The Throwbacks (42 page)

She continued to play mute. Speechless didn’t begin to cover what he was doing to her, though. She felt as if she’d lost all power to function. She was frozen. She’d never felt this numbness before, and she didn’t like it one bit. A corner of her mind wondered if he’d felt this way when he lost his wife. That thought snapped her back to life as she listened to him.

“You need to move on and live your life. Start your family. We’re heading in different directions. I wish I were twenty years younger so I could give you that white picket fence and brood of children that I know you want.” He smiled kindly.

She opened her mouth in surprise. She never remembered telling him about her white picket fence fantasy.

“You telegraph your dreams in every wave of your warmth. You never had to tell me. It’s what you were meant for. I, on the other hand, was never meant to be a suburban family man. There’s nothing more remote from my experience than that existence. Even if I would consider it—for you—alas, I can’t turn the clock back.”

“Are you serious? Do you think just because you’ve fooled yourself into thinking it’s all about our ages and having a family—that I believe you? Because I don’t care about the white picket fence dream anymore. You were right. I wanted that once upon a time, but not now. I want you more than any girlhood dream.”

“That’s easy to say now, but—”

“No buts. I know the real reason that you’re turning me away in spite of your feelings for me.” She stopped. She was making a leap. What if she was wrong? She looked at his face, and he was waiting for her to go on. She saw real pain there. She was right.

“You are afraid of losing someone again—especially because you feel responsible for your wife’s death because of the dangers involved in your career—no, make that your life’s work.” She unfolded her arms and moved toward him when she saw him flinch.

“I won’t say there isn’t some truth in what you say, Grace.” He held her and murmured in her ear. Tears welled, but she held them back. She refused to give up on him. She refused to hold anything back because he was the one. He was the love of her life.

“It’s more complicated than that—my marriage was never what…what I would have wished for.”

“You mean it wasn’t a love match?”

“More like a fondness match. In truth, I can say now that I was too in love with my ‘life’s work,’ as you put it. But either way, I can’t move forward with our relationship, Grace. It wouldn’t work. Your fear for my safety today confirmed for me that it would be impossible for you to tolerate my, shall we say, life as Batman, as much as I am unsuited to do anything else.”

She squeezed her eyes shut, but a tear leaked out. All could not possibly be lost, she thought. She backed up and looked up at him.

“David, I love you. You are the love of my life.” She begged him with her eyes to not turn her away.

“I know, sweetheart. I’m falling for you impossibly hard. It would be far worse if we become any more entangled and hurt each other later.”

Noodles jumped up and she looked down at her. Then she remembered what he said about tonight.

“What about tonight? It would be too sad to think that we might never make love,” she whispered, barely getting the words out past the lump in her throat that she was sure was her heart. If he was offering her this one night, she could put everything else out of her mind. She blinked the lone tear away. She put the dog aside and fell into his arms and against the strong solid length of him with her hands holding his dear face. She wanted to own this face. She would make it hers forever in her mind’s eye—if that was all she was to have.

She tried to swallow.

“You’re sure?” he whispered in his one last half-hearted attempt to be gallant, and that almost caused another tear to leak. Instead, she moved closer and nodded as she nuzzled his neck, taking in the scent of him.

“Then let’s make it a night neither of us will ever forget.” He spoke quietly, but confidently, as if he never meant anything more.

Noodles barked. They moved apart a fraction at the same time, not exactly jumping. The nerve-tingling sensation she felt suddenly changed over to excitement in a flash of anticipation.

“Your place or mine?” he said.

“Why don’t I make Noodles comfortable in my room, and then I’ll come over to yours?” She breathed deep to stop the dizzying knowledge that she was to have him at last.

He was reluctant to let her go, to have her leave his breathing space even for a moment. He told himself it was not because he thought she’d change her mind. He gave up any further pretense at being noble—at least for this night.

In spite of the heady feelings he had now, he was confident that his noble spirit would return in the morning. He let her go while one hand lingered on her arm and trailed down to the tips of her fingers as she walked away.

He waited for her to scoop up her pup and close the door behind her with a sultry look over her shoulder at him. Now he couldn’t decide if he should try and calm his thunderous heart or go with the excitement of the night and not slow down. One thing was for sure, he thought as he strode into his room, leaving the door ajar, he was going to make the most of every second of this night. To hell with sleeping and any other consideration save making sweet wild passionate love to Grace. Until the very second they parted.

Later on as she lay next to him, he tightened his arms around her and she finally kicked off her heels. They stared at each other with one of those deep, soul-searching stares.

“I’m so in love with you.” She said the words on a sigh.

“I could feel it.”

“I could feel it too—I mean your love—I could feel your love,” she managed to say. She watched the twitch in his mouth that meant he was amused.

“Good. Then all my efforts were not wasted,” he said.

She couldn’t help the giggle from escaping. It was a contented giggle. He gave her a feathery kiss on her lips and closed his eyes. Grace snuggled into the circle of his arms, more content than she could ever remember being in her entire life, and she fell asleep.

D
AVID had forgotten all about going to Boston police headquarters to give their statements until the shrill sound of the phone woke him. He sat up, or tried to, but was hampered. He took a long look at Grace as she slept on his arm. He grew warm. Her face had that peacefully gorgeous and innocent look in sleep. He wondered how she could sleep through the phone ringing. He reached for it and grabbed the clunky earpiece from the receiver.

“Inspect…David Young here.” It was the first time in the last two years that he’d lapsed into the old role. He took it as a good sign, a sign of restored confidence. He gazed again at the heart-stoppingly beautiful woman stirring on his pillow and understood it was all because of her.

“I covered for you last night—but you better get your ass down here within thirty minutes or we’re both fried. The press conference is in an hour,” Dan said, and hung up the phone. David took one last moment to pause and breathe deeply, taking in the musky air surrounding them. It smelled of Grace and of their mingled scents borne of a night of lovemaking. The intoxicating smells took hold, and he acknowledged that it was his one last time to enjoy even that deep breath.

Grace opened her eyes and looked angelic in her momentary euphoria. If he’d expected a return to feeling noble, then he was greatly disappointed now. He felt more of the devil incarnate about to bludgeon the perfect happiness from the beautiful face of the woman he loved.

He was in love with her. That explained everything.

“Good morning, love.” She reached her hand up to caress his face.

“That was Dan. They’re expecting us momentarily at HQ to give those statements we were supposed to give last night.” He said the words kindly and gently.

She popped up with an admirable quickness. “Oh! That’s right.” Then she smiled that angelic smile. “I’d forgotten all about it. Naturally. Who could blame me? I was too enthralled—making love with the love of my life.” She reached to put her arms around him, and a pain stabbed at his heart. So this was what it was like. What all those poets railed and ranted about in all their sonnets. This was the heart ravaged by love lost. All those years he thought he’d known all about it. He’d thought he was tough. But he never really had an inkling until this moment.

He pulled back, disengaging her arms and cleared his throat to say the mean, cowardly words he had to say. That’s what he knew he was now—a coward, and not noble in the least. Though it would be worse to wait for the inevitable demise of their relationship later, he was too much of a coward to give them a chance at having something worthwhile between now and then.

He thought these thoughts while looking at her adoring dewy young face, and knew what he had to do. She was too young to know what she’d be giving up. The urgency to get it done suddenly overwhelmed him. He forced his words out in a crusty voice.

“Grace, we had a night that I’ll treasure always.” Then he turned away from her unsure face before it turned pain-stricken. He swept back his covers and rose from the bed. He strode to the bathroom, naked, with his back to her.

But he heard her fall back into her pillows and the muffled sob that she couldn’t stop from rising. He closed the door with an unhurried but solid click and stood. He refused to look in the mirror. It may be a long time before he looked in a mirror. He made a note to have all the mirrors removed from his townhouse.

It would be hell shaving every morning, but it would be a well-deserved hell.