The Swarm Trilogy (11 page)

Bryden chuckled, placing his pen in his book and closing it. The pages didn’t touch, which was good because I guessed they weren’t dry yet.

“Yes, Lianne, knowing you, you could learn anything you wanted. But that’s not why you’re here. Why did you follow me?”

Always to the point. For a moment I’d forgotten why I came, but he had to remind me. I felt the anger swell up, but I pushed it back. Bryden had learned to control his and I knew I could control mine. Especially in this place. My grove.

“How long have you been coming here?” I asked.

“You’re still not answering my question,” he said.

I sighed. He was right and my news was more important than finding out how long I’d been unknowingly sharing my private grove.

“I’m going to kill the king.”

Bryden stared at me. No reaction, no words. It made me uncomfortable. What was he thinking?

“You mean it,” he said, finally.

I nodded.

“Why?”

“He thinks Mags cheated on him and that Trevin isn’t his son. He imprisoned her for treason and he’s going to execute both of them. I can’t let him do that to her. She’s never been anything but loyal to him. And Trevin is just a baby.”

“So it’s one or the other? To save them, you have to kill him?”

The anger bubbled again. I tried to control my breathing, willing it to abate but it didn’t. Waves shot through my body like flickers from an out of control fire. Why didn’t he understand?

“You wouldn’t kill him before to save an entire country of people, your people I might remind you, but now you’re willing to kill him because he’s going to execute his cheating wife and bastard child?”

I slapped Bryden. He didn’t move, didn’t react. I pulled my stinging hand back. I hadn’t meant to hit him so hard. The boiling in my gut turned to shame as a blush crept up over my cheeks.

“Do you feel better now?” he asked. “Got the anger under control?”

I nodded. Why was he always able to help me calm the fire? He always knew exactly what I needed.

“Can we talk about this now? Really talk about it?” he asked.

I sat still, staring at my knees. I breathed in and out, calm returning again. He was going to try to talk me out of it again. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it.

I nodded anyway.

“Sorry about that earlier. It was a low blow, but I wanted your anger to peak so you could come back to neutral and listen.” Bryden placed his hand on my knee.

I felt a shiver pass through my body and I hoped he didn’t feel it. I liked it when he touched me, but I felt a lot of guilt. I wouldn’t want someone else touching Kellan. I think it would tear me to pieces. I tried to focus, to ignore my reactions. Calm and centered. Breathe in, breathe out.

“Is that how you learned to control yourself?” I tried to ignore his thumb stroking my knee. The fabric of my dress tickled my skin, but I didn’t flinch.

“Yeah. I learned that if I got really angry and let it out then the fire would calm down.” Bryden laughed. “I spent a lot of time punching things. Elsa corrected me at first, but when she saw how quickly my anger dissipated, she left me to it. Poor lady, I don’t think she knew what was in store for her when she took the job as my nursemaid.”

“Elsa always was a good woman,” I said. “I missed her a lot after your accident when you refused to see me.”

“She was like a second mother to you, wasn’t she?” Bryden asked. He moved his hand from my knee to my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. I didn’t resist his advances.

Elsa had been so kind to me, in a way my mother never had. If I fell and hurt myself, she’d gather me in her ample arms and hold me tight until the tears stopped. The best years of my childhood were spent with Bryden and Elsa.

“I’m sorry I pushed you away,” Bryden said. “You needed Elsa and I stole her from you.”

I sniffled and smiled. “You were five. That wouldn’t have crossed your mind.”

“True, but seeing you now, I wonder how things might have been different if I wouldn’t have refused to see you.”

His other hand found its way to my cheek, brushing away my tears with his thumb. I held my breath. He was getting too close, going beyond friendship. I felt a tug in my heart, but I couldn’t tell which direction it was pulling me.

“I’m with Kellan,” I whispered.

“You don’t have to be. You could change your mind.”

I thought of what I’d lose if I left Kellan. I’d lose the man who’d promised to help me kill the king and save my best friend and her son. Bryden didn’t want any part of that.

The heat returned, boiling up fast. Bryden wanted me to turn a blind eye, let my best friend die. He wanted me to ignore the truth. He wanted me to be emotionally crippled to compensate for his damaged leg.

I looked at him, my eyes burning with anger.

“I won’t change my mind. I refuse to be weak. I won’t ignore Mags when she needs me most.”

“Why do you need Kellan for that?” Bryden asked, not moving his hand from my face. He squeezed my hand harder.

“Damn it, Bryden, don’t you see? Kellan’s the only one who can help me plan this. I can’t do it alone. I obviously can’t accomplish anything with you.” I was tired of pretending we were still children, whole and happy. Bryden may have learned to harness his fire, but I hadn’t and I wasn’t sure I wanted to.

Instead of pushing me away, Bryden pulled me close and kissed me. I sat there, stunned, as his lips caressed mine. His hands laced through my hair as I felt the sweet crush of our lips, moving together and searching for something we’d both lost and desperately needed to find. The fire disappeared and I felt instantly calm.

He pulled back and I craned my neck closer, begging for more. But Bryden scooted backward.

“How do you feel?” he asked.

I smiled. “Good. Calm, for the first time in a long time.”

“And how do you feel after you kiss Kellan?”

Kellan. I’d forgotten about him, too caught up in the moment to care. I thought back to all the times we’d kissed. How I’d resisted and then given in to passion. How his kisses increased my fire and the anger. How afterwards I always felt slightly let down.

I looked at Bryden, the tears returning. But this time I didn’t care. I wanted him to see how I felt instead of trying to explain.

Bryden gathered up the booklet he’d been transcribing and pulled himself to his feet. He limped back in the direction of his cart, but before he entered the tree line, he turned back to look at me.

“Think about which way you want to feel,” he said. “When you know and you learn to control your anger, then we can talk.”

He walked through the tree line, disappearing again from my life like he had when we were children.

Later that night, as I lay wrapped in Kellan’s arms, I thought about what Bryden said. When I was with Kellan, everything made sense. I didn’t feel like my anger was wrong, but a part of me. It simmered below the surface, easily accessible in case I needed it. How else could I go through with my plan? If I didn’t have the anger, the drive, then I was nothing but a fighter. I needed to become a killer.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I received word early the next morning that my petition to accompany Mags had been approved. No one goes to the public execution block alone, even the most hardened criminals are given a chance to have family or friends with them. Unfortunately the three men who’d come to talk to me on my birthday weren’t given that chance. I was their sole Dalagan witness at the execution, their only comfort, and they didn’t even know I was there.

The notice stated that I was allowed to meet with her today and the day of her execution. I was relieved to find out they weren’t keeping me from her because she was the queen. Perhaps the king was concerned with his image. Mags was loved by everyone, but news of her infidelity might have changed that.

I walked through town avoiding the stares of everyone around me. I was sure they wanted to know what I’d done to be banished from the castle. No one dared to ask me. No one dared to even speak to me.

I followed the guard into the dungeon. In all my years in the castle, I’d never been down here. There had been no reason and even though I could protect myself, I was still afraid. I’d heard stories, just like everyone else, about the violent criminals hidden down here.

The deep stink permeated my nose, assaulting me from all sides. Filth, mold, and the decaying scent of dead animals. I shuddered, for myself and for poor Mags, who’d been suffering down here for nearly a week. She’d lived the life of a queen for the last four years; living in the dungeon had to have been torture. Even before she became queen, she lived in town and her life was simple and clean. She’d never known squalor.

The guard stopped in front of a dark cell, guarded by steel bars. I peered into the darkness, but I didn’t see anyone inside. The only light came from a flickering candle in the hallway. I wondered how often they lit it and how long it took them to realize one was out, leaving the prisoners in complete darkness.

“Is she in there?” I asked the guard.

A sudden rustling noise and a clanging at the bars answered my question.

“Lianne? Lianne, is that you?”

A woman clung to the bars, her dark hair a dirty mess, like an abandoned bird’s nest. Her mud-caked fingernails reached out between the bars and her eyes squinted as she stared at me.

“Mags?” I asked, stunned. Such a huge change in so little time.

“I’ll leave you two to chat.” The guard chuckled as he walked away.

“Stop,” I said. “Let me in there with her.”

He turned around and glared at me. “You want to go in there with her? Why?”

“I just do. Can I?”

He hesitated for a moment and then walked back toward us.

“Remove your cloak and leave it on the floor. I’ll have to check you for weapons.”

I held my arms while he patted my body. My muscles tightened. I forced myself to stay loose. I didn’t want him to know how much it bothered me, to be touched in such private places by a man I didn’t know. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. At this point I would do anything for Mags.

With a smile and a whistle, he stuck the huge iron key into the lock. A clunk and then a clank told me the lock was open. I was one step closer to being reunited with my best friend. He pulled the heavy wooden door open and pushed me in before Mags could get out. Not that she tried. She crouched in the corner, shivering from the cold.

I ran to her side. The guard pushed the door shut and locked it behind me.

“Just call for me when you’re done,” he said. Heavy footsteps and whistling faded as he walked down the hall.

“Mags.” I threw my arms around her. “Are you okay?”

Mags nodded. I was grateful for the darkness so she couldn’t see the disgust on my face. I’d never smelled anything so foul, not even from Trevin’s dirtiest diapers. I stared at the dirty floor, covered in straw and littered with dust. I wondered where Mags slept. Where she ate. Where she relieved herself. I couldn’t even imagine how she’d survived for nearly a week in here.

“Have they been feeding you?”

She nodded again.

“I saw the boys yesterday. They’re all okay.” It was a small lie, but a necessary one.

Finally she lifted her head and looked me in the eyes. The sparkle I’d always loved about her was still there, faint, but there. Mentioning her sons brought her back to me.

“My sweet boys,” she whispered. “I never meant for any of this to happen Lianne. None of it. All because of one selfish night I’ve doomed myself and my innocent son.”

“Remember what you told me before you left your chambers? When the guards took you?”

Mags nodded, her stringy hair, once so lustrous, bobbed up and down with her head. No more bounce, just like her.

“I’m going to kill him,” I said. “I’m going to save you. And Trevin. We’re going to leave here forever and find a place you’ll be safe.”

Mags shook her head. She looked down at her fingernails and tried to pick out the dirt hiding underneath.

“What do you mean, no? Of course I’m going to do this. I can’t let you die. You’re my best friend.”

“I am guilty of everything I’m accused of. Why should I live? If you can save Trevin, it would be enough for me to die knowing he’d be safe with you.”

“We’re not having this argument again,” I said. “You asked me to kill Rotlar and I am. I’ve come to peace with it. It’s time for you to do that too.”

Mags didn’t look at me. I placed my hand under her chin and tried to pull it up so she couldn’t avoid my gaze, but she fought back. I smiled, glad to see her stubborn streak was still there, even if it was misplaced. What had they done to her to change her mind? She’d been right, the king needed to die.

My smile quickly faded. I couldn’t believe she was telling me no. After everything I’d gone through to make the decision to kill. My hands shook.

“Do you want to have his death on your conscience for the rest of your life?” Mags asked. “I won’t do that to you. I’ve already ruined enough lives. Mine and Trevin’s. I can’t do it to you too. I’ve had more than enough time to think about it since I’ve been in here. You’d live with the guilt the rest of your life. I know you, Lianne, sometimes better than I think you know yourself. You may be a fighter, but you have a gentle nature. More so than anyone else I’ve ever met.”