The Trials of the Honorable F. Darcy (7 page)

***

He was walking along a path lined with giant redwoods, enjoying the absolute silence. Dappled sunlight filtered through the trees, warming his shoulders. The rich, organic, mossy smell of the loamy soil filled his nostrils. He was alone; nobody else had passed him for hours. He looked around him, tense with anticipation.

“Will.” He heard his name whispered from his right. He turned his head. She was standing in a t-shirt and green sarong, chest heaving from exertion and excitement. She peeled her t-shirt off and stood displayed before him. He jumped over the fence marking the trail and scrambled over a fallen log to get to her. He was kissing her and fondling her breasts before he knew what he was even doing. She melted under his touch, mouth hot and wet under his. She sunk to the ground and pulled him to join her, legs spread invitingly. He knelt over her, admiring her now-naked body, then covered it with his own, plunging himself into her and pumping furiously. She curled her fingers into his hair and whispered,
“I object!”

Darcy started awake. He opened his eyes in the darkened room, the hairs on his arms standing on end. He put a shaky hand to his forehead and swore. It was not the first erotic dream he’d had about Elizabeth
Bennet
, but it was the first in which he’d actually done the deed instead of just kissing or fondling her before waking.

Ever since he’d sworn off sleeping with Caroline, he’d tried to put sex out of his mind. It had not worked. His burgeoning attraction to Miss
Bennet
was making things difficult indeed. He was in such a state that he was beginning to wonder if he could keep his resolution. Georgiana was setting him up on a blind date tonight; perhaps that would lead to something.

In the meantime, his turgid erection was insisting that he attend to it. He leaned his head back into the pillow and closed his eyes. With the image of Miss
Bennet
’s fine eyes and seductive mouth
,
among other lovely assets
,
before him, he stroked himself to some semblance of relief.

***

“Georgiana tells me you’re a judge?”

Darcy was sitting across from a very attractive woman named Fiona. They had just met and taken their seats at the restaurant and the waiter was giving them each a menu. He hadn’t wanted to go on this date, but the inducement before him was making him re-think his aversion to blind dates. If he couldn’t trust Georgie, who could he trust?

“Yes, in Meryton,” he replied. “I believe Georgiana told me that you’re a filmmaker?”

“Yes, I make documentaries.” She glanced at the menu and then looked at him over the top edge. “Do you like documentaries?” she asked.

“Very much. It’s an art form that’s both aesthetically and intellectually challenging.”

They spent the next half hour in a largely one-sided discussion of filmmaking. Though Darcy did not have much to contribute, he was genuinely interested in the topic. He was inwardly pleased that the date was going well and had hopes that it could lead to a second.

“I’m so sorry, I’ve been dominating the conversation. What would you like to talk about?” she said with a smile as their salad plates were cleared away. Before he could respond she asked, “What religion are you?”

He was a little taken aback. “Protestant,” he said. For some reason his guard had gone up.

“Have you ever heard of Scientology?” she asked. Darcy groaned inwardly. For the next forty-five minutes he was subjected to another one-sided conversation about the merits of Scientology but this held no interest whatsoever for him. He nodded his head and smiled politely and they ordered dessert.

As she discussed the “E-meter” he let his eyes drift toward the door. To his surprise he saw Elizabeth
Bennet
enter the restaurant. He sat up straight. His mind shut Fiona out and he focused on Elizabeth. She looked different. She was in a low-cut red dress and her hair was smooth and sleek, not the tumble of curls that he was accustomed to.

He observed her as she waited patiently at the door. A moment later she was joined by a man who Darcy did not recognize. He thought with some resentment that she must like this guy quite a bit to take the time to straighten that mop of unruly hair into the sleek curtain it was now. Personally, he preferred her hair curly.

She smiled at her companion and they shared a brief laugh, then were escorted to their table. Darcy watched as they made their progress across the room and took their seats. He watched them for several minutes as they chatted; luckily she sat in a position where he could see her face. Her eyes were sparkling and she never stopped smiling. She looked like she was enjoying herself immensely; Darcy was jealous.

When he saw her rise to go to the restroom, he waited for a moment before some
compulsion drove him to go and ‘
coincidentally
’
meet her. He excused himself from Fiona mid-sentence and made his way to the restroom hallway. As anticipated, she was on her way out. She was looking at her cell phone and did not see him; he bumped into her and she dropped her purse. He saw the recognition in her eyes when she looked up. He stooped immediately to pick up the purse and hand it to her. He felt a zinging sensation as their fingers brushed. Don’t be ridiculous, it’s a static shock, he thought, although she seemed not to have felt it. By some unspoken agreement they did not speak, acknowledging each other only by a slight nod.

She passed him and returned to her date. He entered the restroom, splashed some cold water over his face and looked in the mirror. What the hell is wrong with me? He was becoming obsessed with her. He took a deep breath and steeled himself to return to his own date.

Fiona had noticed the glazed expression creeping over his face as she discussed Scientology. When he returned from the restroom, she changed the topic but he seemed to have lost interest. He answered her questions with as few words as possible and the date ended shortly thereafter. He never called her back.

***

“How was dinner last night?” Lou asked Elizabeth as they sipped coffee.

“Roger was very nice,” she said guardedly.

“But
...?”
Lou prompted.

“But he’s got really bad breath and he’s not much of a kisser,” she finished. Lou sighed.

“I know. I told him to use a breath mint but maybe it’s beyond repair. I didn’t know he wasn’t much of a kisser. Are you interested in a second date?” He had been trying to find her a date for several weeks but with no real success. She seemed to be nitpicking but he couldn’t argue with bad breath and worse kissing.

“Not really,” she said apologetically. He nodded. Back to the drawing board, he thought.

***

Darcy was trying. He really was. It was just that Georgiana and Richard were setting him up with women who were completely unacceptable. He wasn’t being particularly picky, but
...
well
...
for example:

There was the date with the model who ate her dinner
,
and half of his, then ran to the bathroom for fifteen minutes only to return with a speck of vomit on her blouse.

Then there was the vet tech who was covered in cat hair and dander, having rushed from the clinic to meet him for coffee. He wasn’t even allergic to cats but he couldn’t stop sneezing until a half hour after she had gone.

Next was the romance novelist who pulled out a notebook and jotted down bits of their conversation for her next work. Darcy would not have minded that so much had she not also re-written their conversation. When he said “The bay looks very clear today,” she had jotted in her notebook and then shook her head. She scratched it out and mumbled “lovely, like your eyes,” then scribbled it down with a satisfied nod.

The final straw had been the Trekkie who showed him all of the jewelry she had ordered out of Sky Mall magazine: the ring with the Space Academy insignia and the cell-phone accessory that pins to your blouse so that you can answer your phone by tapping your communicator badge. She had wished him a “live long and prosper” good night and Darcy had sworn off blind dates.

While Georgiana was sincerely trying to get her brother a date, Richard was simply having fun. He found the most bizarre women he could and sent them Darcy’s way. The thought of introducing Darcy to Elizabeth
Bennet
never even entered his mind; but if it had, he’d have rejected it immediately, as he wanted to keep the good ones to himself.

But even had these women not been complete wackos, Darcy would not have been satisfied. The truth was, he could only think about Elizabeth
Bennet
. He was going to have to make a move or suffer for the next year until his term was up. He began to think of a plan.

Darcy had the pleasure of dining with Bingley and Jane several times over the last few months. Despite his growing acquaintance with Jane, the topic of Elizabeth never came up. Jane had no idea that he worked with her, Elizabeth had no idea he knew Jane, and Bingley, as always, was interested only in what his companions were discussing.

As his best friend, Darcy felt it his duty to watch over Bingley and ensure that he wasn’t being swindled or deceived. He had always felt himself to be a good judge of character and he liked Jane but he wasn’t quite sure about her motivations. While he could discern no tangible evidence of any ulterior motives, he nevertheless urged Bingley to be careful.

They sat in Bingley’s library waiting for Caroline before picking Jane up for dinner. Bingley was talking animatedly as he always did.

“She’s perfect,” Bingley said. Darcy cocked an eyebrow and turned the page of his newspaper. “Do you know, I haven’t made a single impulse buy since I’ve been dating her!” Bingley grinned proudly. Darcy laughed.

“I’m thinking of asking her to move in with me,” he confided to Darcy. Darcy stopped laughing and looked up in concern.

“Really? Don’t you think it a bit early?”

“Early! We’ve been dating for six months!” Bingley exclaimed. “She thinks I should sell the house.”

“No doubt to buy a bigger monstrosity,” Darcy said absently but with a hint of derision. Bingley’s face reddened with anger.

“Darcy, you are a dick! She, in fact, suggested I buy something smaller and with more land and a couple of horses. I think it’s a great idea. But maybe that’s too nouvo riche for you!”

Darcy looked at Bingley in surprise. He could count on one hand the number of times Bingley had been angry with him and this was one of them.

“Nouvo riche? What are you talking about?” he asked.

“Old money doesn’t buy and sell estates. It’s not aristocratic enough. Only new money spends money.” Bingley was pacing the room now.

“Don’t be absurd, Bingley. You can do whatever you want with your money, I don’t give a damn. What’s this all about?”

“You think you’re too good for her!” Bingley exclaimed.

“Even if that were true, why the hell would it matter? She’s your girlfriend!” Darcy retorted.

“You think she only wants my money!” Bingley cried.

“I said no such thing!” Darcy answered defensively.

“You said she wanted me to sell my house to buy something bigger!”

Darcy quelled his angry retort and bit his tongue.

“Why don’t you like her?” Bingley said, sitting down across from Darcy, his anger giving way to agitation.

“I do like her. I just think you should be careful; I always think that, no matter who you are dating. It’s a consideration for any wealthy man.” Darcy paused. “But obviously you know her better than I do. I apologize; I didn’t mean to insult her or you.”

Bingley seemed somewhat placated but was not completely satisfied.

“She’s very important to me, Will. I’d like you to get to know her better.” Bingley looked at Darcy with an almost pleading expression; he was so eager to have the approval of his closest friend and ally. Darcy felt ashamed.

“Look, Charley, I’m going to England in June for two weeks to attend a legal conference and take a little vacation time. Why don’t you come along and bring Jane. It will give you a chance to spend a period of time with her and see if you really want to live with her and it will give me a chance to get to know her a little better.”

“Really? You’d do that for me?” Bingley said, surprised.

“Bingley, you’re like a brother to me. I only want you to be happy.”

Bingley grinned with delight and agreed.

***

Elizabeth was reviewing her mail in her office when Jane called her.

“Lizzy, Charley has just invited me on a two week vacation in England!” she exclaimed. Elizabeth opened the Bar Association paper to look for courses to maintain her credit requirements. She browsed while she talked with Jane.

“Wonderful!” Elizabeth exclaimed. She sighed with envy.

“We want you to come along,” Elizabeth could hear Jane smiling.

“What? Why would you want me along on a romantic vacation?” she laughed.

“We won’t be alone, we’re staying at a friend’s house in the country,” Jane explained.

“Who’s this friend?” Elizabeth asked.

“It’s an old friend from college. Charley says you met him at the Halloween party,” Jane said. But since neither Bingley nor Jane could remember what costume he wore, they couldn’t provide any further details. “He dates Charley’s sister but she’s not going. He’s a nice guy, really.” Well, if he dates Charley’s sister, that takes Speed Racer out of the running, thought Elizabeth. She really should just ask Bingley for an introduction; honestly, she couldn’t get him out of her mind and it was already May!

“I don’t think I can go, I have too much work. I don’t think I could justify playing in England for 2 weeks.” She sighed. Actually, the thought of spending two weeks in England in the summer sounded lovely. “Hang on
...
what are the dates?” she said as she spied an advertisement for an international law conference in London. Jane told her; the dates would overlap perfectly! “I’m developing a plan
...”
she said mischievously.

Elizabeth exerted her considerable charms on Mr. Gardiner to get him to agree to send her to the conference in London on the pretext of possibly expanding his practice into international law. That in itself was ridiculous as Gardiner and Associates was about to be purchased by deBourgh and Associates and Mr. Gardiner was going to retire within the next few months. Nonetheless, he agreed to pay for the conference costs. Considering that Elizabeth was planning on ditching most of the conference, she insisted that she pay for travel and accommodations herself.

Jane made all of the travel arrangements. They were to fly over on June 1st with Bingley, who had taken care of all the housing arrangements. Elizabeth left it completely to them, trusting her sister not to leave her sleeping in a hostel in Luxemburg.