the STRUGGLE (42 page)

“Would you be okay with it?”

Bonnie smiled. “Most definitely. I think Dad and Trisha would be perfect for each other.”

“Hmm…you might be right about that.” Allen reached for his glass of water and took a sip. “So tell me about your day. Did you get some rest?”

“I didn’t work, if that’s what you mean. Trisha and I took Esther over to see Suzanne’s baby, and holding little Abe made me even more excited about having our own baby.”

Allen grinned. “I’m looking forward to that, too.”

Bonnie handed him the bowl of tossed salad. “And how was your day?”

“Busy. I bid two jobs in Hopkinsville and then stopped at the house Samuel and Timothy have been working on this week.”

“How’s Timothy doing?” she asked, reaching for her glass of water.

“Not very well, I’m afraid. He doesn’t look good at all, and he’s pushing himself way too hard. He probably believes working long hours will help him not think about Hannah so much.” Deep wrinkles formed across Allen’s forehead. “If Timothy’s not careful, though, he’ll work himself to death.”

C
HAPTER
52

O
n Friday afternoon after Timothy got home from work, he fixed himself a sandwich. Then he headed for the barn to feed the horses, muck out their stalls, and replace a broken hinge on one of the stall doors.

Ever since Hannah had left, he’d worked on some unfinished projects—including new screens for all of the windows in the house. His most recent project was the barn. So far, he’d reinforced the hayloft, replaced a couple of beams, and fixed a broken door. Tomorrow, with the help of Samuel, Titus, and Allen, he planned to re-roof the barn. It felt good to keep busy and get some of the projects done that he’d previously kept saying he would do later. It was the only way he could keep from thinking too much about Hannah and the guilt he felt for causing Mindy’s death.

It was dark by the time Timothy finished up in the barn, and he was so tired he could barely stay on his feet. He shook the grit and dust from his hair and headed for the house, not caring that he hadn’t gone to the phone shanty to check for messages. Stepping onto the porch, he barely noticed the hoot of an owl calling from one of the trees.

When Timothy entered the house, he trudged wearily up the stairs, holding on to the banister with each step he took. After a quick shower, he headed down the hall toward his room. But as he neared Mindy’s bedroom, he halted. Other than the day he’d replaced the screen in her window, he hadn’t stepped foot in this room. For some reason, he felt compelled to go in there now.

Timothy opened the door, and a soft light from the moon cast shadows on the wall.

“Oh Mindy girl, I sure do miss you,” he murmured. “Wish now I’d spent more time with you when you were still with us. If I could start over again, I’d do things differently.” Tears coursed down Timothy’s cheeks as a deep sense of regret washed over him. “If I’d just put a screen on your window when your mamm asked me to, you’d be here right now, sleeping peacefully in your bed, and your mamm would not have left me.”

Timothy moaned as he flopped onto Mindy’s bed and curled up on his side. With his head resting on her pillow, he could smell the lingering sweetness of his precious little girl. After Hannah had left, he’d thought about changing Mindy’s sheets but hadn’t gotten around to it. Right now he was glad.

Mindy…Mindy…Mindy …
Timothy closed his eyes and succumbed to much-needed sleep.

“Daadi…Daadi…I love you, Daadi.”

Timothy sat up and looked around. Had someone called his name? The voice he’d heard sounded like Mindy’s, but that was impossible—she was dead.

“Daad–i.”

Timothy blinked, shocked to see Mindy standing on the other side of her bedroom. Her clothes glowed—illuminating the entire room.

“I…I must be seeing things!” Timothy rubbed his eyes and blinked again. Mindy was still there, moving closer to him. Her golden hair hung loosely across her shoulders, and her cherubic face glowed radiantly.

“I’m sorry, Daadi,” she whispered, extending her hand to him.

“Sorry for what, Mindy?”

“I shouldn’t have been playin’ near the window that day. Don’t be sad, Daadi. It’s not your fault. You work so hard and just got busy and forgot about the screens.”

Timothy drew in a shaky breath, struggling to hold back the tears stinging his eyes. He reached out his hand until his fingers were almost touching hers. Mindy looked like a child, but she sounded so grown-up. “Mindy, my precious little girl. Oh, I’ve missed you so much.”

“Don’t cry, Daadi. I’m happy with Jesus, and someday you and Mama will be with us in heaven.”

Timothy nearly choked on a sob as he lifted his hand to stroke her soft cheek. Then she was gone, and the room lost its glow.

“Mindy, don’t go! Come back! Come back!”

Feeling as though he were in a haze, Timothy pried his eyes open and sat up. Sunlight streamed in through the bare window, and he knew it was morning.

Timothy glanced down at himself and realized he must have fallen asleep on Mindy’s bed. He sat for several minutes, rubbing his temples and trying to clear the cobwebs from his brain. He’d seen a vision last night. Or was it a dream? Mindy had spoken to him and said he shouldn’t blame himself for the accident. She was happy in heaven, as he knew she must be, and that gave him a sense of peace.

Timothy rose to his feet and ambled over to the window. “Thank You, God,” he murmured with a feeling of new hope. “I believe You gave me that dream last night so I would stop blaming myself. Now if Hannah would only forgive me, too.”

Paradise, Pennsylvania

“Mama. I love you, Mama.”

“Mindy, is that you?” Hannah sat up in bed with a start, rubbing her eyes in disbelief.

“I’m over here, Mama.”

A bright light illuminated the room, and Hannah gasped. Mindy stood by the window, dressed all in white with golden flecks of sunlight glistening in her long hair.

“Mindy! Oh, my precious little girl!” Hannah gulped on a sob, grasping the quilt that still covered her.

“Don’t cry, Mama. Don’t be sad. I’m happy livin’ in heaven with Jesus. Someday you and Daadi will be with us, too.”

Hannah couldn’t speak around the lump in her throat. All she could do was hold out her hands.

“Don’t blame Daadi anymore, Mama. He just got busy and forgot about the screens. Daadi needs you, Mama. Go back to him, please.”

Hannah sniffed deeply as tears trickled down her cheeks. She was unable to take her eyes off her precious angel.

“Go soon, Mama. Tell Daadi you love him.”

Hannah blinked. Then Mindy was gone.

Hannah’s eyes snapped open when she heard the clock ticking beside her bed. It was early—not quite five o’clock. She’d had a restless night, trying to turn off her thoughts and find a comfortable position for her sore back. “I had a dream about Mindy,” she murmured. The dream had been so real, Hannah wondered if it hadn’t been a dream at all. If it was a dream, could it have been God’s way of getting her attention—making her realize that she needed to forgive Timothy and return to Kentucky?

Hannah swung her legs over the side of the bed and ambled across the room. Then she lowered herself into the rocking chair near the window.
You must forgive Timothy
, a voice in her head seemed to say.
Mindy wants you to
.

Hannah thought about a Bible verse she’d learned as a child and quoted it out loud: “ ‘If ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you,’ Matthew 6:14.”

A sob tore from Hannah’s throat, and in the dimness of the room, she bowed her head and closed her eyes. “I forgive him, Father,” she prayed. “Forgive me for feeling such resentment and anger toward my husband all these months.”

Hannah opened her eyes and gently touched her stomach. “Timothy and I can be one again. Together we can welcome this miracle into the world,” she whispered.

Bracing her hands on the arms of the chair, Hannah stood and gazed out the window, watching the light of dawn as it slowly appeared in the horizon. It was almost December, and mornings were chilly in Pennsylvania this time of the year, but feeling the need for a breath of fresh air, she opened the window. Taking in a few deep breaths, Hannah felt as if a heavy weight had been lifted from her shoulders. “I need to return to Kentucky. I need to go now.”

C
HAPTER
53

S
ally had just starting making breakfast when Hannah came into the room, looking bright-eyed and almost bubbly. It was the first time since her daughter had been home that Sally had seen a genuine smile on her face.

“You look like you’re in a good mood this morning,” Sally said. “Did you sleep well last night?”

Hannah nodded. “I had a dream, Mom. It was a dream about Mindy.”

“Oh? Was it a good dream?”

“Jah, it was a very good dream. Mindy said I shouldn’t blame her daed for the accident. She also said she was happy in heaven.” Hannah took a seat at the table. “Mindy was right, Mom. My unwillingness to forgive Timothy was wrong.”

Mom touched Hannah’s shoulder. “Perhaps God gave you that dream so you would realize the importance of forgiveness.”

“I need to return to Kentucky,” Hannah said. “Timothy needs to know that I’ve forgiven him. I also want to tell him about the boppli I’m carrying.”

Sally was quiet for a few minutes as she processed all of this. She knew Hannah’s place was with her husband, but she would miss her daughter.
I can’t say or do anything to prevent her from going
, she told herself.
Timothy wishes to make his home in Kentucky, and even though I’m going to miss her, I know that’s where my daughter belongs
.

Sally was about to voice her thoughts when Johnny entered the room. “Is breakfast ready yet?” he asked. “I need to get to the store and open it, ‘cause neither of my helpers can come in till ten this morning.”

“I think I ought to start working in the store again, and then we can let those two young women go,” Sally said. “Once Phoebe gets married, she’ll probably want to stay home and start raising a family, anyway.”