The Tome of Bill Compendium Vol. 1 (Books 1-4) (42 page)

I took a few more steps to get a better look. The area we were in was somewhat reminiscent of the time I had gone out to Vegas, or more specifically, the parts of the Mojave I had seen. The immediate vicinity was sparse but broken up by the occasional vegetation. To one side (
East, West, or whatever...I didn’t have a compass on me
) the desert stretched as far as the eye could see. Normally in the dark, this wouldn’t be very far at all; however, darkness isn’t an issue for vampires. With the exception that all of the colors were heavily desaturated, I could see every bit as well as if it were broad daylight.

On the far side of the village, if you could call it that, were several large rocky outcroppings that led up to some more hilly terrain. I started wandering over to them. The whole thing was pretty damn cool now that I thought about it. Here I was in some nomadic village out in the middle of nowhere. It was like I had stepped out of my life and into the middle of an
Indiana Jones
movie...and not that lousy crystal skull one either.

I was so caught up in the fantasy of it all that I hadn’t noticed that I wandered outside the edge of the settlement. I was standing close to one of the large rock formations, thinking about maybe being adventurous and attempting to scale it, when I heard a *thud* noise to my left.

I took a look around. Considering how barren the terrain was, it wasn’t too hard to find what I thought to be the source. There was a large rock, nearly the size of my head, lying in the dirt no more than ten feet away from me. Maybe it had rolled down from one of the larger boulders - although, if that had happened, I probably would have heard it. The way this had sounded was if it had just dropped from the sky. Oh well. I’m sure these things were common out here. It’d take a little more than some loose rocks to scare off this city boy. I mean it’s not like...*thud*

What the hell? I turned back, and there was another rock, similar in size to the first, on the ground where I had just been standing a few moments ago. If that thing had hit me, it could have shattered my skull like a chicken egg. One fallen rock was something, but two was getting a bit odd. I turned my eyes up toward the nearby hills and took a look around, scanning the area. Nope, nothing out of the...what the...

I could have sworn I had seen movement out of the corner of my eye, like something dark had just ducked out of sight.

Okay, I was probably just creeping myself out. It was time to get a grip and relax...and of course, that was when something grabbed my arm.

* * *

Let’s face facts: you knew it was Nergui all along, didn’t you? Well, I didn’t. So I shrieked like a little girl when I felt his big, meaty fist fall onto my shoulder. The cry was cut short, though, as his other hand quickly came around and covered my mouth.

“It is not safe out here. Return with me,” he said into my ear.

I tried to save whatever grace I had left, which wasn’t much. I pulled out of his grip and hissed, “Jeez, dude! Did you have to sneak up on me?”

“I did not sneak. If you did not notice, then perhaps the fault lies with you,” he said, and then turned back toward the ring of tents.

Grrrr! Damn him and his ninja logic.

I caught up to him, lest I stand there acting all pissy and wind up getting my brains bashed in by another of the magical raining rocks of Mongolia. “So why isn’t it safe?” I asked.

“Because it is not.” (
Oh Jesus Christ!
)

“Care to elaborate?”

“You are in the Wanderer’s charge. If he wishes for you to know more, then he shall be the one to tell you.”

“The wanderer?”

“The one you call James.”

“Oh. Dude has a lot of names.”

“Indeed he does,” Nergui agreed.

“So where did the Wanderer wander off to?”

“The Khan is close by. He is the Wanderer’s sire. Since your arrival was not expected, he is surely telling our master of the news.”

“I guess that makes sense.” I knew that there was some shit going down in this place. That was why James had been called away to begin with. It made sense that whenever anything happened outside of the norm, like say a packing crate full of yours truly showing up on the doorstep, that the guy in charge would need to be notified. “So is the Khan here?”

“The Khan would not dirty his steps in an unworthy place such as this.”

“Oh, of course not,” I replied, hoping my sarcasm didn’t cross the gulf between our cultures. I got the feeling that insulting the Khan around these guys would fly about as well as pissing on a picture of Queen Elizabeth in front of the guards outside of Buckingham Palace...maybe even less so considering that most vampires I had met seemed to think that violence was a dandy solution to almost all of life’s problems.

“The Khan’s ger-tereg is five kilometers hence,” Nergui said, pointing out toward the desert.

“Okey-doke,” I answered, having absolutely no fucking idea what he was talking about. Whatever the case, though, I assumed it meant that the Khan and his entourage were a ways down the road...or sand. I mentally did the conversion in my head. Silly backwater countries and their metric system! Oh well, that would put them about three miles away. Having seen James move; however, I knew that he could probably traverse that distance in mere minutes if he so chose.

* * *

It turned out I was right. Nergui and I made it back to the supply tent, and within fifteen minutes, James and his two minions, for lack of a better term, returned. If they were out of breath from their six-mile round trip, they didn’t show it.

“I’m glad to see you stayed put. Amazing how few people know how to follow instructions these days,” he said as he entered.

“That’s me. Mr. stay where the fuck I’m told to,” I replied. If Nergui wanted to tell James otherwise, then that would be his business.

“Well, Dr. Death, you should be flattered to know a great honor has been bestowed upon you.”

“Let me guess. You guys are giving me my own pet camel?”

James wisely ignored my idiocy and continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “The Khan is intrigued by your presence. He wishes to meet with the Freewill.”

“Cool.”

James sighed at my reaction. “You have no idea how big of a deal this is, do you?”

“Not even remotely.”

“The Khan is one of the
Draculas
. They are our ruling elite. They do not just grant audiences to anybody. In fact, they never speak to children...and before you say anything, yes you
are
a child, to us anyway. It’s almost unheard of for the Draculas to deal with any of our kind under a century in age.” He saw that I still had a fairly nonplussed look on my face. “This is kind of like the Pope just up and giving you a call to see if you wanted to do lunch.”

“Oh. That makes sense then,” I said, putting more enthusiasm into my voice. I still didn’t care all that much, but decided I had better act like it before I started insulting a bunch of creatures with over a millennia of combined experience amongst them. “Let’s get going.”

“No,” James stepped in front of me. “The day will be breaking in a few hours. You will meet with him tomorrow. For now, you will be his honored guest, given all the hospitality that is his to offer.” When I didn’t reply, James gave me a wink. “Trust me, you’re going to like this part.”

* * *

Since James told me they needed some time to properly prepare my lodgings, we chatted some more. I brought him up to speed on the goings on in the coven, starting with my defeat of Jeff. “You killed him yourself?” he asked dubiously. I knew he had spoken to Sally. No doubt he’d been briefed on what really happened.

“Well, I may have had a little help,” I admitted.

I then spent about an hour going over the last six months, culminating with the final fight between Village Coven and the HBC, more specifically between myself and Samuel.

“I had been meaning to apologize for all of that,” James said once I had finished. “I meant to give you a little reputation boost amongst your own, not bring a full scale coven war down on your head.”

“It was a bit touch and go there for a while, but since it all worked out in the end, apology accepted,” I replied, which was more or less true. I had bitched enough to Sally over the past several months about the whole situation to drive her half insane (
assuming she wasn’t already there
), thus I more or less had it out of my system. Besides, I preferred to stay in James’s good graces.

Finally, just about when I could see the sky outside beginning to lighten ever so slightly, another vampire entered our tent and whispered something into James’s ear.

“Excellent. You’re all set,” he said. “Monkhbat here,” he gestured toward the guy who had just entered, “will carry your bags and show you to your tent.”

“Are we heading over to where the Khan is?” I asked, not really looking forward to a three-mile hike.

“That’s tonight. For now, you’ve been set up here, just across the way. I’ll pop by after sundown to retrieve you. I know it may prove to be difficult, but do try to get at least a little rest.” He said that last part with a wry smile.

I just gave him a confused glance as I followed my porter out of the tent and toward my destination. I was actually looking forward to some rest and relaxation. Despite spending a full day horizontal in my packing crate, I had gotten zero sleep. It wasn’t exactly the most comfortable thing on the planet, and this is coming from a guy who has passed out on his fair share of floors.

We walked to the other side of the settlement. Monkhbat put my bags just outside of the door, or flap or whatever you call it, of a mid-sized tent and bowed to me before walking off. Guess I had to put my shit away myself. Fine, see if I tip the help here. Oh well. I was thinking it was time for some well-deserved shut-eye when I walked in and immediately stopped dead in my tracks.

The tent was
not
empty.

Oh boy, was it not empty.

In the center was a large pile of rugs and pillows. On top of that pile sat three attractive females. Three very
naked
attractive females. As I stood there gaping like a complete moron, they all giggled. A moment later, they got up, almost as one, and walked over to me. They removed my bags from my hands and led my still very much in shock self back to the center of the tent. Now, these were people who knew what hospitality was all about.

It was official. The Khan was by far my favorite vampire in the world. Holy shit! Forget about threesomes. Skipping all the way to foursomes is
definitely
the way to go. Not only do you have enough to make yourself a sandwich, but you get an order of chips on the side as well. If I lived to be ten-thousand, this was still going to be one of those days I bragged about. Even better, when all the
happiness
was over, they got me bathed, cleaned up, and dressed for my grand appearance with the Khan. Note to self: next time Sally tries to stuff me into a box headed for some godforsaken corner of the earth, go willingly.

As promised, shortly after sunset James appeared at the entrance of my tent. I excused myself from my little personal harem (
hmm, wonder if I should have gotten their names first...oh well
) and went out to meet him.

“I trust your day was
sunny
,” he said with a bemused grin.

“Dude, these people know how to party,” I replied, barely able to contain my giddiness. “I am definitely giving this resort five stars on expedia.com.”

“Excellent to hear. Now if we could just...”

“I mean I don’t know about you,” I continued, still rambling, “but I had all kinds of freaky sex going on today.”

James put up a hand. “Far too much information, thank you very much. Now if you’re done gushing, you have a very important person awaiting you.”

“Lead the way, my friend,” I put a little swagger into my step. “Oh, and next time you need me to join you anywhere, you just say the word.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” he answered dryly. Before I could say anything else, he set off at a brisk pace across the compound.

“So what’s the plan?” I asked as we walked.

“Very simple. We meet with the Khan, enjoy whatever festivities he has planned, and then ship you back out of here.”

“Ship me out?”

James nodded. “Yes. As I told you, it’s dangerous here right now. Freewill or not, you’re too inexperienced to play in this league yet. Right before sunrise, another truck is coming here to take you back to where you belong. Don’t worry, though; I asked my men to throw a few rugs into the crate so you’re a little more comfortable on the return trip.”

“Any chance of packing one of those girls in with me?”

“Alas, you’ll just have to live with your memories.” Oh well, fortunately I had a good memory...not to mention, a very good imagination.

We crossed the settlement in a matter of minutes. We arrived at our destination to find Nergui and James’s two other companions waiting for us. They were all mounted on horseback with two additional steeds standing by. James quickly jumped up and got onto the saddle of one of them.

“I thought we were running there,” I said.

“Normally, yes,” he replied. “However, in times like this there are certain traditions to respect. The Mongols are expert horsemen.”

“Yeah, but I’m not. I haven’t even been on a pony ride since I was three.”

“I’ll show you what to do. Just follow my lead,” he said patiently.

What followed was more or less the comedy of errors you would expect. I managed to get into the saddle on my first try. Being a vampire definitely has its perks from the physical side of things; however, the three mile trek to the Khan’s settlement took several times longer than it probably should have. Bang and Cheng-gong (
get it on, bang a gong!
) thought the entire thing was hilarious. James and Nergui, on the other hand, traded glances that ranged from embarrassment to outright disgust. Finally, lest we spend all night wandering aimlessly due to my inability to control a stupid horse, Nergui grabbed the reins from me and led my horse along. Sure, it was a little mortifying. But then again, I’d like to see him try and figure out the NYC subway system on his first try. That’d show him.