show any trust. Along with a deep sadness. Her hands reached out and clutched my shoulders. She threw her full weight on me, her knees buckling, and dragged us both to the ground. I wrapped my arms around her and held her as she cried.

“It’s okay, you’re okay,” I repeated over and over, tears filling my own eyes. I honestly didn’t know if she’d ever be truly okay.

“I’m not,” she choked out at one point. “I’ll never be okay again.”

“Yes, you will,” I whispered in her ear. She shook her head against my shoulder. “You
will
, and you know why? Because you’re strong. You’re stronger than that bastard. You won’t let him ruin your life. You won’t let what he did to you define you. Right?”

She sniffled and eventually nodded.

“And your love with Hayden is strong, too, right? Stronger than anything you face.”

She sniffed again and pulled away from me, looking over my shoulder at where her Twin Flame sat.

“Oh, Hayden,” she cried, “I’m so sorry.”

I shifted to the side so she could crawl to him.

“Nothing to be sorry about, love,” he said as he took her into his arms.

“There’s everything to sorry about!” Bex’s voice took on a new tone, one of total despair. “I’ll never be right for you. He took that. He took
everything
.”

“No, love—”

She pushed away from him, but not out of fear now. Something else filled her eyes.

“Yes! He destroyed everything! He destroyed me! I can’t be with you, Hayden. I can’t be with anyone. There’s nothing left in me worth fighting for.”

“Bex,” I said, “that’s the Darkness talking. You and Hayden haven’t been Forged yet, so it’s getting to you, too.”

She shook her head vehemently. “It’s the truth.”

“It’s the Darkness,” I said more firmly. “Don’t let it win.”

“Funny thing about Darkness—it has a way of bringing the truth out,” said a taunting female voice.

We all jumped to our feet as Enyxa emerged from the jungle, the moonlight bouncing off her white and black hair and sleek, form-fitting outfit. She grinned at the looks on our faces.

“You didn’t think I’d let you stay in one of my worlds without another warm welcome, did you?” she asked. My heart sank at this knowledge, and she beamed even bigger. “Oh, yes, this world is mine, too. Not quite as dismal as Erde, but the souls are all mine.” She turned bodily toward Bex and reached a hand out toward her face. “Are you ready to be mine, too, dear?”

Hayden jumped between them, a knife in each hand, one of them slicing toward Enyxa’s outstretched arm. She jerked her hand back and hissed. Hayden fell to his knees. He pressed his fists to his temples and let out a feral, snarling sound. His face twisted as though he were in physical agony.

“No, please, stop!” he moaned.

“Oh, aren’t you cute,” Bex seethed at Enyxa, and then she went down, too, the fear and pain returned to her face. She curled over her thighs, moaning and sobbing.

Brock had moved to the evil bitch’s back, his katana in hand. He silently swung it upward into position. Before he could move another inch, though, the long blade slid from his fists. He grasped his head and fell to his knees screaming, just like the other two.