The Swap (25 page)

“Just listen,” I say, my voice hushed. “Get closer.”

She leans in. For this to work, I know I have to make it look like the guy makes the first move.

“Closer,” I say.

She takes another step until the toes of our sneakers are almost touching.

“Perfect.”

Elle's standing eye to eye with me. You can picture this, right? Me staring into my own eyes, my own busted-up nose, my ugly mug, my bald, shaved head. Oh, man. Elle looks completely freaked.

“Grab my hand,” I whisper.

“What? Are you crazy?” she asks again.

“Just do it, please.”

Then? She breaks into a quiet kind of smile. I'm actually surprised. I haven't seen myself smile like that in a really long time. There's a little bit of fire in her eyes.

“Okay.” She laughs softly. “Like this?”

I hear all the girls almost gasp. I swear, I do.

I glance around real quick. I sneak a look at the girls, first, then the guys. Sassy's eyes are about to fall out of her head. Everyone looks amazed and enthralled. Even Sammy is standing there with his jaw completely dropped.

“Go ahead,” I tell her. I am looking right into my own eyes. “Plant your hands on my hips and pull me in close.”

Elle's eyes—my eyes—get big. “Are you serious?”

“Trust me!” I repeat. “Please just—”

I don't even have to finish. Elle reaches out, rests her hands on my hips and pulls me in. We're chest to chest. I don't exactly know what I'm doing, but by the sound of the absolute silence, whatever we're doing is working pretty well. I'm the perfect height for Elle. I rest my head on my own shoulder, put my mouth up close to my own ear. She . . . I . . . smells like sweat.

Man, this is nuts
.

“Elle,” I whisper. “What I'm about to tell you to do is going to sound insane. Please, if you ever want this mess to end, just trust me and go with it, okay?”

I feel her chest against mine. She takes the biggest breath.

“Okay,” she says. I hear her. It's the slightest whisper.

“Awesome,” I breathe. “Okay, on the count of three, I want you to let go of me, look at me for three seconds, then pull me toward you and kiss me right on the lips.”

“What?!!” says Freckles. I feel her pull away, but then—

She stays. She holds on. I feel her heart beating through my own Bruins hoodie.

“Just go with it,” I whisper. “Trust me,” I promise.

I watch my own body, my own face, look at me for a second, then—

She does it. So clutch! She steps right toward me and pulls me in.

“Do it,” I mouth.

And BOOM! She kisses me with my mouth half open, right on the lips! It's weirder than weird, kissing yourself. I can't possibly explain it. You can probably figure it out! Kissing yourself does not make any fireworks go off, or funny feelings shoot through your body. No sparks. No butterflies. I don't think either of us should ever officially count that as our first kiss. That's what I'm thinking as her lips are planted on mine. Man, this is more of a take-one-for-the-team kind of kiss. The team being me and Elle. And I sell it! I let her pull me in. I close my eyes like I see couples do in the movies. I make it count. It lasts a solid five seconds long. Then? I step back, I make a face like, “WOW!” I mix in a smile. Then I get right close to her ear.

“Perfection,” I tell her. “Now put your hand up against my cheek.”

“Are you crazy?” she whispers, sounding shocked. “Jack, what are you—”

“Just follow my lead. I'll explain everything.”

She does it. She lifts her hand slowly and cups it against my face.

“Nice.” I grin. “You're good at this.” I wink. “Okay, one last step.” I pause and take a deep breath. “Take my hand,” I whisper, grinning, “and walk away fast.”

“Wait, what?” Elle looks back at me, absolutely flustered. And for those next few seconds, it's like time just suspends. I can hear every whisper, I can hear the night, the stars. Then—

She does it! She smiles ear to ear and takes my hand!

“That-a-girl,” I say. I actually say this, it slips out. I'm legit proud of her, as strange as that sounds. It's a ballsy move, everything she does. She plays me really pretty decent! I'm not embarrassed at all. She looks smooth. She lets out the tiniest grin and takes my hand, weaves her fingers through mine, and the two of us walk away in the stunned silence toward the far-off older kids' playground on the other side of the school. I scan the darkness as we walk. Look up at the sparkling stars.

“Just keep breathing,” I whisper. “Keep moving forward.”

Elle looks at me and laughs. “You sound just like Jett.”

“Ha, yeah.” I grin. “I guess I do.”

It's so weird, it's like she knows me now. I guess I kind of know her too.

I turn to her and smile and hold on to her hand tighter as we walk. When we are a good ten yards away from them all, I look back over my shoulder at Sassy.

Oh, yeah. You think I can resist? No. She's the biggest clown of all time. I make sure to toss in a wave and a really big smile.

UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE

HarperCollins Publishers

..................................................................

OH MY GOSH. MY HEART
is racing! My cheeks are sweaty hot. Jack is holding my hand, and the two of us are walking away from everyone fast!

“Are you crazy?” I ask.

“Just let's go, I'll explain,” Jack says, gripping my hand tighter. “Keep walking for the swings.” He nods toward the older kids' playground on the other side of the school. “Nice hair, by the way.” Jack shakes his head and smiles. “You could have made me look somewhat decent.” He stops, drops my hand, and runs his fingers over the prickly buzz.

“Dude,” he says. “That feels so weird!”

I start to explain. “Sorry! I, um—”

“Let me guess.” Jack begins to walk, weaving his fingers through mine again, leading me along. I'm surprised how relieved I feel at the touch.

“Gunner took you to Geno's?”

I nod.

“He ordered up a fade?” Jack smiles and shakes his head.

“Pretty much, and he got one too,” I tell him, remembering it all. The chair. The clippers. The clumps of thick, dark hair falling to the floor.

Jack's eyes bug out. “Gunner buzzed his hair, for real?”

“Down to the scalp,” I tell him, relieved that this fact seems to make Jack happy. We keep walking. Still holding hands. It's weird, but it doesn't feel strange anymore. It feels like I'm with a really good friend.

At the swings, I let go and look around. There's nobody in sight. All the other kids are back on the other side of the school, where we left them, at the kindergarten playground. It's quiet, and dark, except for the stars and a chorus of chirping crickets and the occasional frog.

I drop into one of the two side-by-side swings and push off, swaying lightly in the dark. For a minute neither of us talks. Then—

“Elle,” begins Jack, sitting back in the swing beside me. “Hey, like, what did you tell The Captain about hockey tomorrow?”

I look back at him, confused. “You have hockey tomorrow?”

Oh, god
.

He just stares straight ahead with this sad, blank look. “Man, I've never missed a practice in my life,” he speaks into the dark. “We have a game Monday night.” Jack turns back to me. He looks bummed. “I don't know what else we can do. I guess you'll just have to act like you're sick.”

“Sick?” I picture myself with a washcloth draped across my forehead, pretending to shiver under Jack's thin blanket in his bed.

Jack pushes off, swinging back. “Look, the thing is, The Captain will tell you to play even if you're sick.”

“Play if I'm sick?” I repeat. My mom would never do that.

Jack takes a deep breath, stopping the swing. “‘Be a man. No excuses. Skate through it.' That's what he'll say.”

I nod. I feel bad for him.

“Are you a good actress?” he asks, sounding suddenly hopeful.

I look back at him with my most reassuring smile. “Well, I'm you, aren't I?”

“True,” says Jack, finally cracking a smile. “Just . . . I'm warning you, all right? It'll get heated. The Captain, I mean. You know, be prepared.”

“I can handle it,” I tell him. Even though I'm not exactly sure I can.

For a long time we don't swing. We just sit and hang, our hands both up, gripped around the chains, staring into the quiet, shady darkness.

“Well, what about you?” I ask, looking his way. It's so strange to look at myself sitting there. I flash a smile. I try and lighten the mood. “You weren't even supposed to be here!” I let out a tiny laugh so he knows I'm joking. “I told you to stay in my room. Thanks a lot!”

“Yeah, ha. Sorry about that.” Jack stands, takes a few steps and jumps up, grabbing the monkey bars. I watch him—with
my
body—use his arms to pull himself up and right over the top bars. He makes it look easy. I look pretty strong. Once he's sitting, he reaches down to help me up.

“I got it,” I tell him, hoisting myself up. We sit together, high off the ground, our butts balancing on the hard metal bar, our shoulders brushing, legs hanging down.

Jack looks at me and just shakes his head. “Weird, huh?”

“Totally,” I agree. We exchange knowing smiles.

“Ahh, yeah . . . while we're sort of sharing information . . .” Jack looks embarrassed. “I went to soccer after school Friday.”

“Wait, you went to soccer?” I overreact. Then stop myself. I haven't exactly followed his instructions either. I mean, I shaved the kid's head! I almost cried in front of his brothers. I came to Owen's. I snuck out. I did almost everything he asked me not to do.

Jack nods and grins. “Coach Carolyn loves you, by the way. She's cool, she's chill. She's actually really fun. And also?” He turns and looks at me as he says it. “You're really fast, Elle. You're really, really good.”

“Thanks,” I answer, and let out a smile.

“Um, also, after soccer . . . uh, well—you kind of had a checkup.”

“Wait, what! You went to Dr. Swenson?”

“Yeah.” Jack laughs. “You seriously don't want to know. Let's not even discuss that.”

“Oh my gosh.” I giggle. “I can't believe this.”

Jack lies back, resting his shoulders on the parallel bar behind us. I copy him. Not exactly comfortable, but it will do. We are close. The entire side of my body is lightly touching his. I breathe in the warm quiet, stare into the stars. Normally, being out here at night in the dark would make me scared. But I'm not.

Jack whispers, “Better than your stickers, right?”

“Yeah.” I sigh. “You got that right.”

More quiet.

“Hey, what about The Captain?”

“What about him?”

“Like, um, he can be kind of, uh, intense. He wasn't always like that . . .” He trails off.

“The Captain's fine.” I smile to try to help him not worry. “We've barely talked.”

“He's not exactly the talking type. Well, what about my brothers?” he asks.

“I actually love your brothers!” I answer quickly. It's true.

Jack exhales loudly. “I didn't expect it, but I miss them, they're—”

“Kind of awesome,” I finish for him. “My turn,” I say. It's like a game. Twenty questions. “What about my mom?”

Jack's eyes light up. “Dude, your mom is
awesome
, man.” He goes silent for a few seconds, turning back to the stars.

I suddenly feel awful.

Jack. His mom.

For a good minute it's totally quiet. I think he even closes his eyes.

“Jack?” I finally say his name.

“Elle?” he whispers back. His words sound dreamy under the night sky.

“So now what do we do?” I ask.

He turns and looks into my eyes—which is weird for obvious reasons! I'm looking into my own eyes, and he's looking into his. We both start to laugh.

Jack takes a deep breath. “This is so nuts!”

“So nuts,” I repeat his words, shaking my head slowly. “I don't know what we can do besides find that nurse on Monday.”

“Wait, like . . .” Jack turns to me again. “What did she say? Can you remember?”

“Something like . . .” I think for a moment. “‘See the world through eyes anew, until you learn what's deep and true—'” I start, but then I forget the rest.

“‘Heart and courage to speak and feel, will . . .'” He stops. “Dude, that's all I can remember. What do you think it even means?”

“I don't know,” I answer softly.

Jack moves over just a little bit closer.

We turn back to the stars and the darkness. It feels good up here, lying next to him on the monkey bars. For a long time I just stare up and trace the sparkly lights, draw lines with my eyes . . . connect the dots. Only after a long, extended quiet, my mind begins to race—