The Stranger Within (37 page)

I have been to court and pleaded guilty. Mr Samuels is talking to me but once again I am only half-listening. The only information that sticks in my head is that I will be reprimanded to prison until my trial, which could take up to a year. It sounds so serious, much worse than
going
to prison. But for now I have to stay in this court cell. What am I supposed to do here? I don’t have anything but my mind to keep me occupied, and that is a dangerous thing.

Before he leaves, he tells me that James is outside and wants to speak to me. He must sense my unease because he quickly adds that I don’t have to, it is entirely my decision. But I don’t have the energy to dwell on it too long so I nod, unsure whether it is a good or bad idea to see him. What will we say to each other?

              Mr Samuels says goodbye and leaves me alone to wait for James. The second he has gone I regret not asking him more questions, playing out the conversation so I have the company of someone I haven’t hurt for longer.

              I wait but nobody comes. I can’t tell how much time has passed since he left, but it is long enough for James to have appeared. But just as I convince myself Mr Samuels must have been mistaken, a figure appears at the door. I look up but it takes me a moment to realise it’s not James standing there, because they are almost the same height.

Dillon.

This is far worse. I have not prepared myself for this confrontation. I didn’t think James would let either of the boys anywhere near me. But here Dillon is, lingering by the door as if afraid to come nearer.

“Dillon? What are you –”

“Sorry…Dad changed his mind and wouldn’t come. Is it okay for me to be here instead?” My heart softens because he is acting as if he is invading my privacy, intruding.

              “Course, sit down.”

He does as I suggest and pulls out the chair John Samuels sat in. I should feel more nervous now that I am facing Dillon, but I am strangely calm. He will want answers and I owe it to him to provide them.

“Does your dad know you’re here?”

He shakes his head. “He went for some fresh air and I begged that man… your solicitor…to let me talk to you.”

So we only have limited time before James realises he has snuck in and demands they get Dillon away from me.

“Why?” he says, his eyes brimming with tears. “Why?”

But there is no time for this. “Dillon, listen carefully. I need you to tell me again what happened. Everything this time. Every detail you can remember. I need to be clear about it all. It’s really important. Don’t leave anything out. Even things you didn’t mention before.”

He hesitates for a moment but seems to understand why I need to hear it again. And when he speaks this time, I am fully prepared. I need to picture it, to feel as if I was there with him.

“It was early that afternoon and I wanted to call Rhys. I don’t know why, I just missed him, I guess. I used a payphone. I couldn’t remember his mobile number but knew his home one.

“He was so happy to hear from me but asked what the hell I thought I was playing at, running away. He said you were all worried and I should call you. Well, that was the last thing I wanted to do. I said no way, and that you were probably happy I was gone and then he went all quiet.” Dillon stops and takes a deep breath.

“Then he said he had to show me something urgent and begged me to come over. He promised it wasn’t a set up or anything and I believed him because…well, friends don’t do that to each other, do they?” He looks at me as if expecting an answer to this question, but I urge him to continue. Time is running out.

“So I went there. Turned up at seven o’clock like he asked, and it was fine. Nobody was there to drag me back home. Then he started drinking his dad’s gin and…and we were laughing about that. He offered me some but I didn’t want any. I almost forgot he’d said he had to show me something.”

My stomach is in knots. I know too well what comes next.

“He made me promise that whatever happened at eight o’clock, whatever I saw or heard, I would keep quiet, stay hidden and not say a word until he told me it was okay. He said I needed to hear every word or I wouldn’t get the whole picture. At first I thought it was just the alcohol making him a bit crazy, but he was serious. Rhys doesn’t fuck around. Didn’t…”

He stops talking for a moment, as if paying a silent respect to his friend.

“When the doorbell went he told me to get behind the sofa quick, so I did. It was kind of exciting. I didn’t know what was going on. But then I heard your voice.”

Shame floods through me and I look away. I don’t need him to repeat the conversation I had with Rhys; it is deeply etched in my head. “And afterwards? What happened after I’d gone?”

“I waited till I’d heard the front door shut then came out. I can’t describe how I felt. Numb. Angry. I hated you. More than I ever had before. It made me sick to think what you’d done to Dad. But I hated Rhys even more. Don’t know why. I’ve thought about it every day but still don’t understand it. Maybe it’s because at least you were trying to end it.” He is crying now, reliving that night will be causing him unbearable pain but we have to do this.

I too have thought about this a lot. It should have been me Dillon hated the most. None of this was Rhys’ fault. “He was supposed to be your friend,” I say. “You didn’t care what I did to you because you never believed I loved you in the first place. But Rhys…”

He nods, digging in his pocket for something. I assume he is looking for a tissue but his hand comes out empty. He looks around the room and seems surprised there is nothing in here but empty plastic cups. He uses his sleeve to wipe his face. “Yeah. Maybe.”

I glance at the door and he takes this as a sign to carry on. He must realise James will be back inside soon and looking for him.

“After you left, we argued. He said he loved you and you’d find a way to be together. I just wanted to hurt him, to knock the smile off his face because it lit up when he talked about you. I was so angry I just went for him. I shoved him and he fell backwards. Against the coffee table. And then…I grabbed his head and rammed it against the marble. I couldn’t stop…” The rest of Dillon’s words are lost in the midst of his sobs. “I ran then. Just ran. I didn’t even want to go home but I knew I had to. I was almost there when I realised I’d have to go back to Rhys’ and make it look like a burglary.” His whole body starts to shake and he buries his head in his hands, gasping with sobs.

“It’s okay,” I say. But it’s not, is it? He will have to live forever with what he has done. His guilt will be bottled up, and he’ll never be able to tell another soul about it. I can take the blame for him but I can’t erase his actions or his memories. I want to hug him but I can’t risk the officer outside coming in. He is already watching us through the small window. But I reach for his hand and he lets me take it. This is the first time we have had any physical contact. It still surprises me that Dillon doesn’t hate me. I can’t explain it and neither can he, but I suspect it is because I am the only person he could turn to. He needed me. Finally.

“What happens now?” he asks, when his tears begin to ebb.

“Say nothing. Do nothing. Just let things be. You’ll find a way to cope. Carry on with your exams. Do well for your dad. And your mum.” This is the first time I have referred to Lauren without feeling negative.

He shakes his head. “But why are you doing this? What about you? You can’t do this.”

“Yes, I can. It’s already done. You’ve got your future to think about. That’s all that matters.”

“But Dad hates you…he thinks –”

“And that is what he’ll always have to think. Promise me, Dillon. Promise you won’t say anything. Ever. It might hurt him to think I’ve done this, but knowing you did would kill him.”

He says something then, but again I can’t tell what because he is crying so hard. Eventually he nods his agreement.

“I just want one thing in return.” He looks at me and I see fear in his eyes. He is afraid of what I will ask. “I need you to make sure my father’s okay.”

He rubs his eyes. “Dad told me about him. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of this.”

“Will you do this for me?”

Nodding, he explains that James is already planning a visit to him later today. Hearing this, I can finally exhale. Dad is a sacrifice I’ve had to make for Dillon, but at least now I know he will be looked after. I tell Dillon it won’t be easy and guide him through a list of things to avoid saying and doing.

“That man…your solicitor...he’ll sort this out, won’t he? He’ll get you out of here?”

“He’ll do what he can,” I say.

The officer outside knocks on the door, signalling our time is up. I watch Dillon stand up, red-eyed and still shaking, and walk to the door. He turns back before he steps out of the room, offering me a weak smile. Earlier he asked me what happens next, but the truth is I have no idea. All I know is that I have got what I wished for.

I am finally a mother.

Message from Kathryn Croft

Thank you for reading
The Stranger Within
. Your support is much appreciated. I hope you enjoyed the book, and if you did, would be grateful if you could take a few moments to leave a quick review on Amazon.

I love hearing from readers so please let me know what you thought via Twitter or my Facebook page. You can even contact me directly through my website:

www.kathryncroft.com

Do sign up to my mailing list to be the first to hear about my new books.

You may also be interested in my debut novel,
Behind Closed Doors,
which can also be found on Amazon.

Thank you!

Kathryn x

Acknowledgements:

Once again, this book was a culmination of the invaluable advice and support of some amazing people. Therefore, a huge thank you to the following:

My wonderful agent, Madeleine Milburn; I am extremely proud to be one of her authors; my editor, Ellen Macdonald-Kramer for her amazing insights and all the time, effort and skill she put into helping this book work; Claire Bord, for the excellent editorial work she did on this novel; my friend, Jonny Garland, for fantastic advice, without which I would have been lost; Christa Holland, for an amazing cover design.

A special thank you as always to all my family and friends, I couldn’t have done this without them and I am truly blessed to have them in my life. 

Author Biography

Kathryn Croft has a BA Honours Degree in Media Arts with English Literature and before writing full-time spent six years teaching secondary school English. Her first novel, BEHIND CLOSED DOORS, reached No.1 in the UK Amazon Kindle psychological thriller chart. Kathryn is now hard at work on her next psychological suspense novel.

www.kathryncroft.com

             
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