The Things They Cannot Say (5 page)

WW:
[
Laughs
] Yeah. I get out at twenty-one. I came in at seventeen. I graduated high school a year early to do this shit.

KS:
Are you glad you did?

WW:
No. If I could take it back, I wouldn't do it.

KS:
Why?

WW:
I'd go to college, man. College is where it's at. I'm glad I'm here defending my country, though. I'm not here for the Iraqi people. I'm here for the American people.

KS:
Do a lot of guys feel the same way that you do?

WW:
What's that?

KS:
Do you think that a lot of guys feel the same way that you do?

WW:
I know that a lot of guys hate these fuckin' shitheads. I'm tired of seein' my brothers get hurt. I've had four of my best friends get killed since I've been here.

KS:
Is it frustrating?

WW:
It's extremely frustrating. Let me find that guy. They shoot us and run. They hit us with IEDs [improvised explosive devices]. They're cowards. That's why I don't have a problem shootin' any of them.

KS:
Do you feel like this offensive has been worthwhile, that you've been able to do something with it?

WW:
What's that?

Note: Wold, like a lot of troops in heavy combat, seems to be experiencing some hearing loss.

KS:
Do you feel like this offensive has been worthwhile?

WW:
I'm gettin' rid of terrorists, I know that. If I can save one American from getting hurt, then I'm doing my job. I don't care about my life. I care about my family's lives. That's the only reason I'm here. I'd come back here in an instant. I hate being here every day, but it's for my family.

KS:
Why are you gettin' out?

WW:
What's that?

KS:
Why are you getting out?

WW:
I just wanna be normal. I wanna live a normal life.

KS:
Do you think you can after this?

WW:
I'm sure I'll be all right. I've changed a lot since I joined the Marine Corps, though. Especially being here. You just . . . I'll never take anything for granted ever again.

KS:
Does it harden you?

WW:
Um, my last command hardened me pretty much. This place will . . . it'll make you pretty hard. It'll give you some thick skin. [
Explosion
] I'm tired of that, too.

KS:
Too much bang there?

WW:
Too much big booms.

KS:
What will you do after this?

WW:
I got a scholarship to play football.

KS:
Where are you gonna do that?

WW:
WSU. Go Cougs! [
He makes a victory sign.
]

KS:
What position?

WW:
I'm a linebacker. I had a full-ride scholarship out of high school, but I joined the Marine Corps instead.

KS:
Why'd you do that?

WW:
Um, my pops always told me it's my duty to serve my country as a young American, so . . . He was killed when I was twelve, so I figured I'd do what he told me to do.

KS:
Was he a Marine, too?

WW:
Nah, he was in the Army.

KS:
How was he killed?

WW:
He was murdered when I was twelve.

KS:
How did that happen?

WW:
I don't know. They never found the guy that did it.
*

KS:
So you did it in his memory?

WW:
What's that?

KS:
You joined in his memory?

WW:
I just joined to help Americans. I love my family and my fiancée. I never want her to ever have to worry about anybody coming into our country. I'd rather kill 'em in their backyard than have 'em come into our backyard. [
Explosion
] Look at that. [
He points to the orange flameout of a nearby air strike.
] The more I kill here the less I've got to worry about coming into my country.

KS:
Does it scare you at all, though? That, like, you have to break into a house like that and you guys have guns pointed at you?

WW:
I don't have time to think about that shit. When I first got here, I was always worried about . . . my friend told me today, “Man, you were so worried about getting killed when you first got here.” But now, I don't have time to think about that shit. You bust into a house . . . Just like today, I had people pointing AKs at me. And I was thinkin', “I have to shoot them.” I shot six people in less than ten seconds. It's just what you've got to do. That shit goes right out the window. And you don't have to push.

[ . . . ]

KS:
If you weren't gonna be deployed, would you stay in the Marine Corps?

WW:
Yeah. I don't know if I could do another tour over here. 'Cause the more time you spend here, the more people you wanna kill. Right now, it's . . . I'm so sick of 'em tearin' up my buddies, I just wanna kill 'em all. The more time you spend here, the more time you just wanna get in there and kill 'em.

KS:
You think when you get home you'll be able to turn it off?

WW:
I hope so. [
His face shows uncertainty.
] I really do. My fiancée's really worried that I'm not gonna come back the same. I'll never tell her what things I did here. I'll never tell anybody. 'Cause I'm not proud of killing people. I'm just proud to serve my country. I never understood it until I got here, you know? I never understood any of it, like, you know, “Hey, I'm defending my country. I'm in the Marine Corps.” You don't defend your country until you do something like this. Then you really understand it. The pride aspect really comes out of it. I hate being here but I love it at the same time. It's got its ups and downs. I haven't talked to my fiancée in almost a month. I'm just hoping she's doing good.

KS:
Wanna use my phone?

WW:
Oh, no, I can't . . . I can't do that.

KS:
You're welcome to.

WW:
Nah, I couldn't do that.

KS:
I asked . . . I let the guys use them all the time, so . . .

WW:
Maybe if I see you around.

KS:
Yep.

WW:
I—

KS:
But I let a lot of the guys use them, so it's not a big deal.

WW:
I miss everything out here. Our anniversary. My birthday, her birthday. It's the last ones, though, man. Six months, I'll be done. Two months left here.

KS:
What do you have to do when you go back to the States? You have to spend three months . . .  ?

WW:
I'll be, like, three months left in the Marine Corps? Four months?

KS:
Just process you out?

WW:
I'll get detached out. I'll just work at the gym. I'm, like, a real gym buff. I lost thirty-five pounds since I've been here, so when I get back I really gotta hit the gym real hard.

KS:
You gonna go back and play football?

WW:
Yeah. I gotta get . . . I weighed two twenty-eight when I got out here, I'm down to about one ninety now. 'Cause I haven't gotten to touch a gym once.

KS:
That's hard . . .

WW:
It's really hard.

KS:
Do you think that some of that anger you have out here, though, is that gonna go back with you, too?

WW:
You just learn how to channel your anger. I think I'll be all right. I'm so excited to be a civilian that I'm sure it'll all go away. Like, me and the guy that just got hit, all day today, all we could think today was about goin' home and gettin' a Big Mac and spending the night with our fuckin' . . . our fiancées, you know? It's all we wanna do, just be normal people. This is his third deployment, you know? I can't stand it.

KS:
It's hard to do this?

WW:
It's not hard to kill people. It's hard not to get killed. My company's got so many casualties it's not even funny.

KS:
Yeah, especially in this event. A lot of casualties . . .

WW:
[
Yelling
] Hey, we're pushing!

[ . . . ]

WW:
[
Yelling and directing his fireteam
] Hey, Dar, when you come up here, we've got friendlies down here. Hey, we've got friendlies down here! Hold up. Hold up! Hey, listen up! We've got friendlies down to the south! You hear me? Keep your eye on the rooftops and get low!

KS:
Which city in Washington?

WW:
Vancouver.

KS:
It's a nice place.

WW:
It's, ah, it's so beautiful. I can't wait to go home. I wanna get . . . um, my motorcycle only got three hundred and fifty miles on it. I can't wait to get back and . . .

KS:
What kind of bike you got?

WW:
Just bought that new, uh, 636 Ninja. It's Kawasaki.

KS:
What's wrong with you, man? You guys always buy those when you go home.

WW:
Nah, I bought this, uh . . . I bought it before I came out here. I always wanted a bike.

KS:
Is “Willy” short for “William,” or is that what you go by?

WW:
Uh, William. I go by Willy, though.

KS:
You got brothers and sisters?

WW:
Uh, three brothers, two sisters.

KS:
Older or younger?

WW:
I'm the second youngest.

KS:
So what do they think about you being out here?

WW:
They can't stand it. My little sister . . . if you ever see this, I love you, 'cause she writes me all the time. Her and my mom are writing me all the time, the only ones. And my fiancée, and that's the only . . . that's the sole purpose of why I can make it out here. Is family.

KS:
Well if I put you on TV, you ought to call them, so they can at least watch it.

WW:
What's that?

KS:
I said if I put you on TV, you ought to at least call them so they can watch it.

WW:
I tried. It's . . . I know I'm gonna be here for the rest of my tour, so . . . it'll be at least a couple more weeks before I get to talk to 'em. Maybe I can get somebody to send 'em an e-mail or something.

KS:
Yeah, give me your e-mail address. I mean, 'cause I might use some of this tonight. Feed it out. We feed our stories every night.

WW:
I was on TV a few times. I was on CNN twice when the president had, um, chiefs of staff and he had, um, peacekeeping missions up at Camp David.

KS:
You did, uh, protection?

WW:
When he gets off the helo . . . when the head of state gets off the helo. Then we provide security for him.

KS:
So how'd you get to be a sergeant so fast?

WW:
I'm only corporal right now, but I'll be a sergeant soon. I'm a good . . . I've always been a good PTer. I got . . . before I came out here, I'd go the gym every day. You know? I'm a good shot, as you can see today.

KS:
How many did you get? Six today?

WW:
I shot six out of nine. I could have shot more, but I'm so worried about putting one of my Marines' lives in danger.

KS:
How long did that whole sequence take place?

WW:
The killing of those nine people?

KS:
Yeah.

WW:
Maybe thirty seconds. Just because I've got a slow Marine. He froze up on me. He almost got us killed. I can't be mad at him. I get mad at the kid every day because he's a really slow Marine, but I can't get mad at him for that because morally . . . He told me morally he didn't think he should kill him because he didn't realize what was going on at first. Once I told him what to do, he did it. And he's glad that . . . He'll never question my authority ever again. I guarantee it.

KS:
They had the weapons pointed at you?

WW:
Yeah, I saved his life today. I'm really glad I did, too. I love the kid to death as a man, but as a Marine, he's just not a very good Marine. [
Yelling
] Yeah? No, I don't! What do you need?

[ . . . ]

WW:
[
Sound of tank round hitting a house
] That's how we clear it. That's probably our main objective. That's how we clear a house. That's how the Marines do it. Okay. We don't mess around.

[ . . . ]

WW:
You gotta be careful, man. You ain't got a gun?

KS:
Nah. Yeah, we're noncombatants, so we're not supposed to carry 'em.

WW:
I couldn't do that. If I'm gonna be somewhere like this, I gotta have me a gun. That's the bad thing about this country. Everybody got a gun.

KS:
That's right. Same with Afghanistan. Crazy.

WW:
In Afghanistan it's a totally different war. Of course, we're doing sassel ops around here. You know, except for this. This is a . . .

KS:
When you say “sassel ops” what does that mean?

WW:
In a nutshell, it's when you go around and you're pretty much there for the people, you know? We hand out soccer balls and try to dodge IEDs every day. Make sure everybody's doing good. Keep the schools running. Try to get the Iraqi police up, you know?