The Table of Less Valued Knights (29 page)

‘That’s right,’ said Edwin, nodding encouragingly.

Now the Lady of the Lake was beaming. ‘Nimue thinks she’s so special! Like she’s the only one who could get a man! Wait till she sees I got myself a k –’ The Lady of the Lake broke off, too honest to say
king
. Then something occurred to her. ‘Oh Lord, they’re going to be furious with me down in the Lake. Maybe I can sneak out. What am I saying? They probably already know I’m leaving. Bloody sorcerers!’

Hurry up, woman
, thought Edwin.

‘I hope they don’t make me pay back my tuition fees,’ the Lady of the Lake continued. ‘I wonder who’ll take my place? Not the Girl by the Gate, surely. Her incantations are really derivative.’ She caught the bored expression on Edwin’s face. ‘Oh, sorry. Wait here, and I’ll go and pack my things. Hopefully I won’t run into anyone while I’m down there.’

The Lady started to descend into the water.

‘Wait!’ shouted Edwin.

The Lady stopped and looked at him quizzically.

‘Come and give me a kiss before you go?’

The Lady smiled. ‘Of course, my dearest love!’

She fairly skipped across the water towards Edwin. Edwin rose to his feet, and the Lady, no longer of the Lake, threw her arms around him with delight. They kissed for several long and very enjoyable moments. Then he reached down behind himself, picked up his sword and clubbed her over the head with the hilt. There was no point taking chances. As she crumpled to the ground at his feet, he did wonder whether he’d be better off with someone a little more adept at divining the future, but it couldn’t be helped.

‘We’re here,’ said Karim.

It was a village. There was nothing remarkable about it. They had ridden up to a pleasant enough green where some children were playing some kind of bat and ball game under a sky that had started to fatten, at long last, with thunderclouds. There was a tavern and a church, and some houses that were neither pretty enough nor ugly enough to be of any note. The trees were trees, the grass was grass, the mud was mud. Daisies and dandelions competed to be the less obtrusive.

‘Why here?’ said Martha. ‘It’s so ordinary.’

‘Exactly,’ said Karim.

Martha blushed. She blushed whenever Karim said anything at all. She felt that everyone could tell what they had been doing, which was nothing more than kissing. Suddenly all those images from the book had come flooding back to her, and to her astonishment, instead of being disgusted, she longed to try them with Karim. (Karim! Why had she ever even looked at Humphrey?) Except, of course, that she couldn’t. She was sure he had taken her words, ‘Really I’m a girl’, as a metaphor, and now she was afraid to disappoint him when he found out the truth. Could anything be more ironic? When they were together, she kept having to move his hands in strategic directions. Thinking of it, she blushed once more. And now he would notice her blushing and he’d never want to kiss her again.

‘I can’t believe that Jasper would choose to live in Grint,’ she said, to cover her embarrassment. ‘The people here are cranks. They don’t have a king, all decisions are made by committees of commoners, they barely have any laws, just the obvious ones like murder, and they never put anybody to death.’

‘That was the appeal,’ said Karim. ‘What exactly do you consider to be the disadvantages?’

‘I …’ said Martha. ‘Um … It’s just so strange. They don’t have a
king
.’

‘I’d sooner a committee of commoners than one King Leo,’ said Elaine. ‘Or Edwin, for that matter.’

Karim led the way past the green and into a nest of narrow streets that curled behind the churchyard where Martha hoped her brother wasn’t buried. Her heart was racing and her hands were so slippery with sweat that she could barely hang onto her horse’s reins. What if Jasper wasn’t there? What if he was? What was she going to say to him? What if he was married now? What if he had children? What if he was dead? What if he didn’t want to come home? How was she going to explain to him that she was a boy? What would the others do when they found out the truth? What would Karim do? But joy and excitement edged out the fear.
I’m going to see my brother again!
Jasper wasn’t dead. The Lady of the Lake had said so. What else mattered, really?

Karim brought his horse to a halt.

‘There,’ he said.

The cottage Karim had stopped in front of was modest but in good repair, with a well-tended vegetable garden in front of it, and roses climbing up beside the front door and into the thatch above. They all dismounted. Karim handed the reins of his horse to Humphrey, unlatched the front gate and walked up the path. Martha thought she could see his hands tremble. She tried to think of what she was going to say when she saw her brother.
Hello, Jasper, it’s me, Martha. And … and … and …
At her side, Leila bounced in her scabbard in time with the beating of her heart.

Karim knocked.

For a few seconds nothing happened.

‘There’s nobody home,’ said Martha, awash with the certainty of disappointment. But then from inside the cottage Karim heard footsteps.

‘He’s coming,’ he said.

Martha could hardly breathe. The door opened. A slim, blond man with sparkling blue eyes peered out from behind it. Martha had never seen him before in her life.

‘Sir Alistair!’ said Elaine.

The man slammed the door in Karim’s face.

Martha felt dizzy. She’d gone over every possible scenario, but she had never thought of this.

Humphrey turned to Elaine. ‘Are you sure?’ he said. ‘You said you wouldn’t recognise him, back in the dungeon.’

‘I’m sure,’ said Elaine.

She hurried up to the door and knocked again.

‘Sir Alistair, it’s Lady Elaine. I just want to talk to you.’

‘Are you there, Jasper?’ called Karim.

‘Is it definitely the right place?’ said Martha.

‘It was,’ said Karim. ‘But it’s been six years.’ He shouted through the door again. ‘Jasper! Are you there? It’s Karim!’

‘It doesn’t look like a prison,’ observed Humphrey.

‘What do you mean?’ said Karim.

Humphrey looked at Elaine. ‘I mean, he just walked to the door and opened it.’

Elaine didn’t say anything to this.

Humphrey turned to Conrad. ‘Knock the door down.’

‘That doesn’t seem to be striking the right note,’ said Conrad.

‘Conrad!’

‘Fine. Stand back, everyone.’

Conrad pulled back his fist to punch through the door, but before he could, it opened again, this time revealing a taller, round-cheeked man with auburn hair.

‘Steady on,’ said the man.

‘Sorry,’ said Conrad, lowering his arm.

‘Jasper!’ said Martha.

‘Who are you?’ said Jasper. Then he smiled, a broad, infectious grin. ‘Karim!’ He took his former squire in his arms and hugged him closely. ‘What are you doing here? I never thought I’d see you again! I wasn’t supposed to see you again. But I can’t say I’m sorry. Are you well?’

‘I am,’ said Karim.

‘Except that he’s been in an iron mask for the last six years,’ said Humphrey.

‘Christ, Karim. Why didn’t you say? You look bloody good on it. And … Sir Humphrey?’ said Jasper. ‘My God, is that you?’

‘It is.’

‘So that must be little Conrad all grown up. With an elephant, no less!’

‘I haven’t necessarily stopped growing yet,’ said Conrad a little gruffly.

‘And who else have you brought with you? Lord, this is like Christmas!’ Jasper scanned the group. Martha took a breath, ready to step forward, but before she could speak, Jasper said, ‘Leila?’

Martha, surprised, looked down at her hip. But the sword, and its scabbard, were gone.

‘Yes, it’s me,’ said a voice from behind them.

They all turned to see a young woman standing behind them, with dark hair and skin and bright green eyes, wearing a simple brown leather shift.

‘Hello Jasper,’ she said. ‘Hello Karim. Humphrey, Conrad, Martha.’

‘She’s the … sword? You’re the sword? You’re Leila?’ Martha stammered.

Karim ran to Leila and embraced her. ‘I knew it was you,’ he said. ‘I just knew.’ The girl began to sob against his shoulder, and Karim held her close and cried too. If Martha hadn’t been
so agape at her sword taking human form, she would not have liked the way they were holding each other one bit.

‘I told you she was female,’ she muttered to Conrad.

‘It doesn’t count, because she wasn’t really a sword,’ Conrad retorted.

As the group stared, amazed, at this new arrival, Jasper took Martha by the arm, turned her towards him and looked closely at her face.

‘She said
Martha
,’ he said.

‘Yes,’ said Martha.

‘You look an awful lot like my sister,’ said Jasper. ‘Although in some ways, not so much. I know a lot can change in six years, but …’ He reached out and gently touched her stubbled cheek. ‘Can it be you?’

Martha nodded. ‘Yes,’ she managed to say. ‘I thought you were dead. You let me think you were dead.’ Then all she could do was cry.

Jasper hugged her close. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, ‘I’m sorry.’ Martha’s travel companions, who had been marvelling at the sword that had transformed into a woman, now turned to marvel at the boy who was really a queen.

Jasper loosed her from his hug. ‘I think you’d all better come inside,’ he said.

At the back of the cottage was a small, cosy parlour with a large fireplace. The furniture was old and faded but comfortable, with plenty of cushions on the settles and chairs, rugs on the flagstone floor, and thick tapestries on the walls. Sir Alistair and Jasper had had to push everything to one end of the room to allow space for Conrad to squeeze inside. He’d crawled in through the low door, and now sat on the floor. Martha had been given the larger of the two armchairs, which was gratifying after weeks of being the most junior man present – second fiddle to a squire! Elaine sat in the other armchair, while Karim and Leila shared the settle, sitting close together in a way that Martha disliked. The rest of the men stood. The tears had stopped flowing, and the wine had started. They were all getting through it pretty fast.

Martha told her story first. When she had finished, Humphrey said, ‘I’d figured you for the King’s bastard. I should have guessed you were Queen Martha in disguise. Marcus, Martha, it’s bloody obvious now I know. Anyway it explains a hell of a lot.’

‘Such as?’ said Martha.

Such as why my body responded to you as though you were a woman
, Humphrey thought but didn’t say. ‘Well, for example, most men don’t begin every day by filing their nails and – what was it you did with the little stick?’

‘I was retracting my cuticles,’ said Martha.

‘Exactly. I don’t even know what that means.’

‘And you’re stuck like this for good,’ said Conrad, ‘because you gave me the antidote.’

Martha hadn’t actually mentioned this part. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘But it’s just my appearance. It doesn’t matter.’

‘I think it probably does matter,’ said Conrad. ‘To you. Doesn’t it?’

‘I’m fine,’ said Martha, with an attempt at a smile.

‘I owe you my life,’ said Conrad. ‘You will always be able to count on me no matter what. Also I think I can probably mention now that you have the worst moustache I’ve ever seen, and please let me teach you to shave properly.’

‘Done,’ said Martha. Then she turned to her brother. ‘Karim told us part of your story,’ she said. She tried not to look at Karim, who seemed very cosy with his arm around the maiden who had until recently been her sword. ‘How you argued with Father, and decided to pretend that you had died, and how the two of you found a place for you to hide. But I don’t understand why Sir Alistair is here.’

‘Karim told you that Father and I fell out,’ said Jasper. He was standing at the centre of the group, with his back to the empty fireplace. ‘But did he tell you why?’

‘I didn’t think it was my place to say,’ said Karim.

‘I’m not ashamed of it,’ said Jasper. ‘The fact of the matter is that I am a lover of men.’

It took Martha a moment to realise what he meant. Then her jaw dropped open with surprise.

‘And you’re not the only one, I assume,’ said Elaine, with a glance at Sir Alistair. She had caught on faster.

‘When I told Father my preference,’ Jasper continued, ‘he called me debauched, disgusting and evil. He said that if I did not marry a woman, not only would he disown me utterly, but he would ensure that I was burned at the stake for my crimes against nature. He said that he would light the pyre himself.’

There was a silence.

‘Father was sick before he died,’ said Martha. ‘In the mind. I’m sure he didn’t mean what he said.’

‘That’s as may be, but those are the laws of our country,’ said Jasper. ‘They’re not the laws of Grint, and that’s why I’m here. I refuse to live a lie and I certainly don’t want to die an agonising death. Here, people leave you alone, what you do in your own home is your business. And so I lived peacefully, occasionally taking a lover, though never anyone I had deep feelings for. Then one day Al came to the village.’

‘I was on a reconnaissance mission for King Leo,’ said Sir Alistair. ‘He’d been talking about an invasion. He often did. I went back and told him that Grint was a barren hellhole inhabited by bloodthirsty bandits and he’d be wasting his time. Hopefully he won’t check. Anyway I met this one quite by chance in the marketplace when I was shopping for pears.’

‘It was love at first sight,’ said Jasper.

‘The pears were excellent. Perfectly ripe. Oh, you mean with you? Yes, darling, it was. But the point is that I hadn’t yet come to terms with who I was. Obviously there had been dalliances – the odd roll in the hay with a frisky shepherd. But I always thought that I would marry a maiden and leave all that behind.’

‘You and me both,’ said Elaine.

‘Yes, and I’m truly sorry about that,’ said Alistair.

He looked over at her but she refused to meet his eye. There was an uncomfortable moment before Jasper resumed the story. ‘I begged him to stay,’ he said.

‘I really wanted to,’ said Alistair with renewed warmth. ‘The man has the spirit of an eagle and the heart of a bear.’