The Stargazers (24 page)

Aster went to her and kneeled, placing her hands on Ruby’s. “There
is
something different about us. We’re kindred spirits.”

Relief filled Ruby’s tear-streaked face. She leaned forward and cupped Aster’s face in her hands. “I’m so glad you said that.” She kissed Aster, her lips as open and hungry as Bryon’s had been earlier. But as much as Aster wanted to lose herself in it and forget everything plaguing her mind and heart, she had to stop dividing herself
this way
or she’d risk losing the two people she cared about most right now.

“We can’t do this. It wouldn’t be right…” 

Ruby fr
owned. “Why? Because I’m a girl
? I thought you had more courage than that.”

“No! I’m talking about loyalty! Don’t you understand that this is hard and confusing for me? I care for both of you. But I need you more as my friend right now, Ruby. I can’t be two things at once and I can’t betray either of you.”

Ruby began to sob anew and she covered her face. “But I thought you loved me.”

“I do. But I love him too. And I need a sister right now, more than anything.”

“Don’t make me vomi
t. This whole house is full of sisters. I think I loved
you from the moment I first saw you. And I know you felt the same way. I
felt
you.
”

Aster’s mind was whirling. This was all her fault. If she’d been honest with Ruby, hadn’t led her to believe that there was even a chance they could be together…  How could she make
Ruby believe that in a better world
, Aster would have chosen her as well?

“There is so much you don’t know, Ruby. I just need you to trust me. I need you now more than ever to be my friend. And I need to be yours.”

“Just tell me why it couldn’t be me. Tell me why you chose
a
guy who probably only has his dick on his mind and would just drop you as soon as you took him for a ride.”

Aster thought of how Bryon was the first to break their interlude earlier, and she shook her head. “That isn’t true. You don’t know him.” 

“Yeah, you say that now. But they all show their stripes eventually. It’s in the male DNA.”

“Just stop it!” Aster yelled in a grated whisper and then looked at Ruby’s arm again. “What happened to you? Did you have an accident?”

Ruby glanced at the bandage and shrugged. “What always happens when I get like this. I go into the shower with my pocket knife, and I try to make the pain I feel inside bleed out through my skin.”

Aster gaped. She had never heard of such a barbaric ritual. “Does that actually work?”

“I have twelve scars on one arm, nine on the other, and a few on my legs, and I’m just as miserable as I was the first time I did it. But I guess you become addicted to the sting of the cuts after awhile.” A single tear trickled down her nose and hung from the end for a second before dripping into her lap. “I’m sleeping downstairs tonight. I can’t really be near you right now.” She stood up and grabbed her pillow and blanket from the bed.

“Ruby I’m sorry—”

“Just shut up. I don’t hate you, but I feel like I could make myself if I have to lay here and listen to you breathe. I just need to be alone right now. And a piece of advice, I’d get out of here before six. The other girls don’t like you so much right now.”

Grabbing her pillow, Ruby left the room. Aster listened to her footsteps descend before lying down on the bed to stare at the ceiling.

She wanted to cry, but she was too tired. The emotional weight of the day dragged her into fitful sleep like a boat anchor. In her dreams, she saw Ruby walking toward her wearing a white dress and holding a red bouquet of roses. The thorns were cutting into her skin, and droplets of blood drops fell onto the white silk. As she drew closer, Aster could see a glint of metal concealed within the roses. It was the blade of a knife.

The knock on the door came just when Oleander expected it woul
d. She had heard the two hussies
squabbling above her. In fact, she suspected most of the town had heard it as well. Oleander opened her door to let Ruby in and saw
a few
other girls standing around in the hallway as well
, no doubt gossiping about what had happen
. “Back to bed!” she yelled at them before yanking Ruby in and slamming the door.

It pleased her to see Ruby’s
broken face. Broken people were Oleander’s specialty. Not because she wanted to fix them, but because they w
ere
useful. “What’s the matter,
D
earie?”

“Everything’s f
alling apart! She’s with that guy and she says she’s in love with him and I don’t know why I can’t just let it go. But I need her and I can’t explain why, and if I can’t be with her, I’m just going to keep cutting myself, only I’m going to cut my wrists and—”

Oleander couldn’t handle anymore and she slapped Ruby hard across the face. Gods that felt good. “Shut up and sit down.”

Ruby slowly lowered herself onto the bed, rubbing her cheek. Her eye
s were wide and watery pools. “Why did you hit me?
”

“To stop your blessed
blubbering
, and don’t think I won’t do it again
.
Now tell me what you want
me to do about your puppy love problem.”

“Can you make her love me, or were you just making fun of me?”

Oleander went to her bureau and selected the bottle of potion she’d brewed earlier using Ruby’s tears. It wasn’t a typical love potion, per se, but the
girl didn’t need to know all the
details. “Right here, dearie. Down the hatch, and the girl is yours. You only had to ask.”

Instead of taking the bottle, Ruby
got up and
began pacing around the room again, chewing on her knuckles. “What would happen if I gave something to someone else?”

That question was unexpected, but welcome. Oleander was never one to turn down the opportunity to work her magic. “What did you have in mind?”

“I don’t need a potion to make her love me. She already does. I know it. She told me she does. That’s why this is so messed up.”

Oleander pocketed the bottle in her robe. “Then I guess you don’t need this.”

“But I need to get rid of
him
,” Ruby said. “This stupid boy she’s seeing is ruining everything, and I want him to go away!” Her eyes were bloodshot and glas
sy. Oleander drank in that
frantic and irrational hate
as if it was lifeblood
.

That was an even better idea than the original one.
Oh my, was it ever
.

“I can make him, as you say, go
away. It’s possible that she will
come to you for comfort, but it isn’t the same as a love potion. She still might reject you or even blame you
for what happens
.” 

Ruby shook her head hard. “She won’t rejec
t me. She would need me, and
I’d be there for her
.
Who else would be in this stupid place? I don’t care what it takes.”

Oleander smiled. The girl was hooked. “Good, because this won’t work if you don’t commit. People are going to get hurt from this. As long as you’re willing to accept that and the blame should it fall on you…”

“Look, I just want us all to be happy. And I know she’ll be happy with me. She just needs help realizing it. Goddamn, why can’t things ever work out the way I want them to?” The girl punched the palm of her h
and. Oleander liked that fury
. Oh yes she did.

She took the potion back out of her robe and went to the station of herbs and ton
ics she had set up in Ivy’s
armoire. “You don’t tip the favor of the universe in your direction without risk.”

“Look at all that stuff. You really are some kind of witch, aren’t you?”

Oleander whirled around. “You would do best to stop with that kind of tal
k. For your own sake. Since you a
re putting your fate into my hands, you defer to me now. I own you.”

The girl’s lip quivered. “But I was only asking…”

“You
never
ask me. I tell you what I think you need to know. Your glib tongue days are over. Or I can dump this out and leave you to cut yourself in the shower alone until you
hit an artery.
”

The girl’s face
went slack, but she kept her mouth shut
.
She wasn’t as stupid as she looked.
Oleander
returned to work altering the potion. Its basic structure was right, but it just needed a couple tweaks. Soon, a salty-metallic odor filled the room.

“That…stinks.
”
said
Ruby.

“
Your type would think so.
It’s male essence.” In reality, it was bull semen, but why spoil the mystique? Once it was done, she shook the bottle and handed it back to Ruby. “Give this to him. I don’t care how you do it, but if you want it to work, that’s how it has to be done.”

Ruby took the flask. “How do I get it to him without making sure she doesn’t get any too? They’re always together. She might want to share whatever I put it in.”

“The potion wouldn’t have any real effect on her. It’s designed now to only work on males.” 

“Are you sure it won’t, like, poison him?”

Oleander stepped close enough to back the girl against the door.  “If I’d wanted to make a
poison
, I would have made one. Just give it to him. If you don’t, then you know what you stand to lose. Don’t make me feel I’ve wasted my time, or I will get it back. One way or another.”

R
uby nodded. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

“Good. One more thing. If you tell anyone about our little pact, I will make you disappear entirely.”

After sending Ruby trudging down the hall
, Oleander
closed her door
leaned aga
inst it
. The dominoes were all lined up, and her temporary protégé was about to tip the first one.

-22-

Aster awoke to indigo light in the room. When she looked out the window, she saw a pink band of sunrise
on the horizon
. The clock read 5:30. After taking a few minutes to bathe
herself in the sink and throw on some clean clothes
, she came down the stairs to the smell of something delicious baking in the oven. Ruby sat at the kitchen table staring into a mug of coffee. The two met each other’s eyes for a second and looked away. “I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to do some baking.”

Aster took a seat across from her, trying to search for the right words. It seemed easier to keep things casual. “I never would have guessed you were into that.”

“Mom ate a lot of sweets back when she was high all the time. I used to bake her chocolate chip cookies in monster batches. Cakes and muffins too when she asked for them. It was all I knew to do for her. My time as an enabler started early, I guess.”

“You didn’t know any different. You just wanted to help your mother.”

Ruby shrugged. “I guess it was my way of keeping the peace. Or maybe a way to get her to love me a little more. Who knows.” She took a drink of coffee and Aster heard the first songbird of the day outside the window
over the sink. Soon the insects in the trees
would start up their one-note symphony. She hoped to get to Mama Iris’s before
it got too hot
. 

When the little bell
next to the stove rang, Ruby got up with her potholders and pulled two high loaves of golden bread out of the oven.
“
I noticed a small harvest from the
strawberry
vines out back
, so I decided to put them to use
. I thought they were done for, but somehow they magically rejuvenated themselves after you worked with them. You really know what you’re doing out there.”

“Are the others very
mad at me?”

Ruby shrugged. “Some of them bitched. But you haven’t been here all that long, so I don’t think they feel an attachment one way or the other. I think they’re more upset over what Ivy’s making them do than anything.”

“And what do you think about Ivy?”

The other girl was silent for a long time, and Aster began to wonder
she
was trying to figure out a way to speak
diplomatically or lie. When Ruby
did speak, she averted her eyes and sounded almost afraid. “I’m kind of in an emotional clusterfuck right now, you know? I might not be the best judge of anything, come to think about it. And that’s all I can really say about anything right now.”

Ruby
had never spoken so vaguely before. What was she hiding? If she’d had the time, Aster
would have probed
a little more, but she wanted to be up the road to Iris’s house soon.