The Stars Trilogy (54 page)

“Kelsey must be going out of her mind now,” she commented.

“I can imagine.”

“And Gabby.”

“I doubt it.”

“She still loves you.”

“Things end. It’s inevitable. That’s life,” he said casually.

After everything that happened between them, his indifferent statement struck a chord in her. “Didn’t you love her at all?”

“You ask too many questions that do not matter to you, Celine.”

Oh it matters. It really does.
“Come now, I already signed the confidentiality agreement.”

He sighed. “I cared for her. You heard the contents of our pre-nup. She’d reap a lot of benefits from the divorce. She can easily replace me.”

“I can’t believe you cheated on her after two weeks of being married.”

“She knew from the start it’s not in my nature to be faithful. I told her so. She took the risk. In fact, It was me who added the straying fee in the contract. For her protection. She agreed, therefore she also accepted the possibility that I’d cheat.”

“Wow. How generous of you, indeed.”

He looked at her above the fire, his eyes mocking. “You wanna lecture me on fidelity?”

“No. I’m just wondering why you had to cheat on her. She’s so beautiful. Was she a lousy lover?”

“No. She was a bona fide seductress.”

“So?”

“Because this is me. I do not believe in exclusivity. I still wanted to have sex with other women while married to her. I’m not the type who’d deny myself. I gave her a choice.”

Him and his brutal honesty again. God, he can be such a bastard. “What choice?”

“She knew what she was getting herself into before she signed the contract. Every decision has pros and cons to consider. I gave her ample time to decide but she couldn’t wait to sign the contract. ”

“So, let me get this straight. Her choices were...marry you and count her blessings each day because her days with you are numbered OR marry you and suffer the pain of seeing you with other women just for the chance of having the opportunity to make you love her in return in the course of your marriage.”

He grimaced. “Sorry, it’s not as dramatic as that for me. Gabby was twenty eight years old and hardly a novice in Hollywood when she met me, so don’t make it sound like she came into it like a blind fool. Not Gabrielle”

“And that gave you the sense of entitlement to disregard your vows and the law?”

“I didn’t give her any sacred vow. We were married by a judge.”

“What an excuse to cheat.”

“Look,” he speared her with smoldering eyes, clearly losing patience now. “I don’t know why you are grilling me about this, Celine. My marriage to Gabby is over. It was a marriage with financial attachments and it ended with financial compensation. Nothing more, nothing less so you can quit the moralistic lecture anytime. You will not make me feel guilty for it.”

“You’re so cynical, you know that?” she commented quietly. “You think all people are out to use you, abuse you and leave you. So you created a fortress around you, so that nobody can ever hurt you. But you know what, by doing so, you are hurting yourself, Dare.”

He turned really serious, his eyes glacial, shutting her out again. “I’m a realist, Celine. This is what I am. Yes, I’m distrustful of people and when you’ve lived in Hollywood most of your  life, you will know what I mean. Anybody who’d want to be with me had better accept that and the fact that this is what I am and what I will always be. You understand?”

She stared at him and knew he was telling her something between the lines. She’d have to be dense not to get the message loud and clear.

He will not change. Not even for her. If she wanted to be with him, it would be on his terms alone. It was a take it or leave it deal.

She nodded, unable to form any reply.

“I will not make empty promises to you, Celine. I will only offer what I am capable of giving. I have no unrealistic expectations from you, either. We are both consenting adults.”

“I understand,” she said softly.

She stood up from the rock and turned away from him. She walked to the edge of the clearing, rapidly blinking her eyes to stop her tears from falling.

“I appreciate the gift of your virginity. That was very unexpected—”

“Please, do not patronize me, Dare. I’m not a child. I perfectly understand!” she snapped at him, insulted that he would bring that up after telling her not to get any ideas about the state of their relationship.

He said no more.

She saw him then for what he really was. His cynicism was deeper than she first thought and the more she talked to him, the more she was given a clearer picture of the real person behind the glittering celebrity. He couldn’t blame Gabrielle for feeling the way she did. Dare was really warped inside. He had an extraordinary detachment from people, a coldness and lack of empathy, an elusiveness that was both challenging and devastating.

She could imagine Gabrielle’s situation before, a woman in love with him, but sadly, he didn’t believe in love. But hope would urge a woman to chase him and try to break down his seemingly impenetrable walls...only to be worn out, drained of all strength and faith...because he was really cold to the core, incapable of reciprocating any deep affection. And that was when love would turn to hate. But ultimately, since no one can win with Dare, even hate will not last. It will be replaced by bitterness so acrid it would probably fester for life.

Poor Gabrielle. Poor Naiomi. Poor Alana.

She could see herself in the future...suffering the same fate.

Poor her.

Dare saw the dejected slump of her shoulders and he wanted to kick himself.

He was just being honest with her, as far as Gabrielle was concerned and with regard to how he viewed relationships. After their shared intimacies, he wasn’t about to promise her the goddamn moon!

Okay...so she fancied herself in love with him. A million women did. They’d tell him that on the streets, during premiere nights, in fan mails, in his countless bed romps with them. The phrase “I love you” was spoken to him as casually as stripping clothes and it didn’t hold any meaning to him anymore.

When Celine would tell him those words... something inside him would want so badly to believe her. Yes, he believed her. This woman loved him. She was willing to die for him.

And that was the sad part of it. For he didn’t know if he was capable of reciprocating her feelings for him. He didn’t know if he can ever be faithful to her. He was not a relationship man. He never was. He didn’t know how.

For the first time in his wretchedly debauched life, he didn’t want to hurt a woman with the venom of his very nature.

They went back to the plane without speaking to each other. Celine walked with a heavy heart.

Dare was in front of her, clearing her path like a gallant knight, but she didn’t feel like his princess. Their recent conversation was tantamount to getting a huge jolt of reality hitting her head on. One moment she was riding high on his undivided attention and the next thing, he was dropping her like a hot potato. She was still reeling from the abrupt free fall and the shock of hitting rock bottom.

His words still echoed in her mind, firm and unyielding. After sharing intimacies with him,both sexual and emotional, she had hoped...that she had somehow touched his heart...but she was wrong. So very wrong. But it was not his fault. Really, it wasn’t.

She was just so full of faith in the power of destiny. So naive. But she would concede now. Shavonne was right all along. She was delusional.

She’d never felt so stupid.

God...all these years of hoping and waiting...and this?

Tears threatened to fall with her every step but she steeled her heart. She won’t be written down as one of those females who cried a river and became a bitter, old soul because of this cold-hearted man.

When they reached the plane she went to get some toiletries and told him she’d go to the lagoon.

“I’ll go with you,” he said.

“Thanks,” she said simply. Of course she cannot go down there alone.

So, they went to the lagoon together.

The silence between them was deafening.

Dare joined her in the water but kept his distance. He told Celine to sit against a protruding rock, partially shielding her back. He sat opposite her in the lagoon, making sure he could see their surroundings at a single glance. His Uzi lay really close to him.

Celine was ignoring him and it was getting to his nerves.

He had been feeling antsy the past few days. Trekking for hours yielded no positive result. They did not find any semblance of civilization. The jungle seemed to stretch for miles and miles as they went further from the plane which served as their base point, and the terrain  became more difficult. Add the fact that he knew some fucking tiger must be stalking them now gave him the chills every time. He was so paranoid the animal would just jump them out of nowhere and attack. What he told Celine about tigers’ behavior was not  accurate. A tiger would attack anything when threatened and they were strange creatures roaming around its natural habitat. Tigers were very territorial, indeed.

Their conversation awhile back caught him off guard and he responded to her questions straight up. He was not used to discussing relationships with any woman. His relationship with his exes had all been clear-cut associations. No room for confusion. There was a clean way in and a clean way out.

His association with Celine was different. It was rich and exciting and deep, he would acknowledge that but it was a blurred, murky river of uncertainties. Now, there lay the problem. He hated uncertainties. He detested things and situations he couldn’t figure out or control. With Celine, he had been a speeding train without breaks heading to an unknown destination from day one and it was scaring the shit out of him as the days passed.

And why in hell would she ask him questions when she would not like his answers? Women!

He avoided looking at her body while she washed herself. He did his own business quietly. But he couldn’t control his body from reacting to her nakedness. He was hard under the warm water.

He couldn’t take her silence any longer.

“Celine...” he began.

“Hmm?” She didn’t look at him. She was rubbing a flat stone on her arm.

“Look...I want you to understand—”

“I do.” She looked at him then, her eyes serious. “Believe me, I do.”

“But you’re mad at me.”

“Mad? No. A bit shocked, maybe. But not mad. You’re right, of course, Dare. We are both consenting adults. I have no right to expect or demand anything from you and vise versa. Whatever we did here were a product of our own volition. I get that. Don’t worry.”

He sighed. Now that she was practically repeating his own words and agreeing to his terms…why did it sting somehow?

She smiled at him. But he saw the lack of warmth in her eyes now. Warmth that he’d gotten used to for he was always the recipient of it.

“I will take care of you, Celine. That, I can promise.’

She nodded. “I know. You’ve taken care of me well enough the past days. Thank you.”

That night, they slept on both their sides, turned away from each other. No part of their bodies were touching despite their cramped sleeping area.

Dare turned to face her but she didn’t move to do the same. He stared at her silhouette illuminated by the dancing fire outside. Her quiet breathing indicated she was as wide awake as he was and it was near midnight.

It was hard to control the urge to gather her close to him and feel the warmth of her body. Incredible as it was, he had gotten used to that, too.

He knew it was going to be a very long night and he hated every minute of it.

At dawn, he lost the battle with his pride.

He embraced her from behind. He sighed in relief when she made a sound of capitulation and molded her back to his front.

It was only then that he drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Twenty-three

“Hi. Sorry I haven’t written you in awhile. I got busy with school. I’m renting a flat here in Singapore right now and taking up extra courses in film-making and creative writing at The Tisch. So, how have you been? It seems that you and Naiomi are getting along just fine. You looked great together at the Oscars. The only thing that wasn’t great was you lost again this year at the Academy Awards. I think those Oscar people hate successful actors who make box-office hits. But anyway, you won at the Globes so, not bad at all. Congratulations again. Looking forward to your next Daredevil movie. I heard it will be shown simultaneously worldwide this summer. The Daredevils are all anticipating with great love.