The Sweet Spot (7 page)

“Sentence served, bell call to bell
call,” Ani whispered, kissing Sebastian’s eyes and turning him around to press her face against his back. “You’re free now, and you’ll never lose me again.”

Chapter Seven

“Nice clothes,” Sawyer commented when Ani showed up at her apartment to pick up Raffi.

“Thanks,” Ani replied, refusing to rise to Sawyer’s bait. “Is Raffi ready to go?” Ani had sat in her car around the corner from Sebastian’s apartment reading Jordan’s texts before she drove over to Sawyer’s. He said he was coming home early so she wanted to get home before he did.

“You’re welcome
for today,” Sawyer said pointedly as Ani gathered up Raffi’s backpack and lunchbox.

“Soy,” Ani sighed.

“Let me guess, you just can’t talk about it?” Sawyer hissed at her sister as Raffi walked into the room. 

“Soy,” Ani began.

“I hope you know what you’re doing A,” Sawyer interrupted, turning away from her and walking out of the room.

“Bye A
unt Sawyer,” Raffi called as she followed her mother out of the apartment.

“Bye sweet pea,” Sawyer called
back to her niece, ignoring her sister as Ani walked out the door with Raffi. 

“How was your day?” Ani
asked her daughter as they settled into the car and drove home.

“Fine,” Raffi replied, proceeding to tell her mother about a girl who got in trouble at school for copying her friend’s homework and all of the toppings that Aunt Sawyer had let her get on her pizza.
“Did you get all of your errands done?” Raffi asked her mother.

“Hmmm, yeah,” Ani replied, realizing
that she had no idea what excuse Sawyer had given her daughter for her absence this afternoon.

As soon
as they got home, Ani ran upstairs to her bedroom and locked the door, peeling off Sebastian’s clothes and jumping into the shower in the master bathroom as the first tears fell.

“Fuck,” she whispered, leaning her head against the tiled wall. “
Fuck, fuck, fuck,” she wept as she dried off and folded Sebastian’s clothes up and hid them on the back shelf of her closet.

Jordan was bringing dinner home
- her favorite pasta from the Italian restaurant near the hospital. Ani quickly blow-dried her hair and dressed for the third time that day, trading Sebastian’s jeans and t-shirt for a soft purple cashmere sweater dress. She swiped mascara over her wet lashes and lined her eyes with smoky blue eyeliner and a light dusting of sparkling green eye shadow. The effect was sexy but subtle, and Ani added a dark Italian leather belt and high-heeled suede boots to complete her outfit.

“
Ani, sweetheart?” she heard Jordan call from downstairs, and she opened the door to her bedroom and took a deep breath before going downstairs to join her husband and daughter. “You look beautiful,” Jordan said, walking over to Ani and kissing her softly.

“Thanks,” Ani whispered in reply, stepping away and walking over to the bag of food that Jordan had placed on the kitchen island.
“Thanks for bringing dinner home, this looks great,” she smiled, taking the containers out of the bag and grabbing plates and silverware.

“Can I go watch
TV since I already ate with Aunt Sawyer?” Raffi asked, grabbing a cookie out of the jar on the counter.

“Sure,” Ani replied, relieved to have Raffi out of the kitchen before she started talking about her day with Sawyer.

“Raffi ate with Sawyer?” Jordan asked, raising his eyebrow as he opened up the containers and filled their plates.

“Yeah, I had some stuff to do so Sawyer took Raffi home with her
after school,” Ani murmured, twirling a forkful of pasta around on her plate.

“Wine?”
Jordan asked, pouring wine into a wine glass and setting it down in front of Ani.

“Jordan,” Ani began, staring down at her food, unable to meet her husband’s eyes.

“Ani,” he replied, mimicking her use of his name as he reached across the island and took her hand in his.

“We need to talk about some stuff,” Ani whispered, still not looking up from her plate.

“Okay,” Jordan replied, rubbing her hand softly with his fingers.

“How come you never told me I was named after a frie
nd of mommy’s?” Raffi interrupted as she suddenly appeared in the doorway of the kitchen.

“What are you talking about?” Jordan asked, looking puzzled as his daughter walked over to the cookie jar to take another cookie.

“Mommy’s friend Sebastian said that I was named after his little brother who was a very special person,” Raffi said with a frown. “He said that mommy should have told me.” Raffi looked at Ani accusingly.

“What else did mommy’s friend
Sebastian tell you?” Jordan asked calmly as he raised his wine glass to his lips and stared across the table at Ani.

“Raffi,” Ani began,
lowering her head into her hands.

“He said that maybe the reason that mommy wouldn’t make me a lemon cake for my birthday was because lemons make her sad and that I make her happy,” Raffi whispered, suddenly sensing the change in the air between her parents.

“Did he say why lemons make her sad?” Jordan asked his daughter, taking a large gulp of wine.

“Because she used to make lemo
n bars for him,” Raffi explained, her eyes widening as her mother’s shoulders began to shake and she started to cry. “I’m sorry I talked about the lemon bars again mommy,” Raffi whispered, walking over to Ani and putting her arms around her. “I didn’t mean to make you sad.”

“Raffi, go finish watching
TV,” Jordan told his daughter quietly.

“But I
don’t want to,” Raffi complained, hugging her mother tighter.

“It’s
okay Raffi, daddy’s right, go finish watching TV and we’ll talk about all of this later, okay?” Ani choked, returning her daughter’s hug and pushing her away.

“You named our daughter after someone and didn’t even tell me?” Jordan said qui
etly after Raffi left the room. “Jesus Ani, you cried last night about not wanting to hurt Raffi, and yet you place her at the heart of everything by naming her after someone that you can’t even talk about, someone who you’ve never even told me existed!” Jordan exploded. “That’s why you cried your heart out when you filled out her birth certificate isn’t it? That’s why you wear the St. Raphael medal? God Ani, I’m so fucking tired of your secrets!” Jordan exhaled, running his fingers through his thick dark hair that was just starting to show signs of a distinguished grey.

“I’m sorry,” Ani whispered, raising haunted eyes up to meet her husband’s angry gaze.

“I’m so fucking angry at you right now,” Jordan whispered, his voice filling with emotion. “And then you look at me with those eyes, those deep ocean blue eyes filled with secrets and pain and I just want to hold you and kiss all of your sadness away.” His eyes glistened with unshed tears as he stared at Ani across the kitchen island.

“I think I
should move out,” Ani choked in reply.

“Why?” Jordan asked hoarsely. “After all these years of secrets will you at l
east tell me why?”

“I don’t know how to f
ix this,” Ani whispered helplessly, staring at her husband with her heart in her eyes. “There’s no way to fix this.”

“
Just talk to me Ani,” Jordan pleaded, walking over to Ani and slipping his arms around her shaking shoulders. “For once in your life, just fucking talk to me.”

“It’s so complicated Jordan, I just don’t know how to begin,” Ani confessed, leaning her head against her husband’s chest sadly.
“I’m going to take Raffi and stay at Sawyer’s tonight. I need some time to figure everything out,” she whispered, pulling away and rising up.

Jordan was silent as he watched his wife walk out of the kitchen and go into the den to get their daughter.

When Ani appeared on her sister’s doorstep a half hour later, Sawyer took in her overnight bag without a word, holding the door open for Ani and Raffi.

“Should we
go read Pippi Lockingstocking?” Sawyer asked Raffi, ruffling her niece’s hair as she led her into the guestroom to give her sister a minute to collect herself.

“Why are we sleeping here
tonight?” Raffi whispered to her aunt, following her into the bedroom as her eyes filled with tears.

“Oh sweet pea,” Sawyer sighed
, gathering her niece into her arms.

“I think I did something bad,” Raffi hiccupped, choking on a sob.

“No sweet pea, no. This has nothing to do with you,” Sawyer assured Raffi, smoothing the hair back from her face.

“I said something to my dad about my name,
” Raffi confessed with a sniffle. “I asked him why they never told me that I was named after mommy’s friend’s brother, and then my dad told me to leave the kitchen, but I stayed by the door and listened. I listened, and my dad yelled at my mom, and they were crying, and my mom said she was moving out, and it’s all my fault.”

“No, baby, no,” Sawyer soothed, hugging Raffi tightly. “None of this is your f
ault, I promise.”

“It is my fault,” Raffi insisted. “And now they’re probably going to get divorced like my fr
iend Erin’s parents, and it’s all because I asked about my name and talked about the lemon bars.” Raffi wept, lifting tear-filled eyes up to her aunt’s face. “And I knew I shouldn’t talk about it Aunt Sawyer. I knew that I shouldn’t talk about Sebastian and the lemon bars or my name. I knew because mommy never talks about it, but I did anyway.” Raffi buried her face in Sawyer’s lap with a sob.

“Your mother should have talked about it, Raffi,” Sawyer replied s
adly. “It’s okay that you asked about your name, it’s good that you talked about it.” She kissed her niece gently.

“Wil
l you tell me about the other Raffi?” Sawyer’s niece asked her aunt with sad eyes. “Will you tell me about the person I’m named after?”

Sawyer bit her lip, staring across the room as her mind flooded with memories
of Sebastian’s brother Raphael. Only ten months apart, referred to as Irish twins, he and Bast were inseparable growing up, but night and day in their personalities. Raffi was devilish and a little wild, where Sebastian was serious and responsible. Everyone loved Raffi. He was like a streak of lightening on the soccer field, scoring goal after goal as he shredded the opposing team’s defense. He was irresistible with his dark hair, freckles and green eyes. He could charm the habit off a nun and often did, always getting an extra cookie at church after Mass on Sundays. They all loved him. Sometimes Sawyer used to think that Sebastian was so responsible and good just so that Raffi could be wild and carefree. Sebastian was the one who got straight A’s and a full scholarship to college, while Raffi skated by in school with C’s and hauled lobster pots with their father. Raffi never wanted to leave home like Sebastian and carve out a different life. He loved the sea and wanted to spend his days on their dad’s boat, baiting lobster pots and hauling in their catch together. There was never any question about what Raffi would do when he finished high school. 

Sawyer smiled sadly remembering the day they had all skipped school and taken her along to the beach
with them. It was only a few weeks before Sebastian and Ani’s accident. It was March, and they were bundled up in their jeans and hoodies. She had only been twelve at the time and had felt so grown up to be with her sister and her high school friends. 

When
Sebastian and Ani had walked off down the beach together to be alone, Raffi had patted the blanket beside him in invitation, and stretched out on his back to stare up at the beautiful blue sky.

“So Soy
, what do you want to be when you grow up?” he asked her with his trademark devilish grin.

“I don’t know,” Sawyer replied shyly. She was still trying to figure out why her heart raced and her palms got sweaty when the girls
changed in front of her for gym class.  

“I want to be a lobster
man like my father,” Raffi confided, staring out at the sea. “People say that it’s a dying profession, especially in the Boston Harbor, but it’s in our family blood.” He turned his face to look at Sawyer. “The O’Reilly men have been setting lobster pots in these waters for five generations,” he declared with reverence. “Even though my granddad sent my father to Ireland to be raised by my  grandmother’s family, he came back here with me and Bast when he was nineteen to haul lobsters with his father. We belong to this sea; five generations of O’Reilly men have trawled this sea for lobster and I’m going to be the sixth.”

“I think I might like girls,” Sawyer whispered back, her face burning in mortification. She couldn’t believe she’d just said it out loud, and to Ra
phael O’Reilly of all people! Raffi’s eyes widened and he grinned at Sawyer, reaching out and tugging on one of her braids.

“Aren’t you a little young to be thinking about girls?”
he asked with a laugh and a twinkle in his beautiful green eyes.

“I’m almo
st thirteen and I got my period a year ago,” Sawyer replied, sticking her tongue out at Raffi. “I could get pregnant if I had sex right now so I don’t see how I’m too young to be thinking about it.” Her temper flared.

“Well
you can’t get pregnant if you have sex with a girl,” Raffi teased, and Sawyer’s eyes widened as she burst out laughing.