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Authors: Jennifer Ransom

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I think that’s fine,”
Janice said. “You’re the one with leverage now. That donor must
have been very impressed with you.”


I don’t know why,” I said.
“I was sympathetic to him at his mother’s funeral, but that’s
the only time I’ve ever met him.”


It must have made quite an
impression,” she said. “Call me when you’ve made your decision.
I gotta tell ya, it’s a good deal. You could get an up-front
settlement of several hundred thousand, maybe, but you can’t get a
deal like this.”


I’ll let you know soon,” I
said. I walked toward the door to the advancement department. I
turned and gave Janice a little wave.

I opened the door to my old
department. Stacey, the receptionist sat at her desk. I smiled at her
and walked past her.


Can I help you?” Stacey
called after me. I turned around and looked at her.


Stacey, it’s Amy,” I said.


Amy?” She couldn’t seem to
grasp the situation.


Yes, Amy. I’m thinking about
returning to work here and I wanted to stop by.”


I’m sorry, Amy,” she said.
“I didn’t recognize you.”


It’s okay,” I said. “I’m
just going to visit for a minute. It’s all right. Steve knows I’m
here.”

I felt Stacey’s eyes on me as I
walked down the corridor. I looked into my old office, which was
empty and had boxes stacked on the floor. It looked like it had
become a storage area! I kept walking and stopped at Carly’s
office. She looked up at me. I could see that I didn’t register in
her mind as someone she knew, but recognition dawned on her face. She
walked over and gave me a hug.


I didn’t know who you were
at first,” she said. “I’m glad to see you.”

If I did decide to return to the
university, Carly was going to be my right-hand person. I was going
to make sure she was always treated fairly. She really seemed to care
about me.


I’m thinking about coming
back,” I said. “Steve has offered me my job back.”


I hope you do,” Carly said.
“Things haven’t been the same around here since you left.”


Is Kate around?” I asked.
“I’d like to see her before I leave.”


I think she’s in her
office,” Carly said. Together we walked down the corridor and
stepped into Kate’s office. She looked up at us with a harried
expression. I could see she was in the throes of a big project.


What is it?” she demanded,
looking at Carly, then at me.


Amy wanted to stop by and say
hi,” Carly said gesturing at me.

Blond Ambition gave me a long
hard look. Then her face broke into a smile.


Amy! It’s so good to see
you,” she said. I realized then that she must have known about the
deal the university was going to offer me. Blond Ambition was no
fool. She knew where her bread was buttered.


Thanks,” I said. “I might
be coming back. Not sure yet.”


We want you to come back!”
Blondie exclaimed. “We need you here!”

How different it all was. I was a
pariah when I was terminated and now I was the golden child. I would
work on forgiving Blond Ambition for her transgressions.

Carly and I walked out of Kate’s
office and to the outer door. I waved at Stacey, the receptionist,
who was always the last to know anything in our office. I gave Carly
a hug and walked out into the clear fall day.

Chapter
Twelve

I decided to let Steve and the
university sweat it out. I called Janice to discuss the situation.


I might be able to get you
five hundred thousand,” she said. “I would get fifty percent of
that, so you’d have two hundred and fifty thousand before taxes.
You could make that much in two more years of work.”


That’s right,” I said.


I can have my partner draw you
up an air-tight contract on the terms we discussed with Steve. You
just say the word.”


I’ll let you know next
week,” I told her. I wanted to relish the sense of power I felt
before I turned it over to the university. I wanted to feel like I
had choices in my life.

I spent the week languishing in
bed with Midnight by my side. I watched TV a lot, but I also shopped
for more furniture. I was tired of living in the den and bedroom.
Unlike when Jim and I had collected furniture piece by piece from
antiques shops and crafts fairs, I wanted to buy things to fill the
empty spaces. I didn’t have time or inclination to shop around for
years gathering stuff.

I visited Ruth at the furniture
store and bought a dining room table and china cabinet. I bought a
floral sofa for the sitting room, along with a side table and coffee
table. I asked Ruth about wrought iron beds, and she said she had a
place that made them. I looked at her catalog and chose one for the
spare room. I looked at several desks in the showroom and chose one
for the smaller third bedroom. I needed a couch in there too, because
I planned to make it my home office, and chose a plush beige love
seat.

When I walked out of the
furniture store that day, I was Ruth’s best customer. Hell, I was
her best friend, in a way.

I just needed a small table and
chairs for the kitchen, so I chose an iron set at Target. I also
bought a new set of green ceramic everyday china. I wished I had sold
my wedding set of everyday dishes at the estate sale, but I thought I
needed something to eat on. I looked at the stainless sets and chose
a simple pattern that felt heavy.

When I got home, I packed up the
stainless and dishes that Jim and I had been using throughout our
marriage, though many dishes had been broken over the years. I
dragged the boxes to the curb. By the next morning, the boxes were
gone, and not by the trash people. I hoped whoever got them, enjoyed
the dishes and stainless.

And then, I had eradicated Jim
from the house. If only I could eradicate him from my heart so
easily.

It was mid-October, and I spent a
lot of time on the patio on my new outdoor furniture from Lowe’s. I
looked at the woods surrounding my lot. One day after lunch, I walked
to the edge of the woods, then plunged into the cool shade. I hadn’t
been back there in years. I followed a little path to the creek, then
followed the creek as far as it went through the acre I owned, before
I ended up in someone else’s backyard. It was a peaceful walk and
my spirit felt rejuvenated when I got back to the patio.

I relaxed as much as I could
while I considered the university’s deal. I didn’t have to work.
I had plenty of money and I could stay where I was or I could leave
town, as I had thought about doing before. But somewhere along the
way, I had found myself again. I acknowledged to myself that I had
incredible luck in the divorce, and then with the university’s
offer. I knew that. But I felt a serenity I hadn’t felt in over a
decade. I could make my own decision. It was my life.

I called Janice the following
week after our meeting with Steve and told her I’d take the deal. I
didn’t have to continue to work if I didn’t like it, but at that
point in my life, I needed to work. I needed to feel that I was
contributing something, using my skills.


It’ll take a couple of weeks
for us to draw the contract up,” she said. “But I’ll let Steve
know. When you do think you want to start back?”


I guess after the contract is
a done deal,” I said. “However long that takes.”

It had been seven months since
I’d seen Jim, except for that time at the garden center, if that
counted. But I had not spoken to my husband since the divorce. I mean
my ex-husband. It still hurt my heart when I thought about our early
years together.

But I tried not to dwell on Jim
and our failed marriage. I kept busy around the house. I read books,
I went on the Internet and Facebook, and I watched TV. I felt a
serenity that I had never really known in my life, even though I was
alone and unmarried.

And then Bitsy, the wife of Jim’s
partner, called me.


Amy, I’m sorry I never
contacted you when you and Jim split up,” she said. “I didn’t
know what to do, with Jim and Sam being partners and all. And now
here I am calling you, wanting your friendship when I don’t deserve
it.”


What do you mean?” I asked.
I was flabbergasted.


I mean that Sam has left me.
He moved out last week, leaving me here to raise our two children.”

My first impulse was to tell
Bitsy that she had no business calling me now, when she and all the
rest of the people in our crowd had abandoned me after Jim left. But
I didn’t do that.


I’m sorry,” Bitsy, I said
instead. “I know how rough it is, and even rougher I’m sure, with
children.”


I didn’t think it could
happen to me,” Bitsy said. She was beginning to sob.


Me either,” I said. “I
guess a lot of people don’t think it can happen to them.” I’d
be damned if I’d share anything about the demise of marriage with
Bitsy.


Could I come see you after I
get the kids to school tomorrow?” she asked.

That was the last thing I wanted,
but I felt pity for Bitsy. She had come from a wealthy family with
sheltering parents. I said I’d see her in the morning.

Bitsy knocked on the kitchen door
at eight-fifteen. I was shocked by her appearance when I opened the
door. Her hair was unkempt, she was wearing sweats, and she had
gained at least fifty pounds.

Bitsy was just as shocked by my
appearance. “I can’t believe how much weight you’ve lost,”
she said. “You look like you used to look.”

I poured cups of coffee and we
sat at the Target kitchen table. I offered some toast because that’s
all I had. Bitsy ate it hungrily.


Sam says he wants to remain an
equal part of Sammy and Danielle’s life. He wants them to stay with
him half of the time. I guess that’s good. But the kids are so
upset.”


I’m sure it will be an
adjustment for them,” I said. “But it will all smooth out over
time.”


Do you think so?” Bitsy
asked. I nodded.


Why did he leave?” I asked
Bitsy, who had taken another bite of toast.


He said he didn’t want to be
married anymore. It’s killing his soul, he said. And I said how do
you think it’s killing my soul to take care of these children all
day, carting them to school and all over town for extracurricular
activities? Picking up dirty laundry all day? Washing dishes? It’s
killing my soul too, but I do it for our family.”

She put the piece of toast on the
plate and started to cry.


Do you think there’s someone
else?” I asked, not unkindly.


I asked him that and he denied
it. But I’m still suspicious of it. Do you think I should get a
private detective to follow him around?”


If that would make you feel
better,” I said. Actually, I was all about Bitsy doing that. I
wished I had done that. Then maybe I wouldn’t have been so
blindsided. I might have had time to repair my marriage before Jim
crossed the line so egregiously that repair was impossible.


My sister knows someone who
used a detective. She said she’d call him for me. I’m thinking I
need to get all the ammunition that I can.”


Do what feels right,” I
said. I really didn’t want to get involved with Bitsy’s divorce
since Jim and Sam were partners. I wanted to stay out of it.

Bitsy stood to leave. She grabbed
her purse from the back of the chair and put it on her shoulder.


Thank you, Amy. You’ve
helped me clarify some things. I know I’ve got to deal with it. I
hope I come out as good as you have.”


I’ve lost my husband and all
my friends,” I said. “But if that sounds good to you. . . .”


I didn’t mean it like that,”
Bitsy said. “I just meant that you’re doing all right
financially. And thank God you don’t have kids to deal with.”


I’ll give you that,” I
said. “Thank God there are no kids.” But I knew that was one of
the things that made me the loneliest.

I walked Bitsy to the door and
watched her back her car out of the long driveway. I had not offered
her much support. I had not asked her to call me if she needed to
talk. Maybe I should have, but I didn’t. I felt terrible for her
and the kids. I hoped that Sam wasn’t having an affair. I hoped
that he came to his senses about his marriage and his family. But
there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

Over the next two weeks, while my
contract was being hammered out, I shopped for new clothes. When I
walked back into my old stomping grounds, I wanted to look my best
every single day.

I shopped at boutiques downtown,
buying expensive suits with both skirts and pants. I bought new bras
and underwear. I spent two hours in a shoe store, buying eight pairs
of designer shoes in black, taupe, gray, tan, cream, and some popping
colors like aqua and magenta. I spotted a pair of brown leather boots
with three-inch heels on the way out of the shoe store and bought
them, too. At another trendy boutique with more casual clothes, I
purchased three pairs of size eight Levi’s jeans and eleven tops of
earthy colors. I threw in a fitted jean jacket that I’d always
envisioned myself wearing.

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