The Tapping Solution for Weight Loss & Body Confidence (14 page)

Even if you’re not sure if this chapter is relevant to you, I recommend that you finish it and do the tapping exercises as well. Through tapping you may discover memories that were buried and clear them quickly, lowering the stress that can interfere with weight loss.

When Words Hurt

“You’re fat, and no one is going to listen to you if you’re fat.” That was the advice my former mentor gave me when I was 20 years old, volunteering at the wellness and nutrition conference he was facilitating.

As the two young men standing nearby looked down in embarrassment, I quickly blurted out, “My weight isn’t stopping me—I still get guys.”

While that wasn’t quite accurate, it was all I could think to say after being attacked so unexpectedly. “That’s because you have big boobs,” my mentor replied.

Speechless and desperate for a way out, I was shocked when he continued. “I’m just saying this because if you want to make an impact in this world and speak on stage, being fat will take away from your message. People will only be able to focus on your weight.”

Looking back on that moment, I understand that his words hurt me as deeply as they did because I believed them even before he said them. Instead of having the appropriate response of healthy anger and not tolerating such an obscenely unnecessary attack, I let those words tear me down because I felt they were true. I had already spent years obsessing over my body, making it into
the
obstacle standing between me and my future.

Because I felt powerless to change my weight or even express my anger, I quickly resorted to rebellion. I told myself that I would prove him wrong and become successful without losing weight. If I lost weight, I would be proving him right—and that was unacceptable. So instead of processing my feelings in a healthy way, I buried them once again with food. This time, I told myself, not losing weight felt right, like I was standing up for women who feel judged for not fitting into a size 2 dress. In fact, by trying to eat my feelings away, I was only hurting myself more.

Looking back now, I see how wrong my former mentor was; there are incredible women who change the world without fitting into a size 2. And even as I tried to prove him wrong, I was still allowing his words to impact me. The key was to let go of what he had said so I could act in a way that was best for
me.
Finding the best ways to rebel against him—or make him happy, for that matter—could never serve me. The journey to true body confidence needs to be about meeting our own needs and desires, not about accepting or rejecting other people’s ideas.

When we use tapping to clear the emotional impact of hurtful words that have been hurled at us, we sometimes need to first process multiple levels of the same experience. One student in my class announced one day several weeks into the program that she had made a major breakthrough. After being told by her late husband that no one would ever love her because she was too fat, she shared that she finally loved herself at a deeper level and was ready for romantic love. Then she added that she was ready to “prove him wrong.”

I quickly pointed out that if she had the belief she needed to prove him wrong, she would never take care of herself and lose the weight she so badly wanted to lose. She would unconsciously rebel against losing weight because losing weight would mean her husband was right: that men could only value her for her body. If her weight loss journey was about him or men in general, not about her, long-term weight loss would feel like an uphill battle. I suggested that, using tapping, she continue to process and clear the emotional scars her late husband’s hurtful words had left. Once she felt committed to weight loss purely for herself, she would be able to embark on a pleasurable and rewarding weight loss journey.

RELEASING THE PAIN OF HURTFUL WORDS PEOPLE SAY

I felt so wounded and ashamed by what my former mentor said that years passed before I could share the story with anyone. Just remembering the words—“You’re fat, and no one is going to listen to what you have to say”—created a lump in my throat as my eyes welled with tears. The memory was too painful to face, so I did everything I could to avoid it, even though the pain of that moment felt so real and ever present.

We’ve already discussed how to tap through the emotions of painful words in regard to emotional eating in the moment. But tapping on these hurtful events is possible even long after they have taken place. As painful as memories of hurtful words may be, when we react to recalling these memories with big emotional surges, we’re perfectly positioned to use tapping to clear the pain.

When painful memories send you back in time, the amygdala in your brain goes on high alert, preparing to protect you from danger. What you need to do is train the amygdala so it recognizes that these memories are not actually dangerous. By tapping on the hurtful words that someone said to you, you’re giving your brain new instructions, telling it that the memory is no longer threatening—that you can now feel safe when remembering those words.

Often when you clear a significant emotional burden, you will experience a physical release, such as crying or shaking. As you continue tapping through your memory, you will find that the hurtful words lose their power. For me, once a stream of tears had rolled down my cheeks, I could say the words he had said to me and feel centered and relaxed. That was only possible because I had used tapping to release the emotional power of those words.

Let’s do some tapping on the hurtful words people have said to you. Begin tapping while repeating the words until you can say them and feel calm in the moment. Feel free to fill in the blanks below to create a personalized tapping script. If it’s easier to begin by writing them down on a separate piece of paper, you’re welcome to do that.

Karate Chop:
Even though _______ said ________, I love and accept myself. (
Repeat three times.
)
Eyebrow:
_______________________________________

Side of Eye:
_____________________________________

Under Eye:
______________________________________

Under Nose:
_______________________________________

Chin:
_______________________________________

Collarbone:
_______________________________________

Under Arm:
_______________________________________

Top of Head:
_______________________________________

We are often too quick to jump to forcing ourselves to forgive because we don’t want to admit how much the words hurt. It’s okay to be angry; express that anger as you tap. Don’t move to the positive unless the positive statements feel true.

Eyebrow:
Those words don’t have power over me …

Side of Eye:
Unless I give them power.

Under Eye:
I take my power back.

Under Nose:
If they are this hard on me …

Chin:
I can only imagine how hard they are on themselves.

Collarbone:
Their words are not a reflection of me …

Under Arm:
Their words are a reflection of themselves.

Top of Head:
I have compassion for what they must be going through.

As we clear the emotional sting of hurtful words through tapping, it’s helpful to guide ourselves toward a place of compassion for the person or people who have hurt us. This is difficult, if not impossible, if you haven’t yet cleared the full emotional charge of their hurtful words. If you experience any resistance to this idea, that’s an indication that you need to keep tapping on the words.

I often end tapping sessions that are focused on clearing emotions created by hurtful words with “If they are this hard on me, I can only imagine how hard they must be on themselves.” When I did this process with a client whose mother had always wanted her to be a Southern belle, she cringed at how harsh her mother’s own self-talk must be.

Feeling compassion for the person who said hurtful words to you makes forgiveness a gentle process and allows you to take your power back in a warm and loving way.

I’d like to stress again, though, that too often we try to jump too quickly into compassion. Allow yourself to feel angry or hurt while you tap. Only when you feel like you can say those words without a physical reaction can you begin to open up to compassion and forgiveness.

Small events we experience every day often take a toll on our health and well-being, so it’s best to nip these things in the bud as they’re happening rather than letting them build up over the years. So as you go through your day, try to notice events and comments that create an emotional response. Whenever you experience negative emotions such as anxiety, anger, or hurt, take some time to tap on them.

For example, you could experience something like this: after you’ve been working long hours for weeks, your boss sends you a harsh e-mail and you’re furious. You get home angry and all you want to do is shut out the world by grabbing a snack and getting comfortable on the couch. Instead of snapping at your family and inhaling your food, you can use tapping to process your emotional response to your boss’s e-mail. It can often be as simple as reading the e-mail to yourself while you tap. This will help clear the event before it can have a large negative impact on you.

The next step in your process of looking within focuses on limiting beliefs, which can restrict what you think is possible in your life. But before you dive into beliefs, I suggest you first do a tapping meditation on how events may have impacted your journey up to this point.

Chapter 6

The Power of Beliefs

I
n her book
You Can Heal Your Life
(which has sold more than 50 million copies!), Louise Hay shares one of her key philosophies: “The only thing we are ever dealing with is a thought, and a thought can be changed.” As we begin looking at how beliefs impact the weight loss journey, we must start by understanding that a belief is a thought we have over and over again.

In this chapter we’ll see how much beliefs impact experience and can limit us (or support us) in the journey toward body confidence and weight loss. When a client tells me she hates herself and her body, for instance, she is actually saying that she hates her belief about herself, which might be “I’m not good enough.”
This thought, this belief about herself, produces an emotion. That emotion then creates a stress response in her body that makes her belief seem valid
.