The Struggle (5 page)

“Do you?” Those dark eyes remained on hers unwaveringly, as if trying to pierce through and read her mind. But Meredith did not ask any other questions. After a moment she nodded, and followed Matt and Bonnie without a word.

When Elena heard the door at the bottom of the staircase close, she hastily righted a lamp that lay overturned by the bedside and plugged it in. Now, at last, she could take stock of Stefan’s injuries.

His color seemed worse than before; he was literally almost as white as the sheets below him. His lips were white, too, and Elena suddenly thought of Thomas Fell, the founder of Fell’s Church. Or, rather, of Thomas Fell’s statue, lying beside his wife’s on the stone lid of their tomb. Stefan was the color of that marble.

The cuts and gashes on his hands showed
livid purple, but they were no longer bleeding. She gently turned his head to look at his neck.

And there it was. She touched the side of her own neck automatically, as if to verify the resemblance. But Stefan’s marks were not small punctures. They were deep, savage tears in the flesh. He looked as if he had been mauled by some animal that had tried to rip out his throat.

White-hot anger blazed through Elena again. And with it, hatred. She realized that despite her disgust and fury, she had not really hated Damon before. Not really. But now … now, she
hated.
She loathed him with an intensity of emotion that she had never felt for anyone else in her life. She wanted to hurt him to make him pay. If she’d had a wooden stake at that moment, she would have hammered it through Damon’s heart without regret.

But just now she had to think of Stefan. He was so terrifyingly still. That was the hardest thing to bear, the lack of purpose or resistance in his body, the emptiness. That was it. It was as if he had vacated this form and left her with an empty vessel.

“Stefan!” Shaking him did nothing. With one hand on the center of his cold chest, she tried to detect a heartbeat. If there was one, it was too faint to feel.

Keep calm, Elena, she told herself, pushing back the part of her mind that wanted to panic. The part that was saying, “What if he’s dead? What if he’s really dead, and nothing you can do will save him?”

Glancing about the room, she saw the broken window. Shards of glass lay on the floor beneath it. She went over and picked one up, noting how it sparkled in the firelight. A pretty thing, with an edge like a razor, she thought. Then, deliberately, setting her teeth, she cut her finger with it.

The pain made her gasp. After an instant, blood began welling out of the cut, dripping down her finger like wax down a candlestick. Quickly, she knelt by Stefan and put her finger to his lips.

With her other hand, she clasped his unresponsive one, feeling the hardness of the silver ring he wore. Motionless as a statue herself, she knelt there and waited.

She almost missed the first tiny flicker of response. Her eyes were fixed on his face, and she caught the minute lifting of his chest only in her peripheral vision. But then the lips beneath her finger quivered and parted slightly, and he swallowed reflexively.

“That’s it,” Elena whispered. “Come on, Stefan.”

His eyelashes fluttered, and with dawning joy she felt his fingers return the pressure of hers. He swallowed again.

“Yes.” She waited until his eyes blinked and slowly opened before sitting back. Then she fumbled one-handed with the high neck of her sweater, folding it out of the way.

Those green eyes were dazed and heavy, but as stubborn as she had ever seen them. “No,” Stefan said, his voice a cracked whisper.

“You have to, Stefan. The others are coming back and bringing a nurse with them. I had to agree to that. And if you’re not well enough to convince her you don’t need a hospital …” She left the sentence unfinished. She herself didn’t know what a doctor or lab technician would find examining Stefan. But she knew he knew,
and that it made him afraid.

But Stefan only looked more obstinate, turning his face away from her. “Can’t,” he whispered. “It’s too dangerous. Already took … too much … last night.”

Could it have been only last night? It seemed a year ago. “Will it kill me?” she asked. “Stefan, answer me! Will it kill me?”

“No …” His voice was sullen. “But—”

“Then we have to do it. Don’t argue with me!” Bending over him, holding his hand in hers, Elena could feel his overpowering need. She was amazed that he was even trying to resist. It was like a starving man standing before a banquet, unable to take his eyes from the steaming dishes, but refusing to eat.

“No,” Stefan said again, and Elena felt frustration surge through her. He was the only person she’d ever met who was as stubborn as she was.

“Yes. And if you won’t cooperate I’ll cut something else, like my wrist.” She had been pressing her finger into the sheet to staunch the blood; now she held it up to him.

His pupils dilated, his lips parted. “Too
much … already,” he murmured, but his gaze remained on her finger, on the bright drop of blood at the tip. “And I can’t … control …”

“It’s all right,” she whispered. She drew the finger across his lips again, feeling them open to take it in; then, she leaned over him and shut her eyes.

His mouth was cool and dry as it touched her throat. His hand cupped the back of her neck as his lips sought the two little punctures already there. Elena willed herself not to recoil at the brief sting of pain. Then she smiled.

Before, she had felt his agonizing need, his driving hunger. Now, through the bond they shared, she felt only fierce joy and satisfaction. Deep satisfaction as the hunger was gradually assuaged.

Her own pleasure came from giving, from knowing that she was sustaining Stefan with her own life. She could sense the strength flowing into him.

In time, she felt the intensity of the need lessen. Still, it was by no means gone, and she could not understand when Stefan tried to push her away.

“That’s enough,” he grated, forcing her shoulders up. Elena opened her eyes, her dreamy pleasure broken. His own eyes were green as mandrake leaves, and in his face she saw the fierce hunger of the predator.

“It isn’t enough. You’re still weak—”

“It’s enough for
you.”
He pushed at her again, and she saw something like desperation spark in those green eyes. “Elena, if I take much more, you will begin to change. And if you don’t move away, if you don’t move away from me
right now
…”

Elena withdrew to the foot of the bed. She watched him sit up and adjust the dark robe. In the lamplight, she saw that his skin had regained some color, a slight flush glazing its pallor. His hair was drying into a tumbled sea of dark waves.

“I missed you,” she said softly. Relief throbbed within her suddenly, an ache that was almost as bad as the fear and tension had been. Stefan was alive; he was talking to her. Everything was going to be all right after all.

“Elena …” Their eyes met and she was held by green fire. Unconsciously, she moved toward
him, and then stopped as he laughed aloud.

“I’ve never seen you look like this before,” he said, and she looked down at herself. Her shoes and jeans were caked with red mud, which was also liberally smeared over the rest of her. Her jacket was torn and leaking its down stuffing. She had no doubt that her face was smudged and dirty, and she
knew
her hair was tangled and straggly. Elena Gilbert, immaculate fashion plate of Robert E. Lee, was a mess.

“I like it,” Stefan said, and this time she laughed with him.

They were still laughing as the door opened. Elena stiffened alertly, twitching at her turtle-neck, glancing around the room for evidence that might betray them. Stefan sat up straighter and licked his lips.

“He’s better!” Bonnie caroled out as she stepped into the room and saw Stefan. Matt and Meredith were right behind her, and their faces lit with surprise and pleasure. The fourth person who came in was only a little older than Bonnie, but she had an air of brisk authority that belied her youth. Mary McCullough went straight over to her patient and reached for his pulse.

“So you’re the one afraid of doctors,” she said.

Stefan looked disconcerted for a moment; then, he recovered. “It’s sort of a childhood phobia,” he said, sounding embarrassed. He glanced sideways at Elena, who smiled nervously and gave a tiny nod. “Anyway, I don’t need one now, as you can see.”

“Why don’t you let me be the judge of that? Your pulse is all right. In fact, it’s surprisingly slow, even for an athlete. I don’t think you’re hypothermic, but you’re still chilled. Let’s get a temperature.”

“No, I really don’t think that’s necessary.” Stefan’s voice was low, calming. Elena had heard him use that voice before, and she knew what he was trying to do. But Mary took not the slightest notice.

“Open up, please.”

“Here, I’ll do it,” said Elena quickly, reaching to take the thermometer from Mary. Somehow, as she did so, the little glass tube slipped out of her hand. It fell to the hardwood floor and smashed into several pieces. “Oh, I’m sorry!”

“It doesn’t matter,” Stefan said. “I’m feeling much better than I was, and I’m getting warmer all the time.”

Mary regarded the mess on the floor, then looked around the room, taking in its ransacked state. “All right,” she demanded, turning around with hands on hips. “What’s been going on here?”

Stefan didn’t even blink. “Nothing much. Mrs. Flowers is just a terrible housekeeper,” he said, looking her straight in the eye.

Elena wanted to laugh, and she saw that Mary did, too. The older girl grimaced and crossed her arms over her chest instead. “I suppose it’s useless to hope for a straight answer,” she said. “And it’s clear you’re not dangerously ill. I can’t
make
you go to the clinic. But I’d strongly suggest you get a checkup tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” said Stefan, which, Elena noticed, was not the same as agreeing.

“Elena,
you
look as if you could use a doctor,” said Bonnie. “You’re white as a ghost.”

“I’m just tired,” Elena said. “It’s been a long day.”

“My advice is to go home and go to bed—and
stay there,” Mary said. “You’re not anemic, are you?”

Elena resisted the impulse to put a hand to her cheek. Was she so pale? “No, I’m just tired,” she repeated. “We can go home now, if Stefan’s all right.”

He nodded reassuringly, the message in his eyes for her alone. “Give us a minute, will you?” he said to Mary and the others, and they stepped back to the staircase.

“Good-bye. Take care of yourself,” Elena said aloud as she hugged him. She whispered, “Why didn’t you use your Powers on Mary?”

“I did,” he said grimly in her ear. “Or at least I tried. I must still be weak. Don’t worry; it’ll pass.”

“Of course, it will,” said Elena, but her stomach lurched. “Are you sure you should be alone, though? What if—”

“I’ll be fine. You’re the one who shouldn’t be alone.” Stefan’s voice was soft but urgent. “Elena, I didn’t get a chance to warn you. You were right about Damon being in Fell’s Church.”

“I know.
He
did this to you, didn’t he?” Elena
didn’t mention that she’d gone searching for him.

“I—don’t remember. But he’s dangerous. Keep Bonnie and Meredith with you tonight, Elena. I don’t want you alone. And make sure no one invites a stranger into your house.”

“We’re going straight to bed,” Elena promised, smiling at him. “We won’t be inviting anybody in.”

“Make sure of it.” There was no flippancy in his tone at all, and she nodded slowly.

“I understand, Stefan. We’ll be careful.”

“Good.” They kissed, a mere brushing of lips, but their joined hands separated only reluctantly. “Tell the others ‘thank you,’” he said.

“I will.”

The five of them regrouped outside the boarding house, Matt offering to drive Mary home so Bonnie and Meredith could go back with Elena. Mary was still clearly suspicious about the night’s goings-on, and Elena couldn’t blame her. She also couldn’t think. She was too tired.

“He said to say ‘thanks’ to all of you,” she remembered after Matt had left.

“He’s … welcome,” Bonnie said, splitting the words with an enormous yawn as Meredith opened the car door for her.

Meredith said nothing. She had been very quiet since leaving Elena alone with Stefan.

Bonnie laughed suddenly. “One thing we all forgot about,” she said. “The prophecy.”

“What prophecy?” said Elena.

“About the bridge. The one you say I said. Well, you went to the bridge and Death wasn’t waiting there after all. Maybe you misunderstood the words.”

“No,” said Meredith. “We heard the words correctly all right.”

“Well, then, maybe it’s another bridge. Or … mmm …” Bonnie snuggled down in her coat, shutting her eyes, and didn’t bother to finish.

But Elena’s mind completed the sentence for her.
Or another time
.

An owl hooted outside as Meredith started the car.

November 2, Saturday

Dear Diary
,

This morning I woke up and felt so strange. I don’t know how to describe it. On the one hand, I was so weak that when I tried to stand up my muscles wouldn’t support me. But on the other hand I felt… pleasant. So comfortable, so relaxed. As if I were floating on a bed of golden light. I didn’t care if I never moved again
.

Then I remembered Stefan, and I tried to get up, but Aunt Judith put me back to bed. She said Bonnie and Meredith had left hours ago, and that I’d been so fast asleep they couldn’t wake me. She said what I needed was rest
.

So here I am. Aunt Judith brought the TV in, but I don’t care about watching it. I’d rather lie here and write, or just lie here
.

I’m expecting Stefan to call. He told me he would. Or maybe he didn’t. I can’t remember. When he does call I have to

November 3, Sunday, 10:30 p.m.

I’ve just read over yesterday’s entry and I’m shocked. What was wrong with me? I broke off in the middle of a sentence, and now I don’t even know what I was going to say. And I didn’t explain about my new diary or anything. I must have been completely spaced out
.