The Top Gear Story (26 page)

Ever the technician, James has simplified the formula even further: ‘
Top Gear
: three blokes pushing the boundaries of
automotive acceptability.’ BBC Worldwide’s director of content and production Wayne Garvey has observed: ‘What’s interesting about
Top Gear
is that everyone thinks it’s about cars. It isn’t. It’s about men and their relationships, and that’s a universal theme.’

And yes, it’s all about being part of the gang. One of the finest examples of the team’s state of suspended school years came during a throwback to Hammond’s radio days in Series 8, when the trio are put in charge of BBC Three Counties Radio drivetime show. Everyone involved was fearful of Jeremy Clarkson’s famously outspoken views being allowed free reign live on air, and so it proved to be. While Richard Hammond tried valiantly to organise the show (albeit after a stuttering start), Jezza was left in charge of the travel news, during the rush hour no less. As the nervous faces of radio staff turned to horror, he proceeded to expose bad driving and even give out types and colour of cars causing jams. This included one suggestion to actually shoot the driver! He was also heard to use the words ‘ginger’ and ‘Welsh’ in a less than positive light and there was a tense moment when they clearly upset the station’s sports reporter, who was livid about their lack of knowledge about cricket rules.

Eventually, while roads around the Three Counties region ground to a halt, angry listeners phoned in after their disastrous drive home, many of them disgusted by the content. Realising they had perhaps overstepped the mark, the team put on a
nine-minute
song and ran off. As they fly down the stairs and out of the station, you can’t help but see them as naughty schoolboys scurrying away after they’ve flicked chewing gum at a teacher. Watching this hasty retreat and the cringe-worthy incident with the sports reporter, it’s hard not to feel as if you too are at the back of the class, sniggering along with them.

And it’s not just petrol-heads who find it funny. To achieve the colossal success that
Top Gear
has, the net needs to catch a
wider demograph. On holiday, my wife (not averse to
Top Gear
per se, but like many females not about to watch it on purpose) was relaxing with a gin alongside us three boys. Clarkson was in a car (I don’t recall which one), berating the designers for some schoolboy error about headroom while fiddling with the controls in a primary pupil attempt to snap them off when, horror of horrors, my wife laughed! Out loud. Then she thrust her hand in front of her mouth and said, ‘Oh my God, I just laughed at
Top Gear
!’ This is a woman who drives so slowly she can do 70,000 miles on one set of brake pads and is the only person in the Western world who goes 150 miles without needing to use the brake pedal. And she laughed. But that’s part of the huge appeal of the show: it’s not just for petrol-heads.

There’s no doubt that a major part of the appeal is the vicarious nature of what you are watching. On countless occasions, I have said to myself, ‘They must have the best job in the world!’ To be fair, they have said so themselves on screen. Don’t be fooled, though: at times, the schedules can be exhausting and of course if you race your fellow presenters across Europe, you are away from home for long periods and it can be hard to be away from loved ones, especially if you have a young family. Also, shooting can sometimes be time-sensitive or highly compressed: on one occasion, the
Top Gear
presenters worked 76 days in a row without a break. Nonetheless, it’s
still
the best job in the world.

And maybe, just maybe, it’s the best TV show in the world, too …

Angela Rippon (1977–79)

Noel Edmonds (1979–80)

William Woollard (1981–91)

Chris Goffey (1981–97)

Tony Mason (1987–98)

Tiff Needell (1987–2001)

Jeremy Clarkson (1988–2000)

Quentin Willson (1991–2000)

Michele Newman (1992–98)

Steve Berry (1993–99)

Andy Wilman (1994–99)

Vicki Butler-Henderson (1997–2001)

Julia Bradbury (1998–99)

Brendan Coogan (1999)

James May (1999)

Kate Humble (1999–2000)

Jason Barlow (2000–01)

Adrian Simpson (2000–01)

Jeremy Clarkson (2002–present)

Richard Hammond (2002–present)

James May (2003–present)

Jason Dawe (2002)

Harry Enfield

Jay Kay

Ross Kemp

Steve Coogan/Richard Burns

Jonathan Ross

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson

Rick Parfitt

Sir Michael Gambon

Gordon Ramsay

Vinnie Jones

Jamie Oliver

David Soul

Boris Johnson

Anne Robinson

Richard Whiteley

Neil Morrissey

Jodie Kidd

Patrick Stewart

Alan Davies

Martin Kemp

Stephen Fry

Rob Brydon

Rich Hall

Simon Cowell

Sanjeev Bhaskar

Rory Bremner

Johnny Vegas

Carol Vorderman

Fay Ripley

Paul McKenna

Jordan

Ronnie O’Sullivan

Johnny Vegas/Denise Van Outen

Terry Wogan

Lionel Richie

Martin Clunes

Ranulph Fiennes

Patrick Kielty

Bill Bailey

Geri Halliwell

Joanna Lumley

Jimmy Carr/Steve Coogan

Christian Slater/Tim Harvey/Matt Neal/Anthony Reid/Rob

Huff/Tom Chilton

Cliff Richard/Billy Baxter

Roger Daltrey

Eddie Izzard

Trinny Woodall/Susannah Constantine

James Nesbitt

Jack Dee

Christopher Eccleston

Omid Djalili

Damon Hill

David Dimbleby

Justin Hawkins

Tim Rice

Chris Evans

Davina McCall/Mark Webber

Timothy Spall

Trevor Eve

Ian Wright

Stephen Ladyman

Ellen MacArthur

Nigel Mansell

David Walliams/Jimmy Carr

James Hewitt/Alan Davies/Trevor Eve/Jimmy Carr/Justin

Hawkins/Rick Wakeman/Les Ferdinand

Gordon Ramsay

Philip Glenister

Ewan McGregor

Michael Gambon

Brian Cox

Steve Coogan

Jenson Button/Ray Winstone

Jamie Oliver

Hugh Grant

The Stig’s African Cousin

Simon Pegg

Kristin Scott Thomas

Billie Piper

Helen Mirren

Jools Holland

Ronnie Wood

The Stig’s African Cousin

Simon Cowell

Lawrence Dallaglio

Matt Neal

Anthony Reid

Tom Chilton

Mat Jackson

Jennifer Saunders

James Blunt/Lewis Hamilton

Keith Allen

David Tennant

Alan Carr/Justin Lee Collins

Rupert Penry-Jones/Peter Firth

James Corden/Rob Brydon

Fiona Bruce/Kate Silverton

Peter Jones/Theo Paphitis

Jay Kay

Michael Parkinson/The Stig’s Lorry Driving Cousin

Will Young

Mark Wahlberg

Harry Enfield

Kevin McCloud

Anthony Reid

Matt Neal

Gordon Shedden

Tom Chilton

Boris Johnson

Sir Tom Jones

The Stig’s Communist Cousin

Michael Schumacher

Stephen Fry

Michael McIntyre

Usain Bolt

Sienna Miller

Brian Johnson

Jay Lenob

Eric Bana

Michael Sheen

The Stig’s Vegetarian Cousin

Chris Evans

Guy Ritchie/Ross Kemp/Tom Chilton/Matt Neal/Mat

Jackson/Gordon Shedden/Anthony Reid/Stuart Olive

Jenson Button

Seasick Steve

Margaret Calvert

Nick Robinson

Al Murray

Peter Jones

Peta

Johnny Vaughan

Angelina Jolie

Louie Spence

Amy Williams

Alastair Campbell

The Stig’s German Cousin

Rupert Grint

Rubens Barrichello

Andy Garcia

Tom Cruise

Cameron Diaz

Jeff Goldblum

As a father of two petrol-heads under the age of eight, I am very familiar with the
Top Gear
trading cards collection. I love them! And I admit to spending far too much money on them, but how else am I going to get the prized Stig Sub-Zero card? This particular card is indeed very cool – you have a mystery code that allows access to cool stuff on the website but you can only see it by putting the card in the freezer. After a while in sub-zero temperatures, all is revealed. This has led to a rampant market at online auction sites for cards with unused codes, which earn a hefty premium. I started to bid for an unused Sub-Zero card on eBay, but my wife blocked me after the highest bid passed £100. In the end, it went for £180. I could have had that. Sorry, I meant my son!

As mentioned, there is a corresponding
Top Gear Turbo
magazine of which I am, naturally, a subscriber … on my son’s behalf. This includes interesting features on cars aimed at the younger viewer, with cartoons of the presenters at the back, showing them going on crazy, fictitious adventures. The information in the magazine also helps you to play the trading card game and also provides tips on setting up your own online garage of supercars. It’s really cool … and stuff!

Some anti-
Top Gear
killjoys point out that the cost of collecting the entire card series is around £1,000 and that’s indeed a lot of money, but with computer consoles costing hundreds and individual games £40 or more, the idea of a few cards for a couple of quid appeals to me … as a parent, of course.