“Are you serious, Max?” Juffin stared at me with the most fearsome of his icy gazes. After a moment he sighed wearily. “Of course you’re serious. Well, it turns out you’re not the only one who can make blunders. On the other hand, it’s not a bad thing that questions of life and death don’t just depend on your unreliable emotions. You’re always dangerous! Always. It’s good that you know that now. We’ll just have to take life as it comes. You haven’t changed your minds about the pâté, fellows?”
Melifaro and I shook our heads vigorously.
“What affectation! Do you think I buy into your delicate spiritual sensibilities? Perhaps you’re even planning to request a vacation?”
“I wouldn’t think of it,” I protested, “especially if you’ll allow me to return what you have in your pocket to its proper place.”
“No way! The amount you downed already is enough until the day after tomorrow.” Juffin was trying very hard to be a gruff boss. “All right, here’s what we’ll do. You’re in luck, Melifaro, you can go home. And Shurf, it wouldn’t do you any harm to relax for a while. This End of the Year has wound everyone up—everyone except Sir Max. So let him report to duty. That clear, hero?”
Juffin looked at me so meaningfully that I knew there was something else in store.
“Right then, I’m off!”
Just as I was standing up to leave, I remembered something and grinned cunningly. “You still owe me dinner, Melifaro! As far as I remember, you didn’t have to pay a farthing in the
Hunchback
.”
“There’s only one thing on your mind!” Melifaro exclaimed. “As soon as you get up from one table, you’re making a beeline for the next. Don’t you care about anything in the World besides food?”
“Besides food? Of course I do! I’m also fond of bathrooms. Like my best friend, General Boboota Box. He’s taught me a lot.”
“But that’s very unfortunate, Max,” Lonli-Lokli said mournfully. “There are so many wonderful things in the World. Don’t you like to read?”
“I was only joking, Shurf,” I said, and left with a dignified air to the accompaniment of the friendly guffaws of Juffin and Melifaro. Only Lonli-Lokli had the presence of mind to wish me goodnight.
Juffin’s call reached me when I was already in the office.
I didn’t let you go home because I wanted you to try to fall asleep in my chair. You must try it, at least by around sunrise. I’m not joking! Other than that, do as you wish. Over and out.
I was puzzled. In any case I didn’t feel like sleeping. “Do as you wish.” That sounded tempting. I thought a bit, then sent a call to Melamori. I was glad to learn that she was in good spirits.
I’m very sorry. We closed the case already, so my morning order about the eateries has become invalid.
I know, Max. But maybe the hunchback had accomplices? They could be making King Banjee in my favorite café on the Victory of Gurig VII Square. Sir Kofa went home to sleep before I did. So if you’re ordering me to—
Of course I’m ordering you. The Unified Kingdom will simply perish if we don’t carry out an inspection. And I can’t go there alone. I’m terribly scared of the dark. I’m waiting for you. Over and out.
I even tossed my head in delight—how beautifully everything was turning out!
She arrived in half an hour, gazing at me in joyous anticipation, as only she could.
“Only no dark, deserted streets,” Melamori whispered with a smile. “But who will take your place on duty?”
“Kurush, of course. Who else?”
The buriwok opened one eye just a crack, then puffed up its feathers again.
We went for a walk along the well-lighted streets. And where else was there to walk, may I ask? In Echo, praise be the Magicians, there are no dark alleyways or backstreets.
“I’m probably a terrible bore, Max,” said Melamori. “I promised you that I would try to figure out why I was afraid of you. But I haven’t been able to. And that’s probably very bad, because—well, because . . .” her voice trailed away and she stared gloomily at her glass.
“What is there to understand?” I grinned. “I’m just a very scary fellow. Don’t worry. Everyone’s afraid of me. And don’t make a tragedy out of it. In fact, you don’t have to try to figure anything out. In matters like this, people should just consult their hearts.”
“But I have two hearts!” Melamori retorted. “One that is brave, and another that is wise. And they want completely different things!”
“Well, then you’ll just have to draw up a schedule. Let one of them lead the way today, and tomorrow it will be the other one’s turn. That’s a solution.”
“Why are you in such a hurry, Max? Life is so long. It’s good not to know everything there is to know, and everything that is to come. When everything has already happened . . . something wonderful disappears . . . I don’t have the words to explain this.”
“We’ve had different upbringings, Melamori. I prefer things to be more definite. Somewhat, anyway.”
“Take me home, Max,” Melamori said suddenly. “I’ve overestimated my own abilities—in all respects. Please don’t be angry.”
“Oh, I’m not angry,” I said. “Maybe we can just do this more often? Walking together, I mean. While your two hearts are trying to sort things out between them, I would have a bit more happiness.”
“Certainly, Max,” Melamori said, “as long as it doesn’t annoy you. The walks, I mean. They’re not exactly what people expect when they have feelings for someone. I just happen to be a stubborn exception to the rule.”
“When I was young, living very far away from here,” I intoned like a thousand-year old man, “I had some difficult times. Let’s just say I had only one pie, but I wanted to have ten. But I never threw away that single pie just because I wanted more. I’ve always been a sensible fellow, Melamori.”
“I understand, Max,” said Melamori, and smiled. “I would never have believed that you had to get by on just a single pie.”
“I still do, as you see, in a certain sense. Let’s go, you look like you’re about to drop off to sleep.”
“I feel like I’m already dreaming,” Melamori murmured. Then I took her home.
When we arrived I was rewarded with a playful, smacking kiss on the cheek. Don’t let yourself be seduced by that, I thought to myself. That innocent kiss doesn’t mean anything But my head was spinning with joy. My breathing exercises were powerless to combat it.
I took a roundabout way back to the office. It was easier to think while I was walking than it would be sitting in the chair, and I certainly had things to think about. About Melamori’s two hearts, for instance. If it were any other girl, the confession about the two quarreling hearts would have struck me as a silly, high-flown metaphor. But what did I actually know about the physiology of the inhabitants of Echo? Very little, when it came right down to it.
Returning to the House by the Bridge, I sent a call to Lady Tanita. My modest experience in matters like this told me that she would hardly be sleeping soundly, even at this late hour.
Good night, Lady Tanita. I wanted you to know that at around sundown I killed the man who caused Karwen’s death.
I decided not to explain to the widow that her husband’s horrific death had come about, in fact, by chance. It was unlikely to comfort her in any way.
Thank you, Sir Max
, she answered.
Revenge is better than nothing. You know, I took your advice. I’ve already moved so I can start a new life. And that’s better than nothing, too.
When you open a new tavern, send me a call. I’ll definitely come by and save you from any possible chance of bankruptcy. Good night, Lady Tanita.
I don’t think you’ll care much for what my new cook prepares, but you must come anyway. Good night, Sir Max. And thank you again—for the advice, and for avenging me.
When the invisible connection with Lady Tanita was broken, I was again alone, except for the sweetly sleeping Kurush. Soon, sleep stole over me, as well, and recalling Sir Juffin’s order, I dozed dutifully in his chair.
I was extremely uncomfortable. My back ached, my legs went numb. I woke up every five minutes, then slipped immediately into slumber again. “Don’t fidget, don’t get distracted,” the voice of Maba Kalox, the most mysterious creature in this improbable World, repeated to me in my dream. I couldn’t really see his face, though. Toward morning, I also dreamed about Juffin, but I didn’t have the strength to understand, much less remember, the contents of these importunate visions.
“You look terrible, Max.”
The cheerful voice of Juffin restored me to life. It was morning. I felt quite sick.
“Were you playing tricks on me me?” I asked wearily. “What were you and Sir Maba up to?”
“Do you remember?” Juffin asked. “Do you remember what you dreamed?”
“Not really. Only that you were there, and it was exhausting, I hasten to add. Well, and Sir Maba’s voice—he told me ‘not to fidget.’ What was it about, Juffin?”
“Never mind. You’ll go home, sleep a bit, and you’ll be as good as new. Before you go, though, try making some kamra again.”
“Juffin, are you taking revenge on me for Boboota?” I asked. “What a beast you are, after all.”
The chief looked at me with genuine compassion.
“Why, is it that bad? Please, Max, try it. I beg you. Honestly, I’m not teasing you. Or if I am, just the very slightest bit.”