The Tome of Bill Compendium Vol. 1 (Books 1-4) (93 page)

“If I were as dimwitted as you, then yes. Fortunately, for us, though, I am just a wee bit smarter than that.”

“Well lead on then, Ms. Soooper Genius.”

“It’s pretty simple really,” she continued. “The Cat obviously rolled down this hill.”

“I could’ve told you that.”

“Yes, but what was it doing up there to begin with?”

“Well...err...I don’t know,” I admitted.

“Hence why you’re following my lead. Duh.”

* * *

Hot damn, Sally was right. We crested the hill the vehicle had tumbled down, and found ourselves standing on a dirt road. It wasn’t exactly a super highway, hell it was barely a wide trail through the trees, but it was a sight for sore eyes nevertheless.

“I never cease to amaze me,” she proudly proclaimed.

“I’d be a lot more amazed if you could tell me which way we’re supposed to go.”

“That way,” she said evenly and pointed.

“Let me guess, you have a fifty-fifty shot of being right?”

“A bit better than that.” She indicated down toward the wreckage. “The Cat looks like it rolled down the hill sideways. That means it was probably going the same way as it’s facing now. Care to guess what’s waiting in that direction?”

“A whole menagerie of freaky creatures?”

She tapped her finger to her nose. “All of them no doubt wondering where the legendary Freewill has wandered off to. Well, let them wonder no longer.”

I’d like to say we made good time. If the weather had been clear, we probably would have. A vampire running all out could probably beat a car on a road like the one we were on. Unfortunately, blizzards tend to be the great equalizer in these sorts of things.

With each passing mile, the snow got deeper and even with our vampire senses it was sometimes difficult to not wander off the trail (
for me anyway
).

Fortunately, we had Sally’s nose to help us along. Eventually she began to pick up traces of Sasquatch scent. We were entering their territory again, which meant we were going the right way. Soon she mentioned other scents as well...lots of different creatures up ahead. If that wasn’t the very definition of the peace conference, then I don’t know what was. Good thing too, as the weather kept getting nastier.

I was about to ask her, for probably the tenth time, if we were getting close, when she stopped dead in her tracks. Before either of us could utter a word, another voice rang out, “What are you doing here?”

* * *

I recognized it. As a shape materialized from the storm, I called out, “Alex? Is that you?”

“The same,” he replied sternly, walking up to us. Unlike our mishmash of purloined clothes, he was dressed for the environment. Gone was the cloak he had worn earlier, in its place was an outfit straight out of one of the
Call of Duty
Arctic missions. The dude looked like some combination of snow ninja and navy SEAL. “I ask again, what are you doing here? Need I remind you that there is a peace conference going on...” he trailed off again, looked briefly at Sally, and then apparently made up his mind to continue. “A conference which I gave you
specific
instructions to oversee.”

“Yeah about that...”

“Instructions?” Sally asked, but then her eyes lit up with recognition. “I see. That’s what you were trying to tell me the other day.”

“Trying?” Alex asked.

“Sally stopped me. She was afraid Francois would compel her...which oddly enough is exactly what happened.”

Alex turned to her and inclined his head respectfully. “An impressive amount of foresight. I dare say, Sally, my people may have to keep a closer eye on you in the future. You have potential.”

“Yeah,” I commented. “Potential to be a...”

“But that still does not answer my question,” Alex stated, cutting me off. “Is there a reason why you are out here rather than doing your duty?”

I shrugged and started telling him of our adventures from the past several hours. Since most vampires tended to be backstabbing assholes, I would normally err on the side of caution with one I didn’t know too well. Unfortunately, James’s hands were kind of tied in this situation. Being that my choices of who to trust were limited to Francois, Turd, and Alex, it seemed to be a pretty obvious choice to me.

Several times during the telling, Alex raised an intrigued eyebrow at my story. Sally, of course, had to jump in at points to
correct
some of my details and/or to point out my failings. Alex had to warn us back on track a few times after we broke down into our typical bickering. Finally, I finished. Thank God too, as the snow wasn’t exactly tapering off.

“Well, I guess I should be thankful I ran into you both
after
your little dip in the river,” he quipped once we were done.

“Hilarious, I’m sure,” I replied. “Can you take over now? I think we have enough here to hang the guilty parties by their bootstraps.”

“Do not be so sure. You have circumstantial evidence at best against Francois. Elders are often given the benefit of the doubt in cases such as this.”

“What about the First?” Sally asked. “Couldn't they compel him to confess?”

Alex shook his head. “Doubtful. It is difficult to compel any vampire over half-a-millennium in age. Even the most powerful of the First would be hard pressed to do that. Then there is the matter of the Grendel’s leader.”

“Turd?”

“Yes. What are you going to accuse him of? Vampires have no laws against music, at least last I checked. Besides, he isn’t one of us. Any direct accusation against him would go a long way toward causing these talks to fall apart.”

“I hate to break it to you, buddy,” Sally spat. “But these talks are already up shit’s creek without a paddle.”

“Not the way I would put it, but I can see how you might think that,” Alex replied.

“Wait a second!” I exclaimed. “You said direct accusation, right?”

“I did.”

“What about an indirect one?”

“I’m not sure I follow you.”

“That’s okay, I doubt Bill is even following himself,” Sally quipped.

I ignored her (
despite knowing that she wouldn’t go away
) and explained. “I’m led to believe that the rest of Turd’s tribe wouldn’t be too happy to know about his little technology fix.”

Understanding appeared in Alex’s eyes. “Quite true. The Grendel have always shunned it.”

“So I imagine their leader would be knocked down quite a few pegs if they discovered he was a gizmo junkie.”

“Blackmail?” Sally asked. “I’m proud of you, Bill. You're playing with the big boys now.”

“That almost sounded like a compliment, Sally.”

“Don’t worry. Won’t happen again,” she replied. “The only question, though, is who’s hooking up Turd?”

“Francois, obviously,” Alex said. “I just do not know why.”

“Careful, that sounds a lot like an accusation.”

He smirked at that. “I directly serve the First, Freewill. My accusations carry a bit more weight than most. Still, you are correct. Knowing
what
is not the same as
why
. That is why you must get back to the talks. Perhaps then, we might gain insight into this.”

“What about you?” I asked, exasperated that I was still somehow neck deep in this crap.

“I will go check on the remains you found. Perhaps there is some bit of evidence that you have missed, something that will help tie this all together.”

We gave Alex directions as best we could. Hopefully, he’d be able to find the wreckage, and maybe even more. Being pretty much a newborn in the vampire world, my senses weren’t that great. Sally’s were better, but she’s not exactly ancient either. Perhaps Alex would be able to sniff out some clues that we could use to stick it to Francois once and for all.

We just had to be careful. If the French fuckhead caught wind of this, he’d no doubt try to stick me first...no doubt with something sharp and pointy.

* * *

“You certainly picked an interesting time to disappear.”

“Sorry, James. Sally and I took a walk in the woods...and got lost.” I shot him a quick wink. Hopefully, he got the point that I was being coy (
as opposed to hitting on him
) since there were others potentially within earshot.

“I see. And your somewhat interesting choice in attire?” he asked with a smirk.

“We had a bit of an accident.”

“Indeed. So where is your hiking partner anyway?”

“She refused to come here without changing first. You know how women are.”

“Well, be that as it may, I’m sure you can fill me in on your adventures at another time. Unfortunately, you’re a little late for tonight.”

That wasn’t particularly surprising, although that didn’t make it suck any less. It also explained why I ran into James on the path to the meeting valley...or whatever it was.

“They ended already?”

“Already?” James asked, surprised. “This was the longest session by far. They were negotiating for hours.”

“Sorry. My watch kind of died. Unlike us, when it goes it tends to stay dead.”

“I should say so. Alma excrement is full of their fae essence. It can wreak havoc with electronics.”

Now it was my turn to look shocked. “How...did...”

“The Alma have a very
unique
odor. It takes a fairly thorough washing to completely eliminate it. I might suggest a good delousing before tomorrow night’s proceedings.”

“Noted.”

“Come, walk with me,” James beckoned me to follow. “The conference has already broken for the evening. We can take the scenic route back to your hut. It’ll give us a chance to offer our proper
respects
.”

“Respects?”

“Yes, one of the outcomes of this night’s talks...a very peculiar one at that.”

* * *

“Does this place look familiar?”

“Yep. That’s a tree...and that’s a tree. Oh, look there. Another tree.”

James sighed in response. “I meant the area. I believe we’re fairly close to where your friend...”

“Took the shit heard round the supernatural world?”

“As always, Dr. Death, you do have quite the way with words.”

“Thanks, I try. Oh, speaking of my friends...”

“They’re fine. They took their seats at the table and were mostly respectful...well at least one of them was, Ed I believe his name is.”

“Oh, well, as long as Tom didn’t get himself killed. Although I’m surprised they were there at all.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t think they’d go without me. I mean I had told Nergui...” I trailed off before I said something that indicated my and Sally’s little adventure had been premeditated.

“Don’t worry,” James replied, “They never left Nergui’s sight.”

“Well, that’s good. So, anyway, you were going to tell me how badly Francois’s minions sold us out.”

He raised an eyebrow at that. “I was going to say no such thing. I was merely going to tell you that Francois’s team offered the Alma some concessions with regards to the
grave
insult the night before.”

“Uh huh. And pray tell what concessions did they make?”

“That’s the odd part,” James said, continuing to walk. He seemed at ease, but I could see his eyes continually scanning the brush as well as the flare of his nostrils. If his spider sense started tingling, I was sure there would be an abrupt change in topics. “They offered up to Turd that we vampires would wish to pay homage to the Alma’s dead as a show of respect.”

“
We
vampires?”

“Not you or I, to be sure. To my great surprise, Turd was open to this.”

“What’s so surprising about them accepting a little ass kissing?”

“Am I correct in assuming that the envoy of the First brought you up to speed on the Humbaba Accord?”

“Alex? Yeah.”

“Then you know that the dividing line between our territories and the Alma’s are quite strict. The forests and mountains are theirs, plain and simple. Cities and towns are ours. Plains and Deserts are neutral territory.”

“Glad I’m not a big fan of camping.”

James waved his hand dismissively. “The occasional trespass is allowed; however, that tolerance does not extend to their sacred areas. We’re here today by the Alma’s invitation. Had we stepped foot into these woods at any other time, the response would have been both swift and brutal.”

“Let me guess, in return Francois offered to let the Bigfeet wander into our areas whenever they liked? Not like anyone in New York would probably notice.”

“Hardly,” he replied. “There was no such exchange, just the offer on our part. What I also found odd was how the offer’s details were settled upon. On the one hand they’re quite specific, yet they almost seem to purposely leave other aspects as vague as possible.”

“How so?”

“The offer is not an open invitation. Only a set number of vampires will be allowed in and only at predetermined times and locations.”

“So when, where, and how many?”

“That was the vague part. That notion was tabled for post conference discussions; to be determined between the respective regional leaders of both the Alma and vampire nations.”

“Francois and Turd.”

“Precisely, and also exclusively.”

“Exclusively?”

“Yes. The Alma have many such places of spiritual significance throughout the world, yet this is the only one that was brought up. Turd quashed any consideration for elsewhere and Francois’s men were quite happy to not argue the point any further.”

“Because they got what they wanted.”

“That is merely speculation, of course,” James remarked, although the glance he gave me said he agreed.

“Of course,” I replied. “Speaking of speculation, care to hear what happened after Sally and I got ‘lost’ together? You might be able to speculate a few new ideas from that.”

Without warning, James spun to face me. “Your dalliances with that trollop are of no concern to me.”