The Tears of the Rose (33 page)

Of course it had been her.

“I see.”

The silence of the tomb settled around us. Ash rubbed my back, slow and soothing. Ursula waited, shoulders straight, prepared for whatever punishment I chose to level on her.

“It never should have happened,” I repeated. “But why lie to me about it?”

“Andi—and I—thought that, in the excess of your grief, you might raise Avonlidgh against Ordnung, if you knew I'd done it. She had visions of civil war.”

“Much as seems to be happening these days,” I pointed out.

“This is posturing only,” she snapped, with some of her old spark. “The High King won't let that happen. Peace has always been his highest ideal.”

I regarded her, so strong in her unwavering belief in our father. All of it made me angry. I wanted to protest that I wouldn't have done what they predicted, but, looking back at who I'd been in those first awful days, how I'd contemplated competing with Ursula for the High Throne . . . I might have.

“All right, then. I understand why you lied to me—you and Andi both. I forgive you both, and the River Danu has carried it to the sea. But I want a promise from you.”

Her breath slowly sighed out and a weight visibly lifted from her, even as she shook her head, puzzled. “How can you forgive me?” She gestured at the shrouded corpse. “He lies there moldering because of me! Because I swung my sword and—”

“I know well what you did,” I cut her off. “More, I understand why you did it.”

“Why?” She sounded as plaintive as a child. “Even I don't understand.”

“You did it out of love, idiot! If I understand nothing else, I know something about love. Glorianna Herself couldn't have stopped you, if you were acting to save Andi.”

Ursula still seemed bewildered, uncharacteristically unsure of herself. “Who knew Andi would step between them that way?” she whispered, almost to herself, replaying the scene in her mind. It finally made sense to me, too, Andi—not with an evil grimace of sadistic joy, but with the nobility of love on her face—moving in front of Rayfe. Love not only for him, but for Annfwn and for the unity we all needed.

“You said she loves him, didn't you? You and she are the same that way. Like our mother. I think Salena did it all out of love, in her own way.”

“And you.” Ursula's eyes traveled between me and Ash. Opaque, without judgment. “That's why you must go after your daughter and why you won't leave your son. Of course that's what you must do.”

Relief sagged through me. I hadn't realized how much I'd been afraid of fighting her over this. Of her trying to take my son to Uorsin.

“Then you'll help?”

“Yes.” She nodded. “I have no idea what in Danu's name I'll tell our father, but I'll cross that bridge later. I'll help you escape.”

“Thank you.”

She smiled and her eyes were as damp as mine. “However, Miss Ami—if you're having the naming ceremony tomorrow, you'd better get busy thinking up a damn name for the boy.”

31

D
afne handed over the baby with relief when we returned to my chambers. Seeming unsurprised to see Ash with us—but did anything ever surprise Dafne?—she greeted him and listened to our findings with grave interest. And then tears of relief. Suddenly everyone around me seemed to be weeping all the time, but I didn't mind.

“Well!” She wiped the corners of her eyes with her cuffs. “If we're having a naming ceremony at dawn, then I'd best rally the troops.”

Ursula watched her go, then fixed Ash with a steely glare. “I suppose you want the rest of your weapons and supplies, if you're going on this rescue mission.”

“That would be ideal, yes,” Ash replied, “but I'm not helpless without them, either.”

“You think you can do this—protect her and the babes? You don't want to take extra help?”

He shook his head. “More people would slow us down. Besides”—he slanted me a wry smile—“Ami and I make a good team.”

Ursula snorted. “Ami, is it?”

“Ursula.” I sank into the chair, cuddling the boy close. My breasts ached and he fussed, scooching into me. “Ash got me in and out of Annfwn. I trust him with our lives.”

Ash went still, eyes veiled. I wished I could scent what he was feeling, but I'd have to go about it the mossback way and ask him. Once I got rid of Ursula. “Go make yourself useful. I'm going to contemplate names.”

“What about him?” Ursula fingered her sword. “He can hardly stay here alone with you.”

“Of course he can.”

“It's not appropriate.”

“It's my castle.” I raised my brows at her and she frowned.

“I still outrank you.”

“You can scold me later. Go away. Take a nap if you've nothing else to do—you look like hell.”

Shaking her head, but with a faint smile on her narrow lips, she bowed elaborately and left.

Ash stood awkwardly, seeming unsure what to do with himself, a flurry of emotions chasing themselves across his face. He'd changed in the last months, not as hard, less anguish in those apple-green eyes. The babe began to fuss and Ash looked mildly alarmed.

“I need to feed him.” I tugged at the neckline of the gown, which, as I'd suspected, didn't budge with Ursula's military-tight lacing.

“Do you want me to leave? Or turn my back?”

I laughed, so happy to have him here. Ash would help me get my daughter back. This was my destiny, to sew the things together. Together we could do this.

“It's not as if you haven't seen it all before. But I need you to loosen my laces.” I stood and presented him with my back.

He tugged at them, fumbled a bit, and cursed softly. The baby started to wail at the delay. “I'll have to cut them, I think.”

“I'm not surprised,” I replied in a dry tone. “Ursula tied the knots.”

“Figures.” In a moment, he'd produced a blade and sliced the ribbons, the neckline gaping away from my swollen breasts.

I sat again, wincing as the boy latched onto my nipple and nursed greedily. Looking up, I found Ash's gaze riveted on me and imagined I smelled the smoky scent of banked lust.

“How is it possible,” Ash said, almost to himself, “that you are more beautiful than ever? You say you have no magic of your own, but surely this is witchcraft that you can be nursing a child and I can only think of burying myself inside you.”

My breath caught, my body warming at the thought. “Even with your excellent healing abilities, I might yet have to wait a few days for that.”

His eyes jerked up to mine, and, unaccountably, he flushed. “I didn't mean it that way. I misspoke—and I apologize.”

“Why?” I studied him. “Do you mean you don't want me? Perhaps you've come to your senses and managed to resist my witchy lures.”

“Moranu, no.” He buried his face in his hands, elbows propped on his knees. “I want you more than ever. Every day, every passing moment, I thought of you, Ami.” He laughed that soundless laugh I'd missed so. “There I was—in paradise, realizing my lifelong dream, my father's dream—and all I could think of was leaving. Because you turned out to be the only thing I really wanted. The joke is on me.”

“Why is that a joke?”

“Because, Ami.” He dropped his hands and stared at me, growing irritated. “I went from one unattainable desire to another. I'm like a drowning man, casting aside every branch that comes to hand, so I can drown again.”

I switched the boy to my other breast, Ash watching us with such a deep longing that I nearly smiled at him. But I needed to be more careful than that. “You once accused me of having no power of my own. You said it was all borrowed from others.”

He scrubbed his scalp. “Yes. That was unfair. I—”

“No, no—you were absolutely correct. You made me think. You've always done that, from our first conversation. Made me reconsider myself and what I thought was true. Now I know new things about power.”

Sitting back in the chair, he relaxed a little. “Such as?”

I could let myself smile. “I know that my power comes from inside me, from making decisions and sticking to them. From knowing myself and understanding my world and my place in it. From life and love. I want you with me, Ash.”

“The Queen of Avonlidgh and Glorianna's avatar cannot bed an escaped Tala convict,” he gritted out. “The thought is absurd, and—as much as I want you, enough that I might die of it—I can't be your secret consort. I know myself that much.”

I laughed and he looked hurt. “Oh, stop! Even I understand you that much. And yes, I will be the Queen of Avonlidgh and I've already taken steps to make myself the head of Glorianna's church. That's right.” I nodded at him. “I'm cleaning that house. There will be no more tales like yours, if I have anything to say about it.”

The babe had fallen asleep, so I rose and carried him into the bedchamber. I tucked him into the little cradle, whispering Glorianna's benediction over him. Then turned to see Ash had followed me in. My dress fell open, baring my breasts, and he seemed stricken, staring at me from the doorway.

“Do you mean it?” he asked on a hoarse whisper. “You'll have me openly, before your people, as your consort?”

“Yes. Though we'll be journeying first, of course, looking for our lost one. That will give you time to decide if I annoy you too much and you can back out before we make it public.”

He smiled then, the bisecting scar twisting it to the side. “Somehow, even when you annoy me, I just love you more.”

“That sounds like true love to me, then.”

“Does it?”

“Believe me, I know. I used to think that it only happened once, your single opportunity to make good. But now I think—no, I know—that love is abundant. That's Glorianna's gift to us. That we love, over and over, many times and many people. You're one of them. I love you, Ash.”

He crossed to me, tentative, and lifted his hands to cup my naked breasts. “Your tits are so much larger,” he commented.

I burst out laughing and wound my arms around his neck. “Trust you to say the least romantic thing possible.”

He grinned at me crookedly. “But you love me for it.”

“Yes,” I said. “Yes, I do.”

Then he kissed me, and it was everything I remembered it being.

Dawn burst, bright and glorious, over the ripening farmlands of Windroven. I held the babe, Ursula and Dafne at my side, while the new head of Glorianna's chapel at Windroven said the invocations. Nearby the surf crashed against the shore, the salt scent crisp and full of life.

Behind me, Ash stood with the other men, Graves and Skunk and the others, flanking my ladies. The priest asked me for the boy's name and I drew Glorianna's circle on his forehead.

“Astar,” I spoke loudly. “For he shall be the star that guides us to the bright future the goddesses wish for us.
And Stella
, I said in my head and heart, naming her there,
who shall be the twin star to his, the two in one, who shall make us all one.

A jubilant cheer went up from the crowd, wild with triumphant glee. I'd repeat their names twice more today, for Danu and for Moranu.

And then, before Glorianna's sun rose again, Ash and I would sneak away from Windroven, bringing only Astar with us.

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Copyright © 2014 by Jeffe Kennedy

 

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eISBN-13: 978-0-7582-9446-3
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First Kensington Electronic Edition: December 2014