The Tome of Bill Compendium Vol. 1 (Books 1-4) (18 page)

I almost couldn't believe that worked. Standing there in front of him, I gloated, “You picked the wrong guy to fuck with tonight. When I'm through with...” *CRUNCH*

Oh, yeah, forgot about the other assholes trying to mug me. Note to self: make sure
all
the bad guys are down before spouting off one-liners. In the meantime...
holy shit that hurt!
What connected with the back of my head had the consistency of a crowbar, which meant it probably
was
. Stars exploded in front of my eyes and I found myself on the ground looking up as the three...make that four (
my lovely crack ho friend was joining in
) remaining assailants started to stomp on me.

It wasn’t exactly my shining moment. However, before I could see whether or not I had enough left in me to mount a counterattack (
my ego said yes, my logic center said doubtful
), I heard a wet tearing noise. A second later, a human-shaped projectile flew into two of my attackers, knocking them away. Before any of us could make sense of what had just happened, a bloody fist erupted from the chest of the last guy standing above me. A gurgle erupted from his throat and he immediately collapsed on top of me.

It only took a second to push his still-twitching body off, but it was pretty much all over by then. I looked up to see the prostitute, correction:
pieces
of the prostitute, being flung about. I sat up and caught a face full of her severed leg.

I finally had enough of being pummeled with body parts. Rolling to the side, I managed to push myself to my feet, ready to take down whatever gang banger was closest to me. Turns out, it was hard to tell. There were plenty of body parts close by, but I wasn't entirely sure they were all from the same person. A faint whimper caught my attention. I looked just in time to see the last of my attackers have his head twisted completely around with a sickly snapping that made my wrist break from earlier seem lame in comparison. The mugger dropped, boneless, to the alley floor, very much dead.

“That was...well, there's no two ways about it. That was fairly pathetic,” said Ozymandias, stepping from the shadows.

“I took down one of them,” I lamely replied.

“Alas, two hundred is not exactly an outstanding batting average.”

“What are you doing here?” I tried changing the subject away from my less than impressive fighting prowess.

“Aside from saving you from an embarrassing beating?” he replied. “Seriously, you should have been able to take out attackers of this caliber without breaking a sweat. That aside, as I told you earlier, your reputation would be spreading after this weekend was through. I’ve heard that you've done a pretty good job of talking your way through things. However, talk only gets you so far amongst our kind.” He looked around at the carnage. “Congratulations on your first massacre. It shall not be your last.” He inclined his head to the side as if listening for something. “Now, if you'll excuse me. Try not to do anything silly like fall down and hurt yourself.”

And, with that, he turned and disappeared down the far side of the alley, almost too quickly for my eyes to follow. Damn, maybe he had a point about those espressos.

I was standing there, looking in the direction he had run, and contemplating my next move, when I heard movement from the entrance of the alley. A few moments later, Night Razor came into view.

“What the fuck?” he gasped, skidding to a stop to take in the carnage before him.

Ozymandias had played things perfectly. Now
there
was a vampire who knew what he was doing. However, it would all be for naught if I didn't do my part. Composing myself as best I could, I started slowly walking toward Night Razor, licking the blood off my fingers as I did so. “Sorry,” I casually said, “I didn't leave you any leftovers.”

His eyes were wide with a mixture of surprise and disbelief. “How the hell...? Last I saw, you were getting your ass dragged out of that club by security.”

That's it? Thank god. He apparently didn't see the event leading up to that. Luck was apparently smiling on me tonight, sorta. Either way, it was time for a little embellishment.

“Some fucker got in my face and they jumped me when I started slapping him around.”

“But how did you...”

“The club was fun and all, but I really needed prey a little more challenging than some teenage ravers. I figured you'd understand,” I smugly said. “So, what's next? I'm all warmed up now.”

He just stood there, glaring at me, so I decided there was one little bit of extra icing to spread on this cake. I gestured down at the camera sticking out of his pocket. “You did remember to tape this, right?”

So maybe I should have kept that last remark to myself. That, or I should’ve expected that I'd need to duck. Regardless, I caught one square on the chin from Night Razor, and, once again, found myself on my ass. I guess it was too much to hope that I'd make it through the entire evening without getting hit once. Well, okay; so far, this night, I'd gotten hit several times, but most of them had come from people other than Jeff. Come to think of it, though, maybe that wasn’t something I should be bragging about. On the upside, I was still conscious. Guess my tolerance for beatings was getting better.

We stood there, glaring at each other for a few seconds (
okay, I was technically sitting
), and then he seemed to think better of the ass whupping he was no doubt contemplating handing out. While I'd love to fool myself into thinking that perhaps he had doubts of being able to take me out (
perhaps bolstered by the scene of carnage he stumbled upon
), it appeared his reservations were more practical in nature as he said, “We need to get our asses away from this fucking mess before someone calls the cops.”

Pulling myself to my feet, I grudgingly had to admit he did have a point. Subtle this was not. Instead of saying anything pithy that might’ve ended with my head smashed through a wall, I simply grunted my assent with his plan. Without another word, he turned and took off full bore down the alley at a speed that would have made an Olympic sprinter weep. Remembering that I wasn't exactly a slouch anymore myself, I immediately took off after him at a similar pace - not too shabby for someone who came in dead last in every race during gym class.

Just a few minutes at this speed found us several blocks away. I'd definitely have to remember that. It was faster and cheaper than a cab, with the added benefit of not having to be yelled at in Arabic.

The place where Night Razor finally stopped was deep in shadow, several streetlights in the area being inoperative. “Now it's your turn,” he said, his back still turned to me.

Oh, shit, that didn't sound good. I crouched down into a fighting stance (
or at least what years of Bruce Lee movies had taught me was a fighting stance
) and prepared myself for an attack. What I wasn’t prepared for was the torrent of water that hit me when Night Razor stepped aside. I was blasted off my feet, and worse yet, fuck me, it was freezing cold.

I rolled to the side, out of the spray and, after slipping a few times on the wet concrete, managed to get back up. Night Razor was standing there, grinning, holding the cap of the fire hydrant he had just ripped open. “There. Now you don't look like you just stepped out of a slaughterhouse.”

Fucker! Again
,
though, he had a point. I hadn't realized that I looked like someone who had just run away from a murder scene (
which, oddly enough, was what had just happened
). Now I just had the appearance of someone who’d decided to take an impromptu dive into the Hudson. Oh, well, water dries better on clothes than blood, I suppose. That was assuming I didn't freeze to death first...oh, yeah, probably little chance of that happening.

“A little warning next time?” I growled.

“What fun would that be? Besides which,” his voice turned hard, “I think you've gotten plenty of warnings from me already.”

* * *

I made it back to the loft a short while later, still damp, but without further incident. Following my improvised street shower, Jeff unceremoniously announced we were done, and then had stalked off into the night. I didn't need a written invitation to know that his body language clearly said
don't follow
. So, I didn't. It didn't really matter anyway. I had miraculously both survived the night and given him absolutely zero ammunition to use against me. All things considered, I had probably come out ahead of the curve. That didn't mean I was particularly happy about it, though.

I walked up the stairs, my shoes making sloshing noises with each step, and just opened the door without bothering to knock. Truth be told, I was starting to consider it a second home of sorts. Weird, huh? But I guess once you've been beaten, bloodied, and...oh, yeah...
killed
in a place, you start to develop an attachment to it.

Anyway, I walked in to find some of the coven milling about and caught the ass end of a few conversations. Most of it seemed to be about me.

“...almost gutted Sally...”

“...fucking animal should be put down...”

“...he even be killed?”

“...lead us in the war against the feet...”

Most
of it, anyway. No fucking clue what that last one was about. I wasn't going to be further enlightened either, apparently. All talk ground to a halt as soon as they noticed I had entered the room. It didn't matter much, though, as I wasn't exactly in the mood to be social. Part play-acting, and part being in an actual bad mood, I stopped in my tracks, made eye contact with them all, and simply said, “Get the fuck out.” Which they did.

Once the last one had left (
quickly, too, as I gave him a hungry growl on his way out
), I checked the rest of the apartment for stragglers. While there was nobody hiding in the bathroom (
food or otherwise
), I did notice that the mess had already been cleaned up. I guess Sally wasn't shitting me about the cleaning staff. I then checked the bedrooms. The first one was empty (
and clean...thank god
). The door was shut on the second. I tried the knob. It was unlocked, so I opened it. Sally was lying in the bed. She was wearing pajamas and had a cold compress upon her head. Starlight was sitting by her side, spoon-feeding her from a bowl of blood.

Upon seeing me, Starlight jumped to her feet and turned in my direction, dumping the bowl’s contents onto Sally's lap in the process. At least this time, her eye-roll wasn't entirely directed at me. However, she quickly composed herself and gave a little whimper as I approached. Starlight, in turn, stepped between me and the bed, baring her teeth in a snarl.

“You won't hurt her again, monster!” she barked as if she were an extra in a bad B-movie. I let out a bemused sigh in response.

“Two for the price of one works just fine for me,” I said, taking a step forward. That seemed to deflate whatever bit of bravery she had in her. Starlight's mouth dropped open, and a look of fear crossed her face. She started breathing heavily, her large supple breasts heaving up and down with every breath, practically begging me to cradle them in my hands, and...

Oh, sorry. I did it again, didn't I? I mentally slapped myself back to reality and away from Starlight's inviting cleavage. Before they could mesmerize me again, I stepped to the side and hooked my thumb toward the door.

“Just get the fuck out of here.”

Whatever sisterly instinct she might’ve had toward Sally evaporated at my giving her an out. She gave Sally a momentary look of pity, and then raced past me. A second later, I heard the front door close. As soon as that happened, Sally gave a sigh and started to get out of bed.

“I was just getting comfortable,” she complained.

“Milking it just a little bit, aren't we?”

“What? It's not every day one survives an attack by the legendary
Freewill
,” she stood and stretched. “So, how'd your hunting trip go? I see you still have your legs attached, so I'll assume it went better than planned.”

I filled her in on the club (
leaving out the part about my face and the bar becoming intimately acquainted
), the street thugs, and Ozymandias' subsequent slaughter of them. She nodded thoughtfully at that last part.

“Figured he might do something like that. Smart. It'll probably be on the news by tomorrow. Regardless of what Jeff says at that point, the others will put two and two together.”

“You think?”

“No doubt. Congratulations, you really are Dr. Death.”

“Right now, the only thing I am is Dr. Tired. I chased everyone out so I could catch some sleep. If there are no other surprises, I kinda need to be somewhere early tomorrow.”

She considered this for a second and then said, “Okay. You've probably earned it. I think we've spread enough chaos and misinformation for one weekend.”

“Thanks.” I stifled a yawn. “Well, I'm gonna crash. What are you going to do?”

“I was thinking we could...I don't know...maybe crash together,” she purred, sauntering over to me seductively.

My eyes immediately went wide as my mind filled with the possibilities and just as immediately emptied as she yelled, “Psych!” and giggled. Bitch! “Sorry, stud. But I'm heading out to enjoy the rest of the night. If I run into anybody, I'll just tell them how I barely escaped your ravenous clutches.”

“That works, too...sorta,” I commented, somewhat deflated. “Need me to rough you up a bit to make it realistic? I kind of owe you one, anyway,” I remembered how she had clawed me earlier.

“Maybe next time,” she tittered and then went off to get dressed.