The Strength to Fall (McKinnon Brothers Book 1) (13 page)

              “Not yet. Your turn now.” He pushed me back on the bed gently and hooked his fingers under my pants. He pulled them down revealing my red lace thong panties. He stifled a moan. “Roll over.” I was shocked at his commands, especially knowing this was his first time. I was starting to doubt that he was being truthful, but when I looked over my shoulder to see his face I saw doubt. He was trying so hard to be the man he thought I needed and I loved him for it. I decided to let him take control. I rolled over to my stomach. He lightly ran his fingers across my bare ass.

              “So beautiful. Adira, your body is such a gift.”  I felt him take the string of my throng from my waist and take them off. I was secretly glad I had waxed Thursday, otherwise this would be embarrassing, however; I don’t think Ozias would care. I felt him lie next to me and kiss my shoulder. He gently rolled me on my back. “Come around to this side of the bed.” He positioned us so we were in the middle, my head caressed in soft, downy pillows. He was over me now and looking straight into my eyes.

              “Ozias, I know this is your first time so I want it to be special. I touched his cheek with my palm. “I’ve never been someone’s first.”

              “I’ve been waiting for you my whole life. You allowing me to be with you this way, Adira, it’s the greatest gift. You have no idea.” He looked nervous as he gazed into my eyes. Those gorgeous hazel eyes that hypnotize me.

              “What’s wrong? If you’re having doubts, please, let’s wait. I don’t want you to do this if you’re not sure. You can’t take back your virginity.”

              He blushed, leaned over to get a condom off the nightstand, and leaned back on his heels. He was magnificent. He looked at the condom and I swear he was looking for instructions. I had to stifle a giggle. I wanted to ask if he needed help but I thought that would offend him. He looked at me with embarrassment. I held my hand out to see if he wanted me to put it on for him.

              “I’m nervous,” he admitted. “I’m ruining this, aren’t I? I was trying to be so authoritative earlier because it’s what I thought you’d like, but I’m lost here. I’m so far out of my league with you. You’re so…so….perfect. I want this to be good for you too.”

              Those were the sweetest words a man has every spoken to me before sex. I don’t think he gives himself enough credit. “Oh, Ozias! You don’t have enough confidence in yourself and you should. This is already wonderful. You are doing everything more than right.” I looked to the condom and back at him with a questioning look.

              “I think I can do it but if it looks like I’m doing it wrong, will you help me?” I nodded yes. I watched in fascination because I’d never really watched this before.

              “Well, looks like you know what you’re doing to me.” I smiled.

              “I don’t but I can read instructions and follow them,” he laughed, but then he became very serious. “I may need your help now though. Sorry.” He blushed.

              “Hey, this is something that takes both of us. Let’s do this together, ok? We can learn what works and what doesn’t. It takes time to find your rhythm with a lover. Don’t overthink it.” I took him into my hand and helped guide him inside me. “Ready?”

              He gulped and I realized the enormity of the moment for him and it overwhelmed me. I was shaking. “Yes, I’m ready.” Ozias said with a shaky voice.

              “I’m ready for you.” He looked a little concerned at that statement. “Ozias, it just means I’m really wet and turned on.” I smiled.

              “Ok. Good to know. I’m glad you’re turned on,” he said with a wicked smile. He moved in just a little. He gasped.

              “Yes, I’m very turned on by you, Ozias, so I need you to go all the way in.”

              “What if I hurt you?”

              “You won’t.” He pushed in slowly and I could feel him fill me. “Yes, you already feel so good.” I thrust my hips up and pulled him down to kiss me.

              “Oh…oh, I….this is so much more than I ever imagined. You are amazing.” He kissed me hard and started to thrust more, but it wasn’t enough. I needed more.

              “Ozias,” I breathed heavily.

              “Yes, Adira?” He was panting and had a look of concentration on his face.

              “I need you to pick up the pace.”

              He looked surprised at that. “Ok, I will….but….I don’t want to, um, you know…too fast” He was worried about coming too soon.

              “Just thrust harder but adjust your pace when the feeling gets too much.”

              “Ok,” he panted.

              He started to thrust harder and leaned down to kiss me again. I ran my hands down his back and then up through his hair. He felt so good! Oh, my! He was good at this! Wow! He sat up, took my thighs and spread them farther apart. He was looking down at me and I was just in amazement.

              “Is….this….ok?” He could barely speak.

              “You’re amazing!” I felt myself climbing and climbing. I was getting tighter and tighter as he picked up his pace. Oh, my, this man was magnificent. “Yes, yes, keep doing that,” I panted.

              “Adira, God, you feel so good, so good,” He was staring at me intensely and I felt that connection again. All the world just fell away and it was only the two of us. He leaned back down to kiss me and the change in position sent me over the edge.

              “Ozias!!!Yes!”

              He picked up his pace and leaned his forehead to mine. His strong arms on either side of my head. “Oh, Adira!!!” I felt him coming as he grunted and thrust. It was beautiful. I was filled with so much emotion.

              “Ozias, oh, I’m coming with you!” And I did for the second time. That had never happen to me before. Wow.

              Ozias collapsed on top of me. I felt his breath on my neck. We laid in each other’s arms completely sated. This was the most intense sex I’ve ever had, but that’s just it. It didn’t feel like sex, it felt like…..love. The realization came over me and I was overwhelmed. I started to cry. Ozias started at the feel oh my tears on his chest. He sat up quickly.

              “What did I do? Did I hurt you?” He looked panic-stricken.

              “No. Oh, Ozias, no. You did everything right. More than right. I’m just overwhelmed because…..because.” I can’t say it. It’s too early to say it.

              He seemed to know what I wanted to say though. He touched my cheek, looked in my eyes and said, “Me too.”

              “Me too.” I replied and the tears fell harder.

Chapter Nineteen

              We made love throughout the night, taking baths together in his huge tub, and taking naps in between. About 2:00 AM, Ozias fixed us a snack of cheese, crackers, and wine. It was the best night of my life. It didn’t take us any time to find a rhythm or what each other liked. I’ve never been able to be so open and honest with a lover, telling him yes, I like that, no, that’s not working. It was amazing. It was making
love
though neither of us had said it yet, we just said, “me too.”

              I woke to Ozias’ arms wrapped around me. We were spooning and we fit like a glove. Could it be true that everyone has a soulmate and Ozias was mine? In this moment, I believed it. I didn’t want to get up but nature was calling so I slid out from his arms and hopped on one foot to the bathroom. After, I tried to hop to the guest room for a change of clothes but I wasn’t being very coordinated or quiet and I heard Ozias stir.

              “You sneaking out?” he joked.

              “It would be hard to sneak anywhere when I sound like bulls in a china shop! I just want to change! My crutches are in the living room.” I held the wall and glanced back at him. “Someone whisked me away to seduce me like Rhett Butler did to Scarlet O’Hara and left my crutches in the other room.” I gave him a playful smile.

              He laughed hard at my comment. He walked over to me and scooped me up into his arms. “Hey!” I said beating his chest with my fists. “You can’t just tote me anytime you feel like it! I feel like a child,” I pouted.

              “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn,” he said in his best Rhett Butler voice.

              I threw my head back in laughter. “Oh my, Ozias,” that was the cutest thing I’ve ever heard!

              He frowned as he sat me down on the couch. “Don’t call me cute. Cute is for babies and puppies.”

              “What should I call you then? Pain in my ass?” I smirked.

              “Only when I deserve it, but Sexy, Gorgeous, Sex god works just fine for me.” His smile was infectious.

              “Well, look who’s got a big head now? Sex god already? You need more than one night of love making to qualify for that status,” I said as I shook my finger at him.

              He got serious and sat beside me taking my hands in his. “Making love? Was that what we did all night? Was it to you?” He looked worried and that made me nervous to answer.

              “Um, I…do we have to talk about this now? I haven’t even had coffee yet. This is too heavy a conversation to have without caffeine.” I hope my joking would change the subject.

              “Adira, I’m not playing games. I know what last night was to me. I want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

              “Then tell me, Ozias, what was last night to
you
?” Two can play at that game, if he’s not playing games he can say it first. If that’s even what he wants to say. Oh, God, what if it isn’t? I barely know this man. What if now that we’ve had sex, and he’s no longer a virgin, he wants to go sew his wild oats? I was starting to sweat and my pulse was climbing. Did I make a huge mistake sleeping with him so soon?

              “Calm down, ok.” He was rubbing my back but this time it bothered me. I’m not a child.

              “Don’t placate me. I’m not a child. You don’t have to tell me to calm down. I’m not going to have an attack. I’m…..I’m, um, I’m just nervous, damn it!” I shouldn’t be getting mad. This is why it was a bad idea to get so involved physically before we really knew each other. An amazing connection can only go so far.

              “Babe, I would never treat you like a child. I hate you think I would. Haven’t I helped you through every attack you’ve had the last few days? I’ve picked up on when you’re starting to overthink things and trigger your anxiety. That’s why I always start rubbing you and talking to you. I don’t want you to go through an attack if you can stop it. And you’re the one stopping, Adira. I’m just helping you along. If you think about it, the last two panic attacks that have started I was able to get you to a place you could stop it from becoming a full blown attack. That’s all I was doing now. I may not have a lot of personal experience with relationships but I know anxiety and I know how to overcome it. I want that for you more than anything.” Ozias sat back but still held my hand.

              Wow. Ozias just got me. He just
knew
me even though he really barely knew me. He was right though. I’ve stopped the last two attacks from going full blown. I want that so badly. To not have the chain of anxiety around me dragging me down and caging me in. If this man wants to help me do that, I’d be a fool not to let him try. Aunt Claire had some amazing insight into what I needed in a man and obviously I had been picking the wrong guy my whole adult life.

              “I’m sorry,” I apologized and leaned over and kissed his cheek. “I want your help. Thank you for helping me as much as you have so far.”

              “You’re welcome. I’d do anything for you, Adira. I.” He looked at our hands joined and squeezed mine. “I want this to work, I want try. ” I felt he had more he wanted to say but he was holding back.

              Here is where I make a decision to keep this relationship easy going and just about friendship and sex or I dive in head first and fall head over heels in love with Ozias McKinnon. Who am I kidding? This relationship hasn’t been easy going from the moment we collided. I was tired of being scared and analyze everything in my life to the minute details. I’m in. I’m all in. Aunt Claire knew the two of us well and if she thought we should be together then by damn, we will be, or at least give it our best shot. I felt Ozias slip his hand from mine, his face looked full of pain. OMG, I’ve been doing it again, overthinking, while I’m deciding to not overthink. Oh boy, it’s going to be hard to break that habit.

              “Ozias, wait,” I said as I reached for his hand. “I’m sorry. I want to stop overthinking everything. Stop talking myself out of what I want because I’m scared.” I turned and slipped onto his lap taking care not to press on my ankle. I grabbed the sides of his head with my hands and stared into is beautiful eyes. “Ozias Boyd McKinnon, this is the craziest thing I’ve ever done and even though I’m terrified, it feels so right. We feel right.” I kissed him passionately and felt his body respond. “Oh, no you don’t. Settle down, Sexy, Gorgeous, Sex god Ozias. You can’t have your way with me until you feed me. I’m starving.”

              His smile took up his whole face. “Alright, let’s get you fed so the sex god can continue fawning over his muse.” I laughed and it felt so good. So light and free. “Let’s get dressed and go eat. Then we’ll decide what to do today. Sound good?”

              “Sounds great. Help me to the guest room, please.” Ozias carried me in the guest room and sat me on the bed.

              “I’m going to get dressed and I’ll bring you your crutches before I do. Be right back.”

              As he left, I thought to myself that this is what a normal, loving relationship feels like. Being kind, worrying in a healthy way about each other, laughing together, having amazing sex. Ozias and I might just have a chance at a lasting wonderful relationship and we have Aunt Claire to thank for it. And Ms. Jo. I know what we need to do right after we eat.

              Ozias returned with the crutches and turned to go back to his room. “Ozias, I know what we need to do after breakfast.” I said.

              “Ok, what do you want to do?”

              “I want to tell your mother thank you for helping us get together. Aunt Claire chose your mom and for whatever reason, I think your mom needs to we’re going to try a relationship. It will make her happy.”

              A huge smile lit up his face,” Adira, thank you for caring about my mom that way.”

              “I do care. Family means everything” Ozias hugged me tight. I felt so at home in his arms.