The Spawning (42 page)

Miranda blinked at him in disbelief. “He wouldn’t do that,” she said

emphatically.

Teron’s expression became stony. “He
did
do just that,” he ground out.

He was talking about what had happened between her and Adar the night before.

She suddenly knew it with absolute certainty. “If you’re talking about what happened last night,” she said angrily, “
I
did that. It wasn’t Adar. And what I’d like to know is why he was ordered not to, damn it! If you and Khan aren’t interested, that’s your own decision, but don’t be making that kind of decision for me … or for Adar. And you’ve got no right to use him for a damned punching bag, anyway, when he didn’t do anything but … lay there!”

“Self control,” Khan ground out, suddenly joining them, “is part of a warrior’s training. Anyone who can’t control himself, whatever the situation, under orders, deserves to be disciplined … for the good of all. Adar is as aware of that as the rest of us.”

Miranda felt stinging tears flood her eyes and emotion clog her throat until she could hardly swallow for it. Guilt swamped her, but it was more than guilt. As wonderful as she’d felt at the time she’d made love to Adar and even when she

awakened, in an instant it had turned into something—ugly. She felt tainted, disgusting, as if she’d raped Adar, and now
he
was paying for it.

She still didn’t completely understand what was going on, but it suddenly didn’t matter. She’d tried her best to convince herself that there must be some reason, other THE SPAWNING Kaitlyn O’Connor 188

than the unpleasant one she couldn’t shake, that the men had lost interest in her as woman. She’d known all along she wasn’t just to their taste, wasn’t what they really wanted, but, like an idiot, she’d thought when they’d become lovers that had all magically changed.

It hadn’t and she realized the reason none of them had touched her since was

because she just didn’t appeal to them enough for their needs to overcome their disinterest—maybe even revulsion. She felt like her heart was breaking. She couldn’t go on with the farce anymore, she realized, couldn’t pretend there was something there when there wasn’t. Whatever their reasons for ‘adopting’ her to take care of her—she supposed because of the baby she was carrying—she couldn’t just coast along and keep lying to herself. She had to struggle for breath even to speak. “I don’t want any of you anymore. Just leave me alone.”

Turning away from them, she started back across the clearing, brushing at the

tears that were blinding her until she could barely see where she was going. Khan caught up to her before she’d gone far, grasping her shoulders to stop her and turning her to face him. “Why?”

She shook her head, refusing to look at him.

“Tell me why,” he said harshly.

She sucked in a shaky breath, trying to master the urge to simply let go of her emotions and sob. She didn’t trust herself to speak, though. What could she say, anyway? I can’t stand being with you and caring so much when you don’t? I want to get further away so, maybe, I won’t be tempted? So I have some chance of healing a wound that’s never going to heal if it stays open?

It was humiliating enough that they didn’t want her when she wanted them so

much,
cared
so much about them.

“You break my heart and you will not even say why.”

The words drew her gaze upward. She stared at the taut planes of his face, trying to swallow past the painful tightness in her throat, struggling with hope and doubt. “How can you care about me when you won’t even touch me anymore?” she asked on a choked sob.

His face twisted with pain. “We are only trying to protect you, dear heart. It is not a question of want. Teron feared it might … hurt you. I could not bring myself to risk that. None of us could.”

Miranda gave up the effort to hold her emotions in check, weeping as loudly and without restraint as a child. She wasn’t certain herself if it was from relief or hurt, but she didn’t make any attempt to push away from Khan when he wrapped her in his arms and held her against his chest. She wept all over him until his chest was as wet as her face and she was completely exhausted from crying and reduced to hiccoughing breaths.

She finally dragged her gown up and mopped the wetness from his chest and then her face.

“I am not worried about a little wetness,” he murmured harshly, cupping her face in his hands and forcing her to look at him. “Say you did not mean it when you divorced me. I love you. I do not think I can bear if you will have none of me.”

Miranda’s breath caught in her chest. Her mind erupted into chaos and for

several moments she couldn’t get beyond the fact that, as simply as saying she didn’t want them in a fit of pique, she’d completely thrust them from her life. Her face THE SPAWNING Kaitlyn O’Connor 189

crumpled at the realization. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I really didn’t. I love you.”

He swallowed audibly, searching her face for the truth of her statement. The

tension left him. Drawing her closer, he bent to meet her, his kiss a balm to her wounded soul that she didn’t want to end.

She discovered when he finally lifted his head, though, that Teron, Gerek, and Adar had followed her, as well. She swallowed hard when she met each man’s gaze in turn, realizing she’d hurt them in her pain when it was something she’d never wanted to do. “If I say I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, will you forgive me?”

“Readily, dear heart,” Teron said, pulling her close for a kiss.

She chuckled a little unsteadily when Gerek dragged her away from Teron and

kissed her ruthlessly. She looked up at Adar apologetically when Gerek had released her, lifting her hands to lightly brush his bruised face. “I’m so sorry, baby,” she murmured, lifting up on her toes to kiss his bruised mouth carefully.

He smiled at her a little crookedly when she settled on her feet again. “I am not altogether sorry,” he murmured, flicking an uncomfortable look at the other men, and then added hastily. “If you are not hurt.”

“It hurt me a lot worse to think none of you wanted me anymore,” she mumbled

and then turned to look at Teron worriedly. “Do you really think it would hurt me to have sex?”

He glanced at Adar with more than a little irritation. “Our women do not—

certainly not in the beginning when they feel there is the chance that it could cause them to lose the child—nor at the end when it might cause premature labor. I suppose, if it had, we would know by now,” he said tightly.

She smiled at him a little hopefully. “So … since it didn’t …?”

He studied her for a moment and finally looked at the others. “She is mid-term now. I think she is past the worst risk of miscarriage. I suppose, so long as we are careful, and it causes you no discomfort, it will not hurt to indulge on occasion—until late in your pregnancy.”

Miranda smiled at him, suddenly feeling as light hearted as she had when she’d first woken. “I absolutely adore you! And you! And you! And you!” She gave Khan a saucy smile as she turned to leave, brazenly stroking her hand over his crotch. “Later!”

He was grinning at her when she flicked a glance back at him.

THE SPAWNING Kaitlyn O’Connor 190

Chapter Twenty Two

Khan seemed to be laboring under the illusion that he could pleasure her and

forego actual penetration. Unfortunately, it didn’t take long for her figure out that he’d decided
she
needed the relief. Briefly, she wondered if he’d just lied to her and told her what she wanted to hear, but she could see he was as needy as she was, and she wasn’t having it. She
was
horny. It seemed to her that her pregnancy had hyped up her needs, but nothing short of full penetration was going to satisfy her and beyond that, she was completely against leaving them to suffer through pleasing her without getting relief themselves.

There was a little problem with that determination. As aroused as they obviously were, they were also so unnerved about having sex with her due to their certainty that they would knock the baby loose apparently, that they had trouble maintaining an erection when she demanded penetration. It was so deeply distressing all the way around that she was almost more relieved than sorry when Teron finally forbid any more sexual relations.

She thought they were relieved, too, which didn’t help her feelings.

She didn’t really understand it. They
acted
like they wanted her. It certainly didn’t take much effort on her part to get a rise out of any of them, or maintaining it up until the moment of truth, but the minute any of the four slid their cock inside of her, it began to deflate.

Either it felt different to them—not a happy thought—or they really and truly

were scared to death that they were going to hurt her and nothing could convince them otherwise. She wasn’t sure she believed that, but it became impossible to dismiss it after a while. The bigger her belly got the harder they tried
not
to look at it, and when they did, they couldn’t seem to tear their gazes from it.

They
were
afraid and either their fear finally communicated itself to her or it was just that she reached a point where she realized labor day was looming and couldn’t be avoided. She thought it was a little of both, uncertainty and anxiety generated in her from their uncertainty and anxiety, and a completely natural fear of the pain she’d heard associated with child birth.

The fear stayed with her right up until she entered her last month, although it had already begun to wane in the face of misery. The last month was so completely miserable, though, that she graduated very quickly from dreading ‘the end’ to wanting desperately to get it over with.

The last of her doubts about their anxiety vanished when she actually went into labor. It was patently clear from the absolute panic that went through all four men when she announced that she was pretty sure she was in labor that they were terrified.

It didn’t help her feelings that Teron seemed to be in as bad a shape as the others.

She discovered he had organized and prepared, however, and when three of the

other women also decided to go into labor within hours of her first pains, the direness of the situation seemed to steady him.

THE SPAWNING Kaitlyn O’Connor 191

She passed from ‘pretty sure’ she was in labor to absolutely certain within a

couple of hours, descended into such a nightmare of pain that she pretty well lost touch with everything around her. She noticed when Gerek and Adar ceased to pace up and down just beyond the alcove where she lay and disappeared, because they’d been getting on her nerves and it was relief. She noticed when Khan flopped weak kneed on the edge of the bed beside her because it jostled her when he landed. When Teron bellowed at him to get his ass off the bed, he jumped up for a moment and then sank to the floor beside the bed, squeezing her hand so hard it went numb.

She noticed increased activity all over the nursery from the other women who’d gone into labor and their ‘attendants’ and the mixture of excitement and dismay of the women expecting to go into labor most anytime.

Everything was incidental to the unremitting pain, though. That dominated her world. Finally, when Teron had checked her for maybe the twelfth time he had her sit up and removed her gown as he had her pants and boots earlier.

She didn’t argue. She didn’t care. All she wanted was for the pain to stop.

She balked when she discovered they expected her to deliver
in
the pool, but she was in too much pain to manage more than a whimpered objection. When Khan had climbed down into the water, though, and lifted her carefully from the edge, she discovered they had warmed the water in the pool until it was almost the same

temperature as her body. It was surprisingly soothing, seemed to ease her pain. She wasn’t certain if that was because it relaxed her or if the buoyancy of the water helped, but she could feel that her contractions were as hard as they had been—and getting steadily harder and closer together.

Positioning her with her back braced against his chest, Khan caught her legs

beneath her knees and drew them upward so that Teron could check her progress. He stroked her cheek soothingly when he had. “Soon, baby. Just a little longer.”

His gentle touch as well as his words soothed her, but it distressed her when he crossed the pool to check another of the women. She knew he had to take care of everyone, than he couldn’t just stand over her and comfort her with his nearness.

She didn’t want him to. She wanted him to stay with her.

As if sensing her distress, Khan murmured soothingly to her, rubbing her

stomach, calming her once more.

Two more women went into labor before any of the first four women had

delivered. Already showing signs of stress, Teron climbed out of the pool and went to check their progress. By the time he returned Miranda had begun to feel so much pressure in her lower belly that she knew her baby had to be coming.

Teron swallowed a little convulsively when he checked her again, flicking an

uneasy look at Khan. “It’s crowned.”

Miranda dragged in a shaky breath. “It’s coming?” she asked dizzily, hope lacing her voice.

“Yes, baby. When you feel the next contraction, I want you to push.”

As relieved as she was that he’d told her it was almost over, it still seemed to take forever. Every time she felt a contraction, which seemed continuous by that time, she gritted her teeth and tried to push the baby from her body, over and over again until she was so tired and dizzy it had begun to take almost as much effort to
try
to push as the pushing itself.

THE SPAWNING Kaitlyn O’Connor 192

“I can’t,” she said a little breathlessly, suddenly fighting the urge to weep from sheer exhaustion. “I can’t do it.”

“You can!” Teron said sharply. “Don’t give up on me now, Miranda. It’s almost here.”

The suspicion arose in her that he was lying. “Is it?”