The Spectacular Now (26 page)

Chapter 65

What was that one thing that Cassidy wanted me to do for her? To think about someone else’s feelings instead of my own for once? I wonder what she’d think about that if she could’ve seen me with Aimee tonight. I always had the idea she thought I didn’t know how to love someone. Well, she’d have to admit I sure do now.

And then there was that other thing she said, something about how I never believe anyone loves me. “You never believed I did,” she said. That still bugs me. Of course, I’d believe someone loved me—if they did. It just seems like that’s pretty impossible to know for sure.

Right there, cruising down Twelfth Street, I decide to call her on my brand-new, soon-to-be-lost-again cell phone and see exactly what she meant. She’ll also probably be interested in what happened with Aimee, not to mention my new only-on-the-weekend drinking policy.

It takes a while before she picks up. Seems she’s on the highway with Marcus. They’re in New Mexico, heading to Albuquerque, where Marcus is going to play basketball and major in public administration or something weird like that.

“Oh, Sutter,” she gushes. “It’s so beautiful out here. Twilight is coming on, and there’s, like, these mesas and these gorgeous colors I’ve never seen before. I mean, as soon as we got into New Mexico, I was like, ‘Wow, I can see why they call it the Land of Enchantment.’ The landscape is, like, so spiritual.”

“Well, I guess it’ll be a good place for you to visit every once in a while.”

She’s like, “I’m going to do more than that. I’ve made up my mind. I’m moving out here to go to school. Marcus wants me to, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to till now. We’re going to look over the campus tomorrow, but I’ve already seen pictures of it, and, you know, I’ve just fallen in love with the whole place.”

“But you’ve been all set to go to OU for months.”

“I was, but I have the right to change my mind if I want to.”

“But surely it’s too late to get enrolled somewhere else now.”

“No, it’s not. The application deadline isn’t until June 15. I checked.”

“What about your parents?”

“They’re the ones who encouraged me to come out here and look it over. You know how they always thought I should go to school out of state and get a chance to see more of the world and everything. Besides, they absolutely love Marcus.”

No big surprise. I’m sure her parents figure Marcus is an enormous step up from me. I don’t mention that, though.

“How about the cost?” I ask. “Won’t it be a lot more expensive, out-of-state tuition and everything?”

“I’ll get a job. Anything’s worth working for if you want it enough.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“It’s like a whole new era in my life is unfolding, Sutter.”

“Well, that’s great,” I say. “That’s very cool.”

What’s the point of arguing? I should be happy for her. We’re just friends, after all.

“So, what were you calling about?”

For a second, I completely forget why I called. “Nothing,” I say. “It’s just been a while since we talked.”

There’s not much to say after that. She tells me she’ll e-mail me some stuff about the college, pictures and all. She’ll fill me in about the whole excursion when she gets back.

I’m like, “That’s great. That’s great.” Somehow just about my whole vocabulary has frozen up, except for the word
great.

A second later, she’s gone, vanished into the enchanted New Mexican night. She’s gone, Aimee’s soon to be gone, and me, all of a sudden, I’m hit with this absolutely incredible thirst.

Chapter 66

Sure, I’ve pledged to only drink on the weekends, but this is summer. I mean, what’s the difference between a weekday and a weekend when school’s out? As long as I keep the drinking down to once or twice a week, everything should be hunkydory. Unfortunately, in a less rational moment, I emptied the faithful flask into the gutter down the street from home, but that’s no problem. My favorite liquor store is but minutes away, and then it’s just around the corner for the big 7UP, only this time I go for the giant size instead.

Yes, the hometown streets already look friendlier. Cars honk at me left and right. The night is warm and girls flow past with their windows rolled down, their beautiful hair cascading back in the breeze. Wouldn’t it be lovely if one flashed her tits at me? I might even chase her down this time. “The summer belongs to the Sutterman,” I’d tell her. “You want to come with?”

Talk about enchantment. Forget about working for something just to have it fall apart on you. Let the magic come. That’s what I say. Let the magic come and fill in every inch of that little black crack behind your breastbone. Commander Amanda Gallico has her spaceship, and I have my bottle of whisky. We’re both on our way to the same planet.

Who knows how long I’ve been on the cruise when I come across this bar called the Hawaiian Breeze. It’s a small baby-blue cube of chipped cinderblock with palm trees painted on the side. A gravel parking lot with four cars. I’ve always wanted to go in there just to see what it’s like. It couldn’t be much worse than Larry’s place down in Fort Worth. Except for not owning a pistol or a switchblade, I’m bound to fit right in.

Of course, I’m not old enough to buy drinks in there, but I figure what do I have to lose? Inside, there’s one rumpled drunk at the bar and two gigantic escaped convicts playing pool. The bartender looks like a junkie version of Buffalo Bill in a Hawaiian shirt.

The rumpled drunk doesn’t do anything but continue staring into the top of the bar, but everybody else glares at me like
Who is this twerp and what’s he doing in our sanctuary?
Junkie Buffalo Bill is getting ready to tell me to get the hell out, but I cut in first. “Sir,” I say, flashing my famous gap-toothed smile. “My name is Sutter Keely, I am eighteen years old and sore at heart, for my romances have all collapsed out from under me. I am in great need of a whisky and Seven.”

Just that fast, Junkie Buffalo Bill’s scowl turns into a broad, snarly-toothed yellow grin. “Ha! That’s the best one I ever heard.” He looks at the escaped convicts. “What do you think, boys? The kid’s sore at heart. Should I slide him a cocktail?”

The slightly more enormous of the convicts goes, “Hell, yeah. Give old Sutter a drink. I’ve been sore at heart myself.”

The rumpled drunk doesn’t comment, except to raise his pasty-white face and howl, “Whooo-weee!”

“One whisky and Seven coming up,” says Junkie Buffalo Bill.

The next thing you know I’m buying whisky shots all around. To break the dank silence, I crank up every Jimmy Buffett song on the jukebox and go into the tale of Cassidy and Aimee and my long-lost dad. Everyone’s enthralled. They’ve been there, a long time ago.

“Am I wrong for letting Aimee go like I did?” I ask the boys, and the slightly less enormous escaped convict, the one with the bandanna tied on his head, goes, “No, you’re not wrong, Sutter. You’re a hero.”

“That’s right,” says Junkie Buffalo Bill, and the rumpled drunk goes, “Whooo-weee!”

The boys of the Hawaiian Breeze love me. I’m their mascot. You should see their eyes light up when I tell the story of the dinner party fiasco and how I burned up Kevin-pronounced-Keevin’s thousand-dollar suit.

“Damn,” says the more enormous escaped convict. “Kevin. You gotta hate him.”

“Suther,” sprays the rumpled drunk, his first attempt at words yet. “You are the king. You really are. Are you religious, Suther? You look religious.”

It’s an odd question considering the circumstances but I go with it. “Of course I’m religious. I’m God’s own drunk.”

He cranes back his head. “Whooo-weee!” And then in the next second he’s clutching my arm and staring at me bleary-eyed and mournful. “You got your whole life ahead of you,” he says.

“So do you,” I say, holding my arm steady in his grip. It’s the only thing keeping him from toppling to the floor.

“No,” he says. “All my friends are dead and my life is over.”

“Your friends aren’t dead,” I tell him. “We’re your friends.”

“Whooo-weee!”

By the time the last Jimmy Buffett song plays, everyone’s having a blast. The gloom of the Hawaiian Breeze has lifted. When I announce that it’s time to go, no one wants me to leave. “Sorry, boys,” I say. “The night awaits. More adventures are in store.”

Outside, the streetlight shines on the gravel parking lot. I feel like I’m on the surface of the moon. With painted palm trees in the background. The night is glorious. I’m overflowing with the thrill of having saved the souls of the boys of the Hawaiian Breeze. Maybe Marcus was wrong. Maybe a single person can save the world. I’ll bet I could. I could save the whole world—for a night.

And what does Cassidy know about the way I feel? Of course I can feel loved. I open my arms wide and let the wind flow over me. I love the universe and the universe loves me. That’s the one-two punch right there, wanting to love and wanting to be loved. Everything else is pure idiocy—shiny fancy outfits, Geech-green Cadillacs, sixty-dollar haircuts, schlock radio, celebrity-rehab idiots, and most of all, the atomic vampires with their de-soul-inators, and flag-draped coffins.

Goodbye to all that, I say. And goodbye to Mr. Asterhole and the Red Death of algebra and to the likes of Geech and Keeeevin. Goodbye to Mom’s rented tan and my sister’s chargecard boobs. Goodbye to Dad for the second and last time. Goodbye to black spells and jagged hangovers, divorces, and Fort Worth nightmares. To high school and Bob Lewis and once-upon-a-time Ricky. Goodbye to the future and the past and, most of all, to Aimee and Cassidy and all the other girls who came and went and came and went.

Goodbye. Goodbye. I can’t feel you anymore. The night is almost too beautifully pure for my soul to contain. I walk with my arms spread open under the big fat moon. Heroic weeds rise up from the cracks in the sidewalk, and the colored lights of the Hawaiian Breeze ignite the broken glass in the gutter. Goodbye, I say, goodbye, as I disappear little by little into the middle of the middle of my own spectacular now.

Also by Tim Tharp:

Knights of the Hill Country

An ALA Best Book for Young Adults
A Chicago Public Library Best of the Best
Winner of the Oklahoma Book Award

*“Jealousy, rage, and tenderness are wrapped around the story’s core theme of self-discovery…this intriguing work demands an audience.”

—
Kirkus Reviews,
Starred

“Taut scenes on the football field and the dilemmas about choosing what feels right over what’s expected are all made memorable by Hamp’s unforgettable, colloquial voice that speaks about feelings and football with the same unwavering, fully realized personality. A moving, sensitive debut from a writer to watch.”

—
Booklist

“The teen’s voice comes in loud and clear, revealing a sensitive, likeable character…readers will root as much for his team as for Hampton to be true to himself. The dynamic football scenes will draw readers who enjoyed H. G. Bissinger’s
Friday Night Lights.
”

—
School Library Journal

“Hamp musters the sense and confidence to muddle his way through, and for that readers in the stands can raise a cheer.”

—
The Bulletin

THIS IS A BORZOI BOOK PUBLISHED BY ALFRED A. KNOPF

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

Copyright © 2008 by Tim Tharp

All rights reserved. Published in the United States by Alfred A. Knopf, an imprint of Random House Children’s Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.

Knopf, Borzoi Books, and the colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Tharp, Tim.

The spectacular now / Tim Tharp.—1st ed.

p. cm.

Summary: In the last months of high school, charismatic eighteen-year-old Sutter Keely lives in the present, staying drunk or high most of the time, but that could change when he starts working to boost the self-confidence of a classmate, Aimee.

[1. Self-destructive behavior—Fiction. 2. Dating (Social customs)—Fiction. 3. Substance abuse—Fiction. 4. High schools—Fiction. 5. Schools—Fiction. 6. Stepfamilies—Fiction. 7. Family life—Oklahoma—Fiction. 8. Oklahoma—Fiction.] I. Title.

PZ7.T32724Spe 2008

[Fic]—dc22

2008003544

Random House Children’s Books supports the First Amendment and celebrates the right to read.

eISBN: 978-0-375-89140-3

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