The Stranger's Woes (10 page)

Excellent
,
Sir Rogro
.
I very much regret that I was forced to disturb you
.
Perhaps it will surprise you
,
but I do hate injustice of any kind
.

It is I who am guilty
.
I should be more trusting of people
.

No
,
no
,
not at all
.
Let
’
s just consider this a pleasant exception to the rule
.
Good evening
,
and I apologize again for the disturbance
.

It is a great honor for me
.
Good evening to you
,
too
.

We seemed to have ended our exchange almost as friends.

“That’s that,” I told Anday, who was fidgeting nervously. “Okay, time to quit gobbling. I’m a busy man, and now you are, too. Go sign your contract. And make sure your salary is twice as fat as everyone else’s. I’m worth a lot, I hope. And don’t even think about publishing your chefs-d’oeuvre without my knowledge. Another charming piece like ‘A Tête-à-tête with Death’ and I’ll kill you personally. Got that?”

“All right, all right,” Anday said, his enthusiasm plummeting. Then he brightened up. “But you burn like a comet, Max, you really do! You and me are going to give them all something to write home about!”

Anday Pu carefully deposited the yawning Armstrong and the dozing Ella onto the floor. The cats turned their unblinking blue gaze on me to make sure I wasn’t going to offend or otherwise harm their new favorite human, then ambled over to their bowls.

I had to give him a lift. From my modest hovel to the New City, where the editorial office of the
Royal Voice
was located, was a two-hour walk. I didn’t deny myself the pleasure of driving at maximum speed, so Anday paid me back royally for the trouble he had caused in the first half of the day. The fellow comported himself well. He didn’t squeal but remained immobile and silent in the back seat. What was he doing? Praying? Unlikely—the inhabitants of this city are not in the least devout. Which is understandable, I guess. Why would they need gods when life is so good?

Finally I managed to part ways with my new friend. He set out to reap his rewards at the editorial offices, and I went to the House by the Bridge. All my roads lead to the House by the Bridge, whichever way they might turn.

“Good day, Max.” Melamori was about to get up from her chair to greet me, but she reconsidered and plunked herself down again. “They say you’re leaving town with the fellows from the Police Department.”

“They say right,” I said. “Who’s they?”

“The policemen themselves are all talking about it. Do you really think you’ll find something out there?”

“I don’t think anything. Thinking isn’t my line of work. You know that,” I said. “We’ll have to wait and see. Why don’t you come with us? It will be a real picnic, I guarantee you. I supposed Juffin will let you go. If you can stand on the trace of the outlaws, you’ll help the boys out, at least, since we’ve agreed to take charge of them.”

Melamori looked so sad and perplexed that my heart ached for her. Time heals all wounds, of course, but so slowly. Too slowly.

“Sure, I’ll let her go.” The ubiquitous Sir Juffin suddenly materialized in the Hall of Common Labor. “A bit of practical experience isn’t going to hurt you, my lady. And don’t look at Max like that. He’s offering you a case. Since we agreed to help them, we have to do a proper job of it. Otherwise, the terrible Sir Max and his trusty policemen are going to be playing hide-and-seek in the bushes out there for years before they find those foxcubs.”

“You don’t have to talk me into it. I’d be delighted.”

Never in my life did I think a person could speak so sorrowfully with such a happy face. But Lady Melamori pulled it off beautifully.

“Go get some sleep, Melamori,” I said. “We leave an hour before sunrise. Not the best time to hop out of bed to take a trip, but I didn’t create this World. I can promise to treat all who take part in the expedition to some Elixir of Kaxar.”

“Mine, naturally,” Juffin put in. “You always leave yours at home out of sheer absentmindedness.”

“That’s been known to happen.” I tried putting on a guilty expression.

“Kamshi said you were planning to leave two hours after midnight,” Melamori said.

“Never mind what Kamshi said. He didn’t take into account that I would be driving the amobiler. That means we’ll get there at least four hours sooner.”

“Right, and then the amobiler will shatter into smithereens. Poof!” Juffin said. “We’ve been through that once already, after our magnificent race car driver rushed home from Kettari.”

“Come on, Juffin. I guess I may have been going three hundred an hour, but it was hardly top speed.” I smiled a dreamy smile. “And it was only because I was hurrying to get Shurf back home before he got into another scrape. Well, I’m off to the Main Archive. I want to find out what kind of serpent I’ve taken to my bosom.”

“That character you were asking Kurush about? What made you think of him?” Juffin said.

“That’s just what I’m wondering. I’m going to look in on Lookfi Pence to try to find out. He’s such an absurd fellow, that Anday Pu.”

“Well, since he’s absurd, go find out about him by all means,” said Juffin. “Then come back and tell me all about it.”

“I’ll even show him to you, if you like. You’ll get a sea of pleasure from it. See you tonight, Melamori. I’ll pick you up.”

“Good. Drop by a bit earlier, though, in case I oversleep. And don’t forget the Elixir of Kaxar. It certainly can’t hurt at that hour.”

“I just happened to leave mine conveniently at home. But there’s always a bottle to be found in the boss’s desk drawer,” I said, grinning.

Then I turned to Juffin and tapped the end of my nose with the forefinger of my right hand, once, and then again. This gesture is the essence of age-old Kettarian wisdom, meaning, “Two good people can always come to an understanding.” Juffin’s face melted into a smile, and he tapped twice on his own nose, too. Melamori was clearly baffled by this arcane little ritual.

Then we went our separate ways. I hurried to get to the Main Archive before the last rays of sun disappeared behind the horizon. I don’t know what our buriwoks do after sunset, but I know they don’t work.

“Sir Max, what a surprise! I haven’t seen you in ages.” Lookfi Pence came up to welcome me, his face beaming. On the way he overturned a chair. Actually, we had seen each other just two days before. Maybe our Lookfi has a different sense of time than other people do.

“Good evening, Lookfi. Good evening, clever ones,” I said, bowing politely to the buriwoks. “I’ve come purely out of selfish motives, as always, I’m embarrassed to admit. But it can’t be helped. Lookfi, will you ask your wise feathered friends whether they’ve heard of one Anday Pu? It seems that long ago he was a satellite at the Royal Court, but he was involved in some kind of scandal and fell from grace, if he’s telling the truth. I just saddled Sir Rogro Jiil with him, and now I’m wondering what kind of mischief I’ve caused. Will Sir Rogro be hunting high and low for me all over Echo so he can punch my lights out?”

“Goodness gracious, Sir Max! Who would dare pick a fight with you? All the more since Sir Rogro hasn’t fought with anyone for years. He’s very mellow these days,” Lookfi said without a trace of irony. He went up to a buriwok. “Spush, tell Max about Anday Pu. You keep tabs on all the former courtiers, if I’m not mistaken.”

“You’re never mistaken,” the buriwok said, bobbing his head up and down. “Dossier on Mr. Anday Pu. Born in Echo on the 222nd day of the 3162nd year of the Epoch of Orders.”

I did some quick calculations. The Epoch of Orders ended in 3188, and now it was the year 116 of the Code Epoch. That means the fellow was just over a hundred forty years old, a little bit older than Melifaro, who was born on the first day of the Code Epoch. Funny, I was used to thinking of Melifaro as slightly younger than I was. But if you consider that natives of the World only outgrow their teenage blemishes at about ninety years of age, Melifaro really was slightly younger than me, however strange it may sound. And Anday Pu was about the same age as I was, though these calculations are enough to drive you mad. He was my age, and as much of a loser as I was at thirty years old in my own World. I shook my head, feeling somewhat chastened.

The buriwok continued. “His grandfather, Zoxma Pu, and his father, Chorko Pu, arrived in Echo in the year 2990 of the Epoch of Orders from some islands in the Ukumbi Sea. It is not possible to recover any information about their past, but since all adult Ukumbians are pirates, to some degree, it stands to reason that both Pu elders—”

“Were blackbeards!” I said.

“What are blackbeards?” Lookfi inquired.

“Well, there were some outlaws back in the Barren Lands, a whole clan of them, who went by that name. Spush, please proceed. I’m sorry I interrupted you.”

“Not at all,” the buriwok said. “You people always interrupt. First the gentlemen bought a house at 22 Street of Steep Roofs and lived on their savings. In 3114, Chorko Pu became the senior chef at the Residence of the Order of the Green Moons.”

“Was that the Order of Grand Magician Mener Gusot?” I said. “The fellow who raised Phetans and was practically the archenemy of the Order of the Seven-Leaf Clover? The one who later killed himself, and after that they burned down the Residence, right? I lived just across from his house on the Street of Old Coins. That was some neighborhood, let me tell you”

“That is correct,” the buriwok said. “Shall I continue, or have you already found out everything you wished to know?”

“Oh, no! Please go on, my fine fellow.”

“Grand Magician Mener Gusot prized Ukumbi cuisine very highly, so the fortunes of Chorko Pu improved considerably. In 3117, Zoxma Pu began to assist his son as the Order’s membership grew and more hands were needed. In the year 3148, Chorko Pu married Heza Rooma, a native of Echo. Her family—”

“Never mind her and her family, Spush. Let’s talk about Anday Pu himself.”

“Mr. Anday Pu was born on the 222nd day of the year 3162, as I have already told you. From the moment of his birth he lived with his maternal grandparents, since the presence of children at the Residence of any Order of Magic is prohibited. On the 233rd day of the year 3183, the Residence of the Order of the Green Moons was burned down by the combined forces of the king and the Order of the Seven-Leaf Clover. Zoxma and Chorko Pu, and Mrs. Heza Rooma, all died in the fire. Anday Pu continued to live in the home of his maternal grandparents.

“In the second year of the Code Epoch, the famous Royal Decree of His Majesty Gurig VII was issued. It decreed a special Royal Allowance for relatives of those who perished in the Troubled Times. This enabled Anday Pu to enter the Royal College in the same year. He was considered to be one of the best students, and he graduated with honors in the year 62.”

I whistled under my breath. Incredible. Sixty years of schooling!

“Anday Pu’s excellent academic record earned him a place at the Court. At the end of that year he received an invitation to assume the post of Master of Refined Utterances at the Royal Court of His Majesty King Gurig VIII.”

Hmm, so it seems he wasn’t telling tall tales after all, I thought. Well, I’ll be.

“In the year 68, Mr. Anday Pu was accused of spreading petty secrets of the Court and excused from service to the king, without the right to be reinstated or the right to receive a pension. One Mr. Kuom Manio, a reporter for the
Echo Hustle and Bustle
, was also involved in the affair. He was not formally charged with anything, however, since he was fulfilling his professional duties, collecting information about current events. After his dismissal, Mr. Anday Pu moved to 22 Street of Steep Roofs, which he had inherited. Since his account at the Chancellory of Big Sums of Money was depleted, he was forced to rent out half of his house to the Pela family. He writes occasionally for the
Royal Voice
. He has been detained several times by the Echo City Police for rowdiness and unseemly behavior in public places. He has never been detained for, or suspected of, more serious offenses. That’s all.” The buriwok turned to Lookfi. “I’d like some nuts if you please.”