The Tao Of Sex (21 page)

“I’m so sorry,” she breathed. “And now you’re back here because of me. Because you think I belong here. With them.”

He shrugged. “I came to sell the temple. And I brought a great new tigress with me.” Then he took her hands and spoke as honestly as he could. “I cannot blame them for choosing heaven over me.”

“I can,” she said. “I blame them with every breath I take.”

He saw the honesty in her eyes. He saw her fierce anger because other women had discarded him. Because his mother often forgot him, no matter what he did for her. Because of all the tiny slights delivered by tigresses to their men of the moment. She saw them, and she burned with hot anger for him. And in that second, he knew why she brought him strength.

He loved her.

She was the well of goodness that he had searched for all his life. She gave openly and honestly, and for that he would adore her forever.

“Let me help you,” he whispered. “One last time, let me help you with your studies. Let me give you all my energy, all my strength, all that I have. Let—”

Tracy cut off his words with a kiss. She surged upward, invading his mouth with her own power and fierce beauty. “We’re doing this together, Nathan.” She threw off the blanket and immediately reached for his shirt, unbuttoning it with quick movements. He grabbed her hands in instinctive reaction, but all too quickly his grip softened into a caress.

“I do not need to be undressed for—”

“Pish posh. I say you do.” She smiled. “And I’m the tigress, aren’t I?”

He almost laughed. “You are like no tigress I know.”

“Good.”

“You are the best of them. Even untrained, you are better than all of them.” Then he kissed her. He stroked her lips. He tasted her sweetness. And when he pulled back, she blinked in dazed delight. He loved that even now his kisses could make her eyes go hazy. Then he looked down as she tugged at the fastening of his pants. “I am only a man, Tracy. Do not tempt me too far.”

“Yadda yadda. I want you naked.” She pushed down his boxers and gripped him. Her handling was inexpert, but her touch was like fire.

“Tracy!” he gasped. “You have to remain a virgin.” He managed a firm grip on her wrists, but he could not keep her fingers quiet. “Tracy—don’t!”

She stilled, and he exhaled a stuttering breath. She leaned in, and this time she was the one stroking across his lips, nipping at his mouth and thrusting herself inside him. “I’ve come to a decision of my own, Nathan. And guess what? You’re part of it.”

EVEN AFTER THREE DAYS at the temple and even more with Nathan, Tracy had little understanding of what a tigress was or what she was supposed to do. At the moment, none of it mattered. She knew Nathan. She understood the forces that drove him, and she loved him all the better for it. They were alike in that—both giving all they could for their families while still trying to eke out a place for themselves. And they were alike in this, as well—this fierce passion that sparked whenever they touched.

“Tigresses do not go to heaven together,” he said as she pulled his shirt off. “The journey is always alone.”

“Doesn’t sound like much of a journey,” she answered.

He paused, the chiseled angles of his face smoothing as he touched her cheek. “You can never be successful at the temple with that attitude, Tracy.”

She thought about that, about the beauty of the women in this place, the exquisite sensuality of their every moment, and most of all that wonderful place he called heaven. She brought all those to mind and then threw them away.

“Then I guess I don’t want to be a tigress.” There. She’d said it aloud, and the decision felt right. “I want you.” She kissed him again. She put her heart in her touch, her soul in her caress, and she felt him shudder against her lips.

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” he protested weakly. “You don’t realize—”

“When are you going to accept that I can make up my own mind?”

She waited silently for his answer. He was absolutely still, his eyes piercingly direct despite the shadows. She could see the shock there and the gratitude. That cut at her the most. He was grateful that someone would choose him when he was the most amazing, giving man she had ever met.

His smile came slowly, but oh so sexily. “I believe I am done being noble.” His hands found her breasts in a feathery brush that was light, reverent, and set her entire chest tingling. Then he kissed her left breast and lightning zinged from his mouth into her, all the way through to her toes.

He suckled gently and she felt the pull of energy. The tingles in her chest concentrated tighter as he tongued her nipple. Then he raised up and blew a gentle whisper across her. The flash of cold made her back arch in sensation. “Open for me,” he whispered.

“Always. Forever.” They were the only words she could speak, and his eyes darkened with yearning.

The sight touched her so deeply that nothing else was needed. The energy floodgates opened, pouring into him like a brilliant river.

“No…” he cried, though his back arched and his thighs tensed. “This. Is. For you.”

“For us,” she gasped. Then she tightened her thighs around him. She could do no more than rub her legs against his pants, whimpering at the cloth. “Take them off,” she ordered.

“Harness your energy,” he said. “Ride the chi to heaven.”

Tracy almost growled at him. He didn’t understand! None of that stuff made sense to her. Nathan made sense. Nathan drew her. So she focused on him, directing her energy at him. And as she thought of him, her heart swelled with love. She had no clue exactly when she had fallen for him, but the love was there now, pulsing with joy. And so she gave him that, too, and her love multiplied the energy river a hundredfold. “Nathan,” she whispered, trying to find the words to voice her discovery.

Her thoughts stuttered to an abrupt halt as his hand slid down her belly and into her folds. His fingers were expert at touching her, at circling and stroking. He slid into her while his thumb burrowed upward. She felt it—thick and hard. She was so sensitized to his touch that she could feel the texture of his thumbprint as it rolled over her clit.

Her belly was quivering, her entire body alive with power. It would take very little to begin the rest: the contraction of orgasm, the ecstasy of seeming flight, the joy that took her to heaven. He had done this once before for her, but not this time. Not like this.

She jerked backward from him, grabbing his shoulders with all the strength she could muster. Then she toppled him over and ripped his pants away before quickly mounting into position. “You,” she gasped. “I want you!” She knew where he was, arrow straight and as hard as steel. His shoulders where she gripped him were like iron, and she dug her nails in.

“We can’t, Tracy! You will lose immortality!” His words were tight as he fought himself.

“I know. I want you,” she answered. “I love you.” Then she bore down onto him as hard as she could, feeling herself widen and open. Something inside snapped and a flash of pain cut through her consciousness. But the sensation only added to her power. She poured the pain into her river of energy and the light seemed to grow brighter, the fire hotter. She tightened her legs, loving the feel of him thick and hard inside her. So full. So deep.

“Tracy…” he whispered. Then his voice grew richer, darker. “Tracy.” His eyes blackened and his nostrils flared.

He began to move. Slowly at first. Withdrawing while she arched, as if he dragged some central part of her with him when he pulled back. He swallowed, and she watched the ripple of his throat muscles, but all too soon her gaze slid back up to his eyes.

He thrust inside her, and she gasped. But as he withdrew, something deep inside her went with him. Her energy or power. She didn’t know. But it followed his movements—stretching out as he withdrew then compressing tight as he returned.

“Nathan…” she breathed. “Something…”

“My yang,” he said. He did it again. “As you gave me your yin, I return to you my yang.”

She didn’t understand, but that didn’t matter. This wasn’t something for her mind to understand. He withdrew again, pulling the power with him. And when he thrust, her energies increased. Orgasm hit—a wave of pleasure, expanding through her body. But that wasn’t the end.

While she cried out, he continued to withdraw and thrust, the piston of energy intensifying her orgasm. Each contraction felt deeper, harder and more amazing than the last. And still he continued.

“Nathan!” she cried, not having any other word than that. His name, his yang, his power. He thrust again, and lightning surged up her spine, throwing her head back and angling her hips for even deeper penetration. Then he slammed into her one last time.

“Tracy!” His bellow was the smallest echo of the explosion that roared through her body. He climaxed, and his yang roared through her system. Jet fuel set alight!

And they flew.

STARS PULSED ALL around her. No, they hummed. They danced. Like rich earth and bright sun, all was love and harmony and beauty. Tracy lifted her arms to the music and laughed in sheer delight.

She was in heaven again. The Chamber of a Thousand Swinging Lanterns where she was surrounded by light and sounds, colors of every texture, and joy that permeated into a sense of total love. It was everything she remembered and so much more that she had forgotten. She was standing in total love, but it had no direction. And as fantastical as it was, she wanted more. She wanted a focus, a single love. She wanted Nathan.

“I am here.”

She spun around, giggling in delight when she saw him beside her. He stood in a raiment of white light, and she knew without understanding that she saw his spirit. She saw his love for his family, his fears for the future; she saw all that she already knew. And she loved him yet more.

She wrapped her arms around him. “I am so glad you are here!”

“You brought me,” he whispered as he gazed about in awe.

You brought yourselves. The sound came from everywhere, and yet the vibration of it seemed to be right inside her—warm and loving.

Nathan must have heard it—felt it?—as well because he dropped to his knees, his forehead pressed to the ground in a kowtow. Tracy bent in an awkward curtsy. There wasn’t a person or even a direction to curtsy to, and yet the feeling inside her seemed to smile in welcome. It was like a warm caress to her heart that held a whisper of eternity.

All of heaven delights with you! The darkness around them seemed to shimmer with music. Tracy thought she saw people or structures, but they weren’t shapes so much as thoughts and joyous feelings given form. Except the forms went by so fast and were so complicated that her mind couldn’t grasp them. They were beautiful. All was beautiful, and Tracy’s whole being tingled brightly in echo.

“How is this possible?” Nathan breathed, awe and shock rippling through the light that was him.

Heaven laughed in such a bubbling vibration that Tracy giggled. All things are possible here. All things are possible there, too.

“Where?” Tracy asked though she already knew the answer.

Wherever you are. Heaven is within you. It always has been. A light sparkled across her in a kiss suffused with love. We will see you again!

They fell. Hand in hand, they tumbled backward. Both immediately surged upward, trying desperately to remain, but they kept their hands linked. Buoying each other, they hovered a moment longer. “When?” they cried in unison. “When can we come back?”

Whenever you like, was the echoing answer.

They lost their lightness. Tracy’s being became heavy and slow. And the more she struggled, the heavier she became. Within seconds, her spirit tumbled back into her body. Her last conscious sensation was Nathan’s hand squeezing her own.

TRACY WOKE SLOWLY, her body heavy and cold. There was movement beside her—in her—and she opened her eyes.

Nathan. He was sliding sideways, and for a moment, she could still see the glowing beauty of his heavenly soul. He was so beautiful that it brought tears to her eyes. But then she blinked, and when she opened her eyes again, the glow was gone. And yet, he was still wonderful. She didn’t need heavenly vision to know that.

“I love you,” she whispered.

He didn’t answer as he collapsed beside her on the bed with a muffled grunt. She might have smiled at that, except she abruptly realized she was already grinning. “We went to heaven. Together.”

“Lummmmph,” he said, his face buried in the pillow. “Mmm unnn lummmph.”

She had no idea what he was saying, but she felt too heavy to ask. That was the only drawback to coming back to earth: the heaviness, the cold. The loneliness.

She made a Herculean effort and rolled onto her side to press a kiss against Nathan’s face. She wanted to talk. Had he seen what she had? Did he remember the light? The beauty? Instead, totally different words came out.

“I love you,” she repeated.

He rolled onto his side so that he faced her. He looked so relaxed, so happy. “So much love,” he murmured. “For you.”

He reached out to touch her. She thought he might stroke her face, but his gesture was clumsy. He was probably feeling as heavy as she was. His hand fell to her side and he tugged. He was pulling her closer to him.

It was exactly what she wanted, too, so she curled her body into his heat. She closed her eyes only when she could hear the steady thump of his heart. His hand curved about her back, tightening as he drew her even closer.

They slept.

SHE WOKE HOURS LATER to an empty bed but a not-so-empty bedroom. Tracy blinked, working to focus her eyes. Her hand extended to where Nathan had been. Empty. And her eyes focused on a person sitting across from her: the Tigress Mother. The woman sat primly in a chair, her eyes piercing with a cold anger.

“Choose, cub. Heaven or earth?”

Tracy blinked, her vision clearing enough to realize that the sun was high in the sky. It was well into day. Had Nathan left? Was he already flying back to the U.S.? The thought had her pushing upright in bed, fear tightening her chest.

“Choose,” the Tigress Mother repeated. “I will not waste time on a girl who wishes to remain ignorant.”

Tracy closed her eyes a moment and inhaled deeply. She smelled Nathan on her sheets, and she remembered so much—and too little—of what had happened. The memories were beginning to fade, but she still retained the most important part.

“Do you know what I learned in heaven?” she asked as she pushed the covers off.

“What did you learn?” Her tone was sharp as she leaned forward.

Tracy grinned. “That it is possible to have it all—heaven and earth. Together.” Then she climbed out of bed and began to pack.

THE FLIGHT HOME WASN’T nearly as exciting as the flight out. On the way to China, she’d been excited to visit a new country, couldn’t wait to see the tigress temple, and of course Nathan had been her perfect companion. The trip home had only herself, Mr. Ruhleder, her snoring companion in seat 4A and a gnawing question: Why had Nathan left? Without a word, without so much as a kiss goodbye, he had gone on his early morning flight while she had slept in blissful ignorance. By the time she made it back to Champaign, she was either going to kiss him soundly or kick him in the balls. Maybe both.

She landed to bright skies and blustery winds. Just the kind of November day that usually had her outside with her face to the wind while thinking of the hot cider she ought to get but never did. Today, the wind blew her straight to a cab, which she directed to the apartment building.

She pulled out her cell phone and cursed it. Without electricity at the temple, she’d had no way to charge the damn thing, so it was completely useless. She tossed it back into her purse and glared at the scenery. Then—for the zillionth time—she tried to remember her last night with Nathan. She’d said the words. She’d said, “I love you,” at least once, maybe more.

But had he? Had he said he loved her? She didn’t think so. She had felt loved. She had felt a lot of things. But was his kind of love the same thing as her kind of love? Was he really being noble and letting her choose her own path without pressure from him? Or was he just ducking out to avoid an ugly scene? Was he…? Did he…? For eight thousand miles she’d been asking the same questions. And now…

The cab pulled around the corner and had to slow down to a near crawl. She looked out the window and gasped. She counted three squad cars and…Joey? Was that Joey standing in front of the apartment building?

Her stomach dropped. She’d completely forgotten Detective Mike McKay. He couldn’t be arresting Nathan, could he? Oh, crap!

She dug into her purse, grabbing bills—both U.S. and Chinese—to throw at the cabbie. “Get as close as you can,” she said, her heart beating painfully in her throat. “Oh, hell.”

Joey was standing to one side, just watching the action. But there was no action! There were no signs of the policemen, only the black-and-whites and Mike’s blue Buick. She dove out of the cab the moment it stopped and ran straight for her brother. “Joey!”

Her turned around, using his hand to shield his eyes. “Sis? Wow!”

“What’s going on? Why are the cops here?”

“Mike called me. Said he had to make an arrest. Something about a crime ring—”

“It’s not true!” Tracy cried, then turned and headed for the building only to be tackled by her brother.

“Whoa! Sis!” Her face hit the dirt with anumpth! “You can’t go up there. They’re arresting him.”

“Let me go!” She pushed at him, but Joey was linebacker strong.

“You can’t interfere!” her brother said from on top of her. “They’ve got guns. Ow!”

Her squirming had no effect. All 183 pounds of her brother were keeping her flat, no matter how much she kicked. “Joey, you’re crushing me,” Tracy lied. If she couldn’t push him off, maybe she could trick him into releasing her.

It worked! Her brother’s weight immediately eased, but it wasn’t enough to release her legs.

“Damn it, Trace—stay still!” her brother huffed. “This is serious! There’s a drug runner in there!”

“There is not!” she retorted out of reflex. Then she frowned. Drug runner?

Bam! Bam! Bam!

The sound of gunshots electrified Tracy. Joey looked up, which gave her the opportunity to shove for all she was worth. Her brother was thrown off balance and Tracy scrambled out from underneath him. Then she was running, her mind filled with images of Nathan shot and bleeding to death, while Joey bellowed behind her.

“Tracy!”

He wasn’t as fast as she was. She flew up the stairs, her breath lost to gasps and sobs. Nathan couldn’t be dead. Not before she’d had a chance to kick him in the balls. Not before—

Someone tackled her from the side. She landed hard against the wall, and her head bounced painfully. A moment later, she was flat on the second-floor landing while a behemoth sat on her chest. A behemoth who smelled really, really familiar.

She blinked and tried to draw breath. It took forever for her eyes to focus, but when they did she saw exactly what she was looking for: Nathan, whole and healthy. And smiling. It was a slow smile at first, but it grew quickly, spreading from his lips to his eyes, all the way through his entire body. She had no idea how she knew his body was grinning, but it was. Or maybe she was the one suffused with happiness. He was here. They were finally together.

“Nathan,” she breathed.

“You’re here,” he whispered from on top of her. His chest was covering hers; his arms were shielding her face, and most important, his head was tucked so close to hers.

“They can’t arrest you,” she gasped. “You haven’t done anything wrong.”

Then Mike’s stern voice broke in, rough with irritation. “What the hell are you doing running into a firefight, Tracy?”

Nathan started to lift off her, but Tracy held him tightly. She wasn’t letting him go until she decided what she was going to do with him. “I’m sorry, Detective McKay, but Mr. Gao is innocent. He hasn’t done anything wrong. I’d swear to that in a court of law.” She looked over Nathan’s shoulder at her friend, who was busy holstering his gun.

Mike blinked at her. “Have you hit your head?”

She shook her head. “I’m fine, but Nathan—Mr. Gao—”

“Has been really helpful. I heard something that day we were fixing Mr. Gao’s sink. So, after I cleared Nathan Gao of any illegal activity himself, I asked if we could use his apartment to stake out his neighbor.” He gestured behind himself. Tracy had to lift her head a little higher to see the tenant of 4B—Mr. Loud TV who was always on his phone to his bookie—being led out of his apartment in handcuffs. Mike shook his head. “Easy story—gambling debts, foray into drug running, stupidity all around.” Then he looked back at Tracy. “Didn’t you get my messages?”

“You’re arresting 4B?” she asked, her mind finally catching up to reality. Meanwhile, Nathan hadn’t stopped looking at her.

“You’re here,” he murmured, his eyes sparkling. “You came back.”

“You need to get up now, Tracy,” Mike said. “We’ve got to bring the felon down the stairs.”

It took Tracy a moment to realize she had Nathan in a death grip and that they were lying together in the middle of the stairway landing. It took a moment longer for her to coax her hands into releasing him. Once he was free, he stood up easily, gently bringing her up right beside him. And then he arched one of those too-sexy eyebrows at her before leaning down to brush some of the mud off her crumpled blouse.

“Yeah, yeah,” she said as she batted away his hands. “My brother only tackles people in the mud. And I’m still thinking about kick—”

“Tracy!” Mike interrupted again. “The felon?” He gestured to handcuffed 4B, who glared at everyone. Behind him stood three more cops, all waiting to climb down the stairs.

“Right,” said Tracy as she and Nathan filed down and out of the building. Joey was waiting by the front door. Apparently there had been a cop stationed down there. Tracy had managed to surprise him, flying right past, but Joey had been caught and held.

Then came a long hour of chaos and interruptions. 4B was whisked away immediately, but Tracy still had to give a statement both as a sort-of witness and the owner of the building. That didn’t take long, but answering questions from tenants and neighbors and media—well, that took longer. And how mortifying that was, to stand in a muddy blouse before news cameras. And all the while, she kept one hand gripped firmly on Nathan’s arm. She wasn’t letting go for anything! But at least she’d decided not to kick him on TV.

Then finally, miraculously, it was all done. The tenants were convinced all was safe. Better yet—from their perspective at least—Tracy had decided to delay selling the building. A drug bust on television was too damaging to the price. Joey naturally leaped on that thought, still hoping to take a year off to manage the building. She hadn’t argued—yet—and so he’d immediately disappeared to inspect the damage left by 4B. Apparently, the man had really bad aim. All three bullets had hit his television. He wasn’t dead because even with a weapon, he hadn’t seemed scary enough for the cops to shoot him.

That left Tracy and Nathan alone in his apartment. Nathan was making tea…of course. And Tracy was left just standing there, staring at his gorgeous body and thinking what she would have done if he’d been shot. The pain from merely the idea was unbearable.

To hell with subtlety, she decided. She’d waited too long not to be blunt. “Why’d you leave?” she demanded. “I woke and found your mother in my room.”

She wasn’t sure he could hear her. He was busy pouring hot water into two mugs. But then he walked over and pressed a mug into her hands. “I left because I had to. They couldn’t find me in your room in the morning. It would have…”

“What? What would have happened?”

“It would have been bad for you.”

She felt her hands clench around the steaming mug. But rather than throw it in his face, she carefully set it down. “Might have been bad? Bad was waking up to your mother, not you. Bad was having to fly home alone wondering the whole time. Bad was—”

“Wondering what?”

She blinked, her tirade interrupted. “What?”

“What were you wondering?”

Now she did throw up her hands. “I told you I loved you! I gave up immortality for you! Or at least I thought I did. I…I love you, damn it! And you were gone!”

He swallowed and set his own mug down. She was close enough to feel his heat, and yet he didn’t touch her. He seemed uncertain and apologetic all at the same time.

“Nathan! Talk to me! Or I swear I’m going to kick you in—”

“We went to heaven, and I saw…” His eyes grew hazy. “I understand now. I know why the tigresses search so hard for it. It was…” He shook his head. “It was more than I ever thought or believed.”

She stared at him. “I know. But I gave that up…” She swallowed. “You thought I’d change my mind, didn’t you? After going there with me, you knew what it was like. You knew and thought I’d be like all the rest.” She abruptly made a fist and slammed him hard in the shoulder. “Damn it! Haven’t you figured out by now that I’m not like all the rest? I’m not going to dump you for anyplace— even a heavenly one. I—umph.”